Life of an Introvert

A collection of interests, blurbs, reblogs, and general mindstuffs

[wilwheaton]

there should be no doubt. but just in case...

I see you.

[stolenchapstick]

i have to remind myself everyday

[gameraboy2]

Zombie in the Water by Stephen Fabian

[peculiarpatrick]

Look, if you're still following me Bevans, message me.

[arthistoryx-blog]

[peculiarpatrick]

it's weird trying to find you again after all these years. i'm sorry i was so harsh. i hope you made it out.

[peculiarpatrick]

I kinda want a pair of the Tumblr sweatpants

[peculiarpatrick]

is anyone still following this tumblr?

[peculiarpatrick]

ever be so bored you decide to play GTA V?

[thewintersoldier]

Steve Buscemi as Romero SPY KIDS 2: THE ISLAND OF LOST DREAMS (2002) - dir. Robert Rodriguez

[peculiarpatrick]

April 10th, 2017, 4:11 AM

sometimes,

frustration can only manifest in

the most Physical and Intimate of ways;

It starts as

a gnawing feeling

in Your gut,

then it travels-

o yes, It travels-

straight into Your spine,

causing a Shake,

a Tremble,

something that rocks Your very core.

You start to think crazy things,

like,

"Just ask, she'd probably will say yes..."

then You realize

a truth;

something You've known,

even from

The Start-

It'll Never Happen

[peculiarpatrick]

everytime My Past Comes Back

i picture the classic Interrogation Scene—

You know, like in The Movies?

i'm sitting in an old wooden chair,

Smoking,

leaned back away from The Light.

Whomever is Questioning me

has a Folder Of Evidence,

and Slaps it on the table—

"You did it."

"You're a criminal."

"You should be ashamed of yourself."

i just Sit.

i can't Speak for myself—

not because They are Wrong,

No.

I take a Long

Slow

Drag...

i lean forward,

Ash,

"You're right."

"You're disgusting."

i Know what I wanna do,

Scream

Yell

Explain

Defend

Backtrack

Off track

Loop back

but...

i drag Again...

"You're Right."

i Live with All of It.

It is Weight i Will

Carry

Forever.

at This Point,

the Interrogator gets up,

Shuffles papers together,

and Leaves.

They never tell You what happens After,

after The Door Closes,

and the Questioned is Left Alone,

and left with Doubt

and Confusion

and Insecurity

and Hopelessness

and The Most Incredibly Depressing Sense That

You Are Always

And Forever Will Be

The Bad Guy.

[peculiarpatrick]

2022

Day Dreaming and im thinking of You.

it took Almost Dying

to Realize

You—

You are what i Want.

i Moved my

Whole Life

for a Shot to

Be Better.

i got Angry

full of RAGE—

but i knew it wasn't

Really You;

the only reason im still

Here

is because i didn't want You

to Wake Up

to another Dead Boyfriend.

No More Drugs for That Man,

They'll say.

and They are Right—

No More Drugs,

No More Lies

No More Half Truths.

i'm ALL in.

This One Will Kill Me.

[peculiarpatrick]

being legal comes with its own set of standards

[peculiarpatrick]

Monster Logic

i sometimes wonder How

You deal with Your Monster.

i've seen Its Teeth,

i've felt Its Roar,

hell—

i almost Know Its Voice

when it Pours out of

You.

sometimes i wonder Why

You choose to

Hate

Your Monster.

monsters aren't Inherent,

they Grow and Feed

and Desire;

you can't just Hate

some Thing—

that in some of

The Darkest Hours—

kept You Alive.

pounding Your Fists

Head

Feet

into Something Harder

doesn't Hurt a

Monster.

no.

no you Have To

make time for It.

listening,

breathing,

Remembering—

that is How you

Hurt a Monster.

i don't think

i will Understand

the Monster

and You;

but i will love

You Both.

[peculiarpatrick]

Twitter is sinking. Guess I'll post here sometimes. Maybe start sharing my poetry again. Otherwise, come share my fire, strange traveler 💕🔥🪵

[peculiarpatrick]

Well that’s better

Hey, thanks for coming to this blog!

I’ve had this for quite some time, and it’s only now that I feel I can (kind of) share it with the rest of the internet (or whomever comes by). Probably an update is in order so let’s recap: - I’ve gone through several relationships that have changed my outlook on relationships and life in general for the better

- I’ve started on a podcast (if you wanna check that out here is the link)

- My youtube channel is about to start up again 

- I’ve got music I’ve produced being used in various places

Overall though, I’m starting to do better (I think) and I’m starting to feel more comfortable in myself again. So yeah, thanks for stopping by and I’ll try to keep this blog more alive than I used to.