Things I'll Never Say

An exercise in figuring out my heart

[yourplayersaidwhat]

(Context: our paladin worships a cheese-based deity and they double as a cheese vendor. Our sorcerer has a pet opossum who is secretly an Eldritch being. The opossum also loves cheese)

Paladin: Your opossum stole my cheese!

Sorcerer: Not my problem. You’ll have to fight him for it.

DM: Roll a contested strength check to get your cheese back from this opossum.

Paladin: Okay, that’s an 18. I’ll definitely get the cheese back.

DM, in disbelief: Welp, the opossum got a Nat 20. The opossum bites your finger, and swallows the rest of the cheese block whole. You take 1d4 piercing damage.

[adreadfulidea-deactivated202402]

I think a surprising amount of writers don’t realize that tragedies are supposed to be cathartic. They’re intended to result in a purging of emotion, a luxurious cry; the sorrow caused by a great tragedy is akin to fear caused by a good horror movie – it’s a “safe” sorrow, one that is actually satisfying to the audience. It can still be beautiful! It’s isn’t supposed to just be salting the earth so nothing can grow.

But that’s how you get grimdark: writers who don’t realize that they’re supposed to be doing something with the audience instead of to the audience.

[jadewhisper]

#i once heard a lecture where someone said that the great appeal of tragedy is to see terrible things happen to people you’re supposed to#empathize with and see yourself in#and that the catharsis comes from seeing someone’s life go horribly wrong and still have the author hold your hand and tell you#‘this story mattered. even though it had a sad ending it still mattered. even if you don’t succeed your attempts matter’#grimdark tells you that the world sucks and nothing you do matters#well-written tragedy tells you that sometimes the world sucks but everything you do matters so so much#your story is still worth telling even if you never achieve that happy ending#or if you lose it along the way#people have inherent value and their stories deserve to be told no matter if they turn out okay or not#and in a reality that has no concept of ‘fair’ that shit just hits good man!!! feels good!!!!! it’s COMFORTING

[honoriaw]

oh

[findmomo]

I bought a van, but let me explain.

I’ve spent my travelling years in vans that break down. The idea of getting something new didn’t align with my self-worth. Perpetually broken was how I viewed myself. New vans and fancy houses were things reserved for an elite few, to people who have “figured it out”. This year has provided a leap towards reevaluating self-worth, toward self-acceptance, to accept that I haven’t “figured it out” and that’s more than ok, that’s the way. To be honest, I feel a deep shame sharing that I bought a new van*. But these feelings, like doubt and fear, are deterrents – and I’m done with those.

Selfishness was another big deterrent. In believing that I’m not worth something, I’m also taking that away from anyone that’s in my life, present or future. So I’m gonna allow myself to build a life that is not only for me, that is bigger than myself.

Of course, my “perpetually broken” life brought me to a lot of places (VW repair shops included), and those have changed me. The path of self-doubt was lined with people who made it possible to recognize this and move forward from it. True forward motion doesn’t happen without recognizing the elements that created the momentum.

Finally, on the surface, this van is an investment. Buying a house or land isn’t in the books right now for me, especially with the prices in British Columbia, so this is a step towards that, a promise to my future self that I’m working towards something. A promise to people and dogs in my life that I’m building a safe place to grow and rest.

So here it is, my new home, and this is one of my projects for the winter.

*Actually, it’s the bank’s van, not without recognizing the privilege I have to be approved for this. (at Vancouver, British Columbia) https://www.instagram.com/p/CGh_06yB6fE/?igshid=1vjldog4yatjk

[naranjamechanica]

Mt Shasta from the backseat.

[maureen2musings]

Faroe Islands

davidaguilar_photo

[just-shower-thoughts]

The North Pole is a planet away from the south Pole

[just-shower-thoughts]

Kids sneak out of their house to go to parties. Adults sneak out of parties to get back to their house.

[fatchance]

Above. Below.

Palo verde blossoms at the Arizona-Sonora Desert Museum, Tucson, Arizona.

[catasters]

[catasters]

[catasters]

[sundaynightfilms]

Scenes from a Marriage, 2021

[ousia-poetica]

No one deserves depression and unhappiness. Evgeny Lushpin Fine Art

[anlamazlarki]

[just-shower-thoughts]

Everyone always talks about May the Fourth like there isn’t a Revenge of the Fifth

[sarahdelreys]

Even in Hell. And over and over and over, you know what I dreamt? I dreamt of this moment.

[justjensenanddean]

Michael: How are you able to keep working and working yourself in the ground, you must have an amazing stamina. Jensen: It’s just mentality, like, I don’t like to be idle, I have to be kind of busy. Michael: Do you get anxious, do you get anxiety? Jensen: No, not really. Michael: What do you do to keep those dark thoughts out? Do you just work out a lot? You constantly meditating or what are you doing?”

Jensen Ackles, Inside of You With Michael Rosenbaum (Podcast)