[mixedmaria]

therapized

do I ask & face the rejection that wears heavy like love written on loving arms

do I hear the body of ugly emotions tell me more & more how unloved you are

how do I stare into those once adorned eyes now vacant heavy of a sight I do not perceive to be of a human soul

[mixedmaria]

got 21 dollars in my pocket

going to take back the hands of time

to take me to a place of flagged bliss

… to be continued

[mixedmaria]

play mirror

maybe it is you

you ugly fucking bitch

maybe you are the problem since you think to care for a solution

remove yourself bitch

& find how peace feels with yourself

let the guides & angels of your being lift you

find a solution to your own problems

yield that dragger you hide so well for yourself

maybe you are the problem since you think to care for a solution

[mixedmaria]

become AI

Our first problem was names. Call each other human & see how much we care. See how we all sit on the same boat. Through every wave we rock to its beat.

[mixedmaria]

nervosa

me nervous system be whack

but days like these make me see

that glory be

to rewrite a system that will be set free

… to be continued.

[mixedmaria]

You're A Changed Man, Charlie Brown.

It's so weird how people change and not in the sense that they have grown up or gained some maturity, but actually changed. Everyone talks about how going into the Navy changes you and how peoople you once knew change when you go back to them. At first I thought to myself this may be true but not entirely. Then I went home for leave and man I can say that some of my friends have. Some I had seen some change before I had left.  I can say that I haven't changed, maybe more aware of my situation and where I want my life to go. But personality wise not at all. I'm still the shy, caring and whole-hearted person I've always been. But then again I'm not an outsider looking in. I just wished some things wouldn't have changed and that the things you thought would last forever wouldn't fall apart. No matter what, I will love and cherish my friendship with these people, however I can say some friendships will diminish only because you can tell they have moved on.  Growing up sometimes can be hard, and finding people that truly matter, seems to be even more difficult at times.

[mixedmaria]

I Am My Own Person?

I have this uneasy feeling that people don't understand me ... and they never really will. That no matter what I do, acceptable or not people will always just look at me weird and think nothing of me. As if I don't matter or exist. I really don't like to think, people see me as just that person. I am my own person, I like who I am. But why does it seem no one else gets it or understands or like that or better yet even care? Growing up sometimes can be hard, and finding people that truly matter, seems to be even more difficult at times. One day I will find you or maybe you will find me.

[mixedmaria]

El Censo 2010

Working for the Census. Is like being surrounded by fences. Looking for parking is such a pain. While getting stopped at security, what a shame. Everyone rushes to be on time. Cuz being late is such a crime. Keying is what we do. And learning something new. Rules and rules is what we hear. But what we really care for is a beer! We raise our flags and wait for a lead. And hope it’s the answer that we need. We key to the best of our ability. Otherwise we will be kicked out of this facility. We take breaks every hour. Writing this poem, with a flower. We sit and sit all through the night. Hoping our team members don’t get in a fight. PDCC is like being surrounded by fences. But that’s what we get for working for the Census.

Me.