Pleased t' meetcha.

Your name is PECCANT SCOFFLAW. You are the leader of the TWILIGHT SCOUNDRELS and fancy yourself in charge of METROPOLIS CENTRAL. You can be described as CHARISMATIC, AMBITIOUS, and KIND OF AN ASSHOLE. It is a cold Winter evening. You are feeling particularly nefarious tonight. What will you do? You sometimes log into Pesterchum under the handle pulchritudinousScumbag. (Independent RP blog for mobsterswitched Problem Sleuth.)

[spyingshadows-blog]

==> Succeed At Everything

[spyingshadows-blog]

He’s planting something in your head alright. You lean back and listen to him talk, chewing on your bottom lip, absorbing every word. You give him a sort of desperate look, but also kind of curious.

When he finally shuts up, you sit up as much as you can, and swallow before you speak. “Uncuff me?” you ask, quiet as you can be, and with none of the usual bite. Let him think you’re into it, just for a minute.

[peccantdiplomacy]

You can't read his face. Your attempts might be working. You might actually be getting through to him.

Or he's just waiting to gut you the minute you give him a chance.

The temptation to uncuff him is strong, because there is that chance that you could get laid tonight. In the end, though, you're not quite as dumb as Inny says you are. You aren't going to fall for it.

"Nah," you say, hopping off your crate. You produce a cigarette from your jacket pocket, and light it with a purple flame. "Gonna letcha stew here for a while, if'n y' don't mind. I'll send someone 'round t' uncuff ya' in a bit."

You take a drag from your cigarette, then walk over to Scout. You ruffle his hair, because goddamn is he adorable.

"Better luck next time, eh?"

[spyingshadows-blog]

==> Succeed At Everything

[spyingshadows-blog]

You’re currently unaware of any surveillance going on, but if you weren’t, you would probably be skeeved out enough to just leave the fucking city and go live in one of the riverside colonies. You’ll just get a job farming some goddamn pain in the ass mushrooms all day. Someone’s gotta do it.

“Are you fucking kidding?” You’re appalled, or at least you pretend to be. It’s not like you haven’t let him in your pants before. “I wouldn’t fuck you with a stolen dick!”

The last thing you want is to bang Peccant Fucking Scofflaw, again. You don’t want anything from him except that crown. You wanna be able to walk into the office with the stupid thing and be told for once that you did a good fucking job. Scofflaw in cuffs would be better, except you suspect he would just teleport out of them.

[peccantdiplomacy]

To be fair, you aren't precise enough in your teleporting skills to just teleport out of cuffs. Scout does not need to know that.

"'s fine," you say, shrugging. "I'd be th' one doing th' fuckin', anyway."

That isn't very convincing. Damn, he's really not going to let you near him at this rate. You decide to switch tactics. You can be damn convincing, you just have to find the right angle of attack.

"I jus' want ya' t' imagine somethin' for me," you say. You adjust your posture, leaning forward while you talk to him. "Imagine gettin' your dick sucked by th' most powerful man in th' city."

You grin, and wait a moment so that thought has time to sink in. "Think about me mouthin' at ya' through your pants. Imagine me unzippin' your fly with my teeth. 'll kiss 'n nuzzle atcha 'ntil you're nice 'n hard, then take all 'f ya' into my mouth." You lick your lips. You're speaking slowly now, carefully. "Your hands pull at my hair as I bob my head on your cock, takin' way more 'f ya' int' my mouth than you ever thought I could. I keep goin' until you're just about done, right at th' edge, 'n then I pull back in time for ya' t' blow your load all over my face. Imagine th' pearls 'f hot, white jizz coverin' my smooth grey skin."

This probably isn't going to work. Not right now, at least. You'll plant this seed in his head, and then you'll just stand back and give it time to grow.

"'r somethin' like that," you say, leaning back, shrugging again like you don't actually give a shit.

[spyingshadows-blog]

==> Succeed At Everything

[spyingshadows-blog]

“Why?”

You haven’t been face to face with him like this in fucking years, and you damn sure weren’t a detective back then. Far from it. You never fucking saw him again after that night, and the fact that he’s not boasting about all the quality time you’ve already spent together makes you suspicious that he doesn’t remember it.

It wouldn’t be a big shocker. You got up to more than one type of debauchery back then.

“The fuck do you want from me?” you snap. “Either let me goddamn arrest you or go fuck yourself!”

Maybe he knows. Maybe he does remember and he knows you’re bitter and he’s just trying to piss him off. You’re gonna carve the skin off his fucking ballsack and then dip his skinless balls in salt. Son of a bitc

[peccantdiplomacy]

What Scooter here doesn’t realize is that you've been keeping an eye on him. Obviously you keep tabs on all the lawmen in town--or, rather, Inny does, and you look in now and then because you like to pick out poor saps to torture. Scoot's your latest subject. You haven't been watching him too long, certainly not long enough to know a lot about him, just that you enjoy watching him try to fit in with the city's lowlives.

He almost acts like he belongs. You wonder what he used to get up to, before he was a lawman. He had to have been a lowlife himself, you're sure of it.

"I like your face," you tell him, chipper as all hell.

You're infatuated.

If he suggested to you that you two had met previously, say, several years ago before you took this city, before you even took your current name, you'd laugh it off. Certainly you'd remember a face like that.

You know. Probably. If you weren't too drunk or something.

"I toldja what I want." You shrug. "Quality time. Conversation, maybe. 'r a quick fuck, if you're int'rested."

[spyingshadows-blog]

==> Succeed At Everything

[spyingshadows-blog]

“No!” you bark, starting to struggle all over again. “I don’t want anything from you!”

It’s hopeless. Even if you could escape his hold right now, what then? He’d probably burn you if you actually landed a punch, and in the grand scheme of things where Deadeye ‘Stick Up The Ass’ Detective likes to dwell, there’s not a fucking thing anybody can do to stop the Scoundrels. Unless someone’s ballsy enough to just shoot them all in their sleep.

Hmm. You’ll put a pin in that one, actually.

“Let me the fuck up!” It’d be worth you getting tortured to death, honestly, if you could just rip Peccant Scofflaw’s skeezy throat out.

[peccantdiplomacy]

You put a hand to your chest, pretending to be hurt. "That's cruel, Scoot. So cruel. I think 'm gonna cry."

You pretend to sob, but at some point it just turns to laughter again. Man, when's he ever gonna stop struggling? You finish off your flask, then tighten your shadowy grip on the detective. His wriggling around is really distracting.

"Y' ain't gotta keep pretendin' y' don't want nothin' t' do with me," you say, waving the empty flask at him. "I mean, your boss ain't here. Ain't nobody's here but us."

It occurs to you that that isn't quite as appealing as you meant it to sound. You are sort of holding him captive in a dark alley. You screw the cap onto your flask and tuck it away in your coat.

"I jus' wanna spend some quality time with ya'," you say.

[spyingshadows-blog]

==> Succeed At Everything

[spyingshadows-blog]

“No, asshole. I been trying to track down that fucking crown!” You leave out the details. The details are embarrassing.

Shadows or not, you’re not done struggling. You don’t get much wiggle room with them, but you take advantage of what you can get and continue thrashing. You make sure to spit every curse word in the book while you’re doing it, and while you may never run short of curses, you do get tired eventually.

“Let me the fuck up, you piece of shitting fuck,” you snap, when you can’t wiggle anymore.

[peccantdiplomacy]

The poor darling. He probably ran afoul of some of your underlings, and your underlings are paid to make sure lawmen like him don't follow your trail. You consider telling them to make an exception for little Scooter here, but nah.

He may be cute, but he could still be a threat if you let him run wild.

You let him struggle until he's tuckered out, and laugh a little at his demand. "You're runnin' outta good insults," you say. You hold out the flask. "Y' wanna drink?"

[spyingshadows-blog]

==> Succeed At Everything

[spyingshadows-blog]

You don’t even get to tell him how little you want to see his ass. Before you know it, you’re down, and despite all your thrashing, you end up handcuffed to a fucking gutter. You immediately start trying to dislocate your thumb to slip the cuffs. You’ve seen people do it in movies, it can’t be too hard, right?

“You lousy piece of shit! You gotta take advantage of my blind spot, like you don’t already got enough of an advantage!?” You swear on everything sacred in this blazing hell hole of a city, the moment he steps close enough, you’re going to kick him square in the balls.

Dislocating your thumb doesn’t work so well, so you start screaming and yanking on the cuffs, hoping the rusted old grate will snap under the pressure before your wrist does.

[peccantdiplomacy]

You look around, then pull up a crate to sit on, just outside of Scout's thrashing range. You know damn well he'll try to kick you if you get too close. You sit there and take another swig from your flask. You might offer him some when he calms down.

"Now, now, Scoot," you say, putting the flask down next to you. "Y' had a gun trained on me. What was I s'posed t' do? Magic 'r no, I can't stop a bullet."

Not that he would've shot you anyway. No way in hell.

He's still thrashing. He's gonna hurt himself like that. You pull his shadow, bringing up little tentacles to hold him down.

"Calm down, already. No point in hurtin' yourself, yeah?" You look him over. "More'n y' already have, anyhow. Christ, you get hit by a bus'r somethin'?"

[spyingshadows-blog]

==> Succeed At Everything

[spyingshadows-blog]

You’re going to fucking stab him. You’re going to stab him so much that he dies, and then you’re going to stab him some more. But before you can gut him, you need to make sure that he can’t burn you, so you stick with the gun for now. You also pull out a pair of handcuffs.

“Scofflaw, I am arresting the absolute fuck out of you for stealing from the god damn historical society. I mean, come on, who the fuck even does that?”

You point the gun in his face. One shadow moves, you’ll put one right between the bastard’s eyes. “Now turn the fuck around and show me your backside for a goddamn change.”

[peccantdiplomacy]

God you love the face he makes, that slight twitch under his eye when he really wants to gut you.

He keeps the gun trained on you, no big surprise there, and pulls out a pair of handcuffs. Ohh, the things you would do with those handcuffs, given the chance. You try not to grin wider, but it happens nonetheless. You blame the drink.

You put your hands up. It's an empty gesture, since you don't need to draw a weapon to completely obliterate him, but it might put him at ease. Maybe. You turn around, just as he asks, and you hold back a snicker.

"Tryin'a check out my backside, eh?" You wiggle your butt. "This whatcha wanna see?"

There's no way he's not watching the shadows around you, but Scout can't see what's behind him. Or to the side of him, really, provided we're talking about the side that's missing an eye. So it's easy enough to pull a shadow to strike him from behind. You go for his gun first, plucking it from his hand and tossing it to the ground. Then you have a shadow grab and hold the arm with the handcuffs. You turn back around and wrest the cuffs out of his hand. You shove him, his back slamming against a metal gutter, and you finish your assault by getting the cuffs around his wrists, and around the gutter.

He's trapped. You figure this deserves a celebratory drink, so you pull out your flask and take a good sip.

[spyingshadows-blog]

==> Succeed At Everything

[spyingshadows-blog]

“Shit.”

You’re having a horrible time at work lately. You didn’t even make it in the damn door before you got caught, and you got caught by Scofflaw himself on the fucking spot. No bouncers, no suspence, no ‘we’re taking you to see the bossman’ shtick. He just walks right in—or out—on you trying to pick a lock.

Maybe you need to pursue a new career.

You stumble back and find your bearings, as well as your gun. Forget the horse hitcher, it won’t do you good against a mage. You’ll be lucky if a firearm helps. You raise it and aim between his eyes, and then falter.

“Stay the fuck back, you- are… are you seriously wearing the mother fucking crown?!”

You’re so mad that a vein might literally burst in your forehead.

[peccantdiplomacy]

What's he so surprised about? He had to have been looking for you, right? No way he'd be slinking around back if he wasn't. Not like there's anyone else worth investigating in this place.

(Truth be told, there are probably several people worth investigating in the building, various drug dealers and the like. But who would bother with small fry like that when you're around?)

He goes straight for his gun. You snicker, because he's so adorable when he thinks he stands a chance against you.

"Oh, this old thing?" you jab a thumb at the crown, which is sitting around your hat. You shrug. "Just a trinket, found it lying 'round somewhere. Y' like it?"

[peccantdiplomacy]

((whoops hello i'm still alive))

[spyingshadows-blog]

==> Succeed At Everything

The tip Brawler took was far more helpful than the whole god damn night out with Deadeye. You’re still sore and limping the following evening. The boys even called and told you to take the night, but fuck that, you’re Snooping Fucking Scout and you ain’t a goddamn pussy.

  You hope that Deadeye didn’t tell the others you had to be helped home yesterday.

  The girl who ratted out the infamous Peccant Scofflaw pointed you to a club, of course. Scofflaw’s homeland, the Land of Coke and Strippers. This place is slummy as hell, but not one you haven’t been in before. It was a long time ago, but some memories don’t fade. Like the locations of all the shitters in every goddamn bar in a two mile radius.

  After last night’s fiasco, you’ve accepted that your friends and this job have rubbed off on you far too much. You’re like a fucking upstanding citizen now. You don’t bother trying to get in the front door and mingle. Instead, you try to sneak in through the back, and as you’re circling the building you start to wish for the first time that you’d told your partners that you’re trying to track down Peccant Scofflaw. You had your reasons, but your reasons don’t compare to rotting in an unmarked grave, or maybe a vat of acid.

You’re an idiot.

[peccantdiplomacy]

You've had a good night. You did your rounds, dropping by several of your bars and clubs, before you settled in this one for a few hours. You like this club. It's not one of your nicer ones--no, those are on the other side of town, and are staffed well enough that they rarely need your input. This one you have to check up on regularly, because you just can't get good staff, but the clientele are tops.

They're the best riffraff the city has to offer, and they sure as hell know how to party.

It's about an hour to closing time, which means it's time for you to skedaddle. As much as you love this riffraff, it won't do for you to stick around while the bouncers have to throw out all the drunk assholes with nowhere else to go. It's unbecoming someone of your stature.

You're a king, after all. You've got the crown to prove it.

You go around and bid everyone worth talking to good night, then head to the back. You step out into the alley with a grin on your face and a mildly inebriated flush on your cheeks. You're greeted with the sight of Snooping Scout, doing what he does best right on your doorstep.

Did you say you were having a good night? Scratch that. You're having a great night.

[peccantdiplomacy]

hey again scoff, its been a long while!! in fact i havent seen u since we went on that date; hows it been since then??

Man, ‘s been a fuckin’ madhouse. Business’s been all sortsa busy, sorry for fallin’ off th’ map for a while there. I trust you’re doin’ well?

[fluttersleuth-deactivated202007]

nah im p sure i know someone who has way too much fuckin $$$

hes always wastin it on ostentatious shit too 

what a douche hahaha 

[priv]

uuuuuuuggggghhhhhhhhh

sorry abt that scoff :( 

dont mind him though hes just overprotective smh but nothing bad even happened & everything ended up ok

[peccantdiplomacy]

Couldn't be me 'f course, I only spend my money on th' most practical of wares ;D

[private]

Man, it don't matter none. He oughtta learn t' letcha look after yourself though. You're a big boy, after all.

[twilit-treaties]

Penned down on the finest vellum, bound in plates of platinum studded with garnet and diamond.

Wait that sounds a lot like some sort of holy book.

Hmm.

[peccantdiplomacy]

I do have a pretty godly visage. Well damn man, let's build some goddamn temples.

[peccantdiplomacy]

hey again scoff, its been a long while!! in fact i havent seen u since we went on that date; hows it been since then??

Man, ‘s been a fuckin’ madhouse. Business’s been all sortsa busy, sorry for fallin’ off th’ map for a while there. I trust you’re doin’ well?

[fluttersleuth-deactivated202007]

yea us PS alts r charmin like that ;> 

oh bluuuhhh

dont u already got plenty a money as it is anyway >:?

[priv]

also………..

lmao did droog give you shit over going out with me the other week?? 

[peccantdiplomacy]

Can't never have too much money, darlin'.

[private]

Li'l bit, but ain't nothin' came of it.

[peccantdiplomacy]

You still alive? awesome! How's it going man.

It's goin'. You know how th' business is. More success equals more headaches, am I right?

[orangesideofthelaw-deactivated2]

Why people always say that, it’s pretty legal here as long as the contract is legal and the health measures are being respected.

A fine way to stop idiots from abusing from the girls, to a limited extent..illegal prostitution still is out there.

[peccantdiplomacy]

'sall very good points, but unfortunately on my end 'f th' multiverse, 's still very illegal.

[peccantdiplomacy]

hey again scoff, its been a long while!! in fact i havent seen u since we went on that date; hows it been since then??

Man, ‘s been a fuckin’ madhouse. Business’s been all sortsa busy, sorry for fallin’ off th’ map for a while there. I trust you’re doin’ well?

[fluttersleuth-deactivated202007]

nah dont feel too bad abt it scoff! even if i was upset abt it, idt i could stay mad @ u tbh 

ye ive been just fine, thnx 4 asking :)!!!!!

im more concerned about you tho

[peccantdiplomacy]

I am pretty hard t' stay mad at, that's true.

Don' be, kiddo. I been great. Busy means money, after all. ;D

[orangesideofthelaw-deactivated2]

…Are you paying?

[peccantdiplomacy]

Wow, didn't 'xpect that. Y' do realize that's prostitution, 'n that's illegal, right?