to the unwritten tomorrows

under the stars, where everything starts and nothing ends

[paintedinlight]

paintedinlight Pudding/Katie | she/her | 30

a mutual exclusive multimuse blog that houses muses from: the witcher / expedition 33 / yakuza / many more, including original characters. crossover friendly. oc selective. duplicate friendly.

LINKS: RULES | CARRD | INTEREST TRACKER

rules beneath the cut

Following:

If you follow me first, I’d prefer for you to make the first move in terms of interactions. The easiest way to do this is to send me asks memes (under this tag) or respond to an open starter (under this tag). My DMs are also ALWAYS open to mutuals.

If you prefer me to reach out first, please fill out this interest form so I know exactly what you want from me in terms of interactions.

I am a mutually exclusive blog. If we’re not following one another, I will not respond to your character’s asks nor will I provide you with starters.

I don’t mind if personal blogs follow me so long as you don’t reblog my stuff.

I do not roleplay with anyone under 20.

IN REGARDS TO MY WITCHER MUSES: Please don’t follow me if you hate the show. Go for it, hate it all you want. You are within that right, but I’m also within my right to not want to surround myself with people who are openly hateful toward something I enjoy. I have book based muses, I have show based muses. If you can get past that, then absolutely go ahead and follow, but I’m not in a position where I want to hear about/see how much you hate TWN.

Shipping:

I love shipping! I obviously need chemistry to happen, though, and definitely prefer if I already know the mun well enough before I feel comfortable to ship with someone.

I don’t do anything in regards to sexual writing on this blog. I’m 30, so it’s really just a matter of my preference. I’ll allow things up to a “fade to black” situation, however.

Obviously, nothing explicitly nsft regarding minors. If applicable, I will mention that my older teenage muses have done the deed (because no teen is a saint), but there will be no details nor explanation regarding this. 

General:

If you’re an OC (or even a canon character that doesn’t know my character in canon) do not assume my character knows you. If you want pre-established relationships, you need to come to me first.

You definitely don’t need to match my reply length, but I’d appreciate it if you gave me something to work with so I’m actually able to respond properly.

Feel free to turn asks into threads.

I will likely unfollow you if your attitude is overly negative, or if you reblog a ton of unrelated content to your blog. Run your blog how you want, but I just don’t want to be around it.

Triggers are tagged as “trigger cw”. 

I have no triggers myself in regards to dark subjects. I do, however, have emetophobia which I would appreciate being tagged. I won’t jump at you if you don’t do this, however.

I left out things I felt to be obvious, but if there are issues in the future, I’ll add them here.

CREDITS:

Minnie and Louis Swap Caps - pi-creates Minnie and Louis Swap Videos - gdatyler Icon Border - niixzee

[youtianchef]

Ichiban's admission wasn't surprising, exactly. Guys like them, tangled up with the yakuza and the Liumang since childhood, never had an easy or typical life in the cards. The best they could hope for was a long one, and that still felt true even now they were both out.

But so long as Zhao had the chance, he'd give Ichiban everything - because he wanted it just as fervently. He wanted to share small everyday moments, share space and lives. He wanted to know Ichiban by touch, by scent, and be known in return. He wanted to hold hands and kiss in public, to call each other 'partner' and 'lover' and 'husband', until his fear was just a memory.

He wanted as much time with Ichiban as possible, in a world so uncertain.

Thus, when the other man confessed those sweet, simple, earnest words, Zhao treasured them close even as his response came just as easily. How could he feel any less? "I love you too." He underscored it with another gentle squeeze in his embrace.

[paintedinlight]

Ichiban's grin grew, almost relieved to hear it back. Not like he would've blamed Zhao if he couldn't say it yet. Seemed like he'd been through a lot in his life when it came to stuff like that. It wasn't as though it all came to him easy, either, but the words did. Not totally conscious of it, Ichiban had been searching for a love he could actually attain for a while.

Familial, platonic, romantic-- it hadn't mattered to him. He felt the implications of his friends' love, but he hadn't realized he'd been craving to hear the words until he did.

Zhao loved him, and why shouldn't he believe him?

He hadn't given him a single reason to doubt him before, so taking those words as nothing but the uninhibited truth was another bout of ease.

Leaning in closer, he pressed firm, gentle lips to the crook of Zhao's neck. The affection was brief, but punctuated his feelings nicely. Lifting his head back up, he grinned big at Zhao again.

"I... dunno about you, but I think that's a good vibe to go to bed to." He was sure the adrenaline of the day would have him crashing sooner or later. Probably erring on sooner, given the distinct desire building up to just lean against Zhao and rest.

"You wanna get ready on your own? Or can I just hold onto you a while?" Not like Ichiban would put up a fight either way, but he really didn't want to let go of Zhao in that moment.

[paintedinlight]

explaining myself will probably make me feel better more than anything, so I guess I will for the sake of it.

all right, so I've been (kind of) clearly not been doing well since the end of December. I keep going in an out of my pits and valleys, and that pattern hasn't quite let up yet, even as we're only a week or so from May. it's contributed to my inactivity quite a bit, as well as my social interactions with my rp partners.

apologies for that, I'm just always tired from irl stuff and I'm just Not Great at talking to people unprompted rn. it's nothing personal toward anyone, I'm just Going Through It

on top of all of that! I've been doing a lot of 3D renders the past month or so and that is taking up the bulk of my creative energy. I have a 15 render project that I've been working on since March, as well as a fandom character week thing I'll be (hopefully) contributing 7 renders for. I have 14 renders in total I need to get done. so yeah that's taking up a lot of time and energy, but I'm really happy with how the project is turning out so far, even if the latter half may be more mentally taxing. Plus the bits for the fandom week... just ugh.

I'm tired, and while I'd love to write and yap and do threads rn, I don't have a ton of energy for them rn. I'm only currently replying to like. One of them. I think I only have two officially going on as is, so I do apologize to that other person waiting on me. You know how I just keep making more work for myself.

anyway. this is my explanation saying that I'm still very much around! just depressed and using what energy I do have to work on these projects. my discord is open to those who i've spoken with at least a couple of times via tumblr DMs if you're interested in talking nonsense, bc I still do love to do that.

thank you for understanding <3

[youtianchef]

He could hear the lighthearted joking in Ichiban's half-rhetorical question, but still answered it with a sincere assenting hum on a breath through his nose. Zhao knew the other man wouldn't have pushed before he was ready, would've backed off at the first show of discomfort and tried again later. But he didn't want Mabuchi to win, didn't want to give his bastard of a brother-in-arms any more influence over his life. He didn't want to be ruled by one single, agonizing moment of his life. We wouldn't have let him. We're not ones to give up. "Damn right."

Zhao angled his head subtly into Ichiban's kiss. In a way he couldn't quite define even to himself, his fiance's praise reminded him how real the achievement felt. This wasn't top scores in school, or winning a competition, or taking over the Liumang - it was better, like when he'd help his former subordinates with literacy, or how Auntie Chen would ruffle his hair for getting a recipe right. Something that mattered. The feeling let him melt a bit more into Ichiban's hold, eyes closed again just to bask.

They opened partway when his partner huffed out a warm laugh, not wary but curious. This time, Zhao's smile hewed closer to a grin. "Mine too." He pressed an answering kiss below Ichiban's ear, then nuzzled behind it, before settling once more. "Didn't even know that much good could fit in one day."

[paintedinlight]

"No kidding... I honestly didn't think I'd ever have anything like this... not in a million damn years." He didn't know what he'd really envisioned for himself, in truth. A long career in the yakuza, maybe. Making the boss proud, protecting the young master with his life. Arakawa-san had urged him to look for love, look for something akin to it. It hadn't felt plausible, not with how he repelled most and was instead busy with the numerous tasks related to his job.

Everything with Zhao... it was so brand new, but he was so excited for that change. Despite his actions, he really wasn't in a hurry for anything. He really did just feel so intensely for Zhao. He felt like he needed to act on it before Zhao realized he was way too good for him, or something.

"I love you." The words slipped out with ease, without a real thought behind them. It was just how he felt, and when was Ichiban Kasuga ever quiet about how he felt?

They, like the feeling, were oh-so-new. He hadn't heard them, hadn't spoken them, in decades. But it felt right. How could he not love Zhao?

[paintedinlight]

explaining myself will probably make me feel better more than anything, so I guess I will for the sake of it.

all right, so I've been (kind of) clearly not been doing well since the end of December. I keep going in an out of my pits and valleys, and that pattern hasn't quite let up yet, even as we're only a week or so from May. it's contributed to my inactivity quite a bit, as well as my social interactions with my rp partners.

apologies for that, I'm just always tired from irl stuff and I'm just Not Great at talking to people unprompted rn. it's nothing personal toward anyone, I'm just Going Through It

on top of all of that! I've been doing a lot of 3D renders the past month or so and that is taking up the bulk of my creative energy. I have a 15 render project that I've been working on since March, as well as a fandom character week thing I'll be (hopefully) contributing 7 renders for. I have 14 renders in total I need to get done. so yeah that's taking up a lot of time and energy, but I'm really happy with how the project is turning out so far, even if the latter half may be more mentally taxing. Plus the bits for the fandom week... just ugh.

I'm tired, and while I'd love to write and yap and do threads rn, I don't have a ton of energy for them rn. I'm only currently replying to like. One of them. I think I only have two officially going on as is, so I do apologize to that other person waiting on me. You know how I just keep making more work for myself.

anyway. this is my explanation saying that I'm still very much around! just depressed and using what energy I do have to work on these projects. my discord is open to those who i've spoken with at least a couple of times via tumblr DMs if you're interested in talking nonsense, bc I still do love to do that.

thank you for understanding <3

[youtianchef]

Facing mostly forward again, Zhao let his eyes lid low again when Ichiban started a gentle massage over the scars. He kept his relaxed sigh soundless, in an effort not to distract from the thoughts his fiance clearly sought the right words for. The topic's weight was apparent just from those brief stumbles, so Zhao didn't push, not even to encourage. Might be better to show that through his calm and his silence, this time.

His own hum carried understanding, for both Ichiban and Aoki. From what he remembered about the latter's story, he got why so much care could feel smothering, especially to someone with that much pride who'd grown up in the 'family business'. He also got how sincere all those instances must have been from Ichiban's side, though, and how it must've stung to be pushed away and derided every time. Another reason to admire the compassionate heart his partner still had.

Zhao's half-smile softly resurfaced at the kiss to his shoulder, and broadened a bit further when he could hear a similar one in Ichiban's tone.

He appreciated that, despite their mutual anticipation, the other man didn't rush those last careful touches sweeping over each pale line. Once Ichiban finished, Zhao kept his own movements slow and easy as he turned where he sat. Meeting those sweet dark eyes again stirred up his mix of nervous relief and unvarnished love. It showed clear in his expression for a breath, before Zhao leaned in to wrap his arms round Ichiban. He let out another, more audible sigh through his nose while tucking it against the other's neck.

"Thanks, Ichiban," Zhao murmured. A beat, then his embrace tightened and his eyes shut once more as he added in a whisper, "...Fuck, I'm glad you can touch me." Another slight pause. "I, I think part o' me was... scared, that Mabuchi ruined any chance of this."

He didn't think, he knew, and it wasn't just a part of him that had feared - but Zhao was still looking for the right words too.

[paintedinlight]

Ichiban's arms and hands were still careful as they wrapped around Zhao, making sure to make it relatively easy to let go if he had to. It was something he felt like he hadn't felt in-- ... damn, when was the last time he'd been hugged? Probably not since his dad died. He remembered receiving a number of hugs from the women who worked at Shangri-La, ones he'd refused to reciprocate. He'd been too angry then.

Too proud.

Too devastated.

"It's all right. We wouldn't have let him. We're too stubborn for that, right?" He joked lightly, resting the side of his head against Zhao's. "Even if I couldn't touch you like that yet, it would've been okay." It didn't matter how much he relished in the warmth he was experiencing in that moment. What did it matter if Zhao was upset through it?

"We could've just tried again, and again, and again... And take breaks, obviously. Wait until you were ready. But we're not ones to give up." It would've been all okay to him if he could never hold Zhao like that. Holding his hand was enough for him. But, something told him that Zhao wouldn't have put up with just succumbing to what Mabuchi put him through.

"You did it, though. You did great." Lifting his head back up, he turned it to press a kiss to Zhao's head before leaning against him again. Zhao had always seemed so strong to him. He admired that strength, but cherished the softness he'd been allowed to see since they'd met. Ichiban was still very much looking forward to seeing the casual ease they would eventual grow accustom to once they started living together.

He let out a short breath of a laugh.

"Woo, what a day, huh? Our first real date, getting engaged, 'n' all of this... And getting to share a bed for the first time. I think it might be one of my favorite days ever."

[youtianchef]

"Nah, it's nice," Zhao insisted, slight soft smile apparent in his tone. "Can't really explain why, but it's like... Helps keep me here in the moment, I think. Feels... real." Man, he hadn't thought he'd be this rusty with open honesty, to the point of stumbling over his words. The fact he meant every one was, he hoped, enough to make up for it.

He appreciated the steady pace in the meantime, slow and gentle but never lingering long enough for Zhao to worry. Eyes remaining closed while Ichiban's touch traveled further, he felt the subtle craving itch for more contact spread from his palms up through his arms. Despite how close they were right now, and how important this was - or, maybe because of that? - Zhao wanted so badly to pull Ichiban into an embrace. He wanted more of that realness, more of the other's warmth both physical and metaphorical. Still, he stayed put for now, and tried to focus on his other feelings from moment to moment.

Zhao appreciated his fiance's encouragement, even though he could feel where Ichiban's hands were. The praise that followed was a surprise, but one that only made his heart flutter and reddened the outer curves of his ears. If there was any embarrassment to be found, it was in how Zhao's mind clung to the words. He hadn't quite been lacking for praise in his life... on second thought, that had mostly been teachers back in his school days, and something had always felt hollow about it. But this, simple reassuring compliments from Ichiban, overflowed with sweetness as it both lightened his heart and simmered low in his belly. That could be mentally examined later.

He opened his eyes, baffled, when the other man scrambled to apologize. Even though Ichiban hadn't quite finished with his back yet, Zhao nonetheless looked over his shoulder again. "For what? Bein' sweet to me?" He shifted his posture enough to lean into Ichiban's palms a bit firmer. "You didn't say anything wrong, Ichiban. Honestly, I'm... I'm kinda itchin' to hug you after we're done with my back." Zhao's flush darkened just a little, and he couldn't help punctuating with a sheepish chuckle, as if apologizing in turn.

[paintedinlight]

A hug would've been nice. It gave him something to look forward to, that was for sure. Ichiban would gently rub circles into Zhao's back when he leaned back into his hands, offering him a bit more comfort.

"I--... guess the muscle memory's still there. Or, I guess since it's mainly in my head it's just normal memory? ...Ah, hell if I know. What I mean is just..." The admission wasn't really a failing on his part, so why did he feel so hesitant to talk about it? The sensitivity of the matter, he guessed. It hadn't even really been that long since...

"...Before I got arrested, I used to care for the young master. Ryo Aoki, Masato Arakawa back then. He didn't really like when I'd say stuff like that, 'cause he'd usually tell me to shut up. He hated when I babied him." His voice lost its energy the longer he spoke of him. Despite how much he wanted to pretend it wasn't, the wound was still fresh.

Ichiban hummed out softly, leaning his head down slightly to press another kiss to Zhao's shoulder.

"At least you like it, I guess. I'm lookin' forward to that hug," he remarked, his strengthening smile reaching his voice again. "Better get to it, then, huh?" There wasn't much left of Zhao's back for him to feel, so he was hoping that mean they were pretty much in the clear. For Zhao's sake, he hoped it all was a good sign, that they wouldn't have to worry too much about Ichiban's touch being an issue.

It would only really take a couple more sets of gentle hands for him to finish up feeling his back, to which he'd still keep his movements relatively slow and guarded in case Zhao needed him to stop.

[madcg]

❛ DON'T gotta. that's just fine and dandy, too. seein' the future might be the one thing ya can't do- heh, 'less ya got a crystal ball hidden up yer sleeve! dunno... i wouldn't doubt it. not fer a sec. you're full of surprises... ain't ya, lady? ❜ just keeps on surprisin' and amazing him... helluva woman. nothin' she can't do. ❛ ah, yer just sayin' that! but... thank you. i appreciate it. more than he can say 'preciate you... ❜ taking her face in his hands again (a little steadier and careful this time around!) and pressing his mouth to hers, delicate and lingering. ❛ if they get one or two of my better traits, i can live with that. heh, my good looks and humor! and speakin' of good... i know they're gonna be the sweetest little thing. with a heart twice as big as they are. we're gonna have folks wishin' they had a little one like that. wonderin' who they get that from- mom or dad? answer's right in front of me. they're gunna get all yer good qualities- 'cause there ain't one thing bad or wrong with you. just, good. all good... lucky little thing, ain't they? ❜ resting his forehead against makoto's now. just... taking it all in. thanking his lucky freakin' stars... ❛ i don't see a future in fortune tellin' for me neither, but... if i know anything for damn sure... i know that this kid of ours is gunna be the happiest, most loved little bundle of joy in this world. more than anyone or anything... cutest and coolest too, obviously! heh- how could they not be, havin' us for parents? we're gonna love 'em so freakin' much... and we're gunna give 'em the best life. we're gonna live a good life, the best ever... as a family. not a doubt about it. i love you... love you too, little one. can't forget you! ❜ putting his palm to her stomach again, gentle and careful. lighter than a feather. ❛ we're gonna be just fine- ain't we? way, way better than fine! ❜

[paintedinlight]

The kiss had been needed, far more than she'd known. It grounded her a bit better, filling her with a slow spreading warmth that would hopefully do its job in helping calm her. If there was anything Goro had remarkable skill in, it was in making her feel loved.

There was always that desire to argue with him, but she was getting better at just listening. Letting Goro say what he wanted to say and take it all in, rather than refuting his claims. Not like telling him he was wrong would ever stop him, anyhow. She still wasn't quite to the point of believing him, but perhaps with time. Makoto's big eyes blinked at Majima as their foreheads rested against one another, those eyes looking over the eye that stared back at her.

She wondered if their child's eyes would look like his. She wondered if they'd have a similar mole, maybe his nose. Anything she could see in them that reminded her of him would be adored. Before Goro could say any more, she would reciprocate the kiss.

What he had to say next, though, were right. Nothing would be for sure, but they would be loved. Tremendously, probably almost suffocatingly. More than anything, they would be loved.

She loved him, too. God, she loved him so much.

With his question, Makoto sniffling sharply before she nodded her head affirmatively.

"Yeah... yeah, we'll be just fine."

[youtianchef]

He nodded, and kept the sensation of Ichiban's kiss to his shoulder in mind after turning around. The tension had indeed wound a bit tighter, but far as Zhao could tell, it wasn't in danger of fraying into anything worse. It was just unignorably there, almost a tangible thread pulled taut in the space between them.

Zhao hadn't anticipated so much detail in his fiance's reassuring declaration, but it was such a kind instinct it pulled an adoring smile onto his face for a moment. He kept his eyes low-lidded, not quite shut; he wouldn't let them close until he felt Ichiban's touch again. "'kay," he murmured with another nod, now holding onto the recent memories of the touches over his front as well, to remind himself what to expect.

The gentle press of fingertips on his upper back snared and honed his attention anew. Yet here again, it wasn't whetted too sharp, didn't drag him back to the bad old days. Zhao still knew he was here, in what would soon be their apartment, safe under the hand and gaze of a man he trusted and loved. Taking a measured, silent breath through his nose, to ensure his mind remained clear despite the stubborn little tangle of nerves raveled in his gut, Zhao replied, "Still okay." He let his eyes close then. "I like the way your hands feel."

That tenderness in every brush and press and slide, how they steadied him and tempted him. That callused warmth, melting away his reflexive defenses. Zhao wanted Ichiban's touch on every inch of him, whenever that was and however long it took, over and over until his skin remembered those hands more than Mabuchi's blade.

[paintedinlight]

"Yeah? Didn't know whether the rough feeling of them might make all of this worse. Always got told I should put lotion on 'em more, but I never really got in the habit." Definitely not when he was too much of a punk brat who would've said that putting on lotion was "girly" back then. Man, he was such an idiot back then. He hoped he was finally making his fathers proud by that point.

Ichiban kept going with only a few short pauses in between some of the motions. His hands never lost their gentle touch. One day he wouldn't have to be so gentle. He hoped one day he could press his hands against Zhao without the fear that he might end up making him recoil. They'd get there, he just needed to be patient.

"...We're gettin' there. Almost done," Ichiban attempted to encourage Zhao as he would get farther across his back. "You're doin' great. Bein' so brave." He could hear a voice scolding him. He was being too much again. He was treating him like a kid. Shit--

"--Sorry, I... sorry."

[a-tarrrragon]

[wiedzlak]

❝    oh,    you should still ride a horse every so often,    so the horse doesn’t forget how to carry.    ❞        that is all,    though,    dependent on how much it will snow.    some winters are only harsh in the biting cold,    with fewer snowfalls.    most of the time,    the mountainous valleys of kaedwen are blanketed in layers of snow that don’t melt for weeks and months at a time.

the bard’s powers of deduction are as remarkable as the songs he casts upon the land.    were he not a witcher,    he’d crack a joke about jaskier’s brilliant inference.    but he is a witcher,    and he comes away with a witcher’s silent levelheadedness.    when jaskier sits,    geralt is soon trailing after him,    settling in the seat next to him,    nearer the other witcher so he can keep an eye out on them both.    while mediation rarely comes easily to the products of kaer morhen,    some necessary precaution lingers in geralt’s mind when it comes to making sure jaskier doesn’t change his mind and fling himself down the mountain before geralt has a chance to catch him.

at the other end of the table,    lambert eyes the duo with interest.    jaskier receives the brunt of his scrutiny.    even with the torches lit,    it's still,    geralt hopes,    too dim for jaskier to notice the amused judgement in lambert's eye.        ❝    so,    ❞        begins the brother,        ❝    i assume geralt pushed you up this mountain.    it's not often anyone brings guests here.    ❞        nobody wants to travel with a witcher up the freezing northern mountains to stay in an equally freezing fortress.    those who do  -

❝    he comes of his own accord.    ❞        geralt leans back in his chair,    his gaze roaming from lambert to the empty wall across the large hall.        ❝    didn't you,    jaskier ?    ❞

[paintedinlight]

Once Geralt was secure in the seat beside him, Jaskier had been quick to rest himself against him. It'd been his natural state through much of their journey up the mountain, sharing their warmth as easily as sharing an ale. His eyes were already attempting to close, though he did his best to keep them from doing so.

He opened them fully to present Lambert his attention as he was spoken to, a small grin forming on his features. Funny how Lambert may believe that Geralt was able to push him to do much past what he didn't want to do. Perhaps Geralt hadn't spoken too much of him to his brothers. --Or perhaps they just didn't listen. That answer felt better in his mind.

Geralt responded before he could, and so he was quick to lift his head briefly to nod in affirmation.

"To my own detriment, it seems. But yes, I can confirm that I made the decision of my own free will. I may've been drunk, but ah well. I'm a man of my word, and to part with Geralt and Ciri both for the entire season? My... I fear I would've missed them both too much." Jaskier rested his chin atop Geralt's shoulder, blinking his large blue eyes up at him.

[paintedinlight]

me, having the worst idea ever: okay but what if i gave yagami his own blog

[youtianchef]

Zhao could feel Ichiban's stare on his back like a ghostly touch. He had no idea what the other was thinking, only guess that it weighed heavy in those earnest, pretty eyes. He spent the stretch of silence trying to quash his own self-conscious worries that maybe seeing even more scars was too much for Ichiban, that his fiance would have second thoughts about this whole idea, that in the future he'd be faced with softball excuses to get out of intimacy. Shut the hell up already; you know Ichiban wouldn't be like that, moron.

Even just that first, stuttered syllable hooked Zhao's entire attention. A hint of bafflement soon gave way to more endeared affection. See? Man, what had he done to deserve Ichiban? Zhao was sorely tempted to turn around then and there for a kiss.

Instead, he glanced back over his shoulder with a small, soft smile. "Hey; you're doin' fine, Ichiban. I'm nervous too, but I know I'm safe here. And it's sweet that you asked. Really." A beat of genuine consideration. "...I think for this time, I want you to tell me, yeah. Just so I don't get jumpy when nothin's wrong, 'n I can start getting used to it again." He turned back around, closing his eyes and taking a long, measured, silent breath.

It felt exposing in its own way to be so forthright like this, but Zhao refused to fall back on his usual sly teasing and half-jokes. Not here, not now, not when it mattered so much to both of them.

[paintedinlight]

It was almost funny, how their date had turned into this. Into engagement. Into their first night together. Into exploring Zhao's body, and in turn into the first steps of building more of a physical intimacy between them. This part was... well, he didn't know if "uncomfortable" was the right word. Maybe tense. Yeah, tense felt a bit better in his head. It was tense, but Ichiban was relieved to be allowed to help Zhao take those first steps.

He just... hoped he wouldn't end up fucking it up.

"Got it. I gotcha, Zhao. Speak up if you need me t'stop, okay?" Before Zhao looked away, Ichiban pressed a kiss to the top of his shoulder. One last bit of comfort, reassurance before they continued on.

He waited for Zhao to turn his head back again, carefully preparing himself, too. It would be all right. They would be all right.

"Okay, um-- gonna start. I'm gonna go from top right to bottom right, 'n' keep goin' like that. Like reading a book." A familiar pattern maybe might help? He didn't know. At least it would give Zhao a pattern to anticipate, at least.

"...All right, I'm about to feel." He gave Zhao a moment to brace himself if he needed it, then placed his thumb and the left side of his man against the back of Zhao's right shoulder. The grooves of scar tissue... it vaguely made him wonder if the boss's facial scar had felt similarly. He wondered how it must've felt, having something like that in a place so moved so much. For a moment, Ichiban wondered how he got it.

His mind was wandering. He needed to focus.

"Still okay?"

[wiedzlak]

who ever heard of such a long and ridiculous name ?    thinks geralt,    his mind dwelling on decades past,    when he had once suggested to vesemir that his name span longer than jaskier’s.    he says none of it aloud,    NOR JUDGES THE BARD AS HARSHLY AS HIS THOUGHTS MAKE OUT TO BE.

he doesn’t have to     lambert does it for him,    his gaze sliding from geralt to jaskier and back again.    from here,    geralt doubts jaskier can see the criticism in his gaze,    as if in wonder of just how and why geralt had taken a bard all the way up to kaer morhen.

ㅤ❝    you look like you hardly survived the way up here, jaskier.    ❞

geralt’s lip twitches discernibly as he approaches his brother.        ❝    and you look like you died from the cold three weeks ago.    ❞        they claps forearms in greeting,    then draw into a longer embrace.    HIS OWN FINGERS FEEL STIFF,    still frozen even beneath the protection of his gloves.    he's not certain he nor jaskier would have survived a few more days of this,    with a storm incoming.    the clouds to the northwest have seemed darker than usual.

pulling away,    the witcher returns to jaskier's side,    drawing a quick sniff in through his nose.        ❝    luka's by the fire,    probably asleep.    we'll be staying elsewhere,    a bit farther up.    can you walk up ten flights of stairs,    or are you needing a rest ?    ❞

[paintedinlight]

He felt as though he hardly had, too. It was far rougher than what he'd genuinely expected. Honestly, he thought Geralt and Ciri had talked about the arduous journey in the way they had just to scare him. Jaskier'd had the misfortune in realizing just how truthful their warnings were.

If he'd done poorly, he could only imagine how awful Ciri must've felt on her first trip up. Seemed as though she'd grown used to the cold, however, given how she was already firmly out of the main hall and off to do whatever. Perhaps to see Vesemir, or put her things away. He'd have to ask once she finally reappeared. For the time being, however, he paid more mind to his love and Lambert.

The familiarity was sweet. It triggered a small feeling of guilt within his chest, though it was nothing he wasn't already used to. Perhaps he'd see his own siblings again one day, but today wasn't that day. No use feeling troubled by it.

Jaskier was relieved as Geralt rejoined his side, though his attention was almost immediately swayed by the mention of another. Oh. The red hair, that must've been-- okay, that made far more sense than whatever his brain had cooked up.

"Luka. That would be... another father figure, yes?" Somehow worse than the first, he gathered, but still met with respect despite his temper. Like with Vesemir, Jaskier didn't feel like he knew much of Luka. Not in the way he'd heard about Eskel and Lambert, anyway. He assumed Geralt's own assumption was correct, given that Luka didn't appear eager to correct them.

The concept of a single flight of stairs felt arduous, much less ten, so Jaskier knew his answer to Geralt's question immediately.

"Unless you'd be so kind as to carry me, then I will most certainly be needing a rest." Letting out a soft groan, he'd adjust his weight from one leg to the other. "My entire body is aching. I feel privileged to not have to ride a horse for the next few months..."

Placing a hand down on the table to brace himself, Jaskier moved to start to sit down at the same table as Lambert. He sat a few seats away on the opposite side, allowing Lambert the space he may want, as well as ample space for Geralt to take up.

[madcg]

❛ WE'LL know. don't even gotta sweat it. when the time's right... it's gunna hit us- like a big ol' lightbulb! just gotta let it... ❜ taking and offering a pillow, holdin' it up behind makoto. just wanna make her feel, to be, as comfy and content as possible. at home. ❛ mighta crossed my mind once or twice... yeah. ❜ helluva lot. that time he met the man with the stranger's face. the little doll girl. or, when parents'd sometimes hurry their kids along away from him, 'cause they were staring a little too long. avoidin' the eye. quiet screechin' volumes. eyes betraying what their mouths were too kind to say. stay away from the bad man, from men like him- you don't wanna wind up like him. a good for nothing. part of him got it- gets it. if he had a kid he's gonna have a damn kid...! anywho... never minded the stares- 's only right they'd be curious. scamps. just, didn't wanna scare 'em or nothin' what if it- he- scares them? ❛ but, did i think it- this'd happen? to me? not in a million!... ❜ wonder if folks'd still be able to see it. sense it. prob'ly. the bad. the danger... even without the patch. even if he had two good eyes to his damn name. once you step into the shadows, you're stained for life. right? ❛ think i'd like that. a little lady. yeah- i mean, if we have a little dude, there's a chance he'd turn out like me. and it's a hard life- bein' outta this world handsome. heh. nah... i don't think this world's ready or big enough to handle another me. hell, i don't think we're ready for that... i know i ain't! but, if we have ourselves a little girl, just like you... i'd be damn happy 'bout that. happiest man in the world! you got a hunch? like, mother's intuition. or, whatever they call it. hey- how ya feelin' now? a little better? ❜

[paintedinlight]

Mother's intuition... No, she wasn't sure she had anything like that. Maybe she was too early on for something like that, or maybe she'd never have anything even close. She couldn't keep thinking like that, right? She needed to... well, maybe she just deserved a little time to fall apart. Just a little. To get it out of her system.

Makoto wasn't sobbing anymore, at least, though her eyes continued to tear. Those tears still fell down her cheeks, but she was a little calmer. Every few seconds she'd bring up her hands to wipe away those tears, though they only replaced themselves over and over again. Leaning further against Goro, her face partially pressed to his shoulder, the dampness and then wetness from the tears was clear enough. Nowhere near an unfamiliar feeling, given the several times she'd woken up crying in the middle of the night because of her nightmares.

She finally shook her head, answering his previous question, rather than his most recent.

"I don't know," her small voice uttered. No hunch, no feeling. Just the hope that becoming a mother wouldn't end up feeling like a mistake. The last thing she wanted was for her child's life to be unhappy. "...I think I'd want a son. A boy to be as strong and kind as his father." One she hoped would be happy in his life, to be far happier than the pair of them had lived their first decades.

[youtianchef]

The thought that he could handle this, that maybe all these damn scars wouldn't get in the way of growing closer with Ichiban, now felt more like a certainty than a hope. If it was going this well the first time, maybe it'd only get better with every repetition. Even when Ichiban's hands trailed past both the pàn (叛) carved into his shoulder and the comparatively random cuts on his opposite arm, it didn't raise his hackles. Zhao felt each line, to be sure, but the sweet gentility of his fiance's touch was far more interesting to his every nerve.

He managed a slight smile when their gazes met. Eyes falling shut for a long moment as he subtly leaned into Ichiban's kiss, Zhao found it easier to let his smile widen a bit afterward. "Yeah. I'm good, Ichiban." A soft squeeze to those perfect hands in his. "...Thanks." Everything that one word carried was too much to manage aloud.

When the other man asked about continuing, Zhao did give it a moment of consideration, just to be sure in his answer. "I'm good to keep going," he nodded. "There's a few on my thighs, but my back's got most o' the rest." And with his upper body already bared, showing his back first would be faster.

Zhao only let go of one hand at first while he turned, waiting til the angle got distinctly awkward before letting go. He couldn't deny, not being able to immediately see Ichiban's expression did spike his nerves a little. But, he told himself, this would probably go the same as his front: a heightened awareness, but a comfort as well. A cluster of pale lines crisscrossed over most of his back, the scarring wider wherever the cuts met. They'd been a bitch to heal, even more than most of his others, but Zhao decided against mentioning it. He figured Ichiban could suss that out already; no reason to bring the mood down any further with something they both knew.

[paintedinlight]

There was an initial quiet that came with Ichiban seeing everything on Zhao's back. He needed his moment to stare, to take it in, but also to think things through a bit. It must've been freaky, right? Not knowing when he'd be touching him, unlike the front. So... should he let him know? Was that doing too much? Would that be too much like "kid gloves" to him? ...Y'know, maybe he should just ask.

"Uh--" Ichiban's hesitant voice stuttered out before the words had properly processed in his head. "Do you, uh, want me to tell you? Before I touch? So you know when it's comin'?" He didn't know if it might be necessary, or if he was just getting way too nervous about all of it all over again. Ichiban just... really, really didn't want to freak Zhao out. While he hadn't ever dealt with anyone as scarred up as Zhao, he had encountered several people in jail that hadn't taken kindly to being touched by people they didn't have their eyes on.

"...Or am I just gettin' too nervous about this?" He'd ask a moment later, a small breath of laughter escaping just to ease the bit of tension in the air.

[madcg]

❛ COURSE!... hey. whenever you want. whenever you're ready. then and only then. next week, next month... even if it's never... that's fine, too. 'kay? 's more than fine... ❜ drawing steady, careful circles on her back. smoothin' her hair while he holds her to him. eye burning a hole in the wall (couple more tearin' apart and searing his heart, too...). just, listening to and seein' her like this. feeling so damn helpless. useless... ❛ don't be, darlin'... you got nothin' to be sorry for. no more. sorries, i mean... alright? ❜ chest burning with some of his own (bit back and swallowed down like some ass-tasting medicine...). sorry. so damn sorry. for all that's happened to her. for everything and everyone that's been lost to torn from her. by a world so ruthless, so merciless, it thinks less than nothin' of snapping up and devouring anything and anyone in its way- just one girl, one little lot, for billions, countless, yen. same one he belongs? to. sorry. for bringin' it up. sorry i'm good fer nothin' so bad at this. but, running the risk of bein' a 'do as i say, not as i do' asshat, he's biting his lip instead. holding his tongue. quiet. silent. just, holding her. slow, gentle circles at her back. fingers working through her hair again. just wanna be good. better so much more than he is. for her- because of her. for them. is that enough, though? or, is it too much? is he? to want to overwhelm a life, drown and choke it, with happiness. light. ❛ how 'bout we talk names, huh? if it's a boy, i'm thinkin'... kogoro. and if it's a girl... goroko! heh, i'm kiddin'... obviously! i got a feelin' we're gonna have us a little lady, though. whaddya think, okaachan? should we put some dough on it? nah. that ain't right, is it? bettin' on yer baby... ❜

[paintedinlight]

It wasn't his fault she felt so defeated. He was the one to keep her afloat after all that time. She been doing well, standing on her own two feet, but Makoto still needed someone to lean on every so often when it all felt too heavy. Even then, she felt like an idiot for crying as much as she still did within the walls of their home.

It was rarer now, but it still filled her with a distinct shame.

She sniffled softly as Goro half-heartedly suggested names for their child. A boy, a girl... She wasn't sure, really. Part of her quietly begged for a boy, to not give the world a chance to do to her daughter what had been done to her. Maybe they could raise a good boy. But, that was a ways off. A whole lifetime away.

"I don't know," she offered unhelpfully, "I hadn't thought about it before." Motherhood had never really been a goal of hers. Maybe a happy point in her future, but nothing that felt totally real or tangible to her, almost as unthinkable as marriage had been. Maybe it was melancholic, almost cynical, of her, but she just hadn't thought of herself as someone who'd find that kind of contented happiness in her life. Not in China, and almost certainly not Japan after the hell she'd endured.

But now as it was all coming closer into view, she felt unprepared. Her life wasn't pure tragedy, but the soft moments of her life hadn't prepared her for dreams as vivid as these.

"Have you? ...Thought about it much, I mean." They both had a lot of time to figure it out, even if he hadn't really. About seven months or so. Seven months to get married, to prepare themselves to become parents. Seven months for her to try to get her shit together.

"You want it to be a girl?"