I knew I shouldn't have let it go on...
But you were always so.. gah. In simplest words, I adore you. You're a breath of fresh air that makes me feel safe.. and right now, I truly can't breathe. I feel like my chest is being crushed, figuratively and not, yet you've been the only thing to keep me from going under. Is that wrong? I really enjoy you as a human in so many ways. I absolutely wish we could just run away for a day and explore, even as friends. I've never been so certain of knowing how much of a fun time we'd have. But that's not going to happen.
..I used you as a distraction as first. I just needed to pull myself together and think about anything than what was happening at home. But I feel like when we talked, we found ourselves to be more surprisingly intune than expected. Am I alone in that thought? Am I crazy to think there's something in the way you do your last kiss? I think we're done. I'm trying to start to numb my mind as to not feel disappointment as it's time to leave the fantasy.. and then you go and kiss me one last time and ..linger? God it drives me crazy. You've done that the last two times. Is there something there for you? Or is this just filling a void for you? A curiosity? I know nothing can become of anything, so does it really matter? I just want to know if you feel the same. I shouldn't want to know though. I shouldn't but hoping for the next hug I can have from you, the next time I can sit in your lap. God I loved being with you, I'm sorry I didn't say anything. I was literally in shock that any of it was happening. I want to do it again, just with the freedom to breathe and act/do all the things I want to do.
