My Online Diary @oops-i-forgot-to-say - Tumblr Blog

Life works in mysterious ways

It’s quite funny how much has changed in the last few years. I went from a sad heartbroken girl to someone who is living with her boyfriend in an amazing apartment with two cats. If you told me three years ago that all I had to do was to keep my head held high and to just be patient and the right person will come along, I’d tell you that you were crazy.

I was and still am so picky about the people that I chose to be in my life, I didn’t think that I would have a chance at finding the perfect guy for me. Little did I know that he’d be sitting right in front of me this entire semester.

I don’t really believe in fate, but I do believe in good timing. And boy was it good timing. I had recently just gotten out of a relationship and he had also just gotten out of something and we just happened to be sort of friends in class. One thing lead to another and here we are. Happier than ever.

Yes we’ve had our ups and downs but I mean come on what relationship hasn’t? The down’s make our up’s that much better. We’ve come a long way since the beginning of our relationship and it has blossomed into something so magical and beautiful. Like literally something out of a movie. I still can’t believe that I get to come home to my best friend everyday and to be able to share our days with each other. And to fall asleep next to each other and then wake up the next morning to talk about the dreams we had.

For most this is normal, but to me it was such a far fetched idea that I didn’t think would come true this quickly and this early on in my life. But I am so glad it did. I haven’t been this happy, this consistently in a long time. We’ve only moved in together for 5 months, but it feels like forever already. We’re both soo comfortable around each other and I love being able to share a home together. A real home. Somewhere I can come back to at the end of the day and feel safe and loved and welcomed. Some place I can call my own and to be able to share it with someone that I love.

Needless to say, I am happy. Like really truly happy.

#10/15/18

Falling in Love

What a beautiful yet complicated word “love” is. A word that has so many different meanings to each beholder. The fire that can ignite someone’s soul. The wind beneath someone’s wings. The other half of a whole. All the cliches in the world mixed into one gigantic heart.

Falling in love could be the most wonderful and best thing someone can experience. But it can also be one of the scariest things someone can experience. Falling in love makes you vulnerable. It makes you open pieces of your heart you never thought you’d unleash. You say things that you only hear in fairytales or movies. You start to believe in something you’ve never known before. Love, it’s a crazy thing, and it makes people do crazy things.

I think falling in love is such a magical journey. Now, I know it’s not all rainbows and butterflies. But I think that’s part of the beauty of it. Despite all the downs that you face, you choose to stay with that person. You choose to fight for that person, for your relationship. You choose that person. Over and over again. Because that’s what love is. You make sacrifices, you hurt, you learn, you bleed, you give, and you take. But most importantly, you love. And if you’re lucky enough, you get to love hard and fall hard. And if you’re extremely lucky, the other person is willing to do the same.

And I think I got extremely lucky.

Never in a million years would I have thought that I would have found my prince charming, the person who makes me feel whole inside, the person who I can actually open myself up to. I don’t even know how to put into words how amazing falling in love with the right person feels. It’s nothing money can buy and something you wouldn’t want to trade for anything in the world. I think when you fall in love with the right person, you feel alive. But in a different way. In a way that makes you feel like you’re going to burst with happiness. The feeling you get when you see their face or wake up to a good morning text. The excitement you feel when you pull up to their front door and can’t wait to wrap your arms around them.

Falling in love has taught me so many things. It has taught me to be vulnerable. That it’s okay to let down your walls and to let others in. Throughout my life, I’ve built my walls so high, that not even the tallest person could have climbed them. I was so afraid of letting someone in, to only have them decide to turn around and walk the other way. That’s the thing about love, you do things you never thought of doing.

Love has also taught me how to be more selfless. To give and take less. But I feel like when you love someone so much, this comes naturally. All you want in life is to make them happy. And the worst thing that could happen is seeing them cry. You only want what’s best for them and you’ll do everything you can to help them achieve that.

Love in particular has also taught me that you should trust your heart. Even if there are people telling you otherwise. You should do what’s best for you. Don’t listen to the opinions of others. Learn from your mistakes, they could end up being the best thing that’s ever happened to you. But if you don’t give it a chance, you’ll never find out.

Love has also taught me about sacrifices and compromises. There’s a lot of that when it comes to love. But if you find the right person, no sacrifice would ever be too much.

Lastly, love has taught me how to love. When you find a person who fits your life and your heart so perfectly, you can’t help but fall in love. The dreams you’ve had as a kid have slowly started turning into a reality. One that you wouldn’t have dreamed of happening. You hear stories of people finding their soulmate, but you’ve never imagined that you’d be one of them.

Change is yet to come.

Wow, what a difference time can do to a person. I’ve just spent the past thirty minutes rereading some of my old posts and I can’t believe how much has changed since then.

I’m no longer a sad, depressed teenager who is constantly bitching about how sad her life is. I’m actually really happy and content with how my life is playing out. I’m a thriving just-turned adult (yikes) who somewhat has her shit together. I used to be so depressed and felt so sorry for myself. I’m proud of myself for pulling myself out of that miserable state and being able to own up to my actions and change my life for the better. I don’t however, take back any of the experiences that I’ve had. I think they play a big part in who I am today. I wouldn’t be the same person I am now if I hadn’t experienced all those dark memories. I am so grateful for all the strength that I’ve built up to today to not crawl back into that dark hole. I was in a really bad place mentally when I was younger and I am always making a conscious effort to not go back to that place again. Some days it’s hard. The feelings start to creep back in like the tide that never stops coming back. But most days, I’m fine. I accept that these feelings are starting to flow back in, but I’m strong enough now to absorb these thoughts and feelings but also to let it flow out. I don’t let these negative thoughts consume me like they did in the past.

I think it’s a really important part of self growth to have self reflection. To really dive deep inside of your deepest corners of your soul and to shine light in it. Get rid of all the dust bunnies and open up the windows. It’s hard to keep everything bottled inside. It’s heavy. And it weighs you down. If life has taught me anything, it’s that shit sucks sometimes. But it’s up to you to let it keep you down or to become the bigger person and to rise above it. (cliche i know)

why am i so unhappy with my life, all i want to do is mop and be sad and eat junk food

do you ever just feel empty? like you’re here but you’re not. you’re sad but you don’t know why. or maybe because i’ve just been so sad subconsciously that it’s just a numb feeling.

seabois

If someone wants you in their life, they’ll make room for you. You shouldn’t have to fight for a spot. Never, ever insist yourself to someone who continuously overlooks your worth.

Unknown (via gvwop)

Reflection

Wow, looking back at some of my old posts, I've realized how insignificant some of the stuff I ranted about was. Emotions really take the best of someone and words are said that are just used to hurt people. It's crazy how many stupid things you do in a lifetime. Damn.

New Job, New Me?

So today I received amazing news... I got a job at a company that inspired me to do what I'm doing today. I honestly went into applying thinking I wouldn't get the job, but it wouldn't hurt to just apply and see if I got a phone interview. Little did I know, I ended up getting a phone interview, and a second interview after that. To be honest, I am not the smartest in what I do, so I was hesitant of applying. Thoughts like, "What if I'm not good enough?" or "What if I can't do what they want me to?" I had so many negative thoughts running through my head and I felt so self conscious and not confident. And now, after getting the job, I am still as nervous and self conscious as I was when I first applied. Then I started thinking, why am I nervous? Why do I have all these negative thoughts in my head telling myself I wasn't good enough? Then I got to pondering and thinking, I really need to change what I am doing. I shouldn't be having doubts about my own abilities and strengths. I should be good enough if I got the job. It was this moment that I knew that I had to change what I was doing. I wasn't pushing myself enough. I kept comparing my life and success to others. I kept telling myself I would never be as good or as smart as someone else.

Instead of comparing my own success to other people's, I should be comparing my successes, to my own. My successes will not be the same as other people's nor will my life be the same as other people's. Instead of judging and making decisions on my own life based on others, I should be doing things that push myself to new limits, thus creating new successes. If I didn't want all these negative thoughts in my head about not being good enough, I should take the time to get good at what I am lacking. I shouldn't be sitting around wasting time, moping about how I will never be as good as other people. I could be spending that time building myself up so that I am as good as other people, and if not better.

Even though I am over the moon about this new opportunity in the upcoming summer, I am so nervous and I know that I have a lot of work ahead of me. But this journey will be so worthwhile and help me grow so much that all the hard work will pay off. I just have to take that initial step forward.

***To my future self reading this back, I hope you are proud of where you are and don't be so worried about not being good enough, you are where you are because you are great!

#self reminders are necessary #sorry

Goal:

Try to do something out of my comfort zone every week or month. Whether it is meeting/talking to someone new, trying a new food, hanging out with different people, etc. I need to start pushing myself to grow more, I feel too comfortable, that it is making me uncomfortable.

Fuck you I fucking hate you so much I hope you rot in hell because that is where you belong. If it wasn't for you all this wouldn't have happened. I hope you regret this for the rest of your life. You fucking bitch.