Moi, les Hommes, je les Déteste: The Art of Hating Men
As a feminist (or so-called “feminazi”), I often hear the remark that we can do no good to society because we hate men. I don’t believe that such statement is true. I mean, I do hate (cis)men. But not in the way that you may think, and certainly not in a way that may cause harm to anyone.
In my opinion, I have very valid reasons to hate men. Of course I don’t hate them as individuals, but I tend to see them as a group, kind of like when you’re a child and get stung by a bee or bitten by a dog: you start being careful around all bees, around all dogs. It’s the same for me.
When I was 8, a friend of my mom’s slapped my butt and considered it as “saying hi”. When I was 14, a boy from my class touched my thighs and said that it was my fault because I was wearing a dress. Still at 14, I slowly saw the boys’ looks around me change when I was wearing fitting tee-shirts: suddenly, they couldn’t focus on anything but my breasts. When I turned 15, I started being called at or whistled at in the street, always by men. At 16 and 17, according to the law, I was raped by two different guys - one was the same age as I was, and the second one was already an adult. Fortunately, I didn’t perceive any of these assaults as such, and haven’t been “destroyed” or “traumatised” by any of them. I am now 19 and I know that at least three girls I know have been raped. By men.
Therefore, my reaction is to interact with men as little as possible. Whether it’s the men I personally know or the ones I come across in the street, I try to avoid them as much as possible, and to avoid emotional bonding as much as I can. I don’t confine in my cis male friends at all anymore. If I ever break up with my current boyfriend, I’m not sure if I’ll be able to date a cis dude again. I tend to get suspicious when men walk a bit too close to me, start being too friendly or ask me if I want to take a ride. That’s about all of it.
So I don’t really see how a “feminazi” such as I could do anything to hate these poor little men, since all I’ve done is that I’ve stopped interacting with them. My opinion is that men think we hate them the way that they hate us. They probably think that the roles are reversed and that now we’re going to start taking their jobs, bank accounts and right to vote. They probably think that we’re going to start raping, hurting and murdering them the way that they rape, hurt and murder us. But we’re not, because that isn’t what we’re taught to do. We keep it shut and quiet, and we silently hate men. There is no such thing as misandry on a scale as large as misogyny.
I actually think that such hatred is a very positive feeling: it proves that we’re able to defend ourselves and that we still have pride, which is absolutely necessary - especially for an activist. And also because it leads to the root of all great changes: support; and here, sorority. Staying away from men brings us closer to our sisters, moms and friends. Not only is that a necessity when it comes to womanhood, but so is it one when it comes to smashing down the patriarchy.
This article was inspired by Pauline Harmange’s excellent book, Moi, les hommes, je les déteste.
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