Metelus

Everyone has a story. Be willing to hear it before you judge.

[metelus]

I've just discovered that I actually love giving speeches! For so long, I felt misunderstood, mistreated, and even underestimated. I think it was because people didn’t really know me, what I was thinking, my point of view on things, and so on.

I’ve recently realised that the key was simply to let them know. And how? By giving a speech. I learned to prepare everything beforehand: doing research, reorganising the flow of my story, and practising, a lot of practising. My goal was to answer the question, “How can I help them understand what I’m thinking?”

Knowing that people gain something from my speech makes me feel incredibly relieved. It’s comforting to know that finally, someone can understand me and know me better. Gunung Sindur, Nov 30th 2025.

[metelus]

Alhamdulillah.

Ingin berbagi kebahagiaan kecil hari ini hehe.

Di tengah-tengah kerjaan yang sangat padat & melelahkan, client dari Jepang itu bilang “who am I speaking to?” “Wow, your English is beautiful!” .

Terima kasih, Sensei!

[langitawaan]

170.

Jauh sebelum Dia mempertemukan kita, aku sudah menjagamu dengan doaku. Doa yang tak pernah putus agar Dia senantiasa melindungimu, di mana pun, kapan pun.

Doa yang ku harap sampai kepadamu. Memeluk kala rapuh, menguatkan ketika hari buruk menghampiri, menghangatkan saat hujan deras menyelimuti langit biru cerahmu.

Doa yang ketika itu aku belumlah tahu bagaimana dan seperti apa kamu? Doa yang hanya ku langitkan meski aku tidak tahu kamu siapa dan berada di belahan bumi yang mana.

Pun hari ini semua masih sama, aku masih menjagamu dengan doa-doaku. Doa yang lebih serius, lebih lama dan lebih berani dengan menyebut namamu di dalamnya.

Doaku tidak pernah jauh, ia menemani setiap langkahmu, mendekapmu dengan penuh tanpa ragu. Maka, meski raga lelah bermanfaatlah selalu untuk sekitarmu, ya, Cakku🌻.

Kantor, 12.36 | 28 Agustus 2023.

[kurniawangunadi]

Cerpen : Coba Kamu Katakan Ini Padanya

Kenapa sih kamu gak mikir dua kali buat maju kepadaku padahal kamunya masih mencari jati diri, belum kenal baik sama dirimu, malah datang melamarku, membuatku bingung. Kedatanganmu yang membuatku bingung adalah hal yang paling aku tak sukai darimu. Kutanya dengan jelas, tapi jawabanmu sangat abstrak. “Ya karena aku yakin,” katamu.  Tapi keyakinanmu itu tidak bisa kamu jelaskan dalam tindakan yang menurutku tepat. Kamu bahkan masih bingung harus kemana setelah ini, masih meraba-raba akan menjadi apa dan seperti apa dirimu di masa yang akan datang. Kamu memang baik, tapi baik saja tidak cukup untuk menjadi modalmu mengatakan cinta.

Ditambah dengan ketidakbisaanmu untuk tegas kepada orang lain dan juga diri sendiri, itu membuatku semakin bingung karena kamu tak mau menghadapi masalah. Kalau bisa hidup tenang, ngapain melawan. 

Sementara aku tak demikian. Aku hidup dalam trauma, sesuatu yang membuatku tersakiti ternyata adalah hal yang tak berani kamu hadapi. Dan aku semakin bingung di usiaku yang terus beranjak, kamu datang dengan keadaan yang demikian.

Kenapa harus sekarang?

Kamu baik, tapi kamu tak mampu membuatku tenang.

Bahkan sejak kedatanganmu. ©kurniawangunadi

[metelus]

It feels like I was struck by lightning. Again, it was all my fault.

Bandung, June 17th 2023

[metelus]

Mbah, how are you? Life's been sooo hard lately.

Sometimes I wonder, would it be easier if I went with you that time?

I like someone but of course, he didn't like me back. Like always. But the thing is, I drowned way too deep. I created imagination, a hallucination, that only existed inside my head.

And then slowly, it gets blurry, which one is inside my head, and which one is the actual fact. I got drowned way too deep. And it's my fault all along.

As time goes by, I'm more and more afraid of what I've become. I get jealous too easily, simple things get on my nerves, and I can't help or act as usual towards my friends who are also his close friends.

I hate myself like this. I don't recognize myself as being so hateful. I'm scared of myself.

God, please, turn away my feelings for him if he isn't my future husband. Please help me, God. I hate myself being like this.

Mbah, only if you're still here, that'll be less hurt by just hugging you.

Tangerang Selatan, June 14th 2023

[metelus]

I was blinded by my own thoughts. I can't see clear back then. So I owe myself a forgiveness by letting him go. For the good.

Bandung, April 26th, 2023

[prawitamutia]

karena aku sangat mudah untukmu

karena aku sangat mudah untukmu.

kamu tidak perlu lelah-lelah berjuang, sebab aku tidak mungkin sampai hati membiarkan orang yang ingin memperjuangkanku berjuang sendirian.

kamu tidak perlu repot-repot membuat dirimu diterima, sebab aku selalu bersedia mengambil tanggung jawab untuk lebih dari menerima–yaitu memaafkan, melupakan, bahkan melepaskan.

kamu tidak perlu pusing-pusing memikirkanku, sebab aku sungguh selesai dengan diriku sendiri. sebab masa depanku adalah rangkaian rencana yang bisa diganti. sebab ambisiku selalu (hanya) sekeras tangan yang menggenggam pasir, secukupnya mencukupkanku.

kamu tidak perlu khawatir tentang apapun, sebab aku bisa mengikutimu ke mana pun. aku bisa diajak berjalan, berlari, merangkak. aku bisa bertahan pada segala musim dan cuaca, bisa berteman dengan segala rasa dan nuansa.

karena aku sangat mudah untukmu, semoga kamu merasakannya: bahwa yang mudah didapatkan, belum tentu tak berharga.

semoga aku sangat berarti untukmu.

[metelus]

If I read into my latest post, it immediately reminded me that I was the one who created this condition, not him.

I should be the one to blame, not him.

I'm sorry, I did avoiding you. Not that I hate you, but I need some time and space to clear up my mind.

I'm sorry. This is not your fault.

Tangerang Selatan, Feb 20th 2023

[kafabillahisyahida]

Ketika kamu mengingat Allah, dan menyebut2 namaNya dalam hatimu. Itu karena Dia yang meginginkan kamu menyebut nama-nama indahNya. Maka Bangga dan bahagialah yang senantiasa mengingat dan menyebut namaNya .

[metelus]

It's ok.

I won't run. I'm here.

You can talk to me anytime.

I'm sorry that I like you. But I can guarantee you that this feeling won't bothered you or whatsoever.

I like you, I lied if I say I don't want you to like me back. But it's ok. This is the way I gave my love to you. I want to keep talking to you everyday, listening to all of your story, your sadness, your happiness, I want to listen them all or perhaps I want to help you to get through whatever situations that weighs you, no matter how much pain I have to endure.

But, you can tell me when to stop. If it's getting boring, you can tell me to stop. You can go if you want, but before, please do let me know.

It's ok.

I just like you.

Tangerang Selatan, Jan 13th 2023

[sproutlett]

forgive yourself again and again and again and again and again

[metelus]

Someone said tht I live as if I have no goals in life. It's kinda true tho.

Tangsel, Nov 17th 2022

[metelus]

Nothings left.

Tangsel, June 17th 2022

[metelus]

Knowing when to stop is a pretty good skill, I guess? Probably this is my level-up day! I'm so done with this blurry yet hurtful feeling. I just want to accept myself the way I am. Nobody allowed to take it away from me. NOBODY!

So goodbye dear, You. Thanks bc you taught me so much about the meaning loving myself and letting go.

Bandung, May 27th 2022

[metelus]

I set alarm everyday on 07.30 a.m to only remind me of the hurtful accident that caused me pain whenever I remember it. So I hope by doing so, I'll always remember to not to fall on the same pit ever again.

Bandung, May 26th 2021

[metelus]

It broke your self when u know you burden ur parents way too much but you can't even do anything about that.

Tangsel, May 24th 2022