Lucia lifted the gun, her hands trembling much like the first time she had held one. This time though, it wasn’t accompanied with nerves but instead an unbearable dread that flowed through her body. She had gone back to the apartment she’d shared with her ex, Brett, thinking with him dead she could brave the memories long enough to pack up her things. It was a misguided thought. As soon as she approached the building her stomach churned and with each step toward the door the blood pounded louder within her ear. Slowly she put the key into the door, taking a deep breath before twisting it and pushing it open. It’d hadn’t actually been too long since she’d last been here, a few weeks really, and yet it felt wrong to enter. It didn’t feel like hers anymore, but she was quickly reminded as she walked deeper into the apartment that this in fact was once her home. Any of the good memories however had been tainted and as she looked around the sickening feeling in her stomach only grew. She attempted to collect things as she wandered farther in, but at every turn it seemed something was there to make it harder for her to breath. Lucia couldn’t stay here, she couldn’t do it, not alone or not now, she had to leave.
She stood in place her finger hovering over the trigger, waiting for the shaking to still, or perhaps waiting for the usual confidence to flood her system and overtake the choking unease that had made a home in her chest. Even though she had fled the apartment and found herself miles away she couldn’t escape the memories flashing in her mind. The subtle tension that lingered as she came home that night, the increasing frustration, and the fierce rage that had unveiled Brett as a new and unfamiliar monster. It all mingled in her mind, both appearing as a blurred haze and in vivid detail. Shaking her head, Lucia turned her attention to the flimsy target hoping it could distract her, but instead of seeing just a black silhouette she saw Brett. His smile was cruel and self satisfying, just like the one he had after her tearful confession. Her eyes widened, the panic inside her intensifying, whatever control she thought she had over herself was gone. The shaking had worsened, the pounding in her chest and ears had returned full force, and tears began to well up.
-‘Bang!’ The gun released a loud noise, interrupting her thoughts and cutting the distressing memory short. ‘Bang.. Bang.. Bang.’ Lucia unloaded the rest of the clip through blurry eyes, a last attempt at steering away the helpless feeling inside her. It was no use. She could feel the helplessness consuming her. Like a boa constrictor, it had its grip on her heart and was squeezing tightly. Giving in to herself, Lucia collapsed to the ground and released a guttural sob, one that had been trying to escape for quite some time.
