Due to all of this, I decided to leave my Tumblr and be done with writing, which I have been making moves to do. I turned off anonymous messaging and my asks, I released multiple stories earlier than planned, and even drafted up this leaving notice to be published tomorrow after my last fic drops:
As well as, over the last day or so since I found out Ven blocked me, I messaged multiple people about this incident, addressing that I am hurt by her decision but ultimately understanding as she's been going through so much:
Why would I go through all of this trouble if I'm just trying to "cover my tracks"? Ven is someone I cared about (and still care about) extremely deeply. Someone I willingly was helping, someone that I shared information with, someone I was willing to go back over a year for to delete her messages in Church because I wanted her to feel safe and welcome when she came back.
Multiple of my friends can attest for me and how beside myself I was over the past few days because of this. How I wanted her safety first and foremost, only to be blindsided with false accusations that defame my character and who I am as a person.
I am NOT a person who would harass others to this extent. I have done nothing but try to help Ven and others stay safe, with screenshots, logs, and finding information in other servers to gather evidence. Why would I be so willing and helpful if this person was me? Why would I point the finger directly at myself if I knew I could get caught? It doesn't make sense to me and is a downright lie.
Again, I want to reiterate: THIS PERSON IS NOT ME, NOR IS IT MEESH.
Here's an FAQ for quick answers:
Q: Who is Meesh?
A: Meesh is a friend of mine who I have known for almost 11 years now, through Twitter. However, like all friendships, this doesn't mean we talk every day. In fact, before the phone call I had with her on March 26th to tell her about these developments, the last time we spoke was on FEBRUARY 3RD, 2022 AFTER WE MET UP IN PERSON FOR THE FIRST TIME.
Q: Why did you tell Hanaya's Discord about the doxxing and not the Church?:
A: Because 1) Ven believed it to be someone in the Church (which has 26 members) and we were gathering evidence. The other moderators believed we shouldn't cause panic or worry, hence why we were staying silent. I didn't believe the person to be in the Church—as they had plenty of information on me over the past year—but once I started getting harassed, I started to believe it might be true. However, with the anonymous message about my doxxing tweet, I now believed this person was stalking my (at the time open) Twitter and not the Discord. Why? Because I had posted my Twitter in Church MULTIPLE times—with links to pictures and videos of a second hobby of mine—before this. If they were in Church, the doxxer would have been privy to this information long ago.
Q: Why are you anons and asks turned off?
A: I began turning asks off when I went to bed after getting harassed and Tumblr doing nothing about it. Just yesterday, when I started a mass exodus of my posts while preparing to leave Tumblr, I turned them off so I wouldn't be harassed when my blog went dark. I even deleted my messages in HQ in the Club and left that server this morning because I was done with fandom after all this bullshit.
Q: Why did you post the "We will be kicking people" after Ven left the Church?
A: This had been in the works with another moderator in discussion of what to do to make the Church a safer place. It was not a snap decision, it was something we had talked about for days because we wanted others (including Ven) to feel safe in this space.
Q: Why should I believe you?
A: I know my word doesn't mean much when there is seemingly IP evidence, but it begs the question: why would I go through all of this, including doxxing and harassing myself TO VEN, if I were the person doing it? That would make me a complete sociopath or psychopath, and that's not who I am. At one point, I even shared a list of my followers with Ven and another person so that we could catch this person together. Again I ask: why would I go through all this trouble IF IT WERE ME? I didn't even follow, and I don't know who a lot of these people getting doxxed are. At one point, I HAD TO ASK VEN WHO SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT, because they were names I had never heard before. Either I am the greatest actress the world has ever seen, or Occam's Razor says it's not me.
Hopefully I've laid out my thought process enough here where you might believe me. If you don't, that's alright because I know what type of person I am and it is not me.
I don't know how I can make this any more clear. This doxxer is NOT me.
These false accusations are extremely upsetting, as well as defamation of me as a person. I have always been clear, helpful, and ready to fight for Ven when this person was going after her. I didn't mind when she blocked me—as I said multiple times, it is about her safety and comfort—but I will not sit here and let her drag my name through the mud when her accusations are false.
I am more than willing to talk about anything else if you would like, as I have nothing to hide because this person is not me.
