Hello. I was wondering if you would be willing to do writing for character x reader? If so, may I please request Naofumi Iwatani x female reader fluff or angst? I’m the biggest simp for that man. Thank you so much in advance if you do this, but if not then no worries!!
Drunken confessions [n.i]
Yay my first ever request!!! Thank yew!!! And I am so so happy you chose naofumi because this man is literally best boy and there is almost no content around him and that makes me sad. You said angst or fluff, so I decided to do both! With a splash of hurt/comfort thrown in there too! Please enjoy!! And I am so so so so very sorry for how long this took!!
Note: this takes place before Naofumi cleared his name, so people are still prejudiced of him
Pairing: Naofumi Iwatani x Reader
Rating: SFW other than some curse words
Genre: angst and fluff + hurt/comfort
TW: insecurities, jealousy, mentions of past relationship trauma, self deprecation, slight substance use (alcohol)
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The tavern was old; the bench you sat upon was busted and peeling, and you paid close attention as not to wind up with a splinter in your butt cheek. It must have been maroon in color — probably a beautiful, rustic piece of art that at one point in time must have been admired. But now the maroon was faded, and hardly any of its beauty showed through. Many of the walls and tables of the tavern showed the same signs of aging and deterioration.
You weren’t particularly a fan of taverns. The boisterous patrons and smoky, smelly air made for a rather unpleasant stay. And the smell of booze made your stomach turn. Most of time, the individuals within taverns were unsavory, consisting of a general populous of prostitutes and drunken middle aged men going through a rough midlife crisis. In any other circumstance, you’d avoid these places entirely. But, this tavern also held an inn; and a cheap one, at that, and probably one of the only inns that would accept the infamous Shield Hero and his party; and if you were being honest, you were a little sick of camping out every night.
You chased your food around the plate with your fork, stomach churning. The thought of consuming any of it while the smell of alcohol burned your nostrils was revolting. How the bottomless pit known as Filo could do it truly blew your mind. And said bottomless pit was currently staring your food down.
“Are you going to eat that?” Filo asked, eyes sparkling. You smiled gently, putting your fork down and sliding the plate towards her a little ways.
“No, I’m really not all that hungry. You can have it, Filo.” Filo squealed, snatched your plate and began to quickly devour it. Your stomach twisted with nausea and worry.
“Filo, don’t eat so fast. You’ll make yourself sick.” You chided, but the small girl simply hummed and continued with her relentless assault. You chuckled and shook your head, chest blooming with fondness. You glanced across the table, catching Naofumi’s gaze. His expression was unreadable, and you wondered if he was upset that you’d given your plate to Filo. You pushed the thought away. Naofumi wasn’t one to get upset over something like that. Raphtalia was at Naofumi’s side, just as she always was; the way she was looking at the man made your chest burn with anger.
Rationally, you knew it was unfair for you to be upset. It was also highly unprofessional, given the circumstances. You were placed within the Shield Hero’s party to aid him in his quest of conquering the waves, not to develop a silly crush and unwanted anger issues. But, truly, you couldn’t be too harsh with yourself, either. You imagined it’d be hard for any maturing woman to not gain some sort of attraction to Naofumi. He was a perfect blend of mystery and openness, not to mention tall, handsome, and incredibly well built. You’d only ever captured a slight glimpse of him without his armor on once, but even his clothes couldn’t hide his rippling muscles and lean torso. That was probably when your crush had deepened significantly.
And in terms of Raphtalia, she’d known Naofumi way longer than anyone in the party. You knew of their history. It was no surprise she harbored an infatuation for him. Maybe that also caused your pain; part of you wished desperately you could have been in her shoes. To have known Naofumi first, to have traveled and grown with him the way she had, to be cared for and protected by him the way she was.
Jealousy was a fickle thing, and you knew this. You also knew that it was entirely useless, as well. What benefit did it bring to you? None. All it brought was hurt, anger, and other unnecessary emotions and distractions with it. And it also led to decisions that were probably best unmade.
“Hey there, pretty thingggg.” A man slammed his hand down on the table top by you, the horrid reek of booze wafting around from him. You glanced up at the man, who wore a lopsided smirk. He must have been in his mid forties, you guessed, and his cheeks were painted red from his buzz. He hiccuped, holding out his mug to you.
“Say, why don’t you come get som’n ta drink with meee?” The man slurred, sloshing his drink around under your nose. You glanced at Naofumi, almost in a pleading way, but he wasn’t even paying attention to you. Instead, he was focused on trying to convince Raphtalia he wasn’t hungry, and Raphtalia in turn was trying to insist he eat. You felt a quiet rage begin to boil inside you. Was Raphtalia the only one he’d ever focus on? Fine. It was pretty obvious he didn’t care too much about everyone in his party. Then let him be that way, you thought to yourself. It’s not like you needed his attention, anyway. You wanted to convince yourself of that… but why did it hurt so bad?
It was this very pain and anger that drove you to accept the man’s offer. Filo gave you a confused look as you rose to your feet, and before you could lose your nerve you grabbed the mug from the drunk’s hand.
“Before I let you spend your silvers on a drink for me, how about I take a sample first?” You questioned, and the man smirked widely.
“Go right ahead, pretty girlll.” This man was sloshed, you thought with irk. You spared one more glance at Naofumi, slightly satisfied when you saw that his attention was now on you. His expression was unreadable. Raphtalia’s was, too, her eyebrows furrowed with concern. You clicked your tongue, too quietly for either of them to hear. Don’t look at me like that, you thought bitterly, your heart squeezing. Don’t pretend you care now, not when both of you have caused me so much pain.
Was is unfair to be angry at them? To accuse them of not caring about you because of your own selfish, unrequited feelings? Of course it was. But, in all honesty, you couldn’t bring yourself to care. Your heart was twisted in a whirlwind of jealousy and hurt, and damn it you were determined to get over it. It would be better for everyone involved, anyway.
With conviction running through you you brought the mug to your lips and took a large swig, forcing the vile liquid down your throat. You winced and shoved the mug back towards the man, and without taking a second look at any one around you you sauntered up to the bar, giving the older man a silent invitation to follow you.
“One for the lady, barkeep!” The man slurred when you two had reached the bar, and within moments a mug similar to the one the man held was placed in front of you. You looked down at the liquor swirling within and felt a moment of hesitation, wondering if you should just give it up and head back to the table. You glanced over your shoulder, eyes connecting briefly with Naofumi’s. He had a very strange look, but you still could not read what he was feeling. You frowned deeply and turned back to the mug. Why can I never tell what he’s thinking? You thought to yourself, your fingers gripping the mug tighter. Naofumi had been like that, ever since your first meeting. You knew only little of his past, not what happened, only that it had been bad and resulted in the hero developing some severe trust issues. Hell, it had taken him over a month to fully trust you enough to speak to you genuinely, as if you weren’t some dirt on the bottom of his shoe. You knew Naofumi was deeper than what was shown on the surface, and the more time you spent in his company the more you wanted to know, to see, to feel; and before you had even realized it, you’d fallen in love with him, and the mystery that was Naofumi Iwatani. You wanted to see the Naofumi he was before everything had happened, longed to be the one to bring him back, to unravel every piece of him. You ached for it.
“Yer not gonna drink it?” The man asked and rubbed the back of his hand along your bicep, breaking you from your stupor. You felt your skin erupt into goose flesh, a tremor of disgust piercing you to your core. You scooted to the side to detach his hand, and you grabbed your mug and took a drink. It wasn’t as bad as the first initial swig, and you noticed that with each drink the bite was getting easier to handle.
“That’s better girly! Go on and drink up!” The man had an irksome grin on his face, and your hand itched to punch it right off. Something about it just rubbed you the wrong way. Curbing the urge you placed your lips to the mug once more, downing the liquor and hopefully, all of your thoughts, as well.
Before you knew it, your mug was half empty and your head was swirling, your body feeling light and fluffy. Your eyes were drooping as though you had no control over them, and you could feel the heat on your skin. Everything seemed slow and blurry, but you felt at ease, as though all of your cares had been swept away. This is what it was like to be buzzed? Maybe you should have indulged alcohol sooner. You were even able to look at the man without feeling sick, even as he smirked that creepy smirk and tried to touch you at any given chance. The smell of sweat and cigars no longer bothered your nose. Hell, you weren’t even bothered about Naofumi and Raphtalia now. Speaking of them… you should go see them now.
“‘Scuse me, mister, ‘m gonna go talk t’my friends real quick.” You drawled to the man, fuck, you didn’t even know his name. You were sure he told tou, but you really didn’t care to remember. He seemed to want to protest, but you held your hand up and he closed his lips.
With heavy movements you turned from the bar, spotting Naofumi’s green cape with relative ease. He really stood out among the patrons. Raphtalia was still beside him, and when she noticed you looking over she sent you a soft, almost worried smile. You felt guilt bloom in your chest, the anger you had felt earlier seeming so stupid to you now. You should apologize to her. She didn’t do anything. It wasn’t her fault that Naofumi didn’t love you. Plus, if you apologized to her, surely it would make Naofumi happy. And if you could even get close to him as a friend, well… that would be better than not being close at all. Steeled in your conviction to apologize you began to waddle over, your legs feeling almost numb. An idea suddenly popped into your head, and you turned around to grab your mug. I’ll share it with her, you thought. Surely she will accept my apology and we can start again on a clean slate.
Mug in hand, you walked as carefully as yourdrunken legs would allow, and as you neared the table Raphtalia perked up. “(Y/N)!” She said, a smile on her face, eyes bright. You smiled back, now standing directly by Naofumi.
“Hey, Raphtalia.” You said — well, more like slurred — “I just wanted t’say ‘m sorry.” Raphtalia looked confused, opening her mouth to say something, but before she could get anything out you reached your arm over Naofumi to push the mug towards Raphtalia. “Les’ have a drink t’gether.”
Raphtalia’s ear twitched and she glanced at you worriedly. Was she maybe unsure about taking your drink?
“Is’ okay, Raph.” You said, sloshing the drink around in the mug. “I don’ mind. I didn’t buy it. Really. Have so—”
A hand shot out and grabbed your wrist, and you looked down, tracing the arm to meet Naofumi’s glare. “Just what do you think you’re doing?” Naofumi asked, his teeth clenched. You felt your heart throb in pain at his look of anger, especially when it was aimed at you. Why is he angry? Didn’t he understand you were just trying to be friends with Raphtalia? That you just wanted to show her you were sorry? This isn’t how it was supposed to go. He was supposed to see your attempt and friendship with the woman he loved, to see your acceptance and to be happy. Why wasn’t he happy? You could feel your throat closing up, heart thundering within your chest.
You didn’t get a chance to explain the rest of the way before Naofumi interrupted. “What? Trying to get Raphtalia to be as dumb and impulsive as you?”
“Master Naofumi!” Raphtalia exclaimed, at the same time as Filo also admonished him. Pain pierced through your chest, heart twisting nastily. Your surroundings faded out, the noises of the bar falling on deaf ears. All you could focus on was Naofumi’s pretty green eyes narrowed in anger, his lips in a thin line, and the words bouncing around in your skull.
Dumb. Impulsive. Dumb. Impulsive. Stupid. Worthless.
You couldn’t take this. Not from him. Not from the one you loved. You began to tremble, your lips numb.
Dumb. Dumb. Dumb. I hate you.
Naofumi’s voice in your head quickly warped, turning into his voice, repeating all those words he spat at you.
“You’re so ignorant, (Y/N).”
“No one could ever love you the way I do.”
“Do you know why no one will ever love you? Because you’re too naive, too dumb, too impulsive. But I love you. And you’d best believe I’m the only one who ever will.”
And, as you stared into the dark, angry abyss that was Naofumi’s glare, you started to truly believe that. Tears welled in your eyes, and your hand fell limp, the mug clattering noisily against the wooden table. For a moment you were unable to move, but with some finesse that you were surprised you could pull off in your drunken state you yanked your arm free of Naofumi’s grip. You wrapped your other hand around your wrist and brought it to your chest in a protective manner, willing the tears to not spill over. Tears always made it worse. You took a step back, your lungs heaving as you struggled to breathe properly.
“(Y/N)—” Filo tried to capture your attention, but you shook your head ferociously. You should have never come back to the table. You just made things worse, like you always did. Your stupid emotions got you in trouble. Again.
“I’m sorry.” You whispered, turning sharply on your heel and walking away. You stumbled slightly from your drunkenness, knees weak from more than just the alcohol. The farther you stepped the faster your speed. You weren’t sure where you were going, but you knew your destination: as far from Naofumi as possible. You were following a path blindly, not focused on anything around you, only coming to when your cheeks were splashed with cold air. You were outside. You broke out into a run, determined to get away from the tavern.
When you felt you had finally gone far enough away, you allowed yourself to rest and to take in your surroundings. Wooden pillars stood tall to your right, and your ears picked up the fuzzy sound of chirping and cooing. You could smell straw and the slight stench of feces, and when you zeroed in the beautiful feathers of a filolial came into focus. You smiled softly. The cold air and your run had sobered you up a little bit, and you didn’t feel as woozy. You sauntered over to the large bird, and it peeked at you with curious, beady eyes. You reached a hand up, gently caressing the soft feathers. The filolial preened, cawing happily at the attention. Your hand moved of its own accord, petting its neck, then it’s wing, and reaching to slide across its sleek beak.
“You’re so beautiful,” you whispered softly, gazing at the majestic bird in wonderment.
“They are beautiful, especially in the moonlight.”
You went dizzy from how fast you whipped your head around, the alcohol quickly catching up to you. Your knees buckled, and you could feel your stomach churn. Naofumi shot forward and caught you before you made impact, and you narrowly missed his leg as you threw up.
Naofumi held your hair back with one hand, the other patting your back as he whispered, “there, there” with each one. Bile burned at the back of your throat, your cheeks heated from the alcohol and the embarrassment of losing your stomach in front of him.
“You okay?” He asked gently, his warm hand rubbing over your shoulder blades. You didn’t trust your voice, so you simply nodded. Naofumi sighed, letting your hair fall back down to your face. He grabbed your biceps gently and pulled you up with him as he stood, placing your arm over his shoulders.
“For a drunk girl you sure did give me a workout,” Naofumi groaned, pressing you against his side for stability. He set a slow, steady pace as he guided you away from the beautiful filolial. “You shouldn’t run off like that. Not in this state.” You glanced at him, mumbling out a nearly incoherent apology. Naofumi was so warm against you, it made your skin tingle and your heart race. Being so close to him…
“Try to be fast, we need to get back. Filo and Raphtalia are worried about you.” His rib cage vibrated against your own as he spoke, his voice deep and almost too loud even though he was speaking barely above a whisper. From this close distance you could smell him; fading cologne with an earthy undertone, a mixture of grass and wind and something that was just so utterly Naofumi that it made your heart ache. Everything ached. Your side ached where it pressed against his, your waist ached where his hand gripped, your throat ached with words you wanted to spill but couldn’t. Most of all, your very soul, your being ached. It ached for him. For his touch, a touch that meant more than just guiding. His look, a look that conveyed love for only you. His voice, whispering sweet nothings to you as you he held you close. Tears once again welled in your eyes, hurt and anger and hopelessness and pure want their driving force. You had to get away, put more distance between Naofumi and yourself, or you might just decay from the pain.
So you brought your hand up and placed it against his side and pushed, pushed until he wobbled a bit and finally released his hold on you. Naofumi let out a questioning grunt, but you didn’t raise your eyes to meet his. “I can walk.” You said, voice thick, clouds billowing from your lips.
“Alright.” Naofumi conceded, facing forward. He made sure to walk slower, so that he could match your shambling pace. Cold wind nipped at your exposed arms, and without Naofumi so close to you the bite was all the more worse. You tried your best to suppress a shiver. But Naofumi noticed.
“Are you cold?” He asked, his voice strangely gentle in a way you’d never heard it before.
“No.” You lied, even as your whole body shivered and your breath billowed in front of you. Why were you wearing short sleeves again? It was way too cold for that. Naofumi clicked his tongue, and without slowing his pace he unbuckled his green cloak and slid it off. You were suddenly wrapped in a blanket of warmth and the scent of Naofumi as he single-handedly placed his cloak around your shoulders. Your cheeks heated, and you hated the way your heart and senses melted upon the action. Being wrapped in his cloak brought a sense of security and safety, and you loved the way the soft fabric slid against your skin.
You glanced shyly at Naofumi, but he kept his eyes forward. Your breath hitched. He was even more beautiful in the moonlight. His skin shone with a mixture of silver and peach, and his strong jawbone was highlighted by the moon’s glow. The dimly lit streets offered an ethereal glow about him, and it was just beautiful. Your hand ached to reach out and slide across the apple of his cheek. Damn it… your heart was aching again.
The night was silent aside from the sound of your clumsy steps mingling with Naofumi’s, and thoughts were swirling around in your brain. Is he still mad at me? He’s being unusually kind… does he feel bad about earlier? That’s kind of nice… Even though it did feel nice, part of you wished he’d stop. The kinder he is, the more it hurts.
Naofumi suddenly stopped walking, his hand coming forward to grip your arm and halt your steps as well. You turned to him, confused, raising a questioning brow. Naofumi looked into your eyes, then sighed. You felt your throat constrict. He looks so disappointed in me…
“Why did you go off with that man? That was dangerous. There’s no telling what he could have done to you.” Naofumi chided. There was no anger in his voice, but it wasn’t flat either. It held an edge to it that you couldn’t identify, one that you’d never heard in his voice before. You swallowed, shame crawling up your chest. You tore your eyes away, unable to look at him.
You were silent, mulling over how you should answer. Should you tell the truth? Should you tell Naofumi that you loved him so much your heart ached, and you just wanted to forget that for a while? That you wanted to just escape from the confines of your own brain and emotions, let loose and drown everything out? No, no, that was too much to say. But Naofumi deserved the truth, or at least a semblance of it.
“I just wanted the pain to go away.” Is what you settled on, your voice meek and raw. It was the truth, but you didn’t have to elaborate on what pain you were trying to escape. You could feel tears welling again, and you blinked rapidly to usher them away. You’d cried too much tonight. You didn’t want to cry again.
“What pain?” Naofumi asked, and you stayed silent. You didn’t want to answer that. You couldn’t answer that. You couldn’t jeopardize yourself, your heart, which was already aching. You just couldn’t. Naofumi sighed once he realized your lips were sealed, and you thought for sure he would drop it. You turned to face forward to walk, but you had only managed a step when you were suddenly grabbed. Naofumi twirled you around and pulled you into him, his arms aching around you tight. You froze, your mind slow in processing what exactly was happening. Your face was pushed against Naofumi’s chest, barren of the usual armor he kept there. Warmth bloomed across your chest and raced to your cheeks, butterflies erupting in your stomach. Naofumi was hugging you. He was holding you. His grip tight, desperate, as if he didn’t want to ever let go. His chest was warm against you, his heartbeat a soft lullaby to your ears. It was everything you’d ever wanted. His embrace was so much better than you ever imagined it would be.
“Naofumi,” you whispered, almost scared to speak, feeling as though making any noises or movements might cause him to rip this moment away from you. Naofumi shushed you, one hand coming up to tangle his fingers in the hair at the back of your head, pressing you even closer.
“I’m sorry,” Naofumi whispered, his voice wobbly. “I’m so, so sorry. I should have noticed sooner.”
Your heart was racing, the tears you had tried so desperately to keep from falling now running rivulets down your cheeks. You brought your own hands up and placed them gently on his shoulder blades, squeezing your arms around his middle gently. You nuzzled your face into his chest, wetting his shirt. Your heart ached again, but this time it was because you knew now… there really was no chance, and Naofumi was apologizing for that. The embrace was bittersweet, but for now, you would relish it, the small piece of heaven you’d been offered.
The air was silent once more, only broken by an occasional hiccup from you. The tears wouldn’t stop, but if the wetness bothered Naofumi he didn’t say anything. He continued to rub his fingers soothingly against your scalp, and it felt like pure nirvana, your body relaxing against his. You knew you couldn’t stay like this forever, even though you so desperately wanted to. You desperately wanted to stay in the illusion that maybe, just maybe, Naofumi loved you too. But you couldn’t. You let your hands fall, your grip on him weakening. In response, Naofumi tightened his hold even more, his hand gripping your hair in a slightly painful manner.
“No,” he whispered hoarsely, and you could hear the wetness in his voice. “Let’s stay like this, just for a while longer.”
Your eyes widened fractionally, and your heart thundered and ached for a completely different reason. You dug your face into the crook of Naofumi’s armpit, a slight sob of relief and happiness escaping your throat. Your arms wrapped around him once more, fingers digging into the skin of his lower back. It wasn’t the confession some would find most practical, but it was enough for you.
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