I think it’s time someone cleared the air around what it means to be a submissive man. The public perception of a submissive man is not a good one. There is a huge taboo on it, and many misperceptions on what a submissive man actually is. This is really sad, because many women are missing out on some fantastic men, that just might meet them on all the levels they always wished a man could meet her on. But since he admits he’s submissive, he is often dismissed as a potential partner in her eyes, due to these misunderstandings.
First of all, the biggest misperception is that being submissive is weak. Now lets take a look at this from a few angles. Being submissive can simply mean, he likes to be led, and he likes to put others before himself. That he is less aggressive, but more compassionate and thoughtful and selfless.
Now many women, like chivalry, and being courted. For chivalry to exist, men must put aside their own needs and put hers first, for “regular men” this usually comes with the ulterior motive to get into her pants. For a submissive man, this comes naturally and his desire to make her happy, and putting her first, makes him happy. So, does a man that wants to please, and wants to make her happy, does that make him weak? In what way?
Now if you turn it around and look at a “regular man” who is courting and being chivalrous simply to get into her pants for his own selfish needs what do you see? I see a man that simply wants to use her, and once he’s “conquered” her, he will likely move onto the next woman that he deems worthy of chasing. Her happiness is often a non issue to him as long as he gets laid. This is what we see in night clubs and bars all over the world. This isn’t uncommon. We live in a world where we actually have to explain the definition of consent, lets not forget that.
So, how is a submissive man weak, compared to a “ regular man”? If you really have a good look, the “regular man” has no commitment, he has no burdens, no sacrifices, therefore, where is the strength? When you look at the submissive man, he has to put aside his own needs, that takes strength.
He has a willingness to learn who she is, and what she needs, and strive to make her happy, that takes a lot of mental strength and self control. And, all of that, is before she is even interested in dominating him, he must show and prove his strength of character to her, long before she even considers the idea.
So he must be strong on the emotional level as well as mental. Now physically, “regular men” and submissive men, is quite irrelevant. There are submissive men of all forms and “regular men” of all forms, so this isn’t about who is physically stronger. So that’s a non issue.
Physically however, submissive men, tend to be more diplomatic, and try to resolve problems without resorting to violence whenever possible. “Regular men” on the other hand, tend to be more aggressive, and lack empathy to greater degrees, and tend to resort to violence before proper communication. This is seen all the time in road rage and so on, and lets not even get into rape and all that…
Another misconception about submissive men, is that, they’re gay. This one is huge, and makes many submissive men hide in the closet afraid to express their submissive tendencies because of the strong taboo. Being submissive, and being gay, are extremely different things. That includes submissive’s that gravitate toward cross dressing.
Submissive men, may be a little more gentle, and sometimes a little less masculine. At the same time, we do have a huge issue of toxic masculinity in the world. So submissive men kind of bring a bit of a balance to what it means to be masculine. Men are brought up into a world, that teaches them that showing emotions as a man is gay or weak.
Submissive men, want to show their emotions, because they understand that suppressing these emotions isn’t healthy for anyone in their lives. Allowing emotion to flow freely through them, enables them to be vulnerable with the women in their lives, who are no strangers to vulnerability, with toxic masculinity always chasing her.
When you take a good look at vulnerability in this way, you can begin to see it as a strength and not a weakness. A submissive man allowing himself to be vulnerable means he must open up in all the ways he fears the most.
In other words, he must face his deepest fears, and allow himself to be naked, emotionally with his partner. This is something many men, never, ever, experience. They’re not strong enough to let go that much. They’re too busy believing that being macho and unfeeling is somehow the only way to be strong in this world, and as a result we have a world at war, which is nothing more than a big dick contest.
So submissive men, actually bring a balance to masculinity, that can meet the feminine on the levels most men never can. So instead of seeing submissive men as being gay, perhaps we can change the perception to having the balls to be emotional.
Even if a submissive is a cross dresser, or a sissy, it does not mean he is gay. It means, he wants to understand the feminine, that the raw power felt exploring what it means to be feminine, humbles him as a man. It actually helps him become a better man, because he is balancing his masculine and feminine sides within him, which will give him a stronger intuition, bring him more in touch with his body, and the natural world.
It will make him feel more alive, more in tune, and give him heightened senses. So exploring the feminine side isn’t necessarily a bad thing for a man to do, and I would recommend that all men be open minded enough, and dare I say, strong enough to actually explore it a little.
Now many men, especially if not submissive, reading this, would be offended by that. If you’re not comfortable enough to explore the feminine side, how can you call yourself a macho man? There’s a weakness there, inhibitions, fear of vulnerability. It has nothing to do with being gay, that’s the excuse that you come up with to rationalize your decision to never explore it. The ego in full force.
There is only one thing that makes anything gay, and there is nothing wrong with being gay either. But lets at least get our definitions straight. The only time anything is gay, is if it’s being done, or desired to be done, with the same gender. That’s it, nothing more.
A girl can take a man up the ass with a strap on, and it’s not gay. It’s anal sex. It’s not gay sex. He can desire to be taken up the ass by his girlfriend, or even on his own, with a butt plug. Again, not gay. If he desires a man to be doing it, then yes, that’s gay. A man wearing panties is not gay either. A man being feminine isn’t gay. A man being with another man, masculine or feminine, that’s gay. I think you’re getting the point I’m making?
I hope you are, because, the stigma is ridiculous, and the misperception needs to rectified. There are so many submissive men in this world that deserve a chance.
Submissive men must be so strong, to face the extreme levels of vulnerability to submit to a woman in a relationship, that strength and value is often not given credit. So much of what we see on the internet portrays submissive men as weak, and worthless, to be degraded and humiliated and treated like a dog. Now, the idea of the things above, in fantasy, can be a turn on, because it caters to a submissive’s desire to submit, no matter how hardcore.
But in reality, it’s a very different picture. In reality it can be a whole lot more romantic and intimate, passionate and charming. A submissive can be cherished by a woman, and make a fantastic partner that can really meet her on all the right levels and satisfy her needs, not just sexually, but around the house, and in life in general. He wants to. He needs to.
It’s a part of who he is, to make her happy is to make him happy. He’s a man with the ulterior motive of making her happy to make him happy. It’s a very different approach than simply getting laid and moving on to the next.
A relationship with one partner dedicated to making the other partner happy, is difficult to fail. It sets a foundation from the start and it has the ability to evolve, because communication is open. Trust is inherent. Where there’s trust, there’s always going to be passion and intimacy. Without trust, there are always insecurity issues, cheating issues, masturbation issues…. etc… With a submissive man, all of those issues are non existent. It helps her to fully relax knowing he’s there for her, without any doubt of his intentions. How many women and men, could benefit from this kind of relationship?
And that, is precisely why I wrote a book dedicated to introducing this kind of relationship in a gentle way that doesn’t scare people away with intense fetishes or erotica. A practical approach to a relationship that can set you both free in ways you can’t even imagine yet. The human body is designed to love, to feel, to be vulnerable, to let go of inhibitions and be accepted for who you really are, with another, down to the deepest level of your soul.
My Practical FLR series, introduces the female led relationship lifestyle in a gentle way, for those of you wondering how to explain it to your partner. Gift them my books!
Want to create the FLR of your dreams? Check out the Practical FLR book series!
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