That's Not OK, Cupid

Online dating is a tragic comedy. I'm judgmental. This blog is a marriage of those two things.

[okcgems-blog]

All of this is not OK/None of this is OK

There is a lot of 4th through 27th date information here. But at least, you will not be surprised when he cries/gets an eviction notice.

http://www.okcupid.com/profile/Dagenite

[okcgems-blog]

You took a wrong turn back there at "Grindr"

DUDE: hey you wanna hook up tonight?? im soooo bored and single lol

ME: Man...I would, but:

- you're short

- YOLO happened in your profile

- You spell sports with a 'z'

- You use 'LOL' senselessly/needlessly and, I fear, compulsively?

Thanks for playin'

[okcgems-blog]

The Devil is in the Details, Ese

So you're only going to fill out ONE section--no, one LINE--of your OKC profile. I sort of get it...the confidence that that might suggest. Maybe, just make sure you spell it right, ese. (Kudos, for not fucking up the your/you're)

YOU SHOULD MESSAGE ME IF: You're a cool laid back girl who know's how to have a good time

I am well versed in good times of all flavors, I also know that spelling matters (a lot). English fails are NOT OK, Cupid.

[okcgems-blog]

The Anti-Innuendo

You should message me if you have a moment to be sexually submissive..mild to extreme. I prefer submissive women who are thin and tiny. Submissive men can have fun with me. Submissive couples? Hard to find.

Really?! This is the match you are suggesting for me? That’s not OK, Cupid. Ferreals.

[okcgems-blog]

You Left out the "Humble" Part

What I’m doing with my life? Just barely keeping it together with the help of some fraying dental floss and not getting laid nearly enough.

This guy:

I have 3 Masters degrees, have visited 22 countries and 40 states on 4 continents. I have lived all over the US, flown light airplanes and gliders, run the only 10k in the US that goes 5280ft straight up (start to finish), and am looking forward to even more of life’s adventures.

I kinda hate you, sir (and anyone with three Master's degrees knows you should spell out numerals 10 or lower).

[okcgems-blog]

The Truth Lies in the Words Not Spoken

2/12: hi how are you doing today?

2/13: Hiiii

2/19: hi how are you doing today?

I am never, ever, ever gonna respond to you, sir. #TaylorSwift

[okcgems-blog]

Close, but no cigar.

The inadvisable decision to forego punctuation and capitalization rendered this intro dead in the water. The final sentence is pure gold though.

"hey gorgeous! i cant help but to say that your intelligence attracts me! i want to get to know the real you because you seem like an amazing person to be around. massage me sometimes"

Massage? No, Not OK, Cupid.

[okcgems-blog]

It's not that deep. Ever.

My OKC profile has ZERO depth and even less spirituality. I talk about high fives and bacon and 90% of my photos include me holding a margarita.

What the fuck is this dude talking about?! 

Good Evening, I must admit I hesitated to send this message not because my soul said so but my head did and after reading more I could not help but to follow my soul as I always try to do. 

Your profile and the woman attached to it is wonderful, different, exotic, out of the box you name it. I love it, I know the spirit the dreamer, the lover, the person that seeks depth in the seen and unseen world. I understand this profile at my core and I must make an attempt at least to engage you in conversation.

"Love" in an OKC intro? That is not OK, Cupid. Jus' sayin'

[okcgems-blog]

Wait, you're black?!

I spend a lot of time thinking about: bacon and margaritas

This girl:

The broken black family. Consumerism among blacks and other minorities. The racial divide within the black community and how ridiculously ignorant people sound when they say crap like, "I only date light skinned people." WTH...I can't even...

Someone should buy her a margarita. Not it.