#Sunshine

just another mom blog

[resqectable]

“I owe myself the biggest apology for putting up with what I didn’t deserve.”

— Unknown

[thehopefulquotes]

“You are every reason, every hope, and every dream I’ve ever had, and no matter what happens to us in the future, every day we are together is the greatest day of my life. I will always be yours. And, my darling, you will always be mine.”

— The Notebook

[philosophyquotes]

The truth is not always beautiful, nor beautiful words the truth.

Laozi

[mysunrises-blog]

Gotta work smarter, not harder because there ain't a raise coming soon. Gotta cheat the system to work smarter, not harder.

[mysunrises-blog]

"Be Aware"

A 2 word phrase that has so much impact right now. All afternoon till now feels like a nightmare - unable to wake up. Somebody told me that the father of my child has been asking around of his well being. Unsure of why now.....

[mysunrises-blog]

Midnight thoughts are never a good thing...

especially when listening to nostalgic music. My mind would drift off to the what if's - the what if I stood my ground, or confronting the truth. Yet, at the end of the day it's best not to know unless I want to rub salt on my wounds that are slowly healing. Like Madea said " Get up and get on with your life, if somebody wants to walk out of your life - let them go because you've been the best person and if they still want to go, let them go."

If he really wanted to be there for us, he would have stayed.

Seeing my little sunshine grow each waking day is just one day closer for him to start making his own decision in life - making his own story to tell. An yet, I wonder if my little sunshine and I will have great relationship like in the television show "Gilmore Girls"......guess time will tell.

[mysunrises-blog]

You were.....

[mysunrises-blog]

A text I wish I could send right now....

To the father of my little sunshine, how I wish I could tell you how much he has grown, how much he looks like you and how much he can make me smile/ laugh. If I could send you a message to you it would read :

Dear You,

How have you been lately? Any new devilish jokes to tell? Our little sunshine is growing up so fast, I don't know where the time goes. It feels like yesterday he was learning how to walk or even to stand on his own. Work is still the same as usual or rather less stressful, I guess. Our little one still haven't mastered the art of forming full sentences. However, I do believe learning two languages must not be easy for him but I'm sure he'll be talking pretty soon. He had his first haircut, he wasn't so thrilled of having someone cutting his hair especially when I was able to tie his hair in a man bun. Yet, their are times his hair has a mind of its own. So far he has my stubbornness to which at times I get frightened -

Anyways, I really hope you are happy. I'm not mad or upset that you left but rather missing the only person , my person (you) who I can talk to late at night about anything and nothing....

- Well something of that nature I wish to send a message to him. But I feel it's not my place to do such a thing...

[mysunrises-blog]

FEBRUARY

Living separately-

As I see my little sunshine growing month by month, I slowly realized that his father slowly became distant. For days I would not hear from him, even though I would tell myself "he's working", "he must tried" or my personal favorite "I'm sure he'll text/call today" .....

When I saw him in the hallway, I gave him a smile and kept on walking. But the next thing I knew, he's standing in front of me saying "sorry I haven't texted you, I'm going through some family issues" .......

............for a second I forgave him.......

However deep down in my heart, I know if he actually loved me/us, he would've sent a text message saying "just want to say goodmorning/goodnight/ have a great day/ hope you two are doing well" or something...........He doesn't realize or rather know what our little ball of sunshine had eczema ( his skin is looking much better now) my mom helped me through the process of clearing up his eczema.

[mysunrises-blog]

Will this pain ever go away?

Him leaving us for someone else....

[mysunrises-blog]

"Nothing worth having comes easy" - Unknown

[mysunrises-blog]

day346

Late Night Thoughts

The never ending thoughts keep roaming around. Reminiscing all the "what if....?" moments. Wondering if those moments were signs of what should've, could've, would've been. My ex and I had major lifestyle disagreements yet, he never failed to shower me with love. We tried to make our relationship work especially when times were hard. Having different career paths felt like speaking a different language with each other. But at the end of the day we knew our relationship wasn't going to last so we parted our ways.