We need to study the powerful psychic field around tumblr posts that causes people to hallucinate entire lines and paragraphs that are not present in the actual text
this year, i decided to recreate all of the elemental unhatched eggs as cake pops! they are super tasty, made of vanilla cake with milk chocolate ganache, and decorated with candy melts. ♥
I have had a really full and busy day today, but the highlight was:
So I'm sitting in the staff work area and one of my colleagues comes up to me. There's an open day this weekend, and so we need to plan an activity for the would-be students.
"Simple!" I say. "Let's get them to dissect some owl pellets. Hands on, fun, they get to play with skulls."
"Good idea!" she says. "But we'll need something even fancier for the open day in February. What can we do? Perhaps we can take some soil samples."
And as we're debating the photogenic merits of soil Vs dead mice...
Suddenly, a Dashing and Handsome Stranger (read: an autistic engineering lecturer) appears with a flourish (read: launches himself into a seat beside us while visibly and physically vibrating with excitement about his special interest being Useful) and asks "HELLO I'M SORRY DID YOU SAY SOIL BECAUSE I HAVE A RAMAN MICROSCOPE"
"Amazing!" declares my colleague. "...Who are you?"
"COME AND SEE IT!!!" he says, currently the human embodiment of the :D emoticon.
We went and saw it. It's an excellent microscope and his ten minute infodump about it was both spectacular and also extremely useful. We're going to use it to assess microplastics.
Guess who I saw again today! I say 'saw', he hunted me down to invite me to train on using his microscopes - it turned out some of the engineers asked if they could look at explosive substances with it and he was like NO YOU MAY NOT IT'S POWERED BY A LASER so now he's insisting that everyone train on it, but wanted to ask me if I'd like to do it. Obviously I have said yes. He's getting an SEN as well so he's put my name down for that, too.
And then we compared notes on working in labs, and he told me about the time he was sent to the 'chemical cupboard' in his last lab and found a Tesco bag of asbestos, three and a half kilos of TNT, and half a pint of cyanide, and when he told the health and safety woman she just said he should use a lone working protocol, and he was so angry he yelled A LONE WORKING PROTOCOL WILL NOT SAVE THE CHILDREN FROM A DIRTY BOMB, CAROLINE
Why did the chemical cupboard have three and a half kilos of trinitrotolulene (the full name for TNT, for those unaware), and was it at the very least an explosives cupboard?
It was not in an explosives cupboard, and he didn't know. Basically this was in an HE building being converted over to a young offenders institute, and for whatever reason, all the science teachers quit en masse as the switch was happening, leaving all their students in the lurch. So one morning he came into work, was told he was being promoted to Technical Demonstrator, given a Bunch of Mysterious Keys, and told he had three hours to familiarise himself with the contents of the chemical cupboard.
"Great," he said. "Where is the chemical cupboard?"
"Shrug emoji," his boss said gravely, and wandered off to have crisps.
So he spent an hour wandering the building and trying his keys in every lock before finally finding a door that opened, and upon finally opening it, was immediately greeted by a Tesco carrier bag on the floor labelled 'Asbestos, do not touch'.
"Right-o," he thought. "No touching that."
But then he had two hours left to familiarise himself with the packed shelf contents of quite a large room, and the problem is that when you tell an autistic lab tech to familiarise themselves with a room full of chemicals, what they hear is not "Have a quick look so you have an idea of what's there", it's "These chemicals must be catalogued in detail and also here have a time pressure," so he was going to be both Thorough and Grumpy about this. And this room was packed.
The oldest bottle he found was a reagent opened in 1959.
It had crystallised.
("It was quite beautiful, actually," he told me dreamily. "A work of art. I wish I'd kept it.")
The cyanide, when he finally found it, was in a stoppered glass vial. So that was the point he lost his shit and went and grabbed Caroline.
The kicker is, Caroline didn't care. She insisted they didn't have the money or resources to spare on getting rid of it. So he had to march all the way to the Dean's office.
"You look like you're having a bad day," she said warily.
"Well I thought it would peak with the Tesco carrier bag of asbestos I found," he said, "but I was very wrong."
this 'being really tired after work' thing is really getting in the way of this 'pursuing my artistic hopes and dreams' thing has anyone else noticed this
(Average Metropolis reader after investigative reporter C. Kent's 452nd article on yet another case of landlords/business owners/factories' continued use of lead pipes/paint/gas/glass knowingly exposing the public to dangerously toxic lead levels) what the fuck happened to this guy
One day Bruce Wayne mentions in an interview that heroes like Superman are overrated, as the most effective way to reduce crime is to provide public resources and improve local infrastructure, then cites how neighboring city Metropolis has effectively lowered their violent crime by 13% after addressing their outdated water system and investing low income housing. the reporter conducting the interview suddenly starts looking a little uncomfortable
"Who, Clark Kent? Yeah, we're pretty sure he's a Meta. Is he a superhero? Like what, "Lead-detector guy"? "Captain pipes?" Don't get me wrong, he's a great guy and it's a handy trick, but it's lead detection, not laser vision. He's not about to go running around in tights any time soon."
everyone assumes that kent is so squirrely around superheros because he’s just desperately hoping not to be conscripted to the JLA to fix their plumbing
(Timelines have been tied in a pretty bow and are for decorative purposes only.)
<*>
Lead Pipes and Violence: Correlation or Causation?
Something bumped into Lois's desk.
Scowling at the interruption, she looked up, ready to ream out whatever clumsy moron had interrupted her concentration.
And then she looked further up.
"Uh, hi," said the scruffy disaster of a labrador puppy with a tentative smile. "I'm Clark, Clark Kent. I just started here a week ago, and I'm working on an exposé on lead pipe use in Metropolis? But I'm not sure where to start. Perry said you know where to find stuff?"
Lois dropped her gaze to her desk for a moment, huffed out an exasperated breath, and mentally said goodbye to her plans of going home early. "Fine. I'll help. Okay, the first thing is to find out when lead pipes were commonly installed. Then look up the city maps for neighborhoods built around that time, and cross-reference against city records for areas where they've already been removed . . ."
Clark scribbled industriously on his notepad.
<*>
Soup Kitchens: Lead Levels Over Safe Margins
Lois leaned over Clark's shoulder and raised an eyebrow at his half-written article. "Lead pipes? Again?"
Clark shrugged, shoulder muscles shifting under his too-large shirt. "I've written other things."
"Yeah, but this is that one that people remember you for." She snorted. "Clark Kent, Lead Pipe Guy."
The sound of rolling castors announced the appearance of Jimmy in her peripheral vision. "Yeah, how do you do it?" he asked, pointing at Clark with a pair of scissors. "You a meta or something? Lead pipe detection?"
Clark flinched. Experienced observers that they were, both Lois and Jimmy caught it.
"Holy crap. You are, aren't you? No wonder you're so into getting rid of lead pipes, it must bother you like crazy." Jimmy leaned forward like a dog scenting pizza.
Clark's shoulders rose an inch. Without looking away from his article, he muttered, "I can taste it in the water."
"Hell." Lois thought about that for a second, then patted Clark on the shoulder. "Your secret is safe with me."
<*>
LexCorp Employees Poisoned: Headquarters Still Uses Lead Pipes
Jimmy smacked a bottle of water on the desk in front of Clark, making the reporter jump. "Taste test," he demanded.
Warily, Clark unscrewed the bottle and sniffed it. "Ugh. That is full of lead. Where'd you get it?"
Jimmy grinned. "My ex-girlfriend smuggled that to me. She said something tasted off, and that she knew I worked with the lead-detector guy."
Clark groaned, covering his face with one hand. "Ugh? Seriously?"
Perching on the edge of Clark's desk, Jimmy nodded. "Yeah? Like, it's an open secret in Gotham, pretty much everyone thinks you've got lead-detection powers. There's memes about it."
"There's memes about it. Of course there are memes about it." Clark took a deep breath, then uncovered his eyes. "Fine. Whatever. Where'd your ex-girlfriend get this from?"
Grinning wide enough to make Clark very, very, afraid, Jimmy leaned forward. In a conspiratorial whisper, he breathed, "LexCorp's Metropolis headquarters."
Clark frowned. "I went over the plans myself. That building's too modern to use lead pipes."
Jimmy bounced a little. "In the actual building? Probably. But in the foundations where it connects to the water supply? Lex constructed his tower on top of an old building that he'd had demolished, and I bet he never changed them."
Slowly, Clark's grin matched Jimmy's.
<*>
Metropolis Lead Levels at an All-Time Low
Faster than the eye could follow, Superman flashed through the open window into his apartment. The windows weren't technically meant to open at that height, but Clark wasn't Pa's son for nothing. It hadn't been difficult to install a couple of modifications.
Somebody knocked on his front door.
Swallowing an undignified yelp, Clark called, "Hello?"
"Mr. Kent?" said a muffled and unfamiliar voice. "I'm the Flash, I'm here on behalf of the Justice League."
"Uh, okay, give me a minute!"
Within the next twenty seconds, Clark had taken the fastest shower of his life, put on his civilian clothes, hidden his Superman suit, and wrapped an artistic towel around his shoulders. Then he took a deep breath and opened the door.
Standing outside the door stood a man dressed in an all-over red costume, vibrating gently in a way that reminded Clark oddly of Jimmy. "Mr. Kent, hi. Can I come in?"
"Uh, sure." Clark gestures for the Flash to precede him into his apartment. There was a brief breeze, and then the Flash reappeared on his couch. Blinking, Clark closed the door. "Uh, can I get you something? Tea, coffee?"
"Lead-free water?" the Flash suggested.
Clark barked a surprised laugh as he headed for the kitchen at a more human speed. "Sure. I guess you've heard the rumors?"
"That's why I'm here. Batman wanted to come, but he has a way of intimidating civilians and I know chemistry, so they sent me instead."
Wincing, Clark placed a glass of guaranteed clean water in front of his guest. "Thanks, I appreciate that."
The water vanished from the glass with a light tinking noise. "We've got a problem that we could use your help for. Two, actually."
Clark tilted his head sideways. "Okay?" His wet hair dripped lightly onto the towel, and he lifted it to start scrubbing at it.
The Flash nodded a little faster than humanly plausible. "One, we need you to look over some construction materials. They're supposed to be titanium-plated lead panels, but Batman suspects that there's something off about them. Two, we know you've done some interviews with Superman – is there any way you could get us an introduction? The guy's not exactly easy to get hold of."
Clark managed to hide his reaction in the towel. "Okay. I think I can help you with both of those."
"Great! You ready to go now?"
"Now?" Clark asked, dropping the towel in his shock at how fast things were moving.
The Flash bounced to his feet. "No better time! Come on, grab your keys and wallet, and once you've locked up I can get you to Mount Justice on the Flash Express."
Clark held up a quelling finger. "I'm going to call a friend first. If I vanish on Lois, she'll probably march straight into Mount Justice and demand my release."
Lois, predictably, demanded full rights to the story.
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