✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* sol *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

24 | ♐︎ ♏︎ | phannie🧡 | personal/variety/multifandom posting follow me on twitter @solkitten_ dms and asks are open

[ahappydnp]

okay twilight now please

[co0l-c4t]

watching dan and phil is like AHAHAHAHA ahahaha haha these guys are hilarious will i ever find someone as unconditionally loving to share the rest of my life with. fucks sake.

[phantasmagoricvanillabean]

I think what gets me so much about the ending to Heated Rivalry is that my coming out experience---if you could even call it that---was soooo much different than Shane's. Here we have this uber apologetic sweetheart trying to convince his mom that he really did try to be straight, it just wasn't for him. And not only does she tell him that he has nothing to be sorry about, but she asks for his forgiveness for not letting him feel like he could share his truth with her sooner. ...

The scene is heartbreaking, for me personally, because my mom was so completely the opposite. ... I too came out by accident. I was caught off guard by a question my father asked me and I didn't have the chance to lie before I found the words just coming out of my mouth. Initially, I came out to them as bisexual, even though at the time I was identifying as pansexual, but I didn't have the energy to explain the gender spectrum to them. (btw, it was 2018... I know now that bi isn't exclusive to two---that's not the point tight now, so let's move on) And now, I'm almost sure that I'm a lesbian.

My dad was really cool about it. He said "more power to you; more choices." My mother, not so much. She spat a bunch of questions at me: when did you know; who have you liked; are you experimenting, or is this something you know to be true about yourself... Then, she made it about herself, practically demanding that I still give her grandchildren because it's what she wants. Finally, she told me it's a sin.

When I told her I didn't want to tell her who I've liked, she said “See, if people didn’t believe they were doing something wrong, then they wouldn’t hide it.” It's because of people like her that people like me "believe we're doing something wrong" at all. Of course I didn't actually believe I was doing something wrong, it is not wrong to be gay... I just wish I could have the perfect loving parents in the perfect loving relationship and who love and support me for being myself.

...

They don't even remember I came out to them. A few months later, they acted as if I was still straight, like nothing happened. And I'll never know if it's because they deluded themselves into thinking it never happened, or if the things I tell them about myself are just that insignificant to them. Am choosing to believe it's the latter considering that's how most other things I tell them about myself go: shame and forget. ...

Anyways, Heated Rivalry: 10/10 can't wait for season 2

[yungbasedblogger]

REBLOG IF ITS OKAY IF I PUT SOMETHING FUCKING WEIRD AS FUCK IN YOUR INBOX

[fryday]

they were boyfriends when they grabbed each other's hands during spooky week. they were boyfriends when sister daniel flustered phil to his knees during halloween baking. they were boyfriends when dan gave phil the pour bot hem and fog mi heart cards. they were boyfriends when phil walked out in the mystery man at the museum fit and dan lost the power of measured speech. they were boyfriends when dan attempted to undo phil's shirt buttons with his teeth.

[nezz-cringe-crib]

juggle that thang sisyphus.

[lun4cat]

the "be not afraid"

[franklestelnn]

best friends

companions through life

actual soulmates

1000 year old turtles

your gay uncles

a ranch metaphor

more than just friends

more than romantic

business partners

guys who water plants together

[dykephan]

oh okay 🥲

[ahappyphjl]

mr and mr actual soulmates ranch metaphor 1000 year old tortoises i’ll find you in any world phil i wanna tell you about my lexicon obviously we were more than friends you are next to me in my life can phil express an opinion your skin looks nice under the blue sun you could go swimming in those eyes hello from the editing zone that’s the plan maybe what phil’s done for me i’ve spent the majority of 2016 with another person i want to be there so you don’t have to be brave i <3 dan i <3 phil d <3 p

[diphowell]

the fact that this was him accepting an award and not only called dan up to share it with him but said his name while looking so proud and so in love. and the way that he wasn't looking out into the audience at large to announce that dan would be coming up with him, but was looking at dan in the audience and smiling for him while telling him to come stand next to him. like the epitome of for a moment we were the only two in this room and it was an auditorium full of people.

[phantasmagoricvanillabean]

refusing to acknowledge phan for the relationship that it is in the big 2025 is crazy work. I saw someone on here recently asking for a "community for those that don't ship phan" and called the act of shipping dan and phil "speculating" as if dan himself hasn't said "it was more than just romantic" drawn "d❤️p" on a livestream and likened them to popular romantic ships such as "ineffable husbands" and nick and charlie from heartstopper. look at what dan and phil were texting each other on PUBLIC forums in the early 2000s. rewatch BIG. rewatch "DAN AND PHIL GOING AWAY Q&A" in which they literally tell us they are not qualified to give advice on "getting through a break up." phil lester himself reblogged a shipping war against jedus. they have designed their forever home together. like, at this point, deliberately refusing to acknowledge the well-known and real RELATIONSHIP that dan and phil share borders on homophobia. if this were a straight couple would you really be second guessing whether or not they are together?

this isn't the 2010s anymore; get over yourself

[gauravsksk]

exploring museums, old bookshops and libraries together type of love

[phantasmagoricvanillabean]

I've been feeling really disconnected lately... from everyone and everything... like I'm just floating through life, but it's a bad floating. Drifting, more like.

Perhaps this is just a wave of depression I have to overcome.

Writing this feels self-indulgent---as if any strangers on the internet actually care enough about my life to read this entire post and give a crap about whatever it is I could be waffling on about.

Nevertheless, here I am making a post about a person I always make posts about. I was hoping that eventually I'd just be able to get over them. I unfollowed them on every social media account, I even blocked them here on tumblr because the pain of knowing they still exist and are for some reason choosing to ignore my existence with no explanation as to why---just disappearing one day out of no where and never responding ever again---was just too much to bear.

I look them up from time to time to see if they're okay, but there's literally no sign of their existence except their active accounts here on tumblr (and on spotify, which I've only checked once and don't care to do again)... I just wish I knew why they suddenly decided to remove themself from my life. Did I offend them? Did I say or do something so heinous that it's not even worth an explanation? Or perhaps it has nothing to do with me---they just wanted a fresh start free from everyone in their past and I was just collateral damage? The pain of not knowing is killing me. I just... I loved them so much... probably the first person I ever really loved, and now, they're seemingly gone forever, and there's absolutely nothing I can do about it.

I just wanna get over them or get some closure. Time does not heal all wounds, but absence does make the heart grow fonder, or at least... I don't know. I should stop trying to sound so profound. I just wish I knew what went wrong. I am aching, and I want it to stop.

[phantasmagoricvanillabean]

so this guy I matched with asked me how I use astrology to inform my fashion decisions. I told him I use my rising sign to style myself and I think others should too because it helps people find the style that suits them as opposed to just following the trends.

he then asks me what I think his rising sign is based on his style and promptly follows that text with “I never thought about dressing like that,” as if I’m just supposed to guess based on his lack of trying. like hello? are you hearing yourself?

idk, maybe I just expect too much from people, but it’s like oh my godddd come awnnnn

I think I’ll just unmatch them, because we’re not even dating yet, and you’re already pissing me off.

[phantasmagoricvanillabean]

I love Seth Thomas so much I have to destroy him.

Invisible Monsters, Chuck Palahniuk

[phantasmagoricvanillabean]

I wish I was just a character in some piece of media so the audience would ship me with someone. I just want someone to clock the most obvious person I should be with that clearly I’m failing to recognize myself.

[phantasmagoricvanillabean]

I recently, made the decision to finally annex some people from my life who were doing more harm to my mental health and self image than good. I realised, I was trying so hard to like a person I didn't actually like, and who I now realise, didn't really like me. It's one thing to be a bad texter, but it's another to completely ignore a person on purpose and habitually. I was being ignored... maybe because I came on too strong, or because I reminded them of their shortcomings, but regardless, I was owed clarity, and time and time again, I did not get it.

Why was I trying to like a person who I knew deep down I didn't like because of their elusive nature? Their other qualities that initially drew me to them, I found, were not enough to keep me stuck in this endless cycle of confusion and yearning. Besides, it became apparent that they didn't even like me. I see that now, and I had to just let them go... finally. This time, for good.