[maddisontequila]

I DON'T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT HOW HURT U WERE I DIDN'T DESERVE WHAT YOU DID

[maddisontequila]

i wish i wasn't damaged

[ronandreams]

erin lecount, sweet fruit

[maddisontequila]

getting & sending messages like this for years now. i can't even remember how to properly date.

[maddisontequila]

that green day song resonates. fuck. me.

[maddisontequila]

i am having a mental breakdown and i couldn't even cry cause i'm also medicating.

and i feel everything in my stomach and muscles. i feel physically weak.

[vexheart]

[maddisontequila]

then why is it so painful

[maddisontequila]

i'm still alive. ha!

[maddisontequila]

it's weird but i have a feeling that i'm gonna die soon

[maddisontequila]

i could use a rope rn

[maddisontequila]

my favorite month is here. 🤎

[maddisontequila]

i scrolled through the bottom of this account and damn i've posted a lot about my guy ex and i feel confused & embarrassed at the same time. lol

i could not imagine how inlove i was with that person and how attached i've become.

damn it's weird.

part of me is curious if that version of myself will still happen with the next person i date considering my brain has fully developed. haha

i know i'd be wiser cause i now have clear preferences & deal breakers but that as well makes me hard to please.

but if it happens that someone breaks my wall, would i be like that again?

i'm kinda hoping that i won't cause based on track record it'll eventually be tiring on my end, and toxic but what will i be though?

maybe i'll be boring. or peaceful? i hope it feels easy with the next person. cause man, what will i do with myself if i got these standards now and still choose someone shitty ykwim

what am i even talking about i can't even tell if i'm still gonna be able to commit.

[maddisontequila]

anyway, things have been quite okay lately. not "meh" okay. but "okay" okay.

apparently pluto isn't on my home planet anymore so i'm hoping that bad days won't be in my way as often.

i hope i could also have the time & urge to push myself into continuing the business i had planned.

and, moving out of our house again after 3 years and this time with my pets. i'm really excited about it so tight crossies! hope this happens soon.

✨🪐🪬

[maddisontequila]

everytime i try to write about something i've been feeling, a lot of shit goes in my mind that it makes me overwhelmed with thoughts until i just give up and not write anything anymore

this also applies to when i explain things to people face to face - even to those who are close to me. i feel like the more i speak the less sense i make. it's embarrassing tbh.

the only time i can get my point across is when i am speaking with my therapist. maybe because they know how to talk to someone like me and it's obviously their job.

or maybe because in my head they are professionals at this and they can really absorb whatever it is i'm trying to say so the comfort on my end when speaking comes out naturally.

whatever.

but grateful that at least one person gets me completely.

or is it because they are just good at their jobs? lol

[maddisontequila]

i was hurt so i isolated myself

and all you guys got from that is me being prideful.

[maddisontequila]

just when you thought you have reached rock bottom your mom drags you further

[maddisontequila]

i really hate being yelled at. fuck this shit.