Introspecting Doll

This is Paputsza's introspection blog. It's where she whines about things. It's just a place for current thoughts and opinions because to understand others you must understand yourself. That said, a lot of the thoughts, feelings, and opinions expressed...

[paputszasintrospections]

So here’s the thing, Contrapoints said not to fix white men, and that’s for them to fix, and like look at me. I’m the last person who should be chiming up about this but I’m doing it anyways as like a shot in the dark. Like there’s been a lot of shootings, so I want to ponder this stuff. I’m going to try to explain this in lcs terms.

So being interested in video games, a streamer/caster LS said something about how smiley and cheerful every team that loses in the NA lcs is, whereas Korean men seem way more distraught. Even Korean men like Crown, who had just lost his game in NA. And my first thought was that maybe it was because there’s a strong prevalence for depression in Korea so maybe that it’s not a bad thing. But then I saw fnatic lose, and the adc, Rekkles, was also pretty clearly distraught more tha American also.

So I don’t think that Americans are just not upset when they lose, I feel like they are just discouraged from responding to a loss. IWillDominate for instance, had an episode where he cracked his keyboard in half a while back. It may or may not have ruined his career, he was definitely fined. It was a big deal. I think that the American expression of anger and disappointment may just be a lot more violent that other regions’ so basically everyone just avoids it.

But yeah, I guess there are different reactions to disappointment and sadness depending on region. The European trend is a sadness that turns to acceptance, possibly too much, and the American one is sadness leads to explosions, and then let it go, and Asia, judging from webnovels, just lets that shit fester. There’s probably some sort of ties to the five stages of grief that certain broad cultures lean on, possibly due to a historical necessity every time they are the “loser” before or if they move on to acceptance.

As a side I respect everyone i mentioned, and I feel like they’re all really intelligent except LS, which is why I feel like they can represent their culture as a whole.

[paputszasintrospections]

I may just not actually be high maintenance. I may just be a incredibly camp and slightly lazy.

[paputszasintrospections]

So every once in a while I find a negative label that fits me perfectly. I’m a “nice girl” possibly. Here’s the thing, I feel like guys want me to respect them, and like I just can’t completely. Or it’s not like I don’t respect that as humans, or in whatever their skillset is, but I don’t respect their abilities in combat or general survivability. It’s not that I mind the indoorsy type, as I am indoorsy, and I have indoorsy hobbies, but it’s just a thing I tend to question due to my environment. Also, I’ll go outside if there’s something neat happening. I go outside on vacations, which is why if I’m bringing up going outside I’m probably going to discuss some weird part of the world. But yeah, I think I come off a little intimidating. More than I intend to. They see right through me.

[paputszasintrospections]

China

So here’s my take on the whole China thing. So I’ve been silently judging the Chinese government and economy for the past year so this is going to be a kind of edgy post, possibly. Since I’m into league of legends and esports for it, which is basically owned by Tencent. I kind of understand, since most people who play lol are Chinese probably. It’s just a much bigger game over there. In the US, it’s like “lol, you mean lots of love, right?” And they’re good competitors, so I really don’t care. The tencent company is a little edgy though. I think they’re using that honor system in the game to decide whether or not you are a potential terrorist and can take the train or something. Tyler1 would have definitely been harvested by now had he been living in China. Secondly, there’s the treatment of basically all the religions. I got concerned when the Chinese government started trying to mess with the Dalai llama and Tibet, a pretty peaceful group of people. More recently it’s harshly abusing Muslims in China, and that’s a no go for me too.

So here’s the thing. Feelings aside for everyone in Asia, since I like most of the people there about the same except faker, but similar to how I appreciate the rainforest because of all the oxygen it provides me with, and how my entire life has developed around that state of oxygen balance, it’s the same with Chinese workers. Their workforce is ginormous as a place with the highest population in the world, and the world has adjusted to their economy.

My problem, with the way the current government is going, is it’s leaning to more of an authoritarian rule. They have a one party system and Xi Jinping, as adorable as he is, keeps staying in power, kind of dictator-esque. Now, Putin is doing the same thing, and that doesn’t seem to be much worse, Xi is also trying to have “face” and for it to actually matter what people say about him. He somehow got salty when people started saying he looked like Winnie the Pooh, which is a very harmless image for a sixty year old politician to have. I would wish my president would look as good as Winnie the Pooh. And like you can see it, in the face. My president’s face looks like a mutated hybrid between a dehydrated orange and a butt.

To be honest with you, if China becomes any more undemocratic and anti-free market, I don’t think the rest of the world will be able to do business with them. I heard that communism and democracy can’t co-exist from a history teacher back in the day. If china starts treating people better for being a good Chinese citizen or whatever, it basically makes them a little too close to North Korea. But yeah, the main reason people were willing to work with China regardless of how they treat their people is because of the very free market. It isn’t free anymore. A society in which China gets rid of it’s ties to everyone else and we do our own thing is annoying, but it’s still doable. All their jobs can probably be done by robots by now.

However, I’m concerned with this whole Hong Kong thing. China seem like a place where a lot of Chinese journalists and dissenters would flee to if they got on the wrong side of the Chinese government, like saying dark and truthful things about them. I’m pretty sure that the Chinese media is going in a direction of anti-Japanese anti-whoever anti-anti-Chinese government “Be a good Chinese citizen” “don’t you want to be a good Chinese citizen” “there’s good Chinese citizens and bad Chinese citizens” direction. Just based off of the Chinese webnovels I’m reading. However, while Chinese people are being warmed up to the thought processes of North Korea, they very much like to think of themselves of democrats who can speak their minds, or at least that’s what I infer. While, that is ideal, I don’t think that’s the case persay right now. I can see a lot of those people getting murked too, for talking shit, which is why I like to have Hong Kong as it’s own little independent place where China has to look them in the eye and explain why they want to bring someone back to their country in public and not just snatch them.

So basically, for everyone’s sake, I think it would be better for China to just step back from Hong Kong.

At least that’s how I see it as a skeptic that can somehow not believe anyone while trusting their perspective.

[paputszasintrospections]

I just want a guy who's handsome, cute, has a six pack, has an 8+ inch penis, does all the cooking, all the cleaning, pays me, raises my offspring, gives birth to my offspring(if god allows), is a Michelin star chef, and is a replenishable source of fuel and electricity.

[paputszasintrospections]

Okay, so I've been on reddit because I discovered card view. I'm back here to rant angrily, however it will only come out being sassy, because I'm polite.

I'll be ranting about both sides of the political spectrum. The feminists and men. My main problem with feminists is that they refuse anyone else's opinion. Someone posted an article to a female gaming forum that you should give trolls attention so they stop, and someone argued with me using the same unsourced opinion piece article and blamed it on society being to "jokey", But like, trolling isn't a social thing, it's an animal thing. I've met troll toddlers, and troll kittens, i mean, maybe it is a social thing, because those are social creatures, but a very primal social thing, more primal than human speech. Interacting is a social thing. I kind of see verbally expressing your feelings as a means to an end though, so if it's useless, I won't do it. My problem is that feminists don't have any understanding of human or animal psychology. 

Now men. A lot of them say things like "you don't need to wear makeup to be attractive”, and it's the most insulting compliment in the entire world.  I'm like "it's who I am, mom!" Because I wear makeup for me mostly, but also to impress other women. Not to attract men. Men can't really see makeup that easily. They are pretty much just attracted to nudity. It's like if a girl was shown a guy's personally remodelled original ford jalopy from the 20s and was like "you don't need to drive a nice car to be attractive to women". I think that men actually will try to dress uniquely to impress women, but for women due to thousands of years of having our main worth being our appearance we've created a special aesthetic culture and I'm going with the flow of society like most people. Our bodies are our canvas. And wise words by Meteos are "if you see someone put a lot of effort into something because they enjoy it, compliment it".

[paputszasintrospections]

Okay, so I'm going to discuss the croissants I made

So I struggled for about half a week but I finally managed to make croissants. I can't really do bread, right. Like there are recipes, but I get tired of looking at them after the first day, and there's too many variables in bread. Here is my journey

First I added bread flour to yeast, milk, sugar, salt, an egg, and salted butter. I kneeded it, moistened it a bit with water, and let it sit out overnight in my cool house overnight. The next day I added Seminole flour for some reason because it was in my pantry, added sugar and more water too. Its weird, making bread is a battle to keep yeast alive and get bread gluttony but not tough.

Then I put it in my fridge and it basically froze because my fridge is way too cold. And I let it there until I was ready, taking it out occasionally. I rolled it out into a square and painstakingly got my frozen butter to room temperature, then put it in a ziplock to mold it into a square, then froze it for 5 more minutes, then wrapped the dough with it completely kind of like a box, then had to let the butter defrost to be more malleable, and be as malleable as the dough. Then I rolled it twice and noticed the dough wanted to break apart. I feel like it takes time for gluten to calm down and reorient itself after folding. So the next day I took the dough out of the fridge and let it defrost and then folded and rolled out the dough two times every hour or so because that's what it would take. Then I cut it into little acute triangles, rolled the long point flatter and the made the croissant shape, however incorrectly, but it was too late.

So the next day I am ready to bake, and I put the croissants on a preheated pizza stone because I thought it would be good for bread. However, apparently butter croissants leak butter and it started a grease fire, then my house burned down, please send help at.... I'm kidding. I got the fire out and cleaned the oven, eventually the croissants went back in on cookie sheets and all was well once the smoke cleared.

Now I have delicious and buttery croissants, or at least I did before other people ate them. They were gone in 12 hours.

By the way, I put a container of water in the oven too so the bread would be less dry and brushed the croissants fully with a beaten egg. The recipe ended up yielding 25 trapezoidal baby croissants. They were buttery and flaky, chewy, and layered and I miss them dearly. 10/10 worst addiction after meth. I didn't even care when the oven caught on fire for more than like 10 minutes because the croissants were falling.

Next time I think I'll leave the dough kneading portion because you know when dough is ready in your heart, lower the temperature of the fridge, fold the dough every hour starting in the morning and not at 10 pm, and not start a fire by using a pan with a lip.

[paputszasintrospections]

I just tried an airfyer and it wasn’t bad considering all the research I did on it that said it was bad. Like there was a blog post where they showed the best airfryer and it had a picture of half burnt fries. Another review said it only worked for frozen fries from a bag at the grocery store that are basically mashed potatoes and flour pressed into shapes. (I’m not a fan of it)On the odd chance that my method is different I will tell you my method.

1. peel and cut fries however, putting in bucket of water

2. Rinse and soak fries for at least 5 minutes, upwards of 30 I think. This basically gets rid of starch, a deliscious calorie that makes potatoes soggy.

3. coat in oil, I used corn oil. Coat the fries allover and dash a little in the pan. Honestly, frying food breaks me out which is the only reason I care to use the air fryer, that and it’s much cleaner and doesn’t take cups of oil. The benefits go on. I’m not taking the low calorie option here. Maybe use olive oil. Tell me how it goes

4. Put in fryer. Fry until golden brown around the edges.

And there you have it. Cooked potatoes that are french fry enough. Cover in chili and cheese or whatever you have that can go on fries.

[paputszasintrospections]

So here’s the thing. I dislike how holidays have been going recently. This sounds bad, but my extended family has moved nearby and I’m really introverted, but this basically means that everything is very different and the food is more jamaican and i hate it. My mom has taken it upon herself twice already to order all her food from olive garden out of obligation to seem like the one responsible for food. My dad usually makes lamb, this time he made brown chicken. I had a tradition of eating lamb, green bean casserole, soup, home made bread, mashed potatoes, and a swiss roll log and now The food is boiled chicken, rice and peas, some sort of boiled root and pumpkin mix, and fruitcake. Someone also made fish and there are a lot of vegan options. Also, the food has 0 pepper and salt because some people are really old and really young. But yeah, i have anxiety and there isn’t anything i can pretend to eat.

[paputszasintrospections]

Tbh high schoolers have the most interesting purse items. As an adult it’s like liptick, keys, napkin, and a wallet, but when you have to go a while with just a purse the typical items are pens, notebooks, graphing calculators, a terabyte of storage, a caligraphy set, flash drives to remove the password from any computer. The list goes on.

[paputszasintrospections]

I’m reasing an incarnation story and coming up with a 5d castration experience.

[paputszasintrospections]

I’m really proud that most of my trans jokes only offend non trans people, but life is easier for everyone if I don’t say them. Like calling a trans woman attracted to women a lesbian is a joke to non trans people, because of sheer confusion about “what is gender” and I’m pretty sure a lost sjw may end up raging at me. It’s not really a joke, it’s just a troll statement.

I think you need to somewhat believe troll statements at some point. Like the time I couldn’t tell two Indonesian youtubers apart because it was the same person in another video but with a different hair color. Everyone needs to be taken on the journey with me, think I’m an idiot with me.

[paputszasintrospections]

...my neighbor just argued with her son. They said “ain’t shit” about something and she called him “my nigga”. Kid is like 7.

[paputszasintrospections]

So I have a lot of things in my mind that are "logic I know exists" and then there's my logic. They are different things for me. I notice some people, are trying to hit the lowest common denominator though and I think that triggers me. I think practice makes it easier to hit that number. Sometimes that's good because you are doing more, but sometimes you are doing too much. So I want to sit and wait for the world to meet me halfway. At least that's how I think it is with social issues as a weirdo who doesn't go outside.

[paputszasintrospections]

The phrase of the month

Sex things 😛 Use when talking about sex, in exactly that way, emoticon required. If in real life you must also make that face.

[paputszasintrospections]

Maybe - this is just an inside thought definitely oh boyo am I probably wrong

But video games may be good for retired people, especially the interactive ones. It uses their brain and doesn't require any physical strain. I can see video games being a thing for retired people in 10-20 years.

[paputszasintrospections]

I remember when it was "land of the free and home of the brave" and not "land of conforming and home of the fear mongered."