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growing up

i wish this was written in better acumen, its not.

as a dis-conjoint from how it was - this is how it is.

the feeling of having a draft in life is ideal but a luxury since we never know when we will ever be confident.

fuck it.. lets do it. sure, why not

haha!

then comes adulthood and maturity

if the level of comfort isn’t where you think it should be- it probably isn’t there

#justsayin

and the wild regrest and the bloody sweats; non knew so well as i - for he who lived as one. more deaths than one must die

to laugh in the face of adversity

in the essence of situations, where time is of the matter somehow your thoughts falter for the yes or no-s to meet a purpose, some thoughts of the matter mean more than others

#time situations

your title here

lookin' at you up close at a great distance

your smile radiates me, all only happy emotions not an excitement that's fleeting, also with a sense of serenity mind's in check and composure's not lost but my heart is reacting like how time slowed down at that one time, i could walk in confidently into a crowded room on my first day of school that one time it was different from the otherwise familiar nerve-wracking memories from other experiences

confused, I bit my lips as i immersed in thought a feeling of finding someone that you know completes you was a fantasy nothing like what was written by Disney

Day 7xx. Life still sucks. I did everything different. To love is to let go. Maybe I'm not mature enough to understand. Still struggling. Like before. Want it to be over.

Untitled

In my very brief moment of clarity, abiet contradictory, I find myself contempting in a similar environment. To an unearthly subtitle hint for my direction; my true purpose. A commoner's chase; the privileged burden, Or the commoner's pleasure; the privileges' lost. Or is there no true purpose at all.

There are many lessons in life, some lessons take a bit longer to complete.

For all the bad dreams of all the things

I haven't slept well for the longest time.

Why do I feel so angry all the time?

Does everyone live knowing the answers or not asking questions.

That's wrong, you're wrong but you're right

You're wrong. I care and i care a whole lot. Everything I've done I've always factored you in. Whether or not it was successful in your favour is a whole different issue. The truth is I fail as a boy to make you happy. I'm trying its a huge toll and you're paying for it too when I should be. I'm passive aggressive but that's just me. Its not about you. I want to be the one who makes you happy but I realised I'm not. I can't tell anyone this because I can't talk to anyone. I'm probably not going to tell anyone and just hold it all in. Its probably for the best. I guess? Already feeling like the lousiest guy.

Incoming Storm

Smoke Collision

Good night my friend

My confession

And I just saw that article you posted on facebook so I think I get it now. If you dont want to bother, then I’ll just work at it myself. My feelings for you are real. You care for me and love me. Not in the way I would imagine but the way that you wanted. Thats probably because I was never worth that much to you to want to grow a little in your own way for me. But I dont think this is worse than what ive done to you. Im sorry I have ever lied to you. They were not done so intentionally to hurt you and they hurt you in the end. I hurt you in the end. I dont think I lost my way. More like I tried to take huge steps and kept stumbling. I dont think you respect me. Because ive wasted your patience. Long have I wanted to be someone worthy of my own praise and of others and its been a long time since I thought of myself to be worthy of any praise. Ive just been running in the same spot. Its probably going to be a while for me to pick myself up. Especially since this relationship means a lot to me. Youre probably sick of hearing all these from me. But im gonna take baby steps after I recover myself. No more short cuts probably. I didnt believe that you would ever respect me. But maybe I was just afraid because I knew I was losing you because of how I havent been able to grow. Ive long recognised that fact and I was always afraid any other guy would be better than me. Im broken emotionally and phsyically like you but i feel far beyond repair because im emotionally weak. Its been my weakness and always has. If I ever manage to overcome this I hope I forget you because I love you too much and im too bitter to want to even think that I would ever let you go. If there would be an easy way to forget you it will probably be the last shortcut I would ever take. Im just not good enough. But I want to be and I will be. I will become a man too worthy.

State your purpose, human.

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