ink stains

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[nanomous-blog]

If you loved someone, you loved him, and when you had nothing else to give, you still gave him love.

George Orwell, “1984” (via nanomous)

[nanomous-blog]

Your fingers leak gold into my skin and yet these strands of fluorescence cannot hold me still when I shake myself apart.

Kiss me instead, let the sparks from our mouths weld my bones back together.

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This wild heart of mine spits crows and rats from the cracks between my teeth and yet you kiss me so deeply, deeply enough to taste the earth from my throat and plant something that could bloom if I only could open my eyes.

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As autumn came and went I fell for you, each drop of rain hitting the pavement as if it had no other purpose. You held me tight that November. Your breath melted the snowflakes on my eyelashes - I needed no warmth through that winter but the warmth of your arms. But when the crocuses were finally pried open by the slivers of glinting sunlight you ripped them from their ground, bleeding from their roots. Summer brought new gardens and new snakes but the bees buzzed sweetly and you held me so gently in your hands like a bird with a broken wing. And as autumn passes again I fall ever so deeply in love with you.

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I had never known how deeply you felt everything, how darkly clouded your mind had been. Kiss me and let your mind wander, I love you every day of forever.

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I'm homesick for a place that doesn't exist, for a time somewhere in the future.

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And though fault lines trace maps into my skin you cling so tenaciously to these cliffs.

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Staircases made of dust will only get you high enough that you'll bruise when you hit the ground again.

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I do not know who I am. I am still building my soul, a jigsaw puzzle of memories. Splatters of colour fill the seams in my skin. You have reached so deeply and you are woven so tightly into me. Lock your hand with mine, we will grow our own reflections.

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A loss of innocence so apparent, eyes mouth freckles strands of cornsilk hair hazy behind smoke. Skin split and mended with gold. How do I love you so much? You are made of only dust and a spark. Let me hold your calloused hand, gently, to not snap the scales you have grown so easily.

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Why do we even have memories? Why use up so much space remembering tiny flashes of detail, colour, sound? We evolved to remember because it helps us know our surroundings, our friends, our enemies. We evolved to remember because she who remembers, lives. Every memory, preserved in amber and glass, serves a purpose. You wouldn't need to keep it if it didn't.

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Carve

The trees were woven above us, spiderwebs between our breath and the stars. "What if they have memories?" Would we be memorable enough to have our words spun through this place?

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Pulse

The minute we get into your room you reach for my shirt. Somehow, your eyes never find my face but your hands find everything, deceptively smooth against my skin. Maybe you picked the wrong girl. I've always had such a stupid heart, it shattered at the slightest touch. Or maybe your fingers reached deeper than I thought they did. You struggle with your belt, your hands shaking, breath racing just enough that I know exactly how fast your heart is beating. You definitely picked the wrong girl. Or maybe you picked the right one, and I was always meant to be broken.

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Let yourself bend like the thin blades of grass weighted beneath dewdrops - they are infinitely small yet their clusters are anchors. And if you break, snap cleanly - the fibers of your mind deserve better than to be scattered at someone else's feet.

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Good days ahead ♡

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One day I will sit on cold tiles and draw invisible patterns in the air with my eyes, wondering where you are, if you're as lost as I am. Trace the memories over and over again, weld them into your mind so deeply that maybe when I wonder about you, you could wonder about me.

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All I want to do is leave fingerprint bruises on your back and bitemarks on your neck. "You're an animal," you hiss. How I try to be more than just that.