Oh, you don’t wanna know what’s on my mind.
“It’s the third time he spat blood today, he knew he should be worried. But for some reason he’s not.”
That was the first line he wrote for his new book, he was sitting by his typewriter on a cold day drinking his cup of tea that was supposed to help him clear his mind and think.
Second thing he did was deleting this line he just wrote, ‘That was horrible.’ he thought.
How could he write something so personal without exposing himself? Then he thought that everything written by anybody is nothing but personal, and the thing that made him special is ‘at least he’s being honest about it.’
“How many times you’ve hated yourself for thinking about things you shouldn’t have thought about? How many times you’ve been afraid that people may look down to you calling you names and judging you for what clearly isn’t your fault?”
After he wrote that down he thought, ‘Now we’re talking.’
A couple more sips from the tea...
‘What is this garbage?’ he thought, ‘That’s not real, that’s not personal, it’s not what I want.’
And then he doubted about what he wanted to write in the first place, he thought he wanted to write about himself.
“He sat by his typewriter on a cold day, doubting his one and only talent. Wondering if he could make his own way to greatness, he knew that there’s only one way to find out, but he was scared, too scared. And then he realized that he didn’t have ‘it’ as many people told him.”
That’s narcissistic, disgusting, and pathetic.
What kind of person writes about himself?
That’s just pretentious, no one’s gonna read that.
‘Leave me alone, I know what I’m doing. Hopefully.’
“But what if he has ‘it’? What if he could create something so great that will be remembered across generations? What if his existence had meaning?”
And then he remembered being asked ‘What’s on your mind?’
And he realized that he wasn’t sitting by his typewriter, nor was he writing his first book.
It was just his stupid facebook page that popped up in front of him asking about what was on his mind.
And the only thing he could do was click ‘Post’, and he did.
By the time he saw ‘Just now’ he knew right away that he’s gonna regret it.
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