So I know it’s been a while, what with having left abruptly. Since then I
-graduated college -got my own car -moved into my own apartment this past summer! I am no longer living with my family -switched positions at work to something with less customer interaction and was given full time and a raise
- moving on from seemingly disinterested and/or immature people, and moving forwards with friends where we understand, support and communicate with each other and actually do things. So many people couldn’t be bothered once I graduated, or else they were content to just message and never hang out despite living in the area, and I am no longer going to chase people who clearly aren’t invested. Not to mention I…
-am moving out of state once my lease is up this summer to somewhere I truly want to be
-have more of an idea of what I want to do with my life, even if so much of it is taking things as they come, and recognizing that as I grow and experience more, my ideas of what I want to do may change, and being open to that change
-am starting to address and work on issues that have plagued me my whole life, and working to unlearn things I absorbed growing up. I know it will be a lot of work, exhausting at times, not fun, and I will have to address things about myself I really don’t want to, but I know once I do these things I will come away feeling better and being a better person. You can’t not address something and expect it to get better or go away on its own, especially not with things like this.
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I still don’t feel safe posting here, I don’t actually feel like sitting here and scrolling tumblr all day anymore (I have much more responsibilities now), and I don’t even know if tumblr will be around much longer or at least worthwhile. Not that I ever really cared about the kind of content they’re removing, but again, it seems like their flagging system is severely flawed and making things difficult, and people are leaving.
As I’ve gotten older and started moving away from certain mindsets, I’ve noticed that within tumblr there is a large community of non-recovery, where people are in a way enabled and encouraged to stay at their low points, continue unhealthy coping mechanisms, to never move beyond the first baby steps of recovery even if able to, and to seek minimal help, and that there’s also a culture where anyone who calls this out or refuses to enable or put up with someone’s hurtful (towards self and/or others) behaviors, is considered toxic and abusive, and this isn’t a good site to hang out on for people interested in recovery unless they absolutely do not engage in circles like that. And even if you don’t, it seems posts from that “side” of tumblr will make it to your dash anyway. This culture of non-recovery and considering anyone wishing to move on and recover, not enable, or not perfectly fit someone’s idea of “support”, a toxic person, isn’t a good thing for me to be around in order to move forward and work on my recovery.
I haven’t been on here since 2016 and to be honest, things can never go back to how they were. I’m sure everyone’s moved on both interest-wise and from the garbage we went through in the fandom, and I know I have (sorry to anyone who enjoyed my content and hoped it would be back). I don’t even know who’s on here anymore, who is but changed their username, etc. Somehow I still have about the same amount of followers, which is weird because I would have thought most would unfollow when it became clear I wasn’t posting anymore.
It’s a little stressful for me right now, but things are looking so much better, and I’m looking forwards to making a fresh start soon. For the first time, I’m really excited about where I’m headed. I hope everyone is doing well, and if not, working on getting what they need to be heading in that direction. I hope everyone has people who love and support them, and things that truly make them happy and give them direction and meaning. If anyone would like to stay in contact with me, send me a message (off anon).
