Vinnie

Sims Diaries || Sims Content || Part of The Lost Media

[notvinxent]

Introductions~

Name: Vinxent, Vinnie, Vin

Age: 23 yr

Astrology: Taurus sun, Gemini Rising, and Leo Moon

MBTI: INFP

Interests/Hobbies: The Sims, Genshin Impact, Drawing, Binge watch on Anime/Kdramas, Collecting Smiskis, Fashion, KR&B, Korean Indie Rock

More on me: Hey y'all ^^ I made this tumblr account so I can spam post as much as I want to without the pressure social media would typically impose and I don't want my friends/family to know about this account^ I wanted to post both sims content for myself and document a personal journal entries here. Whether or not I have followers on here, I would post on here for myself regardless.

I know what you maybe thinking: isn't better to get a journal instead so it's more private?

a: Tbh, yes that is true! I actually have one and don't worry I don't post anything too personal on here. I only wanted to have a digital journal entry laying around somewhere on the internet and that someday in many years from now... I would do a simple google search and look back at how I write back then. I always wanted to see the character development throughout the years.

Plus... at least I won't lose this tumblr blog unlike a physical journal ;)

[notvinxent]

Feb 23rd 2026

i noticed that my mood fluctuates the longer im in this hell hole. in order to temporary deal with impostor syndrome, i must combat my burnout sessions and self discipline myself. and also, i may have hidden negative feelings toward myself due to being very performative in not admitting to my mistakes. in order to succeed, i must be ok with looking like an idiot and admit to my faults. if i were to move out in the future, i would be doing myself a favor in addressing it now. sure, the environment im in is a big factor at the moment. however, there shall be residue left once i leave. old habits die hard.

also another thing, i always feel like im never ready or that im not good enough at what i do. as a result, i end up self sabotaging myself and punishing myself right after.

tbh, what can i do to make myself feel more confident and believe in myself? i think that's what i struggle with the most.

what i can admit, is that it's my mistake on not applying for internships or jobs while at school. like i was so invested in school work and caught up in some dumb school drama that i couldve easily get myself out of. cause otherwise, i wouldve had income relating to the field im meant to be in.

and that i really genuinely don't want to apply for jobs and internships cause of the fear of not getting accepted in. believing im not ready or that im not good enough. and i know that logic wise, it's best to apply regardless. its like deep down, i dont want to. its like the more i push myself to ignore the feeling and push through what i must do... the more angrier and doubtful i am.

and with my parents urging me to go back to school and expect me to work in the medical field, that stresses me out even more. cause i knew what would be expected of me if i go back to school and graduate again... i just know i would end up being at the lowest of my mental health, and that's what scaring me.

i hate that i have low confidence in myself regards to my career that hasnt started or my self esteem in regards to my appearance due to the hair stylist not understanding the assignment with my hair- then my parents bashed me for it

like the longer i live with my parents, the more i end up resenting my parents and myself too. mostly my parents... due to providing a strict environment where i dont have adult privileges and setting me up for failure

[notvinxent]

February 17th 2026

Genuinely, i don’t know if i am genuinely suffering from impostor syndrome and having doubts of my own abilities- or maybe i wasn’t cut out for what i was trained and prepared myself to do before i graduate. i had to admit that it’s on me for not applying to jobs and internships prior to graduating… it’s because i didn’t think i’m good enough yet.

with my own parents doubting me, rushing me- and even accusing me of being spoiled, ungrateful, and being in the wrong crowd…

how can i continue to look for internships or a job with them expecting me to go back to school only to work in the medical field?

i’m sorry for being ungrateful for not having adult privileges of going on solo trips or trips with friends without being. im sorry for asking my closest friends for basic adulting advice because it aligned with today’s rules of the world. i’m sorry for not wanting to provide grandkids or wanting to get married. i’m sorry for being ungrateful that i don’t appreciate being nitpicked on the littlest things that don’t have much impact. i’m sorry for not being the feminine pretty princess of a daughter with long hair and drives a white lexus… and lastly, i’m sorry for being an individual with dreams that does not align with y’all’s stable life style.

i genuinely wanted to be happy and try my attempts of being successful. what is life if safety is heavily prioritized? that’s not living… that’s just surviving. and if this is what my life is meant to be… then i’m genuinely sorry to tell you this mom and dad… but i don’t want to live anymore at this rate.

so don’t be surprised if i disappear one day i order to protect my life from my mental health and the environment

[notvinxent]

Journal Entry Oct 13 2025

before i made that previous post, i looked back on some of the posts i made a year ago. i wouldn’t think a year would be a drastic difference. i feel like a lot had happened since then.

i went from being stressed about classwork and final exams, to possibly dealing with the uncertainty and unknown after graduating. nowadays i’m just taking a massive break from classes while working on my personal projects.

and since then, i feel like i’ve been completing side quests like i’ve been going to concerts when artists i listened to actually showing up to my city.

and i wonder if i’m able to reach to the ideal life of getting my own place and away from the stress and authority in my own home with the economy we are in rn.

[notvinxent]

see you in sky city🪽

Monday Oct 13, 2025 03:37

your departure just taught me to not take anyone i care about for granted. not that i take your existence for granted… it’s the fact i hold off on opportunities we could’ve done together or for u… only for u to be gone so soon.

we could’ve have a photoshoot together irl and imvu, we could’ve played dnd together, we could’ve played more of vrchat, we could’ve gotten high and drunk together.

i genuinely never lost a loved one before u… so idk how to properly grieve. so i ended up helping others grieve by being in their company instead. and it seems like without you around, i became more ditzy and forgetful lately.

but i will try my best to keep going, cause i don’t want you to think you are the cause for my downfall with how i feel about losing u. so…i know you might be watching me in the after life.

[notvinxent]

Journal Entry 6/4/24 @ 6:08PM

Hi, I know it's been awhile but I am posting this to get my feelings sorted out. You know when you randomly feel a certain emotion out of nowhere and you cannot pin point why you feel this way? I don't know if that is a "me" thing. It's definitely not depression tho.

Just know I don't always run to my tumblr page every time I feel a need to vent or if I feel a certain way, that's why it's mostly sim stuff. That's why I personally record voice messages as audio diaries instead.

This feeling had started ever since today for my summer class of taking 3d modeling class. I think I am feeling some sort of way cause I am feeling intimidated by my own classmates? Or perhaps this is a reminder to myself that the industry I am trying to aim for is very intimidating. What if this is truly my passion but I don't have the willpower to power through this? I guess you could say I am scared? Cause I know myself well. I am not lazy. I just get burnt out fast and I would procrastinate in tasks I know I should get done soon. The question I should be asking myself is, why do I wanted to purposefully sabotage myself and get mad at myself later on for doing it?

I wonder what is the reason behind it. And as you can see... I am now procrastinating on doing what I should've been doing. How can I get into the gaming industry or get better at 3d art when I am doing this to myself at this rate? I know being hard on myself is not gonna do anything productive. So what am I suppose to do?

I will stop this mini rant right here as I noticed it's 6:20 PM.

Update @ 19:55

I wonder if it's possible to have impostor syndrome. Trying to aim for the game industry with my beginner entry level 3d level skill and art level skill. Cause that might be the culprit. Cause in this, either I’m only good for nothing or I’ma have to take this seriously and worked harder than before

[notvinxent]

Out in The City

Something about the city landscape, I find it visually pleasing. Probably cause I'm from ATL? Or perhaps the urban areas often have "character" to them. Grafitti, neon signs, different textured brick walls, random pipes, trash, whataver... you name it. I should look into making my own blender scenes as whoever made this scene... the file size is heavyyy lol.

[notvinxent]

Introducing: Roy & Jay

Roy Mars (Left) ~

Age: 21

MBTI: INFJ

Traits: Music lover, Dance Machine, and Loner

About him: Just like his father (Bruno Mars), he have dreams of become an artist. Music runs through his veins. He have his passion on producing music. Currently lived in an apartment at San Mysuno. Due to growing up with a lack of parental figure (in reality, I deleted the game file where Roy grew up and had parents lol. also deleted his father cause Bruno's sim look ugly in game) as he was from a different universe (different save file) and was unable to go back as no one cannot explain this strange phenomenon (the save file is deleted and cannot be retrieved). One of the scientists that was trying to look into alternate universes, took him in and raise him as their own. The moment he was transported to a different universe at 10 years old, his memories of his old life is gone. What was left was the lingering feeling of something was missing in his life. This leads to his curiosity to what his life could've been. Wanted to know what kind of person he is, he expressed his individuality through music. The lost of relationships from his old universe resulted in Roy to be more reserved and to himself. (Lastly, I wanna mention that I am the mother. Bruno Mars was my celebrity crush. His mother is a literal god in the sims and she realizes motherhood isn't for her. I felt bad if I deleted him like I did with his father, so I want to let him live his own life.)

Jaylen Morningstar (Right) ~

Age: 21

MBTI: ENFP

Traits: Party Animal, Outgoing, ADHD

About Him: (His father is a sim I made of my old friend, Logic.) He is a gym rat and the type of guy to be friends with everybody. He is a fitness trainer in a local gym at San Mysuno. He currently lives in an apartment, sharing with his twin sister, Krystie Morningstar. In the original save file, he and Roy were childhood friends. I would take Roy over to play with Jaylen as toddlers. But in the other universe or the current save file, Jaylen and Krystie were also orphaned and grew up in a foster home. (Due to no longer talking to my friend much cause life, his father won't make a cameo). Despite being popular to the people, his close friends are his sister and Roy. He would bother Roy a lot despite Roy wanted to be alone at times. Instead of being childhood friends in the current universe (save file), they know each other from going to high school together.

[notvinxent]

Sims Journal #02

It’s crazy how accurate my sim self is to me. I put her in a house with my friends’ sims and all she does most of the time was be cooped up in her room playing video games, watch tv, and the only time she goes out of her room was to eat and work out. She happens to be friends with only the household cat and doesn’t bother to socialize with her roommates :’) I had to force her to talk to two of her roommates so she have someone in the house to talk to.

I was considering making a whole separate game file just playing as me and making my ideal life. Then it occurred to me that it would probably be boring cause my ideal life revolves around no drama or chaos. And the fact I don’t want to see myself grow old or have kids. Even tho my sim self did have a son… but that was a whole different game file or an “alternate universe” I would say.

Should I just bring my son into the world but have him live his own life? I’m just gonna make him as a young adult as well. He will be going about his life while the mother he doesn’t know about, deals with constant chaos among her roommates. I don’t know what I would do with him but I will think of something 🤔 Im thinking about giving him a little “refresh” cause it’s been 2 years since I played him.

[notvinxent]

Journal Entry: May 9th 2024 @ 2:50 AM EST

I’m kind of stressed and nervous right now. Cause I don’t have the best results when it comes to hair appointments. I had been trying to get the wolfcut or the same hairstyle my sim self is rocking… cause I know it looks good on me but I keep getting different results. When it comes to people cutting your hair, it can make or break your self esteem.

I know me being nervous is a bit too much but I just don’t want the hairstylist to fuck it up. I will try to communicate with my hair stylist better than in the past with other hair stylists. Cause of my mild social anxiety and not showing enough reference photos to properly communicate what I want for my hair… that could be my main factor to my problem.

I had prepared enough reference photos and even some tiktoks of this girl with similar hair type but with the hair style i prefer to get close to the results I want. I guess with some not good attempts in the past- I’m terrified of hair appointments now

UPDATE: So they managed to get close to the reference picture of when it's not styled. Which is a relief :') Now I have to figure out how to style it.

[notvinxent]

Sketchy Hangout Scene

I decided to make this room in game so later on I can render it all in blender afterwards for an upcoming little video I will be working on soon ^^

It was pretty fun making a dingey ghetto type of room ngl

[notvinxent]

Self Photoshoot w/ TV concept

I was struggling with finding 3d model of TV's online that would actually appear normal for couple hours on this... but regardless I still like how the pics turned out^^ This is my definite sign to not be lazy and practice on 3d modeling to make my own props lmaooo

[notvinxent]

Journal Entry: May 5th 2024 @ 00:17 EST

I realized I have ranted a lot more than I should on here. Let’s balance it out with something a bit more…. Positive :)

So I had been struggling with balancing doing things for myself while spending time with friends for awhile. And for a whole year I’ve been learning to focus more on myself as I realized I needed to start making boundaries on my personal time.

Before I had my boundaries crossed and some of my friends took it personally when I want time for myself. I didn’t know how to say no to hanging out with them when I don’t feel like it. So I ended up disappearing as a result- Of course some of my friends were concerned and we talked it out eventually later on and respecting my time and decision to when I’m actually free to hang out.

I’m starting to slowly going back to hanging out with my friends again, only when I truly feel like I’m free. Although I am hanging out with other friends that actually understand I’m not free all the time… I caught myself needing to hang out at every opportunity cause I feel I would be a bad friend cause of a habit. I’m taking baby steps at a time to have time for myself at least for a few hours.

[notvinxent]

“Human (2024)”

Directed and written by yours truly 💕

Update: idk how this post is labeled as mature when the video seems pretty pg13 or more tamer than that 💀

[notvinxent]

Journal Entry: May 2nd 2024 at 12:16 PM

So I had a dream that I was stressed out from finals in school, even though I already got finals over with and ended up passing with A’s. I was walking out my classes and picked up my phone to call my mom to pick me up since she’s my ride home. Instead, I heard a voice that is not my mom. It’s actually this old friend I had to cut off.

She answered the phone not in an angry or upset tone, rather in her usual tone like it’s a regular Tuesday. She sounded like I did not cut contact with her at all. She was talking normally. She didn’t demand an explanation or anything. That left me confused and probably scared. I didn’t know how to end the call without being a dick. Fortunately my dream ended with my phone going off cause my friend start calling me to complain about work.

It seems like from the dream, I guess I was feeling guilty cutting her off along with regarding the ties of our friendship had been going on for 4 years, making it feels even more wrong to cut her off. And I guess I sort of longed for things to be resolved for us, but considering her behavior… it’s not gonna be possible. When in reality I need to understand that what I did was best for my own boundaries, as she already crossed them many times without my knowledge.

I had been trying to go on Sky more ever since the cut off. But I don’t know if I should continue on playing. Playing this game reminds me too much of her. That was my initial purpose of playing Sky, just to get close to her. I would do anything for her but she definitely won’t feel the same… and that’s what hurts the most.

Honestly I thought I’m taking this friendship breakup well, but clearly my dream says otherwise. When it comes to friends, I always put my heart on my sleeve for them. 💔

[notvinxent]

Sim Diaries || Post #01

I love how I’m currently stressing out over my professor giving us an unrealistic final exam to do while haven’t given back our grades yet- basically typical academic stress of a college student… meanwhile my sim self just don’t got the care in the world and sleeping peacefully 🥹

[notvinxent]

Journal entry: April 27th 2024 at 10:59 EST

I’m destressed from dealing with two final projects that happened to be due last night. I still have the take home exam to deal with. But regardless of that, I felt like more of myself again now I got back enough sleep.

I’m just wondering to myself if this friendship breakup was even necessary. After all, I did have to deal with this whole worrying about finals. And if there’s anything I learned the hard way:

“Life doesn’t pause for you when it comes to work or school.”

Like think about it, why are kids and teens more susceptible to drama in their lives than adults? Cause we are too busy and tired to be put up with it. Maybe I just don’t have the patience like I used to, to effectively fix this with her.

This is my first or second time having to deal with a friendship breakup on my own since I often put myself in the position of being in good terms with people until we naturally fall off or they cut themselves out of my life. And that’s on being a chronic people pleaser.

I had to remind myself for the last few days that it’s them that are in the wrong as they lack accountability and don’t value friendship the same way a normal person would. It’s like how last year, I nearly got SH’d while being drunk all because I am too scared to cut this person out of my life cause I don’t know how to. Confrontation really scares me.

I am just afraid of the unknown aftermath that comes with it. I’m still in the same large public discord server with her. Should I leave so I won’t run into her? What if she makes me look bad in the server so I will be unable to make friends? After all, I’m only in that server cause it’s a Sky public server where we help each other out on “Sky Children of Light”. But then again, she rarely talked in there and there’s like thousands of active users on there. It should be fine, right? Glad this friend isn’t an irl friend or I had to actively avoid them.