noise dept.
★
ojovivo
Sweet Seals For You, Always
taylor price
Noah Kahan
No title available
@theartofmadeline
hello vonnie
𓃗
No title available
blake kathryn
cherry valley forever
occasionally subtle
Not today Justin
Interview Vampire Daily
RMH
bliss lane
Jar Jar Binks Fan Club
"I'm Dorothy Gale from Kansas"
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from Colombia
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from Singapore
seen from Türkiye
seen from Ecuador
seen from Brazil
seen from United States
seen from Azerbaijan
seen from Malaysia
seen from Canada
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from Argentina
seen from United Kingdom
seen from United States
seen from United States
@mysonsquotes
While asking how I proposed to his mom...
My Son's Mom: I woke up early in the morning to get ready for work one day and went into the kitchen. I opened the fridge...
My Son: WAS HE INSIDE HIDING AND SAID "SURPRISE!!!"?
My Son's Mom: Ummm no...
Justin Beaver? Who's Justin Beaver? Didn't he go to jail or something?
My son, after hearing a radio DJ say who performed the last song.
Where's the area where we find babes?
My son, upon arrival at his mom's workplace for a visit.
If everyone doesn't come in side soon I am going to vomit on them.
My son, impatient to open gifts.
Worried he's about to become a jewel thief...
My son: has anyone every gotten away with a robbery?
Me: yes, but it is rare, they usually get caught.
My son: have I ever gotten away with one?
Me: I don't know, have you?
My son: well, I did steal the Hope Diamond
Me: oh you did? So where have you hidden it a this time that mom and I have not seen it?
My son: between my butt cheeks.
After opening a "child-proof" bottle...
My son: Dad, do you think I can open this bottle?
Me: Well, it is supposed to be child-proof...
(opens it)
My son: I DID IT!
Me: uh...
My son: I think you're jealous of me now because I am a man.
FOR JUSTICE!!!
My son, after passing an exceptionally loud fart.
After watching an Avengers trailer...
My Son: "who's that guy, dad?"
Me: "that's Hawkeye."
My son: "Hot Guy? Why is he called Hot Guy? Are all the ladies saying 'oooo la la' when they see him?"
Me: Not Hot Guy, Hawkeye."
After seeing a McDonalds commercial...
My son: "I like McHubers better."
Me: "What's McHubers?"
My son: "A new restaurant I created."
Me: "And what do you serve there?"
My son: "humans."
Planning a major blockbuster...
My son: "I have a movie idea, dad."
Me: "oh yeah, let's hear it."
My son: "it's just fifteen hours of a french fry."
Me: "that's not that exciting of a movie."
My son: "but it's lying in the street and at the very end someone picks it up and eats it. I call it 'Life of a French Fry'."
I bet that person loves to eat beans.
My son, just randomly commenting on someone walking down the street.
While behind a truck with this logo...
My son: What is that truck?
Me: It's an electrician. The guy driving fixes electrical issues people have.
My Son: Does he look like the guy in that picture?
While playing a video game together...
Me: Who's this guy we're fighting now?
My son: I don't know, I'm not the mom of this game.
My Son: Dad, I want a pet.
Me: we already have pets.
My son: I wont one of my own. I want a sheep.
Me: why a sheep?
My son: because they come up an kiss you and go, baah... baaaah.
First I am going to be a scientist. Then, when I am very old, I will make a song. And it will be the worst song ever made.
My son, he's got it all planned out.
While showing me a library book on cats...
My son: "is our cat a Persian cat?"
Me: "no, he's fluffy but remember what he is?"
My son: "oh, I remember, an Africanized forest cat."
Me: "I think you are mixing up Africanized bees and a Norwegian forest cat."
My son: "oh yeah."
Can we go to www.mcdonalds.com? I want to tell them they make awesome chicken mcnuggets but their cheeseburgers give you gas."
My son, taking care of his father.