Innovator

There was a time, I used to look into my father’s eyes // In a happy home, I was a king, I had a golden throne // Those days are gone, now the memory’s on the wall // I hear the songs, from the places where I was born

[alihanbayar-blog]

“Well it all depends, really, on how much you like to surprise me. Wasn’t aware that you did.” Alihan replied, pushing off from where he was standing, his expression clearly amused.

There was definitely a certain amount of charm in the way Hugo looked at him, looking a bit like a ruffled cat. Almost enough to make Alihan forget just how quickly Louis would probably be on him if he knew he was talking to Hugo.

It was just another line he had to be careful while he walked along them.

[not-ducky]

The corners of his lips twitched upwards, with a quick glance down while drumming his fingers against the bookshelf, Hugo managed to stop himself from turning his response flirtatious. 

“I’m sorry but, you do realise what unexpected means, yeah? You practically handed me that one.”

[alihanbayar-blog]

“Didn’t want to let them figure that out on their own? Hugo Weasley, somewhat unexpected good samaritan.” Alihan leaned against one of the stacks a bit behind Hugo, a faint smirk across his lips.

[not-ducky]

Hugo’s eyebrows shot up in surprise, allowing the sixth year to scramble after the book, he turned toward the speaker-- knowing he knew the voice but still not able to pin it down just yet. And----

That fucker.

Hugo tried to keep his face blank, trying not to show he wasn’t disgruntled with Alihan’s appearance. 

“I’m starting to think you like surprising me as much as I like to surprise you.”

[weasleywitchroxy-deactivated201]

“Anybody want a toffee?”

[not-ducky]

Honestly, I’d rather eat my own foot than take sweets from you.

[not-ducky]

If you read that book, you’re never going to fully understand how to cast a Patronus Charm. Yes, you may still be able to, but it will be exceedingly difficult. Try the book by Iris Woran, yeah? 

[alihanbayar-blog]

"Oh really now? Interesting.." Alihan stored the information, a small hum of amusement slipping out. Not that there was a situation for him to use that information. He hadn’t sought Hugo out, so if Louis was upset, he was just being a prick. But if Alihan’s self control failed him, that was all on him.

"How about we just do it together. That way neither of us has to face that all alone." Not liking the difference in levels, he slid off the wall to sit next to Hugo, crossing his legs and leaning his back against the wall. Plus, now the temptation to lean all the way back was gone.

[not-ducky]

"What, like no one else has been obsessed with something as a kid. I had a friend in primary school that loved that guy from Atlantis." Bugger, maybe he shouldn't have said anything. "That wasn't slightly creepy of me to say, was it? Because I prefer your interpretation." Hugo, you are meant to be a Ravenclaw. Think before you do the thing with the words.

"To be frank, I don't think either of us are going to sought out a Tinkerbell that may not even exist anytime soon," he said, indicating their current positions on the ground. Part of him wished Alihan had stayed standing, he would have gotten sick of craning his neck and therefore wouldn't end up looking at him when he talked.

Now he was, and at a closer proximity.

Like anything would happen now.

"So... is Louis a pro at creeping around the castle to spy on his cousins, or did you tell him?"

[alihanbayar-blog]

Alihan laughed helplessly and leaned back, moving his hands to hold onto the wall. "I think you’re safe, since I’m not an animated character. If you start watching the movie, though, and still feel some type of way, then you might want to worry." 

He had actually planned to stay away from Hugo after he’d talked to Louis, but sometimes fate just disagrees.

"Better be careful, though. If Tinkerbell catches us, she might get jealous. Heard she’s got a bit of a temper on her, and I do not want to be on the other end of that." Good moods for Alihan tended to mean lame jokes, and probably some snorting, unfortunately. He couldn’t bring himself to be bothered by it, though.

[not-ducky]

"I have seen the movie, I had an obsession with him when I was a kid. I probably cried a few times seeing the movie, too, but that's beside the point." Just tell him you used to be obsessed with the character he dressed up as, yep, good work Hugo. 10/10.

He stretched out his legs, leaning his head back against the stone and angling his head upwards. "Who's going to break it to Tinkerbell that I'm gay? I think you should, didn't Tinkerbell have a soft spot for Jack Frost?"

[alihanbayar-blog]

Hugo’s reaction wasn’t quite what he’d expected, no, but it was a welcome one. Alihan felt his mouth pulling into a smile, and set the mask down beside him. “Sorry, the mask is already off, no take backs.” 

When Hugo glanced up, Alihan’s smile only widened at the red on his cheeks. He looked away after a moment, looking out over the grounds, the smile lingering. 

What was there to say now?

Well, there were certainly some things he wanted to say, wanted to tell Hugo there was no judgment, nothing like that. But he also didn’t want to make it awkward, since it wasn’t now.

"Glad I took the mask off? Get to see my pretty face again, after all." He said it lightly, and just barely nudged Hugo with his leg. If he wanted to talk about it, he could bring it up. It wasn’t really Alihan’s to talk about. Or at least, that’s how he’d always looked at it. If he wanted to talk about something, he would. He had to give other people the same consideration, right?

[not-ducky]

He didn't know whether or not it was a good thing the mask was off. On the plus side, he actually got to see Alihan again-- he really shouldn't feel pleased about that. On the down side, Alihan knew some personal things about him.

Oh yeah. And he was meant to be avoiding him. Because Louis said he was a sleazebag.

Eh. Hugo hadn't actually went out to find him, loopholes.

"Should be illegal for you to dress as Jack Frost. I'm not meant to feel attracted to an animated character." He looked away to hide his stupid smile.

Maybe it was good that he had asked him to take off his mask.

[alihanbayar-blog]

For a moment, Alihan wondered if all Ravenclaws knew how to put their thoughts into words as clearly as Hugo seemed to be able to. He’d thought about how he’d react, and had thought the same things, but hadn’t been able to explain it without a five minute explanation.

One hand went to Hugo’s head, just affectionately brushing his fingers over his hair. Giveaway number one. He’d always been a touchy person, but they’d been facing each other as complete strangers. Now, as his other hand was lifting his mask off his face, things were a little different.

"I’d ask when I’ve ever made things awkward, but you of all people, would be able to counter that."

He laughed quietly, looking over at Hugo to see his reaction. 

Really, this is the outcome he’d expected the moment he handed the decision over to Hugo. A small part of him had hoped Hugo wouldn’t want him to take the mask off, but the better part of him knew that was very unlikely.

[not-ducky]

The head touch thing caught him off guard, and he almost freaked out. Few people did that-- it couldn't be any of his cousins, he would have recognised their voices instantly. Unfortunately.

It was as soon as Hugo got rid of the visual queue and shut his eyes that he figured it out. Why his lips had seemed familiar when they probably shouldn't, the hair ruffle, the mention of an awkward encounter--

Hugo laughed and placed his hands over his eyes, not looking up at him.

"Oh my god put the mask back on you fucking dork." He buried his face in his arms, hiding the stupid blush at realising who had had to listen to his stupid teenage problems.

It didn't stop him from turning his head enough to peek up at him, another light burst coming out.

[alihanbayar-blog]

"Mate, you’re over explaining. Or maybe you’re stalling. Or maybe it’s both. Either way, it’s not helping you make a choice." Tired of standing, he took a step back and sat down on one of the walls, his palms resting on either side of his thighs.

He wanted to keep talking. After all, he liked talking when he liked someone, but if he kept talking, then he was giving Hugo more to comment on instead of making a choice. 

Well actually.

In theory, he could try and distract the other boy to the point where he forgot what they were talking about.

But this was a Ravenclaw..

Never mind.

[not-ducky]

Taking a deep breath, Hugo allowed himself to think without the anxiety of the situation. Realising it wouldn't do him any favours with the looking down upon thing, Hugo moved over to the wall and sat on the ground. He brought his knees up and allowed his arms to rest there, the back of his head touching stone.

He didn't look at the other guy.

"If I don't know, it's going to keep me up all night. For weeks, probably. I'll probably spend my time being distracted, trying to make notes in class? Nope, better look out the window and try to see if anyone matches your physique walks by. But..."

But what? Hugo, you're always the one that makes things awkward, time to grow up.

"I won't make it awkward if you don't." He wanted to ask if the other was okay with it first, but, he did say he would take the mask off.

[alihanbayar-blog]

Alihan watched Hugo, watched the way he looked away, and his eyes narrowed slightly. A coin. "I don’t have a coin, and if you really don’t want to make the decision, then you don’t have to." It was simple to him, if Hugo really couldn’t make the decision, Alihan would just turn around and walk away.

If he’d realize that giving him the choice would make him this uncomfortable, then he wouldn’t have done it. He would have just left his mask on, walked inside with Hugo, and then parted ways, and Hugo would never have known.

Hindsight is always 20/20. 

[not-ducky]

"No, don't play that card. There's psychology behind the coin. When you get a coin, and you decide which is heads, and which is tails, then see what it is, you figure out what you want to do. So if you don't realise what you want, and you get heads but then you aren't comfortable with it, you realise you wanted tails all along and go with that." He felt the need to explain how it worked, to not make him seem like he was overly anxious over a decision. Which he... sort of was.

But he wouldn't go along with something if it turned out he didn't want to do it.

"--It isn't as random as you might think. Not that it matters, if you don't have one."

[alihanbayar-blog]

"I’ve always been good at guessing," he replied, not making any move towards his own mask. “When I was young, my mother used to take me with her when she gambled. Played those stupid games, the ones where you guess how many of something there is. Not real gambling, but she won a good bit of money through them.” He was rambling, he realized that. It was rare for him, because it only happened when he was nervous, and not a lot made him nervous. 

"Is it better if I’m a mystery or if you know who I am?" He’d pictured how this would go if he was actually a stranger, and if he left his mask on, he could definitely picture Hugo constantly wondering who it was he’d talked to. But if he knew it was Alihan. Well. He wasn’t sure how that would go at all.

"I’ll take it off, if you want." 

[not-ducky]

Why was he giving Hugo the decision? He had assumed he wanted to avoid him knowing, by the pathetic guess excuse. Not that Hugo always had fantastic excuses, he had some pretty dodgy ones too. 

Why was he getting anxious over the simple decision of knowing or not?

He laughed from nerves, averting his gaze. "You don't give the decision to the Ravenclaw that has to know everything. It's a problem, I swear."

Fuckfuckfuckfuck--

If he didn't know, it would eat up at him for the next few weeks---- maybe until Christmas break. But what if he did and it just made things awkward?

"... Do you have a coin?"

[alihanbayar-blog]

"Ah, common courtesy. We’re even, then, I dried your clothes earlier, you’re apologizing." Alihan put his cigarette out on his shoe, vanishing the butt. He almost had whiplash from how quickly the conversation had turned from personal to two strangers talking. 

"Just a guess?" He offered, hoping that Hugo would take it. It made sense, right? A mask didn’t hide everything, after all.

He could only hope that Hugo would buy it. Things had been awkward enough as it was the last time he’d seen the other, didn’t need to add to that.

[not-ducky]

"Then, sorry for the minor inconvenience."

Hugo had a decision to make. He could turn the night, and this interaction, sour. Or, he could let go of his pride and relinquish his need to know everything.

Curiousity killed the cat.

Taking a chance - which he was already fifty percent sure the other person knew who he was, or could at least later pick him out - Hugo's hand came up to his mask. Hesitating briefly, he pushed it up over, his hair being pushed back from his forehead as the mask glided off. He looked at the mask, and then at his companion.

And really looked.

His eyes settled on the lower half of the other's face. And that's when he made his decision.

"Good guess."

[alihanbayar-blog]

Alihan watched Hugo, his eyebrows furrowing as the other boy’s demeanor changed. It was slight, but it was there. And the moment that he apologized, Alihan knew he was right. Whatever he’d said hadn’t been the right thing, whatever it was.

"If I’d minded, I would have said something, don’t worry." He shrugged, taking another drag from his cigarette. "Just keep reminding yourself that your opinion’s the only one you have to deal with on a constant basis. Every moment of every day. And then, eventually, everyone else will get the idea too. I mean, you’re fifteen, you’ve still got time to change their minds." 

Oh. Probably not the right thing to say. Maybe he could pass it off as a guess. Or.. like.. hm. Maybe Hugo wouldn’t notice. Hopefully, as he could only imagine that would go poorly. Either way, as long as he didn’t reveal himself it wouldn’t be that bad. Just another nameless person at their school who knew who the Weasleys were.

[not-ducky]

"I'm not worrying, only seemed courteous considering I practically provided my life story to you on your smoke break." He was fine, he was fine. He had only needed to get some things off his chest from the emotional build up the past few hours had provided. He knew when he needed to get rid of it before it became unhealthy.

He was fine.

...

"How do you know I'm fifteen?"

[alihanbayar-blog]

"People are more comfortable with what they expect. That’s why it took the world so long to accept homosexuality, why it takes muggleborn parents a while to adjust. Because when you don’t expect something, you can’t think out how you’re going to react." 

Alihan was trying not to think about who he was talking to. Not a lot of people had to deal with expectations like this boy was talking about. The more he thought about how to reply, though, the harder it was to avoid the truth that he knew was there. 

And then he couldn’t avoid it anymore, and everything was so glaringly obvious and so obviously Hugo. 

Part of him wanted to tell the other boy that he knew who he was, but he also wanted to give him a chance to talk more, and he had the suspicion that if he said he knew who he was, Hugo’d stop talking. And it seemed like he needed this.

He’d just have to find a way to get his point across without making it clear.

”There’s not much I can tell you. If someone wants you to be something that you’re not, tell them to go fuck themselves. And, really, honesty is the best policy, whether that’s through words or actions. Make them uncomfortable. I mean, maybe you already are, but that’s all I’ve got here. ”

[not-ducky]

That example meshed well in the sense that it provided Hugo with more clarity than he would have expected. He hadn't personally dealt with the negatives of either-- never having a problem with his sexuality, nor being a muggleborn, but he had heard of plenty of stories.

Stories that made Hugo sound like a privileged, whiny child. Why was he even bothering himself with minor discomforts, when there were so many suffering from much worse and dealing with it better?

Probably because he was fifteen and an idiot.

"See, that's my problem. I pretty much already do, and nothings changed. Doesn't matter, though. I just need to learn not to care. Is this the point where I apologise for treating you like a diary?"

[alihanbayar-blog]

Alihan looked at the other boy for a long moment, taking in what he was saying, considering it, thinking about it. When he was younger, he’d never had much of a problem. He’d always had a sense of self that had made him seem older, and he didn’t have that many people who’d known him long enough to see him as child.

He could imagine that it was probably terrible, though. For people to treat you like you were just a kid, even thinking about it sounded frustrating. 

”I mean, I can’t talk from experience here, but it seems like.. I don’t know. If the idea of dressing up for Halloween is as make or break for you as it seems, maybe you’re trying too hard to be something you’re not. I can’t talk about it for sure, since I don’t know you, but if you’re ever afraid or unwilling to do something because of what people are going to think, and not because you actually don’t want to, then you’re just.. pretending, and that’s not going to help you in the long run.”

Shit. That was probably rude, or maybe patronizing. He really hadn’t meant to say all that, but once he’d started, he’d realized he actually cared. He’d only recently learned how to really be himself, and it just felt so important to him now.

[not-ducky]

"Acting like people expect me to... that's--that's me pretending. People are constantly confuddled by me when I act naturally. They would prefer this family oriented naive thing that needs to be protected. I simultaneously don't care what people think, and care too much." 

It was hard, trying to keep it vague. He wanted to say about how it was hard to escape this label that the world was trying to pin on him. The prophet, Hogwarts, his family-- they all had him in this suffocating, choke hold, and refuse to let him be him.

The only one that he could escape the noose around his neck with was Louis.

Hugo didn't even think he had any friends that wanted to be friends with Hugo, and not Hugo Weasley.

He cared about what people thought, only because he wanted to be a separate entity. But he had been getting number with each year that passed by, no longer letting himself linger on grudges.

If he did, he would hate the world.

[alihanbayar-blog]

Alihan shrugged, relighting his forgotten cigarette, taking a drag before adjusting his mask. He really hated masks. But the anonymity was nice, that was for sure. Probably worth it.

"Some Halloween you should just tell everyone you’re something different, and then see what happens. Or you could.. you know, go for an actual costume. But something’s telling me that’s not going to happen." 

[not-ducky]

"Too much of an effort, really. But no, I don't think I will go for an actual costume. I haven't dressed up for Halloween since I was eight." It only recently clicked that he was no longer poised to keep walking up to the castle. He seemed to be in no hurry, anymore.

He hesitated, wondering if he should say what he wanted to. Maybe he shouldn't have said he was a prefect, there were only twenty four in the school... maybe he would get lucky, and they wouldn't figure it out.

Fuck it.

This was anonymous as he was ever going to get. He could talk about things if no one knew who he was.

"Hardly anyone takes me seriously as it is. Except for, I dunno, maybe my brother, so if I dress up people are only going to see a kid, and the respect I've been trying to build up - as me being my own person, is just going to vanish." Everyone knew Hugo only had a sister, maybe referring to Louis as his brother would throw off any hints he may have gotten.

[alihanbayar-blog]

"I think the bloke you end up in the arms of is important. The bloke anyone ends up in the arms of is important. Not more important than how you’re going to die or if it’s going to rain tomorrow, but important." He grinned, passing his words off as a joke. Sometimes idealistic shit started coming out of his mouth. He’d learned how to cover it up.

Alihan snorted, shaking his head in faint embarrassment at the noise, and shook his head. “Shame I won’t be here to see that. Have you got an idea for every year you’re here? Just planned out in advance?” Well, that certainly narrowed down who he was talking to. Really, with that, he pretty much knew. But he wasn’t going to let himself actually know, was just going to ignore it.

[not-ducky]

"Maybe it is." That was the only way he could have replied. He was at a loss for anything else, did he want to know? Was he more concerned with the present rather than the future?

Hugo grinned at the snort. "No, it's more whatever I think up at the time, but... I got bored and started thinking up potential excuses."