Accepting my boyfriend is ABDL
I thought Iād write a little about how I have gone from my initial reaction to my boyfriendās coming out as ABDL (adult baby, diaper lover), which was along these lines:
OK, you like a harmless, peculiar, thing. I find the thought of you indulging in it unappealing, and a bit of a turn off, but I am happy for you to indulge, as long as you are happy for me not to be involved. Never hide it from me, and never be ashamed.
To my current feelings, which are:Ā
I GET TO BE A LITTLE GIRL! I AM EXCITE! And hopefully that will go well and then I can be a caregiver to you as a little too! And then we can play TOGETHER as a pair of littles! And oh my gosh, itād be great if I can go to his event soon with him.
How did this change happen? Iāve thought about it at length. The things that have really helped have been:
1. He explained at the start that itās not entirely just sexual (in fact, I think he said it wasnāt really sexual at all - hah! I think that was a white lie, what I needed to hear at the time). He clearly explained to me how itās about feeling safe, cosy, loved and being in a different frame of mind where the usual adult junk doesnāt matter. I know for some people itās not sexual at all, and for others, itās majorly sexy, but what he said made me comfortable at the time. He used the phraseĀ āage playā to describe his fetish, which I found easier to deal with thanĀ ādiaper fetishā or something.Ā
2. He made it clear I could ask ANY questions, WHENEVER I wanted, and made sure he answered them all sincerely, frankly, and as as clearly as he could. Some of them took a while to answer - like when I started to ask how it is sexy to him. This is because he hasnāt had to answer those questions before. If he was stuck on how to answer something, he told me so, and I patiently put it on the back-burner. I found his frankness, clarity of thought and ability to articulate some difficult stuff really attractive. Heās a goodĀ āun.Ā
3. He made it clear that I donāt have to do anything or get involved. It could entirely just be his thing, that he goes off to events to enjoy a few times a year, or in his alone time. This put me at ease - no pressure! That was great.Ā
4. When I started exploring the fetish, he expressed how super happy it made him (even if it was a bit surreal for him!). I checked out some sites, to see what sort of clothes he might wear, and when I felt brave enough, sent him a link to a romper that I thought he could get away with wearing as cute pajamas around the house, that wasnāt TOO babyish. He made it clear he was really touched that I was even curious. Positive reinforcement is a great motivator!
5. He explained to me that it isnāt related to some childhood trauma, and stressed that he had a brilliant childhood. He tackled that subject head on, and that put my mind at rest, and meant I wasnāt wondering about how to engage in such a delicate conversation. Itās not my business, of course, unless he chooses to make it as such, but I would hate to accidentally trigger some disturbing memories in chatting around ABDL stuff. I know this will vary a lot for other folk, and I have my own issues in that area, but it helped me to understand that itās just how he is built.Ā
6. He made it clear it didnāt involve anyone else, aside from folk he plays with at events / meet ups, and the folk who change him. He doesnāt have what Iād now call a caregiver, and events donāt involve any sexy happenings with other people.Ā
7. When I expressed an interest in seeing sexy changing times, he hooked me right up with some videos. Iāve got a soft spot for porn where one partner is submissive and dominated in the most genteel way (massage videos?! Jeez, I canāt imagine just lying there in the buff, fully lit, in such an intense situation. I know, Iām such a weed :D ). This has replaced the slightly rougher stuff I was into when I was younger. After seeing a few bits on Tumblr, I realised that changing times might be considered gentle sub-dom. It was a bit less weird than I expected. In fact, the first video I chose to watch featured lockable mittens and I was over the moon to see such adorable fetish equipment. Now Iāve seen some that are downright hot. Lovely smut :) Ā
8. We talk about our fantasies. This isnāt always easy, and I think he still worries about me being grossed out by his interests, but the long and short of it is, my boyfriend wants me to wear some giant padded undies, cute clothes that I adore, and take me for a picnic. I may or may not find it super sexy, but that just sounds like a great afternoon! And I wouldnāt have to pee in the bushes in the park ;). I know that if I wanted to try something different, heād be happy to hear me out and give it some serious thought.Ā
9. Finally, and most importantly, I think, is he has both a sense of scale and a sense of humour about his ABDL desires. For instance, when I told him I was curious and interested in trying out being a little, he asked if he had to watch Formula 1 with me in return, a sport I love and he thinks is rubbish. Newp ;). His ability to laugh at the situation keeps me at ease.
Itās not been an overnight thing, itās taken a couple of months for me to reach this point. I can honestly say I 100% *support* him in his interests, and some of them now sound super appealing and fun to me, and I hope that I will enjoy partaking too. I know that I might not - all sorts of situations are appealing in the mind and then you get into them and think.. oh shit, no. Not for me. But Iāll continue to support him, and I know that I have now accepted this part of him, which I was worried I never fully could.
blakekathryn
tangentwithtanner
