Met PP again yesterday after church.. first time meeting after we kissed cuz I had to go to Korea for a couple weeks during which we pretty much texted all day, every day ㅎㅎ
이번에도 역시나 만나기전까지는 엄청 떨리다 만나고 나서 급 맘 편해지는?
It’s like he has this ability to disarm me, but not in like a bad, submissive way…
More like a confidence boost?
We went to a gogijib for lunch (w/ soj lol) and then decided to go to a Christmas-y place to walk around.
He offered to make the drive, but dumb me had to break out the dpen…
He must’ve underestimated the pen cuz 도착해서 back up 하다가
I saw it happening in slow motion and remember thinking, like, “omg, is this really happening right now”
He was like “oh shit, oh shit, oh shit…”
Thank GOD there was no damage to the other car - just a few surface scratches on his that could easily be buffed out - and that there was no car alarm, either!!
…but of course we peeled outta there n parked somewhere else lol
I still can’t believe that happened but I also like that it did cuz I feel like it takes the pressure off me.
It’s like… because he made the mistake, I get a free pass, you know?
If that hadn’t happened, I probably would’ve done something stupid that I would’ve dwelled on forEVER after the date ended…
I guess this is where that confidence boost comes from lol
So, anyway, we went back to his place so we could chillax after what happened!
It was nice just chilling and enjoying each others’ company, and, of course, we started making out again…
The past 2 weeks of just texting each other (after that amazing kiss) felt like the longest foreplay session and I was having so much trouble trying to stick to my original plan of not wanting to sleep w/ him the day we made it official…
It took a minute, but I finally mustered up the courage to give the speech I had prepared to help explain my feelings,
“I really like where this is going and I feel like this could be the real deal… but sex complicates things, and I really don’t wanna jump in bed with you before I’m sure about how I feel about you and where this is headed.”
He said he was glad I brought it up because he had wanted to ask me if I would want to “only see each other.”
“You mean, like, ‘get off the apps?’”
We got lost in our kisses and before I knew it, he was leading me to his bedroom.
It was right around that time of the month for me, so he put down a colorful towel so we wouldn’t have to worry…
Maybe part of that thoughtfulness is why I finally decided to just let it happen.
We must’ve gone at it for at least 2 hours…
Different positions, kissing my neck… the way he slapped my ass lol
I don’t know why that turns me on so much but it was like every time he touched my ass it turned him on so hard…
Even though when I had asked him, just a few minutes prior (or after?) whether he was a boobs or an ass man.
He said both, (greedy! I know lol) but when it came down to it, boobs.
You know I’ve always been so self conscious about my stupid lemon(s)
But when I was like, “Ahh, too bad, sorry,” he was like, “What about? They’re amazing!”
나도 첨 받는 반응이라 진심인지 아닌지는 몰라도
빈말이던 뭐든, 그렇게 얘기해 주는거 자체에 무장해제 ㅋㅋㅋ
Missionary, doggy style, side by side w/ my R leg over his shoulder (love that I still have my flexibility lol)
Plus the GPS penis and also able to enjoy slow grinding girl on top rather than just pure jack rabbit!
But most of all, I loved the way he held me in his arms and stared at me like he couldn’t believe it.
He had this silly grin on his face and kept staring at me, saying, “you’re so hot” and “왜케 귀엽지?“
All while running his hands all over me, caressing my hair… my face… kissing me… feeling every muscle, massaging every corner…
“Your skin is so smooth….”
But you know the best part?
After all of that, we were just back to kissing and enjoying each others’ company, and he goes,
“Kissing you is still my favorite part”
I’m like, really big on kissing.
It’s my favorite thing to do.
Unfortunately, in most of my previous relationships, not a lot of them were big on kissing… mainly S.
So having someone like this that enjoys it as much as I do… ON TOP of all the similarities and positive vibes/ green flags?!
It’s really a no brainer….
Meanwhile, moments and flashes from that mini-sexathon live rent free in my head.. ㅋㅋ
And for that matter, so does our first kiss!
At one point during, he said,
“I’m so glad we have good 궁합“
I think he meant 속궁합 but I got to thinking that 진짜 그냥 궁합도 넘 잘 맞아…
Yes, he has all those green flags, but there’s also these little things that make me feel like we are such a good match.
We’re both the better 막내s (ㅋㅋㅋ) that are thoughtful and I*FJ with a slightly nerdy/geeky quality that’s endearing.
His love language is words of affirmation and touch.
Touch is, of course, my number one, but words of affirmation is something that comes naturally to me cuz… well, mom <3
For example, I went to the bathroom but when I came back, I noticed that he had refilled my water. I really appreciated that and when I verbalized it to him, he expressed how glad he was that I:
2. vocalized my appreciation for it.
And he’s still very considerate. Walks me to the passenger side of the car… Makes sure I’m walking on the safer side of the road… refills my water lol
그리고 궁합도 궁합이지만, I think what’s bigger is the way that he hasn’t let me down so far…
When I’m in a relationship, I purposely try not to expect anything cuz I don’t wanna be disappointed.
Remember I said before that he unknowingly helps me feel at ease when I’m questioning his intentions or veracity?
I didn’t know how to put it into words before, but I think I do now.
Yeah, there’s his inner J plans to make our dates as convenient as possible for me, which I love about him.
He never leaves me hanging…
Yeah, sometimes he’ll give a half-assed reply, but a few minutes later, he’ll follow up with something more thoughtful and engaging.
There was also this situation where I was kinda hoping he would get me flowers the first time we saw each other after I got back from Korea.
I know it’s so silly, but…
요즘 이상하게 남자한테 꽃이 너무 받고 싶었어 ㅋㅋㅋ
예전에, I had told him that I liked flowers and he did this office “check!” meme that I found adorable ㅎㅎ
And the last time we saw each other, we had finally kissed, so it felt like the next step was to 진지하게 만나 and flowers would’ve been a good way to propose that next step, you know?
So here I am, wondering if he remembered…
And if he didn’t, I was fully prepared to say all I want for Christmas was some flowers lol
Well, after lunch, I got in his car (cuz he offered to make the drive to the Christmas-y place) and I saw there were flowers in the back seat of his car.
“I was gonna give you those at the end of the night for, you know, like.. welcome back <3”
Freakin-ay… It’s like he has the manual to my heart.
But that’s also what scares me….
지금까지는 he’s been the one pursuing me,
What happens when it stops?
When he stops engaging and is no longer as loving and attentive as he is now?
What if this is like one of those cases where I thought things were going great but the guy all of a sudden loses interest and breaks my heart?
Damn… is this me being realistic/ down to earth or did the first guy I slept with cheating on me fuck me up more than I thought?
I’m curious if he’s been cheated on… I feel like if both parties have been there, it might be easier to understand each other and come to some sort of compromise or plan to overcome it, head on, kind of thing you know?
Regardless of what it is…
I’m really excited about what this could be, but also really scared…
With great get comes the possibility of real, devastating loss….
Am I ready to open myself up to that level of vulnerability again?
So many signs pointing towards YES…
I really have had shit luck with men… boys?
I found out the guy I lost my virginity to was cheating on me from a girl who went to a rival school and was on the rival cheerleading squad….
And the guy I married decided overnight that he had made a mistake…
*** damn it’s no wonder I’m so paranoid, insecure, and fucked up…
I guess it’s good this situation has come to light…
Bout time I learned and moved on from it?
He’s thoughtful, sensitive, loyal, and attentive…
How could you not love him?
Is he the one I’ve been praying to God for?
With all these green flags… how could he not be?
