dath mo shaol :)

hi i'm melysa, indonesian

[melzmely-blog]

Baby incess diary #2

[melzmely-blog]

INSOMNIA

I don’t know what happen to me these days. I think it started on last friday.

12 August 2016 I woke up due to a nightmare. I still can remember that dream really well. It was about you. The pain was still there along the morning. My heart aches. And when I talked with my friend, she talked about you suddenly. My head hurt. Then I had meeting with Patrick, right after he sits, he asked ‘How’s Brian?’. My eyes burning. That was not the first time he asked me about you after we broke up. I told him that I don’t know. And I told him that we are not together anymore. Yet he still asked about you, esp your study. While I couldn’t look into his eyes because I try to hold back my tears, I did feel he still cares about you. That day I start feel the pain.

13 August 2016 It was a gloomy day. Raining all day long. That night suddenly I feel sad and start crying for hours. The last time I cried that much was end of last year. My heart aches more. I realised that I missed you, I start wanting everything that I couldn’t get anymore, I start regretting everything, I start blaming everyone. I can not stop thinking and crying and regretting and blaming. Then I couldn’t sleep.

14 August 2016 My head hurt more. My body start to feel pain. I have an outing with Patrick so I must go even though my head hurt everytime it moves. And I realised my vertigo is back. We went to a museum and exhibitions. It all was about painting. Suddenly I remembered how you practice your drawing and you did your best for your assignments and your very first time exhibition. You got excited that time even though you didn’t bring the prize back home. It was about you again.

16 August 2016 Tonight my dad hurt me for the first time in my life. Maybe he didn’t mean to. But it hurt me deeply till I turned my back and shed some tears quietly. I finish my dinner faster and enter my room. I start crying again for hours. I tried to calming down myself chatting with my bestfriend, but somehow I can not tell her what I truly feel. And my head keep thinking about something. I thought about moving from my parent’s house and live far from them. I start thinking about you. Did you feel the same feeling with me when you want to move and work in Singapore? Was it because you want to live separated with your Dad or because you want to live near Michelle back then? I start longing for your presence. Randomly I open my facebook and found out that you unfriend my account. My heartbeat start racing and my hands start trembling. My heart tore apart again. Do you hate me that much? Till you want cut all ties between us?

00.01 am Is it prohibited for me to talk to you? Is it all lies when you told me that I can talk to you whenever I need you? Or I’ve already thrown that chance? And again my short temper speaks first. Without thinking I ask you that. And when you reply, I start doubting whether if I must tell you or not. If yes will you think I am crazy and weird girl. If not what will I reply. Will you ask me later. And I must be crazy thinking that you will ask me again. Here I am crying over and over again, still can not let you go and thinking maybe there is some hope in future. But there maybe you already totally forget me and found a new love.

01.45 am And I still can not stop this. And there is noone to help me. I am all alone with all these tissues and wet pillow.

[melzmely-blog]

Happy very belated birthday..

Almost 2 months ago, when I woke up by a sound that I usually wait every morning. One beep and I wake up. I feel happy for a moment. Oh that sound, I miss it badly. I checked my phone and there was an alert. Your birthday. Then I feel something big is missing as I read the notes. And I realized what I missed, its my other half so thats why I feel empty. You turned to 28 years old that day. 28 is my favourite number. I remembered what I gave you for your birthday last year. Call me a sentimental girl. I choose those 2 gifts after thinking over and over. I want every little thing about us has a meaning. Did you remember when you gave me a shawl? When you said it was because I easily feel cold. I was so happy that time, I feel you do care about me. That shawl is very warm, like your body heat. I love it when you hug me or hold my hand whenever I feel cold. That shawl replace you when you are not around. I got surprised when you gave a necklace for my 25th birthday. Because I felt I don’t deserve to receive it yet from you that time. You know it I don’t need such an expensive gift. Like what you always said, we are a greatest gift to each other. Maybe I never tell you that I don’t really like wear any jewelries. Especially something big one. But I just want to wear one from you. That heart shape necklace, I always wear it. It feels like I put your heart near mine. I love it.  So thinking of those moments I decided to gave you a pasport cover and a watch. Why a pasport cover. I ordered it customize so we have a couple pasport cover with your name and my name on it. I thought that we are a long distance relationship couple. We need our pasport just to spend time together. It would be nice everytime we are in airport, seeing the pasport make us feel happy thinking we will meet each other soon. I want go travelling around the world with you. We talk about it sometimes. The watch..I thought about time. Time is expensive for both of us. So I want every little time we can spend for each other or being together can be a precious time. Or selfishly I want you to be aware about our time for our relationship la. But now I even don’t have chance to see u wear any of those things from me. One of regretful day in my life is when I met u in KL that day. I supposed upload this post 2 months ago. But I never can upload whatever I write on time due to my emotion. I always can not finish them in one try. Anyway happy birthday Brian Leong. A belated whishes won’t hurt anyone. I wish a great future ahead for you. I wish a great love life for you. May God bless you in every second breath and every step in your life. May you have a long life and be happy and healthy. I love you. Still and it won’t change.

[melzmely-blog]

The masks !! #painting #art #oiloncanvas (at Affandi Alive Lippo Plaza Yogyakarta)

[melzmely-blog]

Affandi Alive ! #painting #selfpotrait #art (at Affandi Alive Lippo Plaza Yogyakarta)

[melzmely-blog]

Kanz Aufar Agriza Ghany & Kinaraish Aruna Agriza Mughny. Mereka berdua keponakan saya. Yang terkadang saya ikut merawat dan menjaga mereka sejak dilahirkan. Saya hanya tante mereka. Yang hanya bisa memberikan sedikit waktu untuk menemani bermain ataupun memberi hadiah dengan sedikit uang yang saya miliki. Karena sesungguhnya merekalah yang berperan sangat besar dalam hidup saya. Mereka yang mengajarkan saya bagaimana untuk bersabar. Mengajarkan saya bagaimana mencintai tanpa pamrih. Mengajarkan saya bagaimana berkomunikasi dengan baik dan benar. Mengajarkan saya bahwa bahagia itu sangat sederhana. Sesederhana ketika aufar "tant..kok pulangnya cepet? Ntar aja kalo udah jam 12 malem". Sesederhana ketika aruna dengan ekspresinya minta digendong. Saya sedikit belajar menjadi 'ibu' dari mereka. Because sometimes aunty could be a better friend than their own mommy right. PS : when mommy suka marah2. Hahahaha. #malembaper #kayanyadahkepengenpunyanaksendiri

[melzmely-blog]

Bayiknya expressionless banget. Makanya pas rada beda ekspresinya langsung cekrek-cekrek... #aruna #bayiktanpaekspresi #momentlangka

[melzmely-blog]

Oh..here...oh here.. I asked myself "What am I doin' here?"

[melzmely-blog]

Oatcake. Warning : baking can makes your boyok prothol..

[melzmely-blog]

Homemade greentea almond cookies. Ijo2 lethek yang tadi sempet bikin pengen mokah. Selamat Lebaran !!

[melzmely-blog]

Kalap dan cecurhatan berulang yang kesekian.. #RMPG14 #koreanrestaurant #DaeJangGeum #jajanjogja #yogyakartaculinary (at Dae Jang Geum)

[misswallflower]

The most painful thing is losing yourself in the process of loving someone too much, and forgetting that you are special too.

Ernest Hemingway, “Men Without Women” (via misswallflower)

[thelovejournals]

Because when something happens, she’s the person I want to tell. The most basic indicator of love.

David Levithan, Every Day (via thelovejournals)

Even after we broke up, I want to tell him every little thing. Did I love him too much?

[misswallflower]

And that’s when I know it’s over. As soon as you start thinking about the beginning, it’s the end.

Junot Díaz, “This Is How You Lose Her” (via misswallflower)

[suckerforthesea]

I think it’s important to understand that not everyone is the same. Not everyone shows their love for someone the same way. Not everyone shows that they care the same way. Not everyone shows that they are hurt the same way.

suckerforthesea (via suckerforthesea)

[melzmely-blog]

Last destination and holiday akhirnya tamat. Tak pernah liburan saya tak dibumbui cerita. Tapi gak akan pernah kapok. Travelling helps you to find yourself and the fact surrounding you. Good or bad. It gives you story to share, new energy to continue your daily life and a hope to explore other places. Travelling is never fail you eventhough it gives you bad memories. It just make you be a better traveller. Don't you agree? #day6 #latepost #Bali #shorttrip #garudawisnukencana (at Garuda Wisnu Kencana-GWK Bali)

[melzmely-blog]

Kalo kata mas rangga liburan sama travelling itu beda. Kalo punya saya awalnya liburan tapi berakhir dengan travelling. Mendadak nuris di Bali. #day6 #Bali #shorttrip #liburanmendadaknambah2hari #mulih2pegelturkere #korbanlionair (at I Gusti Ngurah Rai International Airport, Denpasar, Bali, Indonesia)