"The thoughts from the very back of your head come out at the most random times"
that is very true. It happens to me too. i guess it's happening because my vagina is bleeding. lets see. although i dont regret this happening (because one thing led to another and i made a really close friend), i just wish i could fucking forget that fucking day. i wish i can forget the way your face look while your screams echoed throughout the neighborhood. i wish i could forget how your mouth foamed while the tears streamed down your face. i wish i could forget how you literally shoved him out of the way a few times. i wish i could forget how you were able to laugh about it literally minutes after it all went down. i wish i could forget those thoughts i had that day at work that may have caused you to almost die. i wish i could forget that whole night. i wish the only thing i could remember was my daughter's cute little snores as i watched her sleep for the whole night. someone just fucking hit me with a truck so i can forget that that horrible day ever happened. so we can go back to how we used to be. i do miss you, dear friend. i miss how we used to be before that fucking day. that memory haunts the shit out of me every. single. day. i sometimes wish i could get into a car accident like the one in The Vow so that i could forget that day ever happened. i wish you didnt expect me to "bitch" at you. maybe this post is the bitching at? i dont know. it's been 5 fucking months. i just wish i can get rid of that fucking memory. it's not something that i could EVER laugh about...even though you are able to. i just cant. i just wanna go back to you being my best friend. i miss that so much. before that day. i just want it out of my head. i dont want to be one to hold a grudge. but this just eats away at me. i'm probably being selfish for rambling like this. especially in a time that you needed me. why do you still love me? i still wonder that. i got this message from a mutual friend:
she really misses you and wants to talk to you cause.. y'know... she lubs u and stuff And she considers you above most people--like me ahahaha
why though? im not a saint. im not the best of a friend. i dont know how to communicate. i could never say all of this aloud. i cant really do anything tomorrow. we should hang out. no. we dont need him to be there. he was a trigger to that big scream back then. we dont always need him to be there. unless, you want him to be there. maybe we can do something over the weekend. i cant really spend money anymore. i need to go to dc to go to a museum for a project. lego. if you want to go. dont say you'll come and then not show up because some two people want a ride. do what you want to do. you dont even have to come with me. im just making a suggestion. do. what. you. want. to. do. dont listen to ANYONE but yourself. because that's all you have in the end is yourself.
bye friend♡ ill talk to you soon.
