⚠️trigger warning ⚠️

27yo sw:160 cw: 110.4 gw:120 ugw:110 ht:5ft 3in Ive had my ed for 10 years now, I’ve gotten as low as 100 but 110 was a good maintainable weight for me. I’ve since had 2 kids and am back on the journey to becoming 110 pounds.

[nectarinessofire14]

Ended up being 109.6 today which is nice, but as in my previous post I promise myself I’ll maintain around 110. Whether that’s a few pounds more or less. I won’t let myself get bad.

Here’s today’s body check. Haven’t posted one in a while and of course wanted to record today’s body weight with some pictures

[nectarinessofire14]

110.4

Holy fucking shit

I did it again!

Now I’m perfectly fine at this weight I don’t need to lose anymore, but that’s the thing about these disorders, it’s hard to stop because of the dopamine I’ve trained my brain to be addicted to when seeing that I’ve lost weight.

[nectarinessofire14]

I got referred to as “that skinny girl”

Man that felt nice

[nectarinessofire14]

114.8 today

Of course I am happy to get smaller, but I can’t help but have been thinking to myself a lot lately…

“why do I do this to myself? What’s this all for? Will it ever be enough? How am I going to be okay with and manage to maintain a specific weight I’d be happy with?”

I’ve had my eating disorder for a long time and have had so many different thoughts towards it. From the “what’s the point of all this” to the “it’s not even a bad thing that I eat as little as possible, why do people see it as such an awful thing” “why do we even put a label on it?”

When I’m at my heaviest (or really mostly any time ever) all I can do is think about how I want to lose weight, no matter what it takes and now I am faced with some of the thoughts of; why do people obsess over being small??

I just need spring and summer to be here and maybe I can enjoy it a little more. Of course I have conflicting thoughts but I know in the end the eating disorder thoughts will over power any sane thought I have around weight or food.

Another urge is to want to show off I’ve lost weight again, but not wanting to at the same time. I want others to see and notice I’ve lost, but don’t want them to say anything or be concerned that it could be too much lost. Technically I’m still a good normal weight for my height.

Oh well life will go on and I’ll eventually find better things to constantly fill my brain

🌼

[nectarinessofire14]

Me now, 116-117 (shorts)

Me at around 140 pounds November 2023 (pants)

Posting this one because is there not a difference??? Fiancé just picked me up and then set me down and said “ now you try to pick me up, we are about the same weight” my jaw dropped and I asked how much he weighs… “140”

Ummm excuse me do I look like I’m 140 pounds still… all this restricting and working out… is it getting me no where.

I’m literally so offended and upset, but he says “oh well if I haven’t noticed then it doesn’t matter”

No it does matter because I work so fucking hard without even talking to him about it and how hard it is to go against your basic instincts to eat food all the time. Like bruh come on. You can’t be serious right now. Literally a 24 pound difference and I look the same…. Wtf

At least I’ve found a new motivation to restrict even harder today. 🫠

[nectarinessofire14]

Starting weight for 2025:

116.8

I’m pretty happy with where I am at the moment but just curious to see where I will be at the end of this year…whether it be more or less… you never know what a year will have in store for you

[nectarinessofire14]

Hands..

I’ve got short fingers so I feel it is easy for them to look big. Well that’s just my whole body... Short so easy to look big even at not a heavy weight.

I feel like for me to look skinny I’m gonna have to be 110-115

[nectarinessofire14]

Feeling fat, then looking at old pictures and videos I made when I was 150s- 160s and man I have come a long way.

All I can think about is “am I small enough”, “ do I look good enough”

So dumb. I’m proud of the work I have put in, happy that I have gotten to this size and weight yet again since having children, but hate that I am constantly thinking about my weight and what I look like… will it ever go away?

Seemingly this eating disorder isn’t a battle, but a war that has been going on for many years.. that will continue for many more

[nectarinessofire14]

Another one bites the dust

117.4 this morning

🎉

[nectarinessofire14]

November 18, 2023 : around 150

To today..

December 18, 2024: 118

A lot of hard work and determination. This year I’ve mainly stayed in the mid to upper 120s, but I have finally gotten off of that plateau and lost the 10 pounds I wanted to.

[nectarinessofire14]

Today is the day I FINNALLY made it to my goal weight. Woke up to 120.6!

After plateauing for months and gaining and losing 3-5 pounds. I finally cracked down and lost the weight that seemed to cling on and never want to go!

So all in all I lost about 40 pounds in one year. Doesn’t seem like much but after having two kids my body is starting to feel like mine again.

🎉🎈🍾🎉

[nectarinessofire14]

Funny how a great workout can come from the mindset of jealousy of other girls rather than trying to impress other boys.

Same with being able to fast for longer, completely not even feeling hunger due to being jealous of another girl. She doesn’t even have to be smaller than me, just existing.

God I hate myself

[nectarinessofire14]

One month until we go on our beach vacation and I’m 3 pounds away from my goal weight!

[nectarinessofire14]

One month postpartum (160)at the end of June 2023 to the bottom pictures being just a couple weeks ago(124.6)

Sometimes I still feel like the girl from last year but that’s why it’s good to take progress pics and compare when you’ve come so far.

Looking at these pictures has me in disbelief. I know the clothes and the angles aren’t exactly the same, but losing 36 pounds actually makes a huge difference.

Just a reminder consistency is key!! Keep going don’t give up. We all have our hard days, it’s a lifestyle choice not just a diet for a couple weeks.

So glad I’m seeing my hard work pay off. When you are in the thick of it, it always seems like you will never be where you want, but you got this!!

[nectarinessofire14]

125.8 today

I’m getting so close to 120 I can almost taste it.

Reaching my goals tastes so much better than any food can offer.

[nectarinessofire14]

Lately my husband has been asking me to eat, asks me what all I’ve eaten that day, sometimes makes me eat something before I go to bed, or orders me food even when I say I don’t want anything.

It makes me smile because I see he cares, but also because he’s noticing enough to say and do these things.

Why am I soo fucked up in the head.

[nectarinessofire14]

Woke up at 127.6 this morning and if it wasn’t for that I’d have been in a bad mood all day.