My Blue Eyes ☾ @navyglitter - Tumblr Blog

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I think of the cosey house and the sun set, sitting on the attic roof, he's playing nice music, slowdive watching the sunset and being comfortable at ease, able to sleep able to lie down able to relax.

its sunset. a kind face with curley hair and glasses who I call my friend is thinking about going on the roof. the house is light, lots of light comes through the windows. there are high ceilings and a huge Moroccan carpet in the centre of the room. There is lots of space to lie and roll about, there is also a fireplace for when it gets cold. There is beanbags to lie on and sofas to lie on.

I always imagine this place warm, with a sunset, stable comfortable and home. the air is light to breath the people who live here are warm, and homely, they cook a lot and talk a lot, sometimes they like to watch films together, this place is a little further from Brighton but still pretty close.

There are lots of trees and lots of light open spaces there is lots of places to walk.

thecolorblockcurator

🌠thanks !

The Dying Year: a Fantasy, Albert Klingner

thecolorblockcurator

Untitled (Olya), Oil on Paper, 2018, Yigal Ozeri

you feel the pain, of daddy gone, you feel the deep sadness, you feel my sadness, you feel my loss, daddy feels his loss and I feel the loss of him.

This is too much, this happens too much to too many men, when will I meet a man who can truly feel his fathers loss, the loss of his father and be his own father.

be your own father

know that mine never processed the loss of his, and so there has always been a ghostliness to mine.

looking out the window of the attic I can see pinky orange Sky's and houses staked up neatly all over Brighton, i can see the viaduct and the train going past on the bridge.

I think about Preston park and I think about the road that leads down to where you live, for some reason the view from all over the city reminds me of the possibility or impossibility of you, all of the adventures that I would have liked to had that we gave up on, I know I gave up on them to.

I didn't know what to do, - a homesick feeling lulls me into arrest at sunset when I look over Brighton, so many possibilities, I feel like I'm stuck in limbo and I wonder if I will ever get to the other side.

I have felt this way for a long time, I get comfort from the times that I can feel those lulls of nostalgia and soupy possibilities the feeling of comfort, comfortable home. and once thats there I can travel, be free, be safe, I have always experienced this, and there are places that I go to that remind me of particular people so I can get a little closer to the feeling, a little relief from the disconnection.

I imagine lots of different scenarios and how it nice it would be to have the option of seeing you and I know that in its current state it would not have worked and would have been too difficult.

its annoying because I know that whilst I am experiencing this, the chances are that this person doesn't think about this that much at all, and they are with somebody new, why is this annoying?

maybe thats a good question to ask I guess it emphasises feelings of loneliness and that was the whole problem in the first place.

it never felt that much thought was reciprocal.

thats what its like looking out the window at those times, or being at the beach at those times.

you know when the sound of rain is really comforting? especially inside the house when your cosy,

there is a warmness, a wholeness a constantness which is present its really comforting, like being by the sea open, boundless motherly.

itscolossal

Luminous Portraits of Sliced Fruit Glow Like Stained Glass Windows

esichovequechova

wanderingtycho

This is what Kurt Cobain wanted.

catbountry

He would fucking love this.

cornygirlfriend

1010ll

and, like the fear that I have of my sister I now have of a girl who I don't know.

im listning to beautiful music, and terrified of how much I relate it to an ethereal creature.

“she plays all of the instruments”

what an achievement that it would be to be able to go at it I do not feel adiquite to do so, but I really do wish to.

for some reason I imagine her being able to achieve it, or have achieved it.

I imagine all of that up there, with you and her, on a road trip.

I feel gross.

my body aches

A part of me woke up for a little bit when I saw a picture of you smiling and I caught myself and became aware of the control inside of me that is eating me up.

It, for the short time that it lasted gave me a glimpse of hope of healing.

I do not own that smile.

but I go back and fourth so much that I don't know what that means

word vomit, makes me want to throw up, trumpets so etherial, holy, unbelievably unreal melting pot, she makes him melt, she melts him down, there is relief from everything for him SHE MELTS ME DOWN, delicious and sweet milky and soft and childish, playful and innocent, firm and wise.

etherial? she's so etherial to me she has a connection then I'm sure extremely light and delicate and seems not to be of this world.

FANFUCKINGTASTIC wow wow wow wow.

the innocence. its deadening, to imagine him feeling for this long haired stern but light image in this way I imagine - the way that she could possibly melt him, melt him down like a fucking miracle from above

the innocence, the innocence.

there was always an innocence about him that rarely came out or perhaps that I rarely felt, its just so hard, I can't imagine him in this way.

I wonder if he is the same with her as he was was me? or does he treat her differently because she is an etherial creature.

an etherial creature that melts him down.

human

don’t turn me into an alien, I have felt it so

so much already, i have felt alienated, utterly alone, and then I hear you rejoicing and singing about her melting you.

perhaps she is the one for you, perhaps she has come to you at exactly the right time ... there is a part of me that wants to say yes,

I would like to believe in miracles

in fate

in gifts

good karma

whilst you deny any sadness, and show me none, you are stone cold here and melted over there. slyly, so slyly, there was no warning,

however perhaps she would have walked in anyway and it would have been even more difficult.

there was no warning

should there have been?

I could never trust, never get over the difference, I could never quite believe.

that is my lack, that is my struggle that is what I am scared of, that is the gaping hole that has been stabbed and stabbed and stabbed many times over.

I was trying. I was trying so hard, and I felt like maybe we were;- I wanted to do it, I really wanted to do it.

I thought that I would have time after, after all the madness.

but I was too slow for you.

and you met her when you were traveling around freely.

she managed to make her way back.

I am scared

and have a feeling, that it is love.

and it terrifies me.

I realise that I am not capable of this love, the one which you perhaps tried to show me.

all of the pain I experienced, the illness, the fear, the insomnia the unsatisfied need, the seemingly effortless ways in which you would let go

of everything

has just shot me up,

big time.

you were always so scientific, so ‘matter of fact’ with me and perhaps rather than seeing this as something intimidating I could see it and something sweet and childish,

im sorry, I so wanted to be able to lift that weight off of you, the one in which you turned into ‘a matter of fact’ trying to help, trying to keep everything calm and a miracle for you would have been an etherial creature.

I remember you talking about a story of a Buddhist woman, perhaps she was a nun I can't remember maybe she had a husband, but this woman would not have to say anything to her students or perhaps her husband and she would know what they needed.

perhaps I was too scared to be one for you, I wanted to work through it, perhaps I thought I could at least understand it after all the madness.

I think there is a part of me that feels that we were going back and forth and now that you have finished your work as soon as that stuff is over you can really give your time to somebody, I feel as if I have been used, to some extent. I know the whole way through I was looking forward to not being under so much pressure.

but I really feel like you didn't care about that, you let go so quickly. especially since you let go so quickly then.

as I tried to gather my thoughts, you said that maybe we should leave and said you were hungry. you wanted to go and eat your food. you hadn't eaten all day.

but you did go rock climbing.

sometimes you would say things to me like, be careful of the plants you are stepping on!

or the little bugs

or did you know that plants can feel and have feelings?

just as I kicked the dandelions.

and I would be speechless as you would approach me in a particular way that would make me feel invisible.

mytearsrricochet

sometimes harvest mice sleep in tulips. here are some that will make you happy

thanks. Have a great day

doomstar

Hey op this had a tremendous positive effect on my anxiety are there more?

mytearsrricochet

here u go

tastefullyoffensive

(via striderepiphany)

akeelahandthetea

this one is never not funny

sixpenceee

A video of a sun dog. Sun dogs or phantom suns, are when there is a pair of bright spots on either side on the Sun. This happens when light interacts with ice crystals in the atmosphere, much like a sun halo. Sun dogs are best seen and are most conspicuous when the Sun is low. (Source)

More bizarre world posts here: sixpenceee.com/tagged/world