Nevermore The Corporation

What's tumblr? Oh I'll sign up. What have I done?

[anxietyproblem]

[thememedaddy]

[going2hell4everythingbutbeingbi]

my corner store guy is a 50 year old man who's my best friend in the world and recently he was like "you're too pretty to be single I have some nephews you should meet. very handsome!" and I was like "a niece might be more up my alley" and he just got more excited and said "ah even better! I was overselling my nephews but my nieces are very beautiful"

[lonelyroommp3]

someone just literally interrupted me mid conversation to tell me “what wonderful big dark eyes i’ve got” and on the one hand extremely flattering that she couldn’t even wait until the end of my sentence to comment on this, on the other hand did she have to say it like im the big bad wolf

[redstonedust]

if vampires existed in real life i think there would be shady companies advertising "organic blood" sourced from "willing donors" who are coincidentally all poor people being paid like $5 per blood donation. and like haughty vegan vampires who only drink a synthetic blood drink thats brewed in a way thats actively worse for the enviroment. and radical traditionalist vampires who go on tiktok and claim that true alpha chads have to drain and kill people and anyone who leaves their victims alive is a liberal cuck. enter the world of hypothetical insufferable vampire politics with me.

[speedlimit15]

When youre a kid youre like wtf adults are making themselves sick with poisons and when youre an adult youre like i need more poisons ASAP

[gutsygills]

mold pisses me off so much

oh you have to eat your produce the moment it leaves the store or the fuckin Hungering Dust will get it. and. poison your food

[tobiasdrake]

I ran into this post years ago and to be honest, it has completely reoriented the way I engage with food.

Like. I’ve always sorta understood that things grow moldy or stale or sour or such if left out, but I never really internalized it in a meaningful way.

But now I’m just like.

Yeah. The hungering dust. There exists omnivorous dust in the air that will eat my food if I don’t.

Those bagels have been sitting there for a week. Are we going to eat them soon or are we leaving them for the hungering dust?

Pizza’s been sitting out on the counter for an hour. Everyone’s enjoying the pizza, but if we don’t want “everyone” to include the hungering dust then we should probably put it away soon.

That’s just. That’s how food works to me now. There exists an invisible predator in the air that hungers for your yummies, and it will not hesitate to eat your food if you don’t make the effort to protect and preserve it. And eat what can’t be preserved before the dust can.

Life-changing.

[thememedaddy]

[nevermorethecorporation]

I forgot to take out the cream cheese to let it warm/soften up for a recipe while I showered. There is now a full block of (wrapped, obviously) cream cheese under each boob for maximum heating (without overheating). I have found the 1 good use for having saggy tits 🤣.

This is a level of absurd that I felt only Tumblr could appreciate.

[thewanderingspaceman-deactivate]

Yes

[thememedaddy]

[catchymemes]

[scramratz]

outing myself in the men's restroom by washing my hands

[what-even-is-thiss]

“Where do you see yourself in five years” is kind of an odd question for a job interview now that I think about it. Like idk. Having a job? You could give one to me right now.

[thememedaddy]

[thememedaddy]

[reinstarnation]

quick someone put a spirit halloween in congress before the shutdown is over