Does God understand if you're autistic or just plain dumb. I think i might be one but I'm not sure which.
I have problems understanding what people say and it's got me a reputation for being selfish and lazy. I used to think I was good picking up emotions if i read it or overhear a conversation. But when it said to me I just go blank.
Like someone might say "Man, I could sure use a glass of water", and yeah it must sound stupid to a normal people but to me that's not asking me that's making conversation. I truly don't hear it as an ask if it's in that passive voice.
Five minutes later I'm getting yelled at for not getting the water. But they didn't actually ask me! They said it in some indirect way and then get mad when they weren't clear.
Or I'm reading and my mom tells me to some chore "next time I get up to go to the bathroom". Ok. Then she's yelling at me for not doing it. But I didn't go to the bathroom yet! Why didn't she say she wanted it right away then?
This has gone on literally since i can remember, and now I'm just known as the selfish one who would sit there and watch people die instead of getting up to get their pills. It's gets me real down that I'm a bad person and will go to hell and everyone would be better off without me.
Ive even tried telling them i don't understand but they don't believe me and treat it like the lamest excuse ever like oh now I'm too lazy to even defend myself. So i just stay silent and keep all the frustration inside. You know by now I've worked out this "code" and sometimes i ignore it even when i know what they're asking just to encourage them to be clear. and they still won't do it!
I sometimes wonder if people feel uncomfortable asking people to do things, and so they say it in this passive voice hoping someone will volunteer. And when they do, they can say, "well i didn't actually ask them to do it, so that's ok". But when i don't they get mad because i didn't "play along" and so they have to admit, to anyone they're with and themselves, that they were asking. Thanks anyway.
I'm sorry that you are feeling the way as you do, and that people are treating you as they are.
To me it sounds to me like you have been unlucky enough to have spent your life around the wrong people. It's not normal to loosely imply you want something and expect someone to just know what to do, or to get mad when someone fails to do something you didn't even directly ask for in the first place as the people you're describing do. In fact, there are a lot of people out there who struggle with the same things as you do. A lot of these people are very successful and happy people -- what you are going through is not an indicator that you are any lesser than people who don't.
And if anyone is going to know about and understand what is going on with you, it's going to be God (He did make you, after all), and He loves you and sees great purpose for you (as He does for everyone). If anything, it's a disrespect to God to think of yourself as "plain dumb" for having your struggles -- take your struggles and ask God for help dealing with them, and don't beat yourself up over it.