sukoon @obsidianarc - Tumblr Blog

I love this silly girl , but shes scared that i would get attached and then get hurt , silly her i am all in , i am attached and i know i wont get hurt cuz she loves me too but the fear is making things hard :((( i hope we lived without any fear.

I am back after so long , life is better , i got a really really cute girlfriend who i love a lot and she loves me even more. I still sometimes feel like life is too harsh and gloomy , i still crashout but overall its fine.

I just wanted to say thankyou to my younger self for sticking by , u da real one, ily buddy.

this mental health is taking away the best time of my life and i try so hard to not let it get to me but i just can’t. I fail so hard , i look fine on the outside but i am so drained.

Not one good day in ages , always late , always rushing. i am so sorry for being like this , i also want to smile and be carefree but i just can’t. Weird like that.

Its wednesday and ion got the energy to fake a smile anymore.

I am behind by 3 months , have 3 tests and 1 ppt on Monday along with 8:30 am to 6:00 pm classes which i can’t miss. Feeling lost i just smoked again , i am already sick. Havent showered or had any food since last night, i woke up at 1pm which means i slept for total 12 hours today.

How does one fix this , i dont like where i am rn.

I am stuck

finally had therapy for the first time , therapist was laughing at me lmao i think its gon be fine

wanna experience not having to rush through everything

I really like the sound that fan is making rn , its on 2 (speed) and the sound is like that of the skeletons in minecraft specifically when you are in a cave and you hear the skeletons.

Lovely

I feel like most of my life ( 17 ) i was just the chillest person ever , i didnt bother about anything and i didnt care if i achieved or lost anything. I was silly , running stairs for fun , dancing , got kicked outta the class a lot , dumb actually, idc if dad was drunk mostly or if mom was angry all the time ( sad anger). I didnt think much about zero trips , zero family time. I didn’t know that these things carry weight.

At 18 i got out of the house for first time and everything crashed , i didnt have mom to figure it out for me ( nobody does and its kinda same experience for everyone) but personally shut up brain this is my blog i dont need to talk about the universal experience of losing it.

I never talk about it all , nobody knows how things effected me or why i am the way i am. Tbh one should not think this much but i do idk why. there is nothing wrong, i have everything ( not everything but mostly all important things ) still there is this ache. I am always so fucked up in mind dude like on the outside nobody irl knows me. I wanna cry but i cant. I feel like nothing is wrong then why am i doing this to myself.

There are countless things at which i am bad at or lagging behind , i dont wanna compete anymore ngl i dont think i have it in me. What else will i do tho? Just sit? Just like sit for a second? Already doing that , i am just sitting. I dont like to think i have a problem and i should seek help , idk who should i seek help from? who will help? What is the help? Someone gonna come and magically make my brain stop? stop doing what? What is it?? Chemicals??? i am just 19 i really need to get it together.

Tonight i smoked again. I feel the highest while smoking but everything crashes the moment im outta cigs. i want to stop it.

i wanna go therapy but idk if i truly believe in that cuz i dont wanna do it my whole life. Why cant i normally function without outer interference? Feels like puking honestly.

I know getting help is not bad but man i just cant , i will puke while opening up. So much to unpack lmao.

I have been a good kid academically whole my life. I am doing fine rn in college ( am i?) internship/placement season is rough on everyone. Some are strong enough to not go insane. Is this about that? About the deadlines? Everybody has them. What is this about? I am hiding here aswell. Find a cure.

I need someone to hug and not leave until i say so. i think a hug would solve maybe not everything but tonight.

Its 11:11 HAPPINESS PLS

Hope i am a cat in next one.

I know everything happens for a reason but what was the reason ?

Sleeping without an alarm, mom’s yelling will do the job 😋

Today i met my school friends after a year <333 felt complete, happy , healed. They are cutiesss i love them so much ❤️ it was one of my friends birthday, hope all my friends keep smiling throughout :)

Take care of my cuties godzi

Goodnight!

17.10.25 <33

Let them.

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