personally MY biggest issue with fanon batfamily is the way you guys think bruce interacts with jason and dick respectively. bruce does not hate jason even a little bit. jason goes into the manor to call him a cunt and knock over like an antique vase or something and bruce is like 'okay son :) love you text me when you get home safe!' meanwhile dick walks in and goes 'im not here to fight i just wanted to let you know damian got in trouble at school today they called me about it' and they end up screaming at each other for thirty minutes and it ends with dick storming out yelling 'YOUR FUCKING PARENTS PROBABLY PAID SOMEONE TO SHOOT THEM SO THEY WOULDN'T HAVE TO DEAL WITH YOU ANYMORE'
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imagine being a criminal in gotham doing your criminal thing and it’s 2:45am and you see a shadow towering over you and you’re like yeah cool it’s batman i have a few new toys i bought off ebay that i’m pretty sure the joker was auctioning for 12p including shipping. and then you turn around and batman’s there alright, stupid bat ears and all, let’s see if this ends with you on gotham general’s porch or comically tied around a lamp post with a sticky note on your forehead for the police. but. you notice batman is smiling. even worse it’s not the bad creepy smile you’ve heard about, the one like he was asked by the school photographer to show some teeth for picture day before he unleashes some mortal kombat left arrow right arrow, up, up, A, A, B, left arrow moves. it’s a genuinely warm smile. friendly. naturally charming even. and you’re pretty sure that’s not how it works. what is going on mr. bat. did a superman enemy decide to play tourist again with poor gotham city after the scheduled wednesday metropolis kidnapping went without a hitch and now you’ve got some brainiac type of shapeshifter in your midst? could that be it?
and then Possibly Brainiac Batman cracks a joke and it’s kinda funny. if you told bob about it he’d laugh and bob never laughs so that means it’s legit. bob’s a dick. and then Could Be Brainiac Batman does a little whirl in the air before landing in front of you with a flourish. it’s kind of very good actually, there was no leg shaking at landing or anything. that’s impressive that takes some real skill. and it starts clicking. the grace. the poise. the talent. the panache. the lull in the air giving a taste of the entailing vexation of what you know is about to be one of most annoying fights of your life because this kid has never shut up in his life no matter what
anyway i think the dick grayson batman era was terrifying for a lot of people
An Unexpected Friendship, But A Friendship Nonetheless
A Jason Todd and Harley Quinn One-Shot (Non-Reader Insert)
Word Count: 2K
Warnings: Explicit Language, Angst
Author's Note: So I wrote this for @aurailia or @nitebirdie because she drew that wonderful Jason picture for me which you can find right here! I hope you like this, Jess! Love you! -Thorne
1. Getting yelled at by Bruce for shooting serial murderers and rapists? Check.
2. Getting yelled at by Damian for calling him short? Check.
3. Getting yelled at by Tim for spray painting a billboard of him with penises? Check.
4. Getting yelled at by Dick for picking on his younger brothers? Check.
So really, it was getting yelled at by his family that he expected the most, but all things considered about his life, his expectations weren’t pretty high. He knew he was going to get hurt on patrol, knew was going to spend the rest of his life dealing with the chronic pain and learning how to manage it.
But the one thing Jason never expected, was to end up being friends with Harley Quinn.
And honest to God, the whole friendship only started because the psychiatrist they both went to accidentally scheduled them at the same time. A screw up. A monumental screw up. But it did lead to a revolutionary session where Jason and Harley spent most of their time badgering each other about their habits while the woman merely watched on and scribbled furiously at her notepad.
When they both left, they were in such a heated argument about which way would be better to deal with the Joker. Jason suggested a bullet in the head and Harley suggested cutting off his arms and legs. An excellent suggestion, he had to admit, but nothing would satisfy him more than killing the pasty bastard, and she knew that too.
Surprisingly, when Harley got to her bus stop, she grabbed the front collar of his shirt to keep him in place while she typed her number in his phone. Of course, Jason wasn’t sure what to be more concerned about: the fact that she’d lifted his phone without him knowing, or that she was putting her number in it and telling him to call her when he needed someone to talk to.
He’d responded that he didn’t need another shrink in his head.
She’d given him a pitied look and said it wasn’t for that, but for a friend.
And Jason wasn’t sure how to feel about that, but three weeks after, he was dialing her number at two A.M. just to hear someone’s voice over the deafening silence in his apartment.
They talked for hours about anything and everything. Cars, weapons, games, favorite childhood memories, everything they could think of. And by the time they’d finally talked until their tongues were numb, the sun had started peeking above the buildings in the distance.
He apologized for keeping her all night.
Harley laughed and asked to hang out on patrol come Friday night then hung up.
Jason hadn’t even told her who he was, but low and behold she was doing cartwheels on the roof of the building he was looking out on that night. And it should’ve annoyed him but hell, he’d grown up with Dick—gymnastics was something he was used to being around.
Halfway through their stakeout, she was perched on the side of the ledge, staring at the side of his head, and it shouldn’t’ve unnerved him like it did, but there was something about her bright blue eyes drilling into his brain that made his skin crawl—and not in the good way.
Will you stop boring holes in me, Quinn? He’d grunted. Pay attention.
Why? She’d retorted. Aren’t you tired of doing this? Don’t you wanna go do something fun?
Stopping drug dealers is good for Gotham.
I’m not talking about good for Gotham, Jason. I’m talking about for you.
Harley hauled him up and tugged him along, him barely resisting because good God she was relentless and headstrong when she put her mind to something. So, he let her. And she dragged him to the Bat-Burger down the block and shoved a roll of money towards the cashier, ordering one of everything on the menu.
And Jason found it really odd when he was balancing two trays in his hands while Harley carried the milkshakes over to the booth in the corner where they huddled in and started eating.
She held up a packet in between her fingers. Want some Jokerized seasoning?
He blinked at her and gently took it, sprinkling the red, white, and green flakes over his fries. And he wasn’t offended when she reached over and took one, popping it in her mouth.
It’s terrible to say it, but God I love this shit. She laughed and Jason’s jaw dropped.
I know! He agreed with a grin. I can’t help it! It’s so good!
Her eyes had narrowed at that. You should smile more, Jason. You look normal when you do.
Normal? He repeated.
You look happy. And that’s what you should strive for. She finalized and took the Robin Nuggets from his tray, grinning when he let out a noise of complaint.
When they could finally move after consuming so much food, she tugged him along to the department store that had closed hours before and while Jason wasn’t one to ever care about breaking and entering, he did have a problem with property that wasn’t a center for criminal activity.
Don’t be a baby. She griped and slipped in though one of the vents and Jason merely stared at the opening before he heard her yell to him. Get a move on! We have stuff to do!
Begrudgingly, he squeezed himself into the way too small vent and shimmied after her.
And Harley Quinn must’ve been planning this for a while because when his feet finally hit the floor, he watched as she started disabling security cameras and alarms in the entire building before spinning around and grinning at him.
Mall’s ours. Let’s get it. And she was off.
Bruce was not going to be happy about this but watching her swing that electrified bat at the glass windows, watching them shatter into millions of shards stirred up something devious in him and Harley was cackling when he broke a window with an armored elbow and yanked out the mannequin, tugging the black leather jacket off before shrugging it on.
He posed with his shoulders squared and strong and she clapped her hands. Looks good! Wanna go hit one of the jewelry stores and find some silver earrings to go with it?
Jason nodded and somehow Harley ended up piggybacking on him, giggling profusely when he started belting out Queen at the top of his lungs; she even joined when they got to the operatics.
And somehow, he let her convince him to go and help her raid the major makeup store in the mall. Harley managed to fill three backpacks full of lipsticks, foundations, eye-shadows, and a whole lotta other shit that Jason had no idea what they were for.
How much money do you think all that is? He inquired and she shrugged.
Probably a grand? Maybe two if I’m being honest. This place is a money-sucking-makeup-hog and I’ll be damned if I’m paying a hundred bucks for one set of lipstick and eyeliner.
She turned to him. Anywhere you wanna go? There’s a map out there if you wanna go look.
Jason nodded and walked out of the store while she was busy filling whatever belt pocket wasn’t empty.
After a few minutes, he heard, Found anywhere?
He pointed silently at one of the stores on the brightened map and she squinted, looking it over.
You wanna go there?
Wouldn’t’ve suggested it if I didn’t.
She shrugged and piggybacked him again. Lead the way, Jason.
He hated that the elevators had been out, and while he hadn’t broken a sweat carrying Harley up three flights of immovable stairs, his knees and his back were killing him when they finally got to the store.
He started wandering inside but stopped when she tossed him a duffel bag.
Fill it up with everything you want.
Jason tried to smile but could only manage a grimace as he stepped in and started going up and down the aisles. He wasn’t too picky with his choosing. Books that looked like they’d help manage his pain he shoved in the duffel bag. An electric pulsing gel pad went in too followed by a vibrating roller he could stretch his muscles on.
He was flipping through a book geared towards mindful chronic pain management when he felt her slide next to him.
Finding everything alright?
Mostly…this one is all about conditioning the mind to work with the pain.
Sounds useful. Meditation and mindfulness have been known to work. It’s really all about placebo-ing your mind into it. She looked at him. Jason, do you ever think about going to a physical therapist?
He scoffed. I already go see a shrink. Why would I go see another doctor?
Because your mind is one thing, and your body is another. Her hand was cool when she placed it on his arm. Jason, if you’re in pain, there are people who can help you.
He really wanted to be snarky but all he could do was glare at her. And what about you? Do you go see a doctor for all the things he did to you too?
Harley gazed at him for a long time before answering him firmly. I will if you do. Or… she started, then trailed off and picked up a few books on physical therapy. You can come to the apartment that Ivy and I live in and we can do it together.
And Jason blinked in shock because he’d never met a person who would agree to do something for themselves if he did something for himself, an agreement for dual help.
You’d really do that for me? For you too?
Harley smiled, big and pearly white, red lipstick a bit smeared in the corner from their meal earlier.
We’re both screwed up cause of what he did, Jason. But here’s where we’re different from everyone else.She linked her arm with his, leaned close and murmured. We’re not going to stew in it while healing is in our futures.
You know we’ll never be one hundred percent fixed, right?
It’s not about fixing, Jason. It’s about healing. Healing doesn’t mean you’re fixed. Memories, pain, it’ll always be there and no amount of management for pain or therapy is going to fix that.
She stared up at him. But it will remind you that you’re still you. Even if there’s a few broken pieces here and there. And no one can take that from you. Not even him.
Jason’s lungs were too tight to form words and his eyes stung horribly but he managed to swallow the lump enough to choke out his reply. You’re alright, Harley.
Smiling, she pressed her cheek into his bicep. Call me Harleen, Jason.
Not Harley?
No, not Harley. I only let the ones I care about call me Harleen.
Does this mean we’re friends then?
Oh, this absolutely means we’re friends now. Best friends, in fact. She tugged at his arm. And I think there’s a Wayne Enterprises outlet somewhere in here and I think we should leave Brucie boy a message.
Jason laughed and wiped his eyes, hurrying after her. Can we spray paint dicks everywhere?
Only if I can spray paint boobs.
You’ve got yourself a deal, Harleen.
Jason expected a lot in his life. To be yelled at by his family for being a pain-in-the-ass son and brother, to be injured on the job, to see a therapist every Tuesday and Thursday, to call his family every night to tell them he loved them.
But the one thing he never expected, was to find one of the greatest friends he’d ever had in a woman he had once been on opposite sides with.
He also didn’t expect Batman to come through the window of the outlet in the middle of their spray painting but that’s another story for another time.
ykno that john mulaney skit where he talks about how kids are mean. i want to see that applied to young heroes and villains. like deathstroke will be facing off against robin and he just goes "you look like your favorite sport is golf" and deathstroke is just. out of comission for the rest of the month. rethinking his life choices.
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