PREPAREDNESS FOR DEATH: A GUIDE TO TOUGH CONVERSATIONS
“Death is not the opposite of life, but a part of it.” — Haruki Murakami
I was unable to speak when I had to discuss death for the first time. It felt strange, and uncomfortable, something I would rather not experience. Sadhguru reminds us that we all want to live well, and when the time comes, die well too.
Most of us avoid talking about death as though avoiding it will make it less real, just as people in Harry Potter were afraid to mention Voldemort’s name. But why do we hesitate to talk about something so obvious? Because people are afraid, uncomfortable, or just don’t know where to begin. But talking about it can be quite helpful. It helps us figure out what we think happens after death and to see what dying is really like. Having these tough conversations can help you become both emotionally and practically prepared. When approached with sensitivity and openness, such discussions can turn into meaningful interactions that provide insight, connection, and even comfort, instead of fear.
The Emotional Landscape of Mortality
Fear, sadness, worry and relief are just a few emotions that might be evoked by the idea of death. But why does death evoke such a wide variety of complicated feelings? Is it the fear of what lies beyond, the pain of loss, or the weight of unfinished dreams that prevents us from facing it head-on?
Acknowledging these emotions, however, makes it possible to turn the emotions into something positive. Those who have faced mortality - whether from illness or the death of a loved one - have described a shift in perspective. Fear is replaced by an appreciation for the passing of time we have together and regret is replaced by gratitude. Does accepting death open doors to a more interesting life? Indeed, accepting mortality allows us to value the fleeting nature of life, more meaningful connections, more purposeful living, and a sense of peace.
Coping with Mortality
I used to be afraid of death, both of myself and those around me, when I was younger. I avoided thinking about it, confident that ignoring it meant it would never impact me. But then life happened and for the first time, I had to face mortality. It gradually changed the way I saw the world in the quiet times that followed.
Thanatophobia, or fear of dying, is a normal reaction to uncertainty. According to Sigmund Freud, people seldom confront their own death; instead, they project it onto outside fears. In The Denial of Death, Ernest Becker argued that much of human behavior, including relationship goals, and even social structure, is an unconscious attempt to avoid the inevitable. However, what if understanding death is more important than escaping it? Knowing that we are mortal can be a driving force, not a scary presence that hovers over us, but a light that helps us focus. It becomes an instrument for deeper love, chasing the dreams, and discovering meaning in the ordinary. Instead of fearing the inevitable, we can allow it to motivate us to live deliberately, knowing that each moment has a significance given its temporary nature. Accepting death teaches us how to live to the fullest rather than giving in to it.
Finding Meaning in Mortality
Death is seen as a transition rather than an end in many spiritual and cultural traditions. There is comfort in the idea that the impact of the lives we have lived is not wiped out by death, whether through religious faith or the idea of reincarnation, or even just the belief that what we have done continues to exist within the lives we leave behind us.
But to consider death is to live life. What stories shall we tell? How will we be remembered? These questions should not instill fear, but instead guide us toward genuine, kind and purposeful life. Surprisingly, embracing death might help us learn to love more fully.
Conclusion
Across the world, life is celebrated as a success, while death is often seen as a failure to be mourned. It cannot be merely an end of our life, but it is indeed tied to the way we have lived. It forces us to confront our sorrows, to cherish the present, and to create a legacy that lasts beyond our time. We might choose to see death as a lesson to follow our passions, love without boundaries, and leave a lasting impression rather than as an enemy. By doing this, we are preparing for life, not just death.
“It’s not death that a man should fear, but he should fear never beginning to live.” — Marcus Aurelius
Further Reading:
Becker, E. (1973). The Denial of Death.
Freud, S. (1915). Thoughts for the Times on War and Death.
Sadhguru. (2020). Death: An Inside Story.