Maydethisway @maydethisway-blog - Tumblr Blog

People can change Bailey

People who I have hurt in the past, I'm sorry. I want to be better I really do, I used to be able to feel pain and enjoy it. I was younger, I knew everything was going to get better. Now that I have gotten older I have been feeling more lonely. It's hard to move on quickly and to be forgiving all the time. My emotions get the best of me I mean, all of me. I have my ex boyfriend who still talks to me and still loves me and I love him. Sometimes I look at people and feel this emotion and I dont know how to control it. I want to control it by being able to love myself and trusting people around me to love me as I love myself. It isnt always this way though, actually, never this way. I always felt like this. People around me are going to betray me. Even though I may be pretty, cute, amazing, talented, gifted, a lover, so on, people will still find the truth about me. I hurt people around me and I do it pretty often and it's really hurtful to me that I cant do anything about it. I need to speak after I think and act the way I want myself to be. The person I want to create is this person and it's still me. It's named after me, it looks like me almost, its the most perfect vision of myself. She who is I is the person I want to become and want to be loved. She wants to smoke infront of her crush and she wants to get wasted on her 21st birthday party. Which didnt happen because I have thought things through too much and I need to relax. I need to know how to control my feelings and stop bothering people around me to make me feel happier. I have to help myself first. I need to work out, go to school and learn more about beauty and in life, and I need to go to work and make money. This person that I want to be may have came later but she will be here. She will be me. I will be her. And that was basically the sketch of my life. It's what I think about everyday.I love the law of attraction. I want to attract better people in my life. Younger or older whoever wants to teach me more about myself. I dont want to be alone anymore. I dont want to feel alone. I want things around me to be perfect even though I may not act like it is. I want to be able to understand what "perfect" is.

if you two are reading this right now, i just want you guys to know that i'm fine without you two. Us trios had our fun and I miss those memories we've shared together but i have something to say. Us three always were together talking about other people, we never really talked about US. What we wanted to do and what kind of friends we really were. It felt pretty toxic to me. You just separtely came to me and talked to me about each other in a negative way and it brought me down. my energy is pretty high and when negative people come into my life i just cant be too close. No offenses it's just me, not you.I guess you guys are best friends now when both of you secrectly hate each other. I have honestly no idea where your friendship is at this moment since i havent been around. But wanted to make sure that you guys know im fine and i dont hate yall. Maybe you guys wanted my ex boyfriend's side cause he is white. lol. And i know forsure how you guys feel about that haha. But im fine because he is still talking to me and he is trying to make me feel better when im really fine. I doing better than ever. My life is flourasing(however you spell it) and im moving back soon so it'll be all okay. And if you guys are wondering where b is at, were still together and it's wonderful so you guys were wrong and i was right. Just wanted to say that :)

poems-and-word

maydethisway-blog

me and my boyfriends

you just cant be the one, I tried to save our love but you rejected it quietly I have another lover who will love me dearly till I leave this place. It makes me feel safe and he will be away

being home alone is pretty amazing : ) can anyone just ft me.

i am so high right now,

you get mad everytime I mention him. And i just wanna be there to be a comfort. I will never be mad at you forever. Just like you told me,you were my first love. You were my everything and more. But you do that shit where you get mad and go against me. Love isnt like that. Remember that letter you wrote for me before I left? It said "love is paitent and love is kind". It's true. I feel that from him. He makes me feel like everything is going to get better. But because you are still in love with me, I just cant do that anymore. What I mean is, that i cant be with you anymore. I use weird words and I have a hard time explaining things. Because everything for me is not a game, but a struggle. I struggle to say the right sentence and it's hard to me to be honest at the spot. I just want you to be happy. And i really do care about you and dont want to hurt you. All i know right now is that im happy with my self. I want to love myself even more though, but i have realized that boys cant really make me happy. What i mean is that, every boy is the same. The right one never feels right for me. I just want to end things when things just feel bad. But i shouldnt feel that way about love. I want to love you but I cannot. I have fallen in love already. I have fallen in love where I am comfortable and I felt safe. And i have realized that love isnt all shit. Bf wont pay for everything, he wont buy me my birthday present, and he may even steal. But you see how these all sound really bad? to me it was pretty fun. I had alot of fun learning about different types of people. And thats what i love. I love learning. I loved learning about love. But i want to spread love too. It's hard to love a boy who doesnt do much for you. But he is there for you, you feel it and you want it but just isnt perfect(yet). I have yet to know more about this guy, and I want you to know about love too. A different kind of love. It's something i've learned that I really enjoyed. It felt amazing to be loved by more than 1 person. But it's only right that I have share my love for him now. Just one person. If anyone had felt this type of love. Please share, I want to know more about everyone's happiness and love. I want to spread love and show everyone how love is stronger than anything in the world. I want to believe that. Change your mood(+) then you can sign it yours this may not make sense

One time i made a page and i wrote about how much I loved this guy. But one time my trust issue got me and i deleted all the memories about how i felt. But then I realized i shouldnt be mad cause he proved it till this day that he loves me. It may not be perfect all the time but trust and forgiveness is the key.

#imissmyboyfriend #longdistance #relationship #b

maybe if i keep typing, someone will see this and reply back to me and talk to me and oh my god i need new friends

#textmeback #b

June 6,2018

like, i like blogging but then im scared that people might see mine but then i want people to read my interest because i have no interests but doing this

#fun #doesitmakesense

American Christianity is, at this point, like the Cult of the Emperor in ancient Rome, which is simultaneously both ironic and appropriate given the history involved

interesting comment by someone who is interested on tumblr