Pangolin's Pangolin'

Welcome to Disappointment

[teaboot]

I think that if you had enough daughters AND played your cards right you could spring Mambo Number Five out at the EXACT right gathering and shatter your entire family's trust forever

[teaboot]

The secret is to name them out of order with the lyrics so by the time anyone catches on it's too late

[teaboot]

For me personally the ideal gathering would be my funeral

[teaboot]

A little bit for Monica, she's my wife

A little bit for Erica, for her strife

My books all go to Rita, cause she reads

My greenhouse goes to Tina, she plants trees

The furniture is Sandra's, on my lawn

Jewelry for Mary, she can pawn

Ashes go to Jessica, that's my plan

A little bit of me inside a can (ah!)

[literallymechanical]

This is a contender for my new favorite fusion paper. How does it feel to be the realest god damn scientist on the planet Dr. Smiet

[urie]

[hometoursandotherstuff]

[hometoursandotherstuff]

He looks like he saw a human and is screaming.

[hometoursandotherstuff]

[hexbugswallower]

“91% of intranets exist”— really head-scratching opener to a LinkedIn post

[mevil]

[disaster-magnet]

Theres currently some crows nesting on the building opposite us, and they still remember that we used to put out bird food years ago (had to stop because of too many neighbour complaints of loud jackdaws in the garden), and have managed to work out that they need a sneaky way to get food without alerting all the other birds.

This has had the consequence of me having to inform my flatmate that if he hears a polite knock at the kitchen window he needs to feed the crows or they WILL start trying to steal our cookbooks.

[venndaai]

have you guys heard about the greenland shark. some crazy shit happening there.

[venndaai]

they are sexually mature at ONE HUNDRED AND FIFTY YEARS OLD.

their (live!) young gestate for. wait for it. eight to eighteen (??) YEARS. can have up to 10 at a time. good grief.

longest lifespan of any vertebrate, up to five hundred years

toxic flesh

has giant eyes but is usually blind because of a weird little crustacean that's evolved to live on and eat their eyes. this doesn't seem to bother them much.

lives in deep cold water and has the lowest swim speed and tail-beat frequency for its size across all fish species. just generally lives life in extreme slow motion

largest genome of any shark

eats everything including moose and polar bears

ma'am you are delightfully strange and I'm privileged to share a planet with you

[fluorescentbrains]

this post prompted me to refresh my memory on Greenland Shark Facts and this detail about how they feed goes so hard

just vacuuming up their unsuspecting prey. whole !

[muffinlance]

Good news good news good news! Recent research suggests the eye parasites do NOT blind them!

Eye-opening research: Greenland sharks maintain vision for centuries through DNA repair mechanism

Dorota Skowronska-Krawczyk sits in her office, eyes fixed on the computer monitor in front of her. "You see it move its eye," says the UC Ir

I <3 you a normal amount Greenland sharks

[hometoursandotherstuff]

[macmanx]

A NASA spacecraft discovers a formation on Mars resembling a bear

NASA's Mars Reconnaissance Orbiter snapped the uncanny photo in December. Eyes are formed by craters. A hill with a "V-shaped collapse struc

Come on [tumblr] where’s my Mars Bear fanart?

[sirartwork]

[captain-price-returns]

Go for it. I don't even care any more.

[inwardhardar]

These scientists are frantically leaving haunting voice recordings and health packs around their lab as we speak. Look, that one's writing a message in blood on the wall.

[unowers]

odysseus of ithaca rocking a bowl cut wielding a sword from the poetic edda dressed in a gaudy purple gangster outfit raised a japanese girl and has a special skill that allows her to slime out her american coworker who calls her “mama” i love limbus company

[apricops]

can I just say that we all owe Kojima an apology for Metal Gear Solid 2? He looked right into the camera and said “the future of information control will not be censorship, it will be drowning people in trivial noise and misinformation until people partition themselves into their own separate realities” in TWO THOUSAND AND ONE. Three years before Facebook existed. Kojima gave us the biggest Babe-Ruth-pointing-at-the-sky called shot of all time and we weren’t ready for it.

[apricops]

Raiden is a diegetic video game character who is an anxious millennial being told to replicate the past while living in different circumstances who is a parallel between the player obediently accepting the limitations of the game and a soldier taking orders. And he gets sexually harassed by the president of the United States of America.

[yamada-ryo]

are you out of your mind

[prokopetz]

"The Ancients were capable of wondrous things, but they often made mistakes, and 'dungeons' are the outcome of those mistakes" is a common conceit in dungeon-crawling fantasy, but the Ancients' fuckups are typically framed as products of hubris or madness. I want to see a setting where they messed up for the same reason that real-world engineering and public works projects often come to horrifying ends. The safety reports were suppressed because the architect was somebody's cousin. The plans clearly called for unobtanium rods, but a malfeasant contractor swapped them for mudanium and pocketed the difference. Somebody got sick of having to re-summon the hellgate each dawn and propped it open with a shoe.