NTS: Life is short.

[m3gswanderingmind-blog]

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Being new to this whole blogging thing, I think it’d be best to stay fixated on one blog instead of two- as life in general seems to combine into my workouts too- scary to say, but I’ve got that whole “gymlifestyle” thing going on...

[m3gswanderingmind-blog]

Date night with my love on a Thursday night: Thai House in Richmond, then ended the night with some dessert at Doolami. Delicious! Sometimes I wish I was able to enjoy these kinds of meals more. Oh trust me it was yummy, however because of my fitness goals I’d consider these types of meals my “cheat meal”. At this point, I don’t think I deserve it quite yet.

Life is short though, so maybe I need to enjoy it while I can.

[m3gswanderingmind-blog]

Friday morning I was extremely blessed to have gotten to catch up with a long time friend over a workout & breakfast. I met this gentleman 5 years ago & have we've kept in touch till this day. After our meet up yesterday he made me realize something so important, something that we should always keep in mind whenever we are faced with a battle. June has MS, but that has not stopped him from staying positive and doing what he loves. Even before his diagnosis, life stories of tragic situations and a regrettable past has molded him to the strong person he is today. Positivity goes such a long way, & easily gets lost in this thing called life. Now it's time to do my part and life with a different mindset: every day is a blessing, and an opportunity to become a better person. Whatever life throws at you can be taken in as a blessing- a learning experience, unless you want to have a life of regret & unhappiness.

[psych-facts]

“Every time you are tempted to react in the same old way, ask if you want to be a prisoner of the past or a pioneer of the future.”

 Deepak Chopra ,“Make a choice to react differently (via amargedom)  (via psych-facts)

[m3gswanderingmind-blog]

Trust Issues.

It’s something I still struggle with, which results in such a huge burden. Right now at my status in life and in relationships, why on earth do I still show mistrust towards my loved ones? Silly thing is that they've never even broken my trust in the first place.. So what is it that I'm trying to look for, am I justifying my insecurities? In comparison to when I was a timid highschool girl, I definitely have grown a lot in confidence. I hated myself. It was a long journey, but somehow I'm still here. Still fighting those negative thoughts of not being good enough, not being good enough for others & not meeting my expectations of who I want to become.

Another thing I'm noticing about myself is that i get quite envious of others. Looks shouldn't even matter, it's all about the personality right? I've always had the impression that with every pretty face, although they can have a heart as cold as ice, at least 1/4 of their personality works as a "face", to deceive those who they meet for the first time. There is bound to be good in all(/most?) people. I don't even know why i envy the "ugly", when i really shouldn't have anything to be jealous about.

After my workout this morning, I felt good about my progress, about myself & felt.. confident. However then I realized: is it because I can't compare myself to anyone, since the demographic in my community gym includes men, seniors, & all the women being "cardio bunnies"?! I wonder how I'd think of myself if the gym had more girls who lifted weights. However I’m always admiring those who have great bodies & workout- dedication is the key word for me. Plus @ Fitness world i loved being in the woman's only section. Now, do I practice what I preach, CONSISTENTLY? That's something I'll need to figure out.

Constantly comparing myself to others and therefore downgrading myself as a person is taking a toll on me. I don't judge at all based on looks, but I'll have an opinion on someone once I get to know them well. Plus when I see people on Instagram/  beautiful ppl in public, I get envious= compare myself, and I don't even know them!

Things to acknowledge:

I need to be grateful for what God has blessed me with

nobody's perfect: as for myself, I need to work with what I was given & be able to display my "aura" to others

there is no point in comparing yourself to others as they are on a different journey, goals, plan and mindset than you are. For example, models need to focus on their health and diet- they dedicate a lot of their time in this in order to be a successful model.

I need to start fully trusting again & not keep my guard up, especially in strong relationships. I shouldn't need someone to remind me not to be insecure, I seriously need to get a grip & start practicing my confidence on a daily basis

So, this is me stripped down- the real me. I feel like with social sites- Facebook & Instagram for example, you can pick and choose what you want the public to see. That's not real. It's just too bad people can be so immersed in social media, and without even knowing it you start to idolize the wrong people.

Anyways I'm done. I need These goals on paper..

[m3gswanderingmind-blog]

Collective thoughts

My Dad is such a foodie, and it’s just awesome. An hour ago he Whatsapp’ed me a picture of his breakfast as I told him before he left Vancouver to take pictures of his food.

I know I should be studying now, but since I’m at Anthony’s I might as well take advantage of his beautiful computer, since his computer screen is basically 6x the size of my dinky tablet.

Snacks are quite the stable for a healthy diet. With out snacks, when it comes down to one of your 3 meals (breakfast, lunch, or dinner), most tend to overeat due to being so hungry during the day. As for me, I am always thinking of food... which is not great. On days where I’m stressed, or in avoidance of getting things done/ being productive, I rummage through the kitchen cupboards in hopes of finding something that is “healthy” to eat and snack on. Of course, as much as things like almonds or cashews are good for you, there’s still something called portion control!

Ever since the beginning of my fitness journey I’ve enjoyed finding healthy recipes with the least amount of ingredients. I’ve found plenty through Instagram- I believe more than half of the sites I follow are recipe sites, or  fitness gurus who have delicious recipes. I made these sweet potato, chocolate protein cookies this morning, and I’d say it’s one of my fav. things to snack on. Especially being out and about, whether it’s being in the library or at school, grabbing a couple of these to- go is quite satisfying.

Every day I’m finding new ways and do different regimes to be able to live a better life and be good to myself. I need to bake more often.

[m3gswanderingmind-blog]

[m3gswanderingmind-blog]

Breakfast with Dad..

Those are always the best mornings for me- a HK style breakfast with my dad. He gets eggs, breakfast sausage & toast/ HK style French toast (depending on where we go), with a bowl of satay beef noodle soup alongside a milk tea. I would usually get a chicken mushroom omelette, & if they don't have whole wheat toast I'd give my starch to my Dad/ take it to go. Then alongside my meal I'd order hot lemon water. At times (or fine, most of the time) I have a bit of my dad's noodle soup as my carb. However if I was serious about my diet I shouldn't be doing that. It's always tempting, especially when you eat out- you always want to eat things you don't usually eat at home.

Eating breakfast with my Dad is not only all about the yummy food, but it's definitely more about the conversations I have with my dear Dad. He's wise, knowledgable, smart, skilled, and knows the right things to say. He also loves food, like me haha. He's hilarious too, but not on purpose- anyone that has a Chinese Dad would possibly know what I mean.. :)

Sometimes I tend to feel bad. Because I my diet, I'm so much more picky with my meals. In the picture above, I was eating regular plain toast (as the café charges 50 cents extra for whole wheat). However for months, I've always felt like a burden when I go out to eat with ANYONE. Whole wheat, dressing on the side, no butter, less oil... However I am always anxious, and really get concerned and worry about what others think of me.

Something I NEED to change about myself is just to go with the flow and not worry about what anyone thought of me and my choices. It is a work in progress- to just love myself a little more and feed my body the right fuel to make myself the best person that I can possibly be.

[m3gswanderingmind-blog]

A good day is determined through a good workout!? When I have these feelings of satisfaction it's always because of a good session at the gym- characteristics: - I went heavy & felt focused lifting (no cell distractions) - I lifted the full 5 sets of my barbell workouts (with proper form & energy) - I complete a Tabatha workout feeling sweaty at the end of it - I finish off doing cardio & break more of a sweat not saying I shouldn't feel proud, but I feel like I shouldn't have just these qualities to determine my "good day". What if I end up having a 30 min workout, does that mean the rest of my day is about to go downhill? Sometimes the way I think scares me. Makes it sound as if nothing else makes me happy, when actually it's the total opposite. I'm always wanting to do my best in everything, and at times I could possibly be setting my standards too high. Right now I'm doing average in school. I was aiming for A's & still am. However due to my limit (or possibly my IQ), my long hours and days of preparing & studying does not seem to reflect. Of course it's frustrating, but I guess at times I need to accept the fact that some goals are difficult/ nearly impossible to achieve. Therefore, set goals that are realistic. I'll consider it as stepping stones.... At the end of the day I should try & take it easy on myself. Plus also smile not because I had a good workout, but because I am grateful for the interactions I've made through out the day, tried to be the most productive I could be with my time, & got to spend the evening with my family eating a homemade meal 😄

[m3gswanderingmind-blog]

Monday Blues.

As I walked into the gym I was already peeved. My left hand felt like it was going to freeze off, then realized I left my compass card at home in a different jacket. I was instantly annoyed.. I knew that I wouldn't have left it behind if my card holder was thin enough to scan through the plastic (instead of needing to take the card out of my card case for it to). Sometimes I wish I was able to let these little things go by. I've always gave myself lower expectations in case bad things happen, & I'm quite flexible to changes.. (I wanna say to an extent?) However when it comes to routine & comfortability I'm slow to change. I'm glad I slapped out of it right away after thinking such negative thoughts- This is absolutely nothing in comparison to what other people have to deal with. Things I can do: 1. Resolve the issue (look for a cardholder that is capable of scanning through the plastic) & wear more clothes next time I head out to the gym 2. Have that "oh well that's life" attitude & move on with the great life I have. Think I should get this resolved though, haha. Other than this measly situation the thought of all these things I have to do before tonight has been making me feel empty in the stomach- to the point where I can't even catch my breath right now.. anxiety sucks! But hey just like working out @ the gym, I just gotta get the damage done right? Plus, celebrating my 44 months with Anthony tonight should be a good enough drive to cross off some to-dos for today :) m3gan

[m3gswanderingmind-blog]

I'm baaack.

 It's been a while since I had my last blog, due to the idea that blogging was a form of ranting and expressing my rage and frustrations- in hope of some sort of reaction from followers. However I've come to a cycle in life- a deeper meaning to blogging: when it comes to feelings, the way you act, what your say and how you see the world contributes to every breath taken. I plan to go back to blogging not because I've got things to rant about, but because instead of having these thoughts throughout the day, I'd puke it all out. Obviously I've grown up these past few years so I've spent quite a bit of time celebrating life, discovering new hobbies, and obtaining this different outlook on why we are on Earth. However I still have these worries, thoughts, and ideas. These often take over the important things I have to do during the day, like preparing for my presentation on Tuesday, or studying for that upcoming quiz. I have all this goals and desires I want to reach and succeed in, yet I spend so much time thinking about it and dwelling on it, results in me not working on it. "One step at a time" is what I'd tell all my friends all the time when they get overwhelmed or stressed with school. Why can't I practice what I preach? Consistency is what I'm looking for, because I'd say that on most days I'm pretty good when it comes to my school/family/gym/boyfriend/me-time balance. However when one of those categories turn sour, I fall hard- real hard. To the extent that I need the day to end in order for my mood and mentality to reset, or need someone to slap me out of it. This is something that I've been striving to overcome, for years even. Every single depressive episode- mainly for stuffing my face with junk food then feeling guilty, anxiety over my surroundings/ not being good enough, petty arguments with family/friends or worrying about all the reports and studying I have to take care of- I eventually do get out of, then think about how grateful and lucky I am to have such wonderful people in my life. However I want that positivity to be neverending, and not be a sporadic up and down moodswing that I have to realize only when there's a bump in the road.

Anyways this is my journey and my outlet to vent out all my thought, reflect on my actions, thoughts, body, mind, spirit, relationships, past and future. I'm really hoping that by blogging, I would be able to discover something new about myself. I'd like to learn from my mistakes, and move forward with myHappiness Project.

P.S. my health/fitness page: www.tumblr.com/blog/m3gsdonedamage