We were together for 5 and a half years, split up 8 years ago but still remained friends as best we could. I hurt him so much but he still would have given me the moon if it was possible, I couldn’t hurt him again.
We both moved on but kept in touch as and when we could I’d often see him in the village where we both lived he’d always smile that big cheesy smile and usually stop traffic in his car just to say “Hi Bean” (his nickname for me). This was our last Facebook message before he de-activated his account as I think it was causing too many issues in his family life, I understood and wouldn’t want his future happiness to be shrouded in a grey area of a friend / ex-girlfriend situation.
Last week he took his own life, last week my world changed. I don’t know how I’m meant to mourn somebody in this situation as my husband doesn’t understand (I’m not sure even I understand my feelings) he left behind 2 children and a fiancée and my heart hurts for them but also for him, he was surrounded by so many people but died alone.
I’ve dreamt about him every night since it happened and wake up thinking “oh I might see him today” I won’t. I wish I could explain the sadness or even understand it. He was meant to be here forever.
I hope his soul is at peace wherever he is. I’m so cross I didn’t get to say goodbye.
I will love you forever, you will always have a special place in my heart and soul my Peter Pan CDM
xxxxx
First time actually using my tumblr account and I come across this... So powerful.
