Literature and literature adjacent content

my sideblog for memes and funny literature posts, all posts are tagged with title of work for easy searching

[dathen]

Van Helsing: Dear husband of Madam Mina—

Jonathan: It’s about time you addressed me by my proper title

[jhoca]

Bachelors

The three bachelors who propose to Lucy in Bram Stoker's Dracula (1897)! I laugh at the thought that it's like the Victorian Bachelorette (but in a funny satirical way like in Shrek). I love that Art canonically has a bunch of terriers (spoiler? lmao)

my art  (my dracula art)  |  instagram  |  cara

[courfeyrec]

sorry i can't hang out today i'm going to the barricade. yeah it's gonna be all day sorry.

[technoturian]

Back in the day you couldn't just say "no cell signal" or cut the phone lines, you had to raid the victims' luggage and wardrobe for their paper and envelopes, their notes, their memoranda, and their letter of credit! Uphill, both ways!

[lakemojave]

[In a room where it's all quiet]: Wow it's like a western front in here

[homunculus-argument]

The Odyssey but retold as a low-stakes modern adventure of one guy out with his girlfriend leaving the bar with his buddies to do just one (1) simple thing real quick, it'll take like 15 minutes tops, he'll be right back, but then some bullshit happens and the trip keeps getting more complicated as more bullshit keeps happening while he just tries to get back to the bar because he promised his girlfriend that he'd get back and he knows that she's still there because she told him she'd wait there.

And by the time he finally gets back it's almost 3 am and the bar is about to close while she's sitting there stone cold sober, surrounded by 5 drunk guys unsuccessfully trying to convince her to give up on waiting for him and go home with one of them instead. And the guy shows up to proceed to beat the shit out of them before explaining himself to her like hey sorry bullshit kept happening, my phone fell into a storm drain and my wallet got stolen when I was trying to find someone who'd borrow me a phone so I could call and

[thekijs]

His girlfriend had been fending off the 5 drunk guys for most of the evening by explaining that even if she was going to ditch her boyfriend, she can't possibly leave without finishing her beer, which she is keeping perpetually full via careful sleight of hand where she's just pouring it back and forth into and out of the pitcher.

However the drunk guys are also drinking, and eventually she can't afford to buy another pitcher for the table so she can't keep up the ever-full beer glass trick. At this point she has to resort to setting up the pool trick shot that she's never seen anyone but her boyfriend pull off, and says she'll leave with whoever manages the shot first.

That buys her another hour or so and then, finally, her boyfriend makes it back. He looks like shit, hair down and just a mess, he's wearing an entirely different jacket that he got from an alley, and barely recognizable—especially to 5 guys who've been drunk for hours now. He lurks for a minute, finds out what's going on, and proceeds to pull off the trick shot first try. Throws the jacket off, fixes his hair with a hair tie his girlfriend lends him, finally looks like himself again, and THEN beats the shit out of them with the pool cue.

[weaselle]

yuh i was there, that's how it happened

[valtsv]

i know it's because they didn't have the kind of modern medical knowledge we do back then but reading about polar exploration history is hysterical in hindsight because so many of these guys heard accounts from their fellow explorers describing the absolutely hellish obstacles they faced from both the extreme environment and their own mental and physical deterioration and were like "skill issue" and then went there to prove it and encountered the exact same problems

[valtsv]

"vitamin deficiency is a mindset"

[angel-starbeam]

Arthur: I got you, babe.

[susiephone]

i know we all poke fun at quincey's dialogue for being the most stereotypical yeehaw cowboy slang imaginable, but it is genuinely so cute to me that he actually plays that up because he knows lucy thinks it's funny

[werewolfetone]

History degree day 1: the past is so compelling to me. I just love learning about how our ancestors lived. and it’s so interesting how many of them had a fundamentally alien yet perhaps ultimately relatable in context mindset to our own. maybe one day I can begin to understand it?

History degree day 1000: forty martyrs of england and wales ranked by how good they would’ve been at posting on twitter

[lyricwritesthings]

Oh, sure. You slither down ONE wall like a lizard, and suddenly your new friend (the same friend you JUST invited to stay in your house for a MONTH!) starts calling you "a creature in the semblance of a man." Smh.

[cry-ptidd]

[normal-horoscopes]

Everyone shut up and look at this carving of a whale from the 1200-600 CE Chumash culture

[theslowesthnery]

ohhhhhh my godddddd

[miseria-fortes-viros]

yoooo guys these wings my dad made look INSANE i can’t wait to try them tomorrow

[miseria-fortes-viros]

i don’t think you understand i totally thought we were gonna die locked up in this castle but this fucking genius was like “im going to invent a way for humans to fly”. shout out to my dad he’s a real one fr

[miseria-fortes-viros]

LMAOOO this dude told me to be careful as he affixed the wings to my back…..dad no offense but you just invented flying and we have to go high enough to avoid the king’s archers. soo

[miseria-fortes-viros]

HOOOOLY SHIT YOU GUYS I AM SO AFRAID. THE GROUND IS SO FAR. HOW DO BIRDS DO THIS. OH MY GODS OH MY GODS OH MY GODS

[miseria-fortes-viros]

it’s so beautiful up here

[miseria-fortes-viros]

i don’t like seeing the ground. i’m going higher

[miseria-fortes-viros]

it’s cold and i can’t see anything. not sure if that’s better or worse

[miseria-fortes-viros]

by zeus….what is that thing…….it’s as bright as the sun and twice as warm

[miseria-fortes-viros]

the gods look truly down on me this day…apollo calls to me from his chariot of fire. a mere mortal. he must think my flight such a wondrous feat

[miseria-fortes-viros]

i don’t understand why but he’s coming closer. he is not supposed to stray from his path, lest the sun fall from the sky. why does he look so anguished to see me?

[miseria-fortes-viros]

oh. i am in his path

[miseria-fortes-viros]

it’s so hot…was it this hard to fly before? maybe i’m tired

[miseria-fortes-viros]

the wax

[miseria-fortes-viros]

he really does look like the sun…the light emanates from his fingers, his hair, his skin. he means to catch me. i reach for him

[miseria-fortes-viros]

his skin burns. i cannot hold on

[miseria-fortes-viros]

i slip through his fingers.

[miseria-fortes-viros]

it takes a really long time to fall from the sky. longer than i thought

[miseria-fortes-viros]

i wonder if he cried for me

[miseria-fortes-viros]

i pray to him just in case. i am grateful he tried. my palms are red and cracked from where they touched divinity. the ground does not look any closer than it was

[miseria-fortes-viros]

i have not seen my father since we took flight…i hope he escaped. i hope he will not witness this. i wish i could tell him how joyful these wings made me before the wax melted

[miseria-fortes-viros]

i do not regret it. i have seen with my own eyes what others will only dream of

[miseria-fortes-viros]

i am not afraid

[miseria-fortes-viros]

i am not afraid i am not afraid i am not afraid i am not afraid i am afraid i am afraid i am afraid

[miseria-fortes-viros]

please please please please please pleaseplease

[miseria-fortes-viros]

the gods will not save me. i suppose this is a lesson in hubris. i am forever a flightless thing

[miseria-fortes-viros]

please please please i have no coin for the ferryman if i am to die now i will never reach the realm of hades please turn me into a bird any bird or a bug or something anything please please pleasepleaseplease

[miseria-fortes-viros]

I AM NOT AFRAID I AM NOT AFRAID I AM NOT AFRAID I AM NOT AFRAID I AM N

[unyieldingsilence]

‎ ‎

[insomniac-arrest]

hey, does anyone know if tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow creeps in this petty pace from day to day, or if it's like. a bank holiday.

[currentlycryingaboutlancelot]

lady bertilak: haha looks like I caught you!!! everyone’s asleep and my husband isn’t home...we can do whatever you want lol ;))

gawain, who has been haunted by the prospect of facing the green knight for an entire year, finally found rest in a castle that pointed him in the right direction, only to wake up to a woman he met the day before watching him sleep: haha awesome!!! so, I’m gonna go to mass

[prokopetz]

Sir Arthur Conan "I have a clear mental picture of exactly where each individual piece of furniture in Sherlock Holmes' apartment is located but cannot remember that men are not named James" Doyle.

[prokopetz]

@doodle-mole replied:

…you can't just drop "men are not named James" and refuse to elaborate

Doyle had a recurring pattern of forgetting male characters' first names are not James. Notable examples include John Watson briefly becoming James Watson, and Professor James Moriarty's brother, James Moriarty.