I always get jealous of the people who are in their lives—are, present tense. Because they get to see them every day, talk to them, hear them laugh. It was never about their exes or the people who purposely flirted with them. Never about the ones they shared a history with. It was always about the ones who got to experience them in the present, while I was absent. Absent, for good. Sometimes, I even get jealous of strangers—those who get to sit next to them on the bus, share a class with them, or even those who accidentally walk past them on the street.
And maybe that’s because I perceived their presence as a privilege. And maybe it was a privilege. At least, through my eyes, it was. "How lucky must they be," I remember thinking to myself. Yet, they don’t know it. Just like you didn’t. Because while I sit here, pouring out all these intrusive thoughts, you go on with your life, and not a single glimpse of mine crosses your sight.
I was never a privilege to you, and I never will be.