Our interests range quite a bit, but you can check them out here! That and we have a few other blogs;
x -> main acc (you're here!!! ^^)
x -> our bt art account!
x -> our blocktales reblog acc, we reblog blocktales related stuff here!
x -> playersona/playerling ask blog!!
x -> our dw art acc!!
āāāāāāāā
āįāŗ DNI LIST ź° ź±
we don't have a concrete list for dnis, the only thing you need is to be respectful and to be understanding. That being said, we have a basic DNI criteria; DNI proship, zoophilia, necrophilia, MAPs, that sort of stuff. Just be a decent person, thank you.
if I was dyle timesly and my best infodumping buddy came up to me and was like "hey just wanted to let you know I'm dating the guy you regularly have thoughts about brutally murdering" well let's just say I would not be happy
My biggest red flag that i genuinely cant control is that i hate when people know anything about something i know a lot about. I will do anything in my power to make sure everyone around us knows i know more than the other person and try to make the other person sound incorrect even if theyre right.
(And a narc's perspective on the "Narcissistic Abuse Cycle")
Maintaining relationships, especially romantic or queerplatonic ones where closeness and emotional intimacy are expected of us, can be very difficult as a person with NPD. Lower empathy levels, unreasonable standards or entitlement, emotional impermanence, jealousy, relational dissociation and avoidance of vulnerability are among the aspects of NPD that can make being in relationships harder, but difficult doesnāt mean impossible, and people with NPD can achieve healthy, loving relationships if they desire them. As I am not currently in a relationship, Iām drawing from past experiences as well as the experiences other NPDers have shared with me.
I will also touch on some of the misinformation and stigma surrounding people with NPD in relationships.
Side note, if you or someone you're dating has NPD, here are some resources (not by me) that might be helpful to you:
[Advice for dating someone with NPD]
[Communicating intense/irrational emotions]
Now, letās get into it!Ā
Emotional intimacy with NPD is tough. Many of us have avoidant or anxious attachments, have experienced abuse and/or neglect, fear abandonment or rejection, and never learned how to have healthy connections with others. NPD itself is built upon a deep-rooted insecurity, self-hatred or lack of sense of self, and that impacts the way we relate to and interact with others as well. That does not mean that NPDers are going to be abusive in relationships. Dating with any serious mental health issues is always a challenge, but not inherently toxic.
What is it like to be in a relationship with NPD?
I asked some fellow NPDers about their experiences in relationships. Here are some things they shared with me:
āComforting [others] is difficult with low empathy...Iām uncomfortable with strong emotions and even laugh when I or someone else is upset.ā
"I really don't feel any empathy for partners & can't even pretend to care abt their feelings."
"Hyping up my gf is easier because she's equal to me, so I idolize her like I do myself."
āI struggle...bc I see vulnerability as below me. I also donāt think anyone is worthy.ā
"I find it hard when my ideals are not agreed with...if you don't agree with me, that means I'm wrong and I'm never wrong. We have to talk it out if things like that happen but it's still difficult."
āI struggle with extreme jealousy when it comes to my partner doing pretty much anything without me, especially when it comes to other people...I rarely voice this though, mainly because I want to conserve their view of me.ā
For many people with NPD, we want to control the image we project of ourselves. We may want to come across as perfect as possible to ensure we are liked and admired. Because flaws and weaknesses feel like reason to hate or reject us, we are more resistant to being vulnerable or admitting to any struggles we are facing internally or within the relationship. This greatly limits the ability to emotionally connect to and feel safe with a partner. In the past, my relationships haven't lasted very long due to this.
Splitting and black-and-white thinking can also be an issue in NPD. Of course, it is unrealistic to expect our partner to have no flaws, never get upset with us and agree with us on everything, but any friction, any disagreements, or imperfections my partner may have, can feel like evidence that they arenāt right for me and our relationship is never going to work. This is an example of black-and-white thinking that has been left unchallenged in the past: anything less than perfect isnāt good enough.
None of these issues are things that canāt be worked on or accommodated. With therapy, good communication with our partner, a support system, and simply practice, people with NPD can learn how to open up, seek reassurance, and trust their partner. Cognitive empathy can be learned, but empathy is not essential to be a supportive and compassionate partner.Ā
This brings me to talk about ānarc abuseā...
I have discussed before why narcissistic abuse is not a helpful or legitimate term for the abuse someone has experienced. āNarc abuse expertsā often have a misconstrued or totally false concept of what a narcissist, i.e. person with NPD, is, and ascribe general toxic and abusive behaviours (lying, cheating, verbal abuse, financial abuse, gaslighting etc.) to NPD, even though none of these things are unique to any mental health condition, nor mentioned in any current or proposed diagnostic criteria for NPD.Ā
There are many stigmatising beliefs about people with NPD. For example, that we cannot change, that we cannot love, that we wonāt seek help, and that we seek out kind-hearted individuals to exploit and abuse for āsupplyā (attention and validation).Ā
I want to point out that our behaviour in NPD tends to be subconscious and emotionally driven. Weāre reacting out of our emotional states, our egos and our trauma wounds. It is not typical of NPD to have a conscious desire to exploit and harm, nor to deliberately seek out and ensnare vulnerable individuals in order to abuse them.
Brains with NPD have neuroplasticity like all other brains, and NPDers absolutely can change, learn and grow. NPDers do seek help from within our community and from professionals all the time. Remission is real and possible. Healing is real and possible. Yes, it can be difficult with NPD to recognise or acknowledge mistakes or weaknesses, but that doesnāt make it impossible.
Love is an ambiguous term that means different things to different people. Whether a person with NPD feels they love in a typical way, in their own way, or not at all, is very personal and individual. It can be helpful to consider that love is not necessarily a feeling, but a choice: to choose a person, to have them in our lives, to care for them and let them care for us, regardless of whether or not we can feel connection, empathy, attraction, or anything else.
Some people use emotional impermanence in NPD as proof that people with NPD cannot love, which is ableist. Emotional permanence can be impaired in NPD as well as other neurodivergences, which can lead to a person requiring a lot of reassurance, insecurity, and having more easily fluctuating emotions. If an emotion is not being felt or shown in that specific moment, it can feel as though it never existed. For example, if someone is angry at us, we may believe they donāt love us because we cannot perceive the love they expressed in the past as permanent. It is not currently being expressed, and thus doesnāt seem to exist.Ā
As a result, people with NPD can seem to lose or gain feelings for someone very quickly. We might seem to move on more easily after a break-up. This does not mean that love we expressed in the past was false or a lie. NPDers with impaired emotional permanence did not choose to have this trait and it does not undermine the validity of anything we do feel.Ā
...and the "narcissistic abuse cycle"
The effects of emotional impermanence and avoidant attachment behaviours in NPD are not a ānarcissistic abuse cycle.ā
Abusive relationships absolutely can be (but arenāt always) cyclical. A perpetrator of domestic violence or abuse may follow a pattern of love-bombing, a phase of calm or growing tension, an incident of violence and abuse, followed by reconciliation, in a repeating cycle. I am not suggesting abuse cycles don't exist, because they definitely do. However abuse is not inherent to NPD, and is not the same as what I am describing below.
In my personal experience, relationships will start off being desirable and exciting, before something leads them to feel unsafe and uncomfortable. This could be being pressured to open up or a disagreement. The fear of being abandoned can be a motivator to put more effort in and be what my partner wants, only for the avoidant behaviours to creep back in again. This can lead to a āhot and coldā, āpush and pullā dynamic.
Phases of enthusiasm for the relationship are not love-bombing, and phases of emotional distance are not meant as manipulation. Instead, it is often a constant internal battle between the desire for love and connection, and the fear of vulnerability and rejection, which can lead to inconsistent behaviours externally and within the relationship. The intent is not to control my partner; it is me trying to navigate the hurricane of conflicting feelings and needs as both a traumatised person and a human being who desires connection.
I do not think this dynamic is healthy or fair. I can only imagine how unsettling and distressing the periods of pulling away can be. But I donāt think it is necessarily always abusive, and it isnāt coersion or ill-intended.
With NPD, the constant need for validation can come at odds to the aversion to intimacy or vulnerability. We want to be loved and cared about, to have our emotional needs met, to be validated and enjoy the company of our partner, but it can also be exceedingly difficult to communicate any fears or doubts that may arise, and we might then find ourselves shutting down, defensive, distancing ourselves and sabotaging the relationship. When we realise what weāre doing, we might try to make amends, only for it to happen again further down the line. Recognising this cycle is the first step to breaking it.
Healthy love takes work
If one or more members of the relationship aren't willing to put the effort in, it may be better not to have that relationship. It's best to leave someone if they're unwilling to work with you, or if you know you aren't willing to work with them.
Any of us who desire relationships deserve to have relationships that are healthy and loving, where our differences are accommodated, we work together to make sure everyone's needs are met, and we are safe. It may not be easy, but people with NPD are just as deserving and just as capable of having this as anyone else.
Whatever helps you sleep at night girl I'm sure becoming a B!TES superfan is secretly a surveillance and strategy building tactic no one else could ever understand
Prime supply for a student with npd is cramming a powerpoint presentation, getting a good grade on it, and then getting compliments from the teacher about how good your presentation was
not blood meridian, but fanart for an arguably equally as graphic and horrific work: cookie run kingdom. i really like these two and it makes me mad that there isnt more art of them
