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@parisgoodbyes
#PARISGOODBYES , i don't know why i am the way i am. there's something in the static, i think i've been having revelations coming to, in the front seat, nearly empty. skip the exit to our old street and go home / a private multimuse literary sideblog haunted by adri.
muses. wanted plots.
aside from all current threads , i've decided to clean out the rest of my drafts to start fresh so like for a starter from any of my muses here ! and if you don't mind, please indicate who you'd like in the comments.
he bites the inside of his cheek, the way he once bit the inside of her thigh. she’s two steps above him, his head hanging with irritation. “yeah, we agreed — but i pictured some rando from econ, not—” his jaw flexes, name withheld like a swallowed piece of glass. “— that egotistical asshole.” brody hayes— tau sig golden boy, linebacker shoulders, colgate commercial grin, always walking across the quad like a billboard for protein powder. axil hated his guts. "i just hate the idea of him and his greasy hands all over you. was it even good?" he shifts his weight, throat working. truth is, he isn’t asking to gauge technique or if brody could even get it up. he’s asking if she felt seen, if some part of her sparked the way they spark.
"i didn't single him out of a million guys . i was out , he was there . one thing led to another .. do i really have to explain to you what happens when two people meet ?" looks away , feeling exposed underneath his gaze oozing deceit from someone who allowed her to do as she pleased just like she handed him the same notion . "don't ask me questions you don't want the answer to , axil ." it was good , but it wasn't what she had with him . and she refused to enter that snake pit knowing she was the one who would get bitten . swallowing to wet her mouth , she fights the urge to reach out and touch him like that would make up for the fact she'd done something he may possibly deem unforgivable .
"what about you? are you happy?" maybe the question is unfair, watching her own reflection warp across the latte’s trembling surface. but fairness had never been for them, had it? she lifts her gaze, lashes feather light but heart suddenly heavier than bone. of course she wants him to say yes — healthy, mature answer, tied with a polite bow. but an unspoken core hopes he’ll falter, that his smile will slip at the edges. it’s ugly, that hope, green-tinged and glinting, yet she can’t scrub it out. because if he isn’t entirely happy, then maybe she isn’t entirely selfish for missing the shape of his absence. maybe the echo in her chest is something they both still hear.
he pauses for a moment , lips pressed against the edge of his cup as he contemplates telling her a lie but before he could stop himself , he's uttering the single syllable that shattered his resolve . "no ," with it comes a pathetic smile , one he wishes he could wipe off his face before she could see , but it's already too late . the word is out there and now she knows that while she lived her life , he was dreading his own in despair of all the lost he'd suffered from , including the great love of his life , now sat opposite from him , happy and content in her new standing . the one he should have fought for instead of letting her go .
for the longest time, he tried to stay away from her. back when they first met, he’d recognized the self-destruction beneath her brilliance. no matter how alluring she was, no matter how inexorably drawn to her he felt, he kept her at arm’s length. even then, he knew that if he let her in, she would become monumental. and she had. somewhere between late nights writing lyrics, stolen moments backstage, and standing shoulder to shoulder beneath stage lights, he lost that fight. or maybe it had been lost from the start. when things were good between them, they were transcendent. right now, however, they weren’t. his arms remain firmly around her, grounding himself as much as her. beneath the drugs, the fear, the unraveling, the woman he loves is still there. and he refuses to stop believing that. he carefully hooks his pinky around hers, “ i promise. ” lifting their intertwined fingers, he presses a kiss against the small vow. “ i told you i’m not mad at you. i’m not trying to punish you, sloane. ” his thumb brushes across her knuckles. “ but you gotta talk to me, baby, ” his voice softens, “ can you do that for me ? will you let me in ? ” because if they were going to survive this, he couldn’t keep fighting battles he never knew she’d started.
tears whelm up in her eyes once more when he makes her a pinky promise , leaning in to place her mouth against their fingers after he did , locking it in that she believed him . she always would . no matter what . "i know ," she tells him in a broken whisper , shoulders sulking forward as she tries to reel her thoughts back in . to breathe properly again when every fear came knocking on her door , telling her , her time will come . this was always just the calm before the storm . head shakes , wanting desperately to provide him with the context he needed in order to understand her better , but she didn't know where to start . couldn't pinpoint a specific time in her life . all she knew was that she was young and her mom was gone for good , buried somewhere in las vegas , leaving her alone with her aunt , karen . "i don't know what to say , kaden ." tucks strands of her hair stuck to her wet cheeks behind her ears , lips flushed from all the biting as she tries to conjure up enough of the truth to get her by . "every time she comes around , it gets worse and then when she's gone , all the damage is already done ."
she listens in silence and with every word, apprehension coiling beneath her ribs tightening another degree. her mind has already begun its habitual descent into worst-case possibilities, wandering down corridors she didn’t want to open. violence. debt. she keeps waiting for the other shoe to drop. and then it does. his confession settles heavily between them and for a moment, she can only stare. “ so you’re a drug dealer. ” the words sound strange aloud, as though saying them might help them fit into a shape she can understand. she remains where she’s kneeling beside the counter, rooted there by the weight of too many emotions arriving at once. only her eyes move, following him as he stands, tracking the familiar lines of his body as he pulls his shirt back down over freshly bandaged skin. then comes the rest, even if that means getting blood on my hands. the color drains from her face, her breath catching. “ wait. ” the word emerges almost involuntarily and so does she, rising to her feet to meet him. “ does that mean— ” she stops, struggling to assemble the question without making it real, but there’s no gentler way to ask. her voice drops to a whisper, dread flickering across her expression, “ did you kill someone tonight ? ”
"yes ," is the first pass at the truth , finding no reason to paint a pretty picture when there was nothing pure about what he was doing . nothing good . the only thing that provided solace was knowing he made enough money to keep them all afloat , aside from the many petty crimes around the city , stealing from nearby shops and pawning off what they could without getting caught and having it tracked back to them . he begins to walk out of the enclosed space , wanting to get some air in order to breathe properly . though he didn't lose a lot of blood , he lost enough to make his head drowsy , watching as her face changes and everything between them stills , including their hearts . he doesn't say anything at first , looking into her eyes and wondering what would happen once he confessed . would she run ? tell the cops ? hate him ? want nothing to do with him ? every option send a shiver down his spine , collecting his emotions at once before licking his lips , swallowing down the tension in his throat . "no ," he told her . "not tonight , but i have before ." rafe was just a warning , but soon he'll have to shut him up and the only way to get rid of a big mouth is never to feed it but to make sure it never stays starved .
she doesn’t pull away this time, but she doesn’t lean into his touch either. she simply sits there, suspended in that purgatory between love and heartbreak as she allows his calloused hands to cradle her face while her own world quietly unravels around her. she’s trying to understand, to fit his words into the framework of everything she’d ever been taught about love, devotion, intimacy. but she’s failing to do so. for her entire life, those things had never existed separately. love was sacrifice, choosing someone over and over again. intimacy was sacred, a profound act of trust she had guarded her entire life. she’d always imagined giving herself to the man she married, believing that kind of closeness should belong to one person and one person only. yet as she looks at him, an insidious and unwelcome thought creeps in. maybe that was the problem. maybe she had asked him to wait too long. the thought twists her stomach, but she can’t entirely banish it, finding it easier to turn the blame inward. another tear slips down her cheek as she whispers at last, “ i believe you. ” that was the tragedy — how some stubborn, foolish part of her still loved him enough to search for reasons. he’d given her an out, one she should take, but — “ .. i don’t know how to stop loving you just because you hurt me. ”
the most selfless thing he could do is let her go for good , but then the thought of someone else giving her what she wanted from him settles deep inside his chest , rattling the organ that was once deemed void of feeling , only to have met her and feel it beating warm again . he can't envision her loved by anyone else , knows he'd kill anyone who even attempted to enter her life , let alone touch her in places only he was allowed to . it tortured him seeing her forgive him when it didn't settle anything , but make it all worse . he should be happy she believes him , find a way to ease her away from what she saw and paint a prettier picture for her to hold onto . to forge his way into her good graces and provide a better way of moving on , knowing she had seen the ugliest parts of him . "how can i make this better for you , grace ?" takes a step closer , needing to feel her while keeping enough distance to respect her boundaries . "i think the best thing for you to do if you want better is to walk away from me ," that was his sliver of the truth . the only time he'll provide her with an out if she wished to take it , forcing him to comply with her decision and ensure nothing stood in the way of it even if it'll eat him alive .
the way she pressed back into him while doing her line nearly costs him everything and he files that away for approximately one second before letting it go entirely because he already feels blood rushing south. steps up to the counter, does his second line, straightens back up. runs his thumb along his nose once, feels it settle in fast, the edges of everything going warm in a way he typically doesn't allow. turns to look at her, the grin, the floating eyes, the fingers that just traced his jaw and his neck like she was learning him. something loose and decided settling over him that has no interest in pretending otherwise. "dance," says it once, then shakes his head slowly. "actually, no." steps back into her space, hands finding her waist, the warmth of her under his palms hitting different than it would have ten minutes ago. backing her up until she meets the counter behind her. looks down at her, unhurried, the corners of his mouth pulling into a smirk. "dress," homme is pushing her hands out of the way and inching fabric just slightly higher. gaze drop to plump lips, digits find their way underneath the tight dress. leaning down so this mouth hovers over hers, "don't need you to take it off though. such a pretty dress," and with that he's pushing it over the curve of pert ass. the remainders of his self-control effectively gone when he's finally pressing mouth to hers.
she was trouble from the day she was born , used as collateral in a world that abused her ability to see things in a way that made it beautiful . her face could stop anyone in their tracks , aura irreplaceable ; unable to replicate , no matter who tried to replace her on every runway and magazine in the world . she had something about her you couldn't take away regardless of the demons swimming inside her head , trying to take it prisoner . she was too pretty to sit still , unable to commit to anything but the drugs . gaze runs over the length of him once more , something pure and sinful beneath her gaze as sparkles dust along the highs of her cheekbones , dancing across her eyelids , bouncing deliciously off the light that beamed down on them from above their heads . fingertips run along his chest and stomach , gripping the fabric clung to his skin once his lips meets hers in a searing kiss . licks into the comfort of his mouth , urging him closer as their tongues dance to a familiar song despite it being the first time they'd indulged in each other . "mm , wore it just for you."
knows what she's doing, the picture she's painting with the timbre in her voice. and maybe had this been a couple of months ago when they first started whatever they were, the bathroom and being bent over the sink would have been exactly where this was heading. the urge isn't gone. but it's different now. she likes talking to him. likes the way he looks at her like he's actually seeing her and not just the parts of her that are convenient to want. she follows him out, the night air hitting her warm skin as she lets him strap the helmet without argument. "i'm a lady, of course i have panties on," she laughs before she even finishes the sentence. though it's true, she actually did wear underwear tonight. she swings her leg over and settles in behind him, arms sliding around his waist. dylan knows by now she doesn't need to hold on this tight. knows the bike well enough that she can grip the seat instead. she doesn't. when the engine turns over she tucks herself closer against his back anyway. "i want fries too, just so you know," says into his shoulder. "ready."
she became much more than just a person to pass time with , a body to keep warm at night . it was a risk when they first started to hook up when she belonged to a friend of his , but there was nothing in the rule book that said he had to stop . not when he didn't consider connie close by any means . the only two men in his life he opted for loyalty being the two he shared a stage with . everyone else was disposable unless proven otherwise . except dylan . despite their complicated relationship , she was someone he kept close . someone he didn't mind looking into the mess he created for himself . the world was a shitty one , but he made most of it worthwhile . turning his life around instead of allowing the fire to burn him alive . he smiles at her comment before slamming the visor to his helmet down to shield his eyes and taking off down the street . "we'll get you whatever you want ," he tells her honestly , weaving through the cars , allowing the cool night air to whisk past them in a shower of calm .
he spotted her well before she turned to see him. allowing a moment to reacquaint himself with the shape of her. gaze trailing from the heels on her feet, up her toned legs — noting a couple of rogue wrinkles at the hem and how inappropriate the length of it was for such a professional setting. riddle enterprises, prided itself on employee retention. most of the women around the office were hired back its inception, making them old and less than appealing to look at. but at least the men beneath him had little to no distraction, and deadlines were being promptly met. he lifts his chin while several overlapping voices ring around him, but he doesn’t hear a word. attention pooling to a pair of eyes that used to beg up at him. she looked surprised to see him. interesting. he supposed he'd never mentioned his father's company in the midst of their ... time together, but surely the name would have set off some alarm bells. he releases a sharp sigh, silencing the constant chatter. “ everyone out. ” they all come to their feet and begin to file out, and as they do he makes sure to catch her gaze, “ not you. ”
it had been a long time since she felt nerves clawing up the back of her throat , attempting to drag her back down to the past where she left the sad , pathetic anastasia behind . where the man sitting before her walked all over her heart because she allowed him to . because she forced herself to believe he could want more from her other than what she provided , but all it was , was a cry for help . to want someone to want her for once . when they graduated , that was the last she'd seen of him . hadn't reached out since their falling out all those years ago . and with it , came a change in her own life by leaving it behind to start new in the next town over . she got her own place , a new roommate and new friends , a job as a bartender just a few blocks from her apartment . was in touch with a recruiter who let her know of any openings she could take to freelance for the time-being just to make enough money to pay her bills . it wasn't easy . in fact , it was fucking hard going from having everything at your fingertips to having nothing at all , but she supposed it was a blessing in disguise because she wouldn't change it for the world . "i didn't know ," is the first thing out of her mouth when the room clears , leaving the two of them alone . "if that's what you're worried about ." she probably should have pieced it together when she walked inside the building and saw his last name plastered everywhere , but she had hoped she was wrong .
“tell me exactly what happened and don’t leave anything out .” / @clubsclassic
✨ we used to write together for a little bit and in the time we did, i loved how you brought your muses to life. i love how you put so much thought into your writing too. i hope some day in the future i can write with you again too. and i would come off anon for this but i'm a shy bean here when it comes to amazing writers like you.
this made my day 😭😭 you are the sweetest thank you so much for this, it means more than you know !!!!! literally tag me in anything and i’ll come running with replies ( i’m so serious ) my messages are also open — don’t be shy , i can guarantee i miss writing with you <3333
watches her, the pinky, the mouth, all of it. the why lands and he tilts his head slightly, looking at her the way he's been looking at her all night, the way he stopped pretending wasn't happening about an hour ago. "because you asked," says it simply, eyes on hers, something warm and unhurried in his expression. "and because i wanted to." reaches over and tucks a strand of hair back from her face, fingers lingering at her jaw for a second. she's so pretty, his mind wanders to how pretty she'd look with hand wrapped around her neck and writhing with pleasure. "you going to make me spell out the rest or are you going to let me take you back out there and collect on that dance you promised me? unless you never planned on goin' back out there." eyes drop to her mouth briefly, come back up. the corner of his mouth pulling into something that doesn't happen often enough. "we've still got one line each left on that counter by the way." glances at it, then back at her. "ladies first. since you're so good at it. might need to watch you again."
does as he says and bends over for him once more , pressing ass to his groin on purpose as she inhales her second line through familiar nostril , reveling in the feeling that bursts through her chest , strangling her insides with an ecstasy that can't be replicated anywhere else . "mm ," turning to look at him , she grins from ear to ear , elated and freed from the prison that was her mind , now entirely on the float to cloud nine as she grips the surface behind her . gazes up at him like he's the best thing she's ever come in contact with as fingertips reach to trace the curve of his face , down the slope of his jawline to his neck and chest , "i'll do whatever you want ." nods once to drive her point home . "we can dance ," sways like there's music playing in the bathroom , "or i can take off my dress ." their eyes meet , hands dropping to the fabric clung to slim body as she teases the fabric higher , "or we can go home ." nose scrunches at the thought , shaking her head . "on second thought , the first two options are the only ones available tonight ." bites down on her lip , "so what's it going to be , abe ?"
"whenever you're ready," is all she says. won't push him on it. knows how hard it is to be vulnerable about certain situations, and knows it's even worse when people keep pestering you to hear those stories that bring up trauma. blues watch his face as digit pads over supple lips, and the way his gaze drops to mouth doesn't go amiss. petals pucker slightly to press a soft kiss to thumb before he's letting go of hold. knows better than to stay this close to him, but she makes no effort to move away anyway. knew that this situation they were in would only get tougher the longer they indulged in each other. but was it so bad for her to want to enjoy the good parts? "don't think my mouth is that bad, i could be much more creative," one of her hands drop, wrapping fingers around two of his. "i know a couple of ways you could shut my mouth up..." bats lashes up at him with a small smile finding it's way to lips. "like," she holds his gaze, voice dropping low enough that she has to lean in slightly so he can catch it over the music, lips almost at his ear, "the first option being taking me to get a burger." she pulls back, completely straight faced. "a big one. i'm starving."
he watches her closely , not saying a word as she says the things she shouldn't be saying , alluding to the many things they indulged in time and time again . having found comfort between her thighs where he's given her the same result in return . tongue pushes to the corner of his mouth , laughing to himself once she drops the ball and moves away , earning a smile in return and a subtle shake of his head . reaching around to the curve of her ass , he gives it a light tap before moving away , "your wish is my command , princess ." putting a 20 dollar bill on the counter to cover both their drinks , he turns to lead the way out of the club and outside where his bike was parked and ready . "hope you wore underwear tonight ," he grabs a helmet to put over her head , helping secure her inside of it , strapping it tight to ensure it doesn't fall off . "unless you're in the mood to flash a bunch of strangers on the express way ." kicking the stand off his bike as he sits on it , turning the key and revving the engine by turning the handles , he glances behind at her . "ready ?"
every pleading word of hers carves another fissure through his resolve. he knows he should pull away, hold the boundary he’d been desperately trying to establish since the moment he walked through the door. yet every time she looks at him like that — like he’s the sole tether keeping her from drifting in the abyss — he can feel his convictions begin to erode. when she leans forward and her mouth takes a journey wherever she could latch onto, he let his eyes close, her scent flooding his senses. it always killed him to watch her unravel, even more to know she believed his hesitation meant abandonment. he can’t take it anymore, tilting her chin up and seeing her eyes wide, dark, and utterly defenseless. his boundary dissolves into ash as he leans down to kiss her, heavy with the weight of everything they had already endured. an acknowledgment of a bond he’d never break, a surrender to the gravity that always pulls him to her. he pulls her more securely into his embrace, wanting to offer her peace, even as the intensity of the moment tested his own resolve. he gathers her into his arms and guides them toward the couch, pulling her into his lap, one arm wrapped securely around her shoulders. eventually, he draws back enough to brush a tear from her cheek, tucking a loose strand of hair behind her ear. “ hey, ” he waits until her eyes find his, “ i’m here. ” his thumb strokes her cheek. “ i’m not going anywhere. ” even if watching her destroy herself felt like it might break him too.
it's wrong . she knows it , to use herself as an advantage but she'll do it again and again and again if it meant keeping him right there with her . she doesn't think she could survive without him . every fight they ever had landing a knife in her gut that the last time could be the very last time he has any words left to offer her , but then he kisses her like he is right now and everything fades into the darkness , leaving her standing in the light that was him . kisses him back with as much passion as she could muster , inhaling him and the familiarity of his scent as body falls victim to his touch . arms wrap around his neck , bounding herself to him as he picks her up with ease and takes them to the couch . is afraid to look at him but when she does , tears blotched down her cheeks all over again , she sniffles and nods , fingertips tracing over the curve of his face in memorization . everything he was , was everything she needed . the air in her lungs belonged to him as did her heart , every beating wave of blood that entered thumping louder and harder every time he was near . that's when she knew she loved him . love .. god , she never thought she would ever experience it a day in her life . not since her mother died . now , here she was . in the arms of the man who put her back together again after swearing her pieces would never fit right . "'m sorry .... 'm so sorry ." she shakes her head , eyes blown wide . "you promise you'll stay right here ? with me ?"
the antiseptic lingers sharp in the air, mingling with the metallic scent of blood. the wound looks almost unreal, as though it belonged to someone else, not the man she was falling for. “ it should close on its own, ” she murmurs as she inspects the cut. “ assuming you don’t do whatever it was that caused this again tomorrow. ” the remark emerges sharper than she intends, escaping before she can soften it, drawn out by the slow attrition of unanswered questions and the sight of him wounded by something still up in the air. her attention returns to the bandage, smoothing it carefully over the angry gash. the rest of his words settle more heavily. take you home. pretend this isn’t real. a faint, humorless smile touches her mouth. “ i think i’ve spent enough of my life pretending things aren’t real, ” the words leave her before she can reconsider them. growing up, truth had existed in omissions. entire parts of her family built upon things nobody was willing to name. she left home to escape that. “ if this is your way of protecting me, i understand that. ” carefully, she presses the last piece of gauze into place. finally, she looks up at him. the apprehension and fear evident, “ but if things are bad enough that you’re coming back bleeding .. then i don’t think ignorance is going to make me feel safer. ”
"the less you know , the better ." he tells her . "i'm not trying to scare you . i'm not trying to sugarcoat it , either . if i tell you , it puts you at risk and i can't do that with a clear conscience knowing that someone out there could hurt you ." the thought alone aggravates his heart where his chest keeps it prisoner from sudden movement . he was an open book , always has been and though relationships and him have never been friends , he has never treated a woman like an afterthought . and perhaps that's why they fell for him in the first place . he treated them with respect though they didn't hold any significance to his life . he had sex with them like he'd loved them for years , ensuring they left satisfied . he didn't provide a safety net of trust for these women . he kept himself locked away beneath a key that she now held onto . "i deal drugs , with that comes obligations . people trying to gain control of the money i've made . the more i sell , the more profit i make . people don't like that , especially when they're selfish , greedy little bastards ." he adjusts himself to stand , putting his shirt back down once she's finished . "sometimes , that means putting them in their place . even if that means getting blood on my hands ."
they have always been a striking antithesis of each other. grace, with her scripture and steadfast devotion. teddy, with his chaos and perpetual inclination toward self-destruction. yet, she loved him anyway. loves. perhaps that has always been the problem. the love that compelled her to defend him whenever rumors circulated, convinced her to listen when others urged her not to, opening the door for him time and time again, even when doubt crept in. most people would call it blindness. tonight, she begins to wonder if they’re right. as he speaks, the gap between them reveals itself with painful clarity. to her, love, intimacy, and devotion are inseparable things. to him, it seems like the opposite. the realization makes her feel ill. then came those three words. i love you. and her knees suddenly feel too unsteady to support her. slowly, she crosses the room to lower herself onto the edge of the bed, hands twisting together in her lap. “ you say that all the time, ” she whispers, before the image flashes through her mind — teddy entangled with another woman. her voice breaks, “ but then you do this. ” for the first time, she looks directly at him. “ how could you do that to someone you love ? ”
"sometimes there is no explanation for things , grace . there is no right or wrong answer . how you view things is different from others . i hate to break your heart . i hate that i hurt you . sex for you is special and sacred and if we had sex right now , it would be exactly that baby ," he would give her what she wanted . he would love her properly if her body belonged to him , but everyone else ? they didn't have the same affect on him . they didn't get the same treatment . "i know i did the wrong thing . i know it and i did it because i wanted to hurt myself . i know i don't deserve you , that's the truth grace . if you walked out of here and never looked back , i wouldn't stop you because i know you are worthy of a love from someone who can do it the right way and i'm not that person . but i do -- i do love you . more than anything or anyone . i've never loved anyone as much as i love you ," dares to reach out and touch her once more , hoping when he cups her cheeks into calloused palms , she won't pull back this time . as their eyes meet , something dies inside of him at the sheer pain that's etched beneath the familiarity of something pure and special . "you have to believe me when i say that . do you ? do you believe me when i say that , baby ?"
