soooooo the Jam dynamic is very vague in its pure form because I like to have a way to put it in a million different situations (also it's been a while so sorry if the characterizations rusty) (ps if you ever learn this absurd premise for some reason tag me would love to see it)
so im gonna give an example of the specific form i was talking about, since you can diverge sm at any point to create sm diff stories with this is essentially
(i am bad at writing and explaining and it was easier when it was all in my head)
It is like,, mid MH, tim and jay are doin' they hotel shit, and jay, who is cannon gay in alabama kinda struggles with his identity and stuff and he is starting to get closer and closer to tim, and he about how tim doesn't know he is gay, maybe he didn't even realize he liked him when the idea first popped in his mind, bur he is scared though because he doesn't know how tim will react. he values him and tim's connection so much and he doesn't want to lose that again. especially at times like this.
it's the feeling of being so loved and loving someone so much and being so close to them, hell they share a bed half the time, but not knowing if they're actually homophobic as hell. he doesn't want to be hurt, he doesn't wanna do this alone. he burries himself into his work to try and get his thoughts off things, but tim cares for him, he begs him to bed, he makes sure he showers, he takes such loving care of Jay and it only deepens the bittersweetness of their relationship. the loving touches of comfort, the yearning to just reach out and hold him, the desire to have something so pure and sweet in such a horrifying situation, but in conjunction with the unknown is hell for Jay. what if he is just being nice? what if he kicks him out? leaves him for Alex or the Operator to find? What if he tries to "fix" him? he can't be sure. his mind is irrationally buzzing with thoughts whenever he looks at him.
don't get me wrong, he also has a lotta operator shit plaguing his mind too, the operator sickness wrecks him and he feels like he's losing parts of himself. but those moments? with tim? makes him feel normal. makes it seem like the worlds on pause and he can just relax in the arms of someone he loves.
like tim will sit down and just talk to him to get his mind off things, ask him about why he was interested in film in the first place, hear his rambles about his favourite series or critiquing things about other series, and it makes him feel alive. he can actually unwind and for a moment forget everything and just enjoy eachothers company. tim makes him feel so loved and cared for and wanted on such a deep level and he loves that. he loves tim so much.
which only makes his fear of the operator worse
anyways on tims perspective he is just like, caring for someone he loves. no second thought. sure at first he was pissed and had his falling outs with jay but after spending so much time with him he really sees where he was coming from. jay was lost, scared, just wanting answers and in desperate need of help. he doesn't think it's okay still but he understands. he forgives. now he'd do anything for jay. he deeply cares for him, again he is really busy with being on that hot girl shit and running from the operator but he can recognize he feels deeply for jay. does he have the language to express that? probably not entirely. but he shows it. he makes sure Jay is taking care of himself, he protects Jay at any cost, and worries deeply for him.
he does all of this knowing and trusting full well Jay would and does the same back for him. Jay doesn't do the SAME stuff back for him but he does it in his own ways. Making sure tim is taking his meds, sleeping well, helping him through whatever mental stress is too much for him at that moment, he feels safe to confide in him and go to him when the world is too much because he knows jay is always right there. they're with each other through thick and thin. he has found "what to do in case of a seizure" , "how to help someone in a panic attack" etc on jays laptop history. he may not show his love in the same way but he puts in the effort and cares.
anyways that's basically typical jam but i like to think whenever its brought up is when this hc can really shine in the angst comfort side,
so whether Tim noticed jay being upset and asked or Jay simply just manages the courage to tell him, i think you can have a really beautiful scene there (that probably could be a lot better than what i am about to write)
jay just breaking loose and word vomiting everything poorly, about his fears, his love, his desire for this to change nothing between them, just everything out like blehhh and Tim is immediately into consoling mode and is tryna calm him down and asking what he means, how could he ever hate him? and jay is like cuz i love you and am gay! and he is like okay i love you too and jay realizes he doesn't know what gay means but says he loves him back and he like makes extra sure he understands that right and
then jay can start talking and opening up about his struggles for once, probably only telling a little bit to alex far far back, and he just opens up about everything and all his struggles and tim listens intently while he talks, i imagine atp tim is probably holding him, playing with his hair softly to try and give him some comfort while he talks about what is obviously and extremely heavy topic for him
and after that the fic can continue with tim helping him feel more loved and accepted and him helping jay on his path to learn to love himself again.
of course there will always be operator bs but when they have each other to help them through it.
this of course makes tim blame himself all the more when jay dies and fucks with his mind a lot but ehh i am too tired from writing this to add a detailed angst at the end. maybe one day:3
stormborns
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