But I Keep on Coming Back to You

[davidxstark]

The feeling of her fingers against his neck, along with the way she didn't sugarcoat things but respected him enough to tell him the truth? That was why he'd done it. He knew that no matter where he went, he was never going to find that deep and honest bond he'd been searching for. Not when he already had it, with her. With Piper. That's why it seemed stupid to hold back on kissing her for any longer. Fuck, he'd missed kissing her.

He didn't push the kiss into anything more than what it was. He was more than happy to follow her lead and let his lips naturally follow along. What was weird was how not weird it felt to be doing so. It gave David time to remember it, and also relish in the newness of it all. It was still them at the core of everything, just a new version of who they were. Maybe a better one. With the way he was letting himself all but melt into her, he was thinking that maybe he'd like David and Piper 2.0 a lot more. The cool thing was he didn't really need to compare it anything or anything else. He just knew that if it was with Piper, it'd always give him that feeling of hope he'd thought he'd lost years ago.

With quite a bit of hesitation, he pulled back from her lips. It was mostly to catch his breath, but also to shake his head before leaning back in and letting his forehead gently rest against hers. "So...guess we're royally fucked, huh?" he chuckled lightly. "Not sure there's really any going back from this. Last chance for you to change your mind and boot me out the door." From the way his hand moved back to caress the side of her face, thumb gently running against her full bottom lip, he hoped she knew how he felt. Leaving wasn't an option in his mind. "What are you thinking?"

[piperxstone]

With every relationship she had attempted since the split with David, Piper had known that something was missing. The kiss didn't really change anything about how she felt about him, but confirmed what she already knew - that it had felt like something was missing, because something was. Something always would be, unless it was with him. Kissing him was the first time in years she felt like she could reach that part of herself again, and in that moment, she felt whole in a way she didn't think she'd ever be.

She stayed completely still for a moment, her hands still on his chest, eyes closed and forehead pressed to his. It wasn't until he spoke that she reacted, breathing out a quiet laugh. "oh, absolutely fucked. It's a mess," she said, bluntly, before finally opening her eyes. "But... I'm not going anywhere. Not if you'll have me." He'd made his feelings pretty clear, but she still felt the need to check that the kiss hadn't changed anything for him. A part of her knew the answer though, and that was why it felt safe to ask.

"I'm thinking..." she paused, taking a moment to kiss his thumb as it brushed against her lip. "I think that if I can't even make it to a month without kissing you, then it's a waste of time to pretend I could stay away from you for good. Because whatever my brother says, I don't really want to do that, and we've wasted enough time without each other." She didn't know how else to put it into words without sounding corny, and could feel her cheeks heating up even as she spoke. "But it's not just about me. There's two of us here. So... what are you thinking, David?"

[davidxstark]

"I was really hoping it would be one of those vintage hippie vans until you said shower, that kind of gave it away. That's cool, though." He nodded a little, very curious to see it now that he had a visual in his mind. His focus was back to her once she continued speaking. He blinked, not fully processing her comment at first. Once he did, though, his stomach might as well had dropped to his feet. Suggesting there was an absence of happiness without him there? Considering the radio silence from her end, it was shocking. That was a huge claim to hold over someone, one he was still trying to get through his mind as she kept going.

"Guess we'll never know either way." Nothing about this was easy, David's hand shifting its grip when he noticed her reaction to the city's name just being uttered. He hadn't even gotten through all the details. They all seemed to carry a weird sense of guilt from that place and that day. "In case you didn't notice, it set me off, too...and, uh, pretty much everyone else that was there," he sighed, considering that most people who went to Miami as a couple didn't make it back from there as one, not for long, anyways. He didn't count Caesar and Stacie, since he wasn't sure if they counted as a couple or were just two evil, bored and horny people. Nonetheless, he felt himself frowning while listening. He knew it was bad for everyone, but especially the Stones. If Miami was a bomb, losing Frankie was the nuclear blast that followed.

He would've much rather kept talking about Miami, David's shoulders tensing upon hearing her talk about his mom. "Honestly, Piper...she hasn't even told us what you said," he explained. "My mom, I mean. She won't tell us about it, so none of us know what was actually said and done. The most we were told was that it 'hit close to home', and she was clearly super upset when she told us. And, like, all that is important and everything, and we'll really get to into when the time's right. Right now, though? It's not about her. I do think if you told her what you just told me, that'd make a difference, but my mom is the farthest thing on my mind. You've kind of taken top priority there."

Somehow, he understood what she'd been saying the whole time, but it didn't hit how he expected it to. Her words should've knocked him right out of his seat. Fireworks and confetti canons should've been erupting in his mind. David wanted to smile, but for whatever reason, he couldn't. He couldn't even fake one. "I don't really know how to," he admitted. "Be happy, I mean. It just feels like I've been stuck under a personal-sized storm cloud for so long that I don't really know life without it anymore. I'm not sure if it's a thing that can even go away." He let those words settle for a moment before his gaze turned to where she was cuddled up against his shoulder, reaching down to stroke her cheek. "But I think I at least have a chance of getting that happiness with you. If that's a terrible idea, then maybe I'm a guy that needs to make more bad decisions." And because he couldn't take much longer of being that close to her and not doing something about it, he did. It was a short few inches between him leaning in and his lips finding hers with ease.

[piperxstone]

"Not a hippie van, unfortunately. I don't think I'm quite peace and love enough for that. I can show you, though. Or let you borrow it for any future road trips you have planned." One day, she would have to fully fill the gaps for him about how she had spent the last few years. For now, the van was enough to cover the basics. She much rather would have stayed talking about her stupid van, though, then dragging up old memories. Unfortunately, it was a necessary evil. As easy as it would have been to brush it all under the rug, doing so only meant they would have to deal with it later.

"I heard," she said, simply, because she hadn't stuck around long enough to see the shockwaves herself. She'd stayed long enough to see her mom's funeral, then left for Vegas. The less said about her first temporary return, the better. Hearing him explain that Casey hadn't shared the details of what had happened felt like a gut punch to Piper. It wasn't just that she was still carrying the guilt from it, though that would have been enough on its own. It was that everything between her and David felt so fragile. It felt like something too loaded to keep to herself, even with his assurances that they could talk about it later. "David," she shot him a look, shaking her head. "What I said to her... it wasn't great. I don't know if talking about it later is a good idea if it could change how you see me." That was what it came down to for them, in her mind. Maybe it was the result of that drunken final night, but the idea of letting herself feel some kind of hope only to see that spark of something flicker out and die again? It wasn't an experience she was interested in repeating with him.

She didn't push the issue, though. Piper fell silent, eyes fixed on his face while she listened to him talk about how he felt, and had been feeling. She hadn't noticed herself doing it, but somehow while he spoke, she'd raised a hand to touch the back of his neck, tracing a gentle pattern there with her fingertips. "Maybe it doesn't go away. Maybe it's just something you learn to live with." It wasn't the most encouraging of statements, but she couldn't lie to him and tell him it was all going to be okay when that was something she didn't know the answer to herself. She was about to make a comment about how the last thing he needed was to live with more bad decisions, but he cut her off before she could when his lips found hers.

It had been years since Piper and David had last kissed, but she knew instinctively this was different. When the younger version of her had kissed him, there'd been butterflies in her stomach and fireworks going off in her head. Everything short of fat baby cupids shooting them with arrows. This felt like something new entirely, something that grounded her in where she was rather than sending her shooting up amongst the clouds. The kiss silenced all the negative voices that told her that this would never work and filled her with a rush of warmth that bloomed outwards from somewhere in her chest. Piper dropped her hand from the back of his neck, and rested it alongside her other one against his chest, kissing him back.

[davidxstark]

David's gaze was one of confusion at first. He watched her start to move and assumed he'd fucked up, said something stupid, and she was about to get up and ditch him. That didn't happen, though. She'd curled into him, and he didn't realize he'd been holding his breath until her touch forced him to let it go. There was maybe a one second delay in between the time she'd settled into his side and his arm resting behind them moving to encircle her. He adjusted so that she was essentially in his lap at that point. His fingers absentmindedly trailed her arm, but he found the hand freezing as her tone became serious. "It doesn't have to be your life, you know," he uttered. "All the sadness and fuck-ups and terrible things happening. Sometimes you don't get a choice in it, or those things sneak up on you. The good moments in between, the ones where it's you in full control, though? You should be having the happiest life that you can during all those. I think it's out there waiting for you to find it."

What she brought up next was harder to talk about. So much of who they were, to this day, was intertwined. A large amount of his moments were hers, too. He hesitated, wondering if he should even say what flashed across his mind. He wasn't sure if there'd ever be a moment like this again, where he could be vulnerable without it feeling like a humiliation ritual. "If it weren't for that picture and that beach in Miami, things would've been so different. It took one stupid miscommunication to do all that damage to us. If it hadn't, though? I could've been there for you, with school and your mom and everything else that happened afterwards. I didn't even get the chance." He sighed before continuing. "I was really angry with you, Piper. I might've even thought that I hated you at one point," he admitted, not thinking this was the time to hold anything back. "I was just a heartbroken kid. Despite everything, I did care. I still do. It's not something I can really shut off."

His lips were pressed to her hair once he ran out of words, although he found himself smirking a bit upon her realization. He was glad all the heavy stuff wasn't a huge deterrent on whatever they were achieving there. "Well it is. The world's your oyster, baby." Once she'd moved, he adjusted himself to look back at her. He blinked hard towards the idea that he was such a large part of her options. Of all the things she could've said, that wasn't even close to what he'd expected. "It doesn't have to be," he reminded her, although from the way he made no effort to untangle himself from the couch, how he felt might as well had been plastered across the walls. His expression was on the more serious side as his hand shifted to cradle the side of her face. "But I'm very curious to know what you mean by all that."

[piperxstone]

Despite everything, his words had Piper letting out a small laugh. "I mean, it's not like I haven't been looking. Did you know I lived in a van before I came back?" She shook her head a little. "Obviously you wouldn't know. But, uh, yeah. It's a nice van. It's got a bed and a shower and a little kitchen and all that stuff. I can show you one day, if you want." She realised she was essentially rambling about something that had no relevance to the conversation, and cleared her throat a little. "The point is, I've been looking everywhere for a place where I have that happy life. I've gone as many places as I could think to go trying to find it, and I only ever make it a couple of months before I give up and move on to the next place, because the only place I've ever really felt happy are the ones you've been in with me."

When he brought up Miami, Piper couldn't help but give a little shudder. That night had marked the start of the downward spiral that had become her life, and she hated revisiting it. The mere thought made her physically cringe enough that she had to fight the urge to pull away from him, and David definitely would have felt the way she tensed and shifted, before thinking better of it and settling back into his lap. It was a talk they needed to have sooner rather than later, as much as she wanted to bury her head in the sand. It was better to get it out of the way. "Maybe. Or maybe it would have been something else," she pointed out, her voice soft. "If all it took was a picture to set me off like that, who's to say there wouldn't have been another reason down the line?" the rhetorical nature of the question hid what she really meant by it, that she was afraid if she let him back in, history would repeat himself. That if that was all it took to destroy them the first time, clearly they'd been on fragile ground to begin with, and now the terrain was even more uneven. "I don't blame you for being angry with me. I would have been, too. But when my mom died... fuck, David, I can't explain how shitty it felt to go through that alone. I know it was my own fault, and I pushed everyone away, but even before I lashed out, it felt like I had all this grief inside me and nobody to lean on to help with it. That's why I blew up at your mom like I did. When she showed up, it just felt like too little too late, and I wanted her to hurt as badly as I was."

She'd spent years keeping those words inside, and now they all tumbled out at once. It didn't make her feel lighter for getting it off her chest, nor did it feel like a burden lifted. She didn't expect it to be. It was Piper trying to be seen by the one person who had always seen her best, and asking him to understand her in the way that the past versions of themselves couldn't do. If there was any path forward for them, she needed to know that his eyes were wide open to all the ugliest parts of her, and that he accepted them as much as he accepted the parts of her that he remembered more fondly, and she struggled to find in herself these days. Whatever resolve she had, though, nearly crumbled when he cupped her face in his hands. The urge to kiss him washed over her, and her gaze fell to his lips, lingering there for a moment as she pondered the idea. In the end, she decided against it - it wasn't the right time.

"Remember when I said my relationships always go wrong, because they want parts of me I can't give to them?" she said. "I couldn't do that, because those are the parts of me I've only ever shared with you. They're not mine to give away anymore. I'm not saying we should get back together or pick up where we left off or anything. I still think it's a terrible idea, for the record. But I am saying that wherever I go from here, and whatever choice I make? It's not just about me. It's about you too. You deserve to be happy, too David. I'd do anything to make that happen."

[davidxstark]

David hoped that any ripple of happiness in his expression after hearing of her split wasn't too visible. It wasn't even in a vindictive or hopeful way. It was something closer to relief. That quickly shifted away to a bout of confusion as she continued to explain herself. It was confused laced with a touch of humor, finding himself smirking as she back tracked herself. It was dropped and remained stoic as he really listened to her, though. Hearing her list off so many familiar causalities to her metaphorical killings made it all a bit too real. He'd been a first-hand witness to that self sabotage, he realized. That night when he showed up at her door drunk, and for a couple minutes, they were almost the same David and Piper again. For years, that's what he thought their last moments would ever be. He was glad that wasn't the ending he had to accept. His expression darkened with each word she said, but the care and concern never left.

"You deserve the world, Piper," he said lowly, his gaze starting downcast but slowly gaining the bravery to meet her eyes. For some reason, he felt like his words wouldn't hit home unless she really saw it and felt it. That's how he found himself sliding his free hand close enough to catch hers and interlace their fingers. "And you deserve to know that and feel okay with that. I'm not sure what happened, but whatever it was, whatever moment you had that made you look at yourself and think you don't deserve the best life possible? Fuck it. Fuck that."

He shook his head a bit. "You know what's kind of cool about all this, though? Sometimes, even when you fuck up with someone or push them away, they still care about you. Getting rid of them doesn't get rid of the love that still remains, you know?" A shuttered sigh came out. All of this was the most real and raw he'd let himself be next to the heart-to-heart with Rocco he'd been regretting as of late. "And I'm not saying all of this will be fixed with me or by being together. Honestly, I don't even know what the hell I'm saying anymore. It's not even about me at this point." He gave her hand a little squeeze for emphasis. "You get to make the choices now, for you, alright? It doesn't matter what your brother thinks, or what some stupid ex thinks, or even what I think. Pick what you want, because that's what matters."

[piperxstone]

Piper had put far less thought into this than she probably should have. She wasn't even sure what it was she wanted, never mind how to properly communicate it. A part of her had thought that, when he was sitting in front of her, it would magically become clear to her. In reality, not much had. She was still just as confused as she had been before he'd stepped through the door. But if there was one thing she was sure of, with complete and utter clarity, It was that nobody understood what it was she needed to hear the way David did, and even if they did, she doubted it would effect her as much as it did if it came from anybody else's mouth. it was why she did what she did next. She hadn't planned it, going with her gut in the moment, but even though he was holding her hand, it didn't feel like enough. Piper shuffled closer to him on the couch, taking advantage of the fact his arm was draped along the back of it, and tucked herself into his side. Her own arms wrapped themselves around his middle, and her head came to rest on his chest, her eyes squeezing tightly shut.

For a while, Piper didn't move, and didn't speak. She stayed still, cheek pressed against his shirt, breathing in the scent of him. She couldn't see his face, and he wouldn't be able to see hers, at this angle. She was grateful for that, because she was already fighting back tears, and she didn't want to cry in front of him again. "I don't know," she admitted. "I don't know what moment it was. I don't know when it started. I just know that when nobody was left it hit me like a ton of bricks, and it didn't matter how far away I was or how much I tried to bury everything that happened and start fresh. It never goes away."

She fell silent again, listening to him speak, and opened her eyes, though she didn't move from her spot. It was easier to speak like this, she found, when she wasn't looking at him, but could feel the comforting warmth of him against her. "I didn't expect for you to still care about me, David," her voice was half a whisper. "The thought didn't even enter my head. I've been so convinced you hated me." After where they had left things, no alternative had crossed her mind. A few weeks ago, sitting like this with him seemed impossible. "And the idea of picking what I want is terrifying, honestly. This is the first time in a long time where that's even felt like an option." She finally lifted her head to look at him, propping her chin on his shoulder. "You're wrong about one thing, though. It is kind of about you. I think for me it always will be."

[davidxstark]

He wasn't sure if it was solely due to a release of everything he'd held in for years, but when he didn't hear from her at first, David was okay. He wasn't fine by any means, but he was hanging in there. He'd done years without Piper, so the prospect of more didn't weight too heavily on him...or so he thought. He'd been mid sip of coffee when her name popped up on his phone, and that sip that very quickly turned into a coughing fit as it went down the wrong pipe. He'd expected maybe something a month or so down the line if he was lucky, most likely much longer. Once he'd gotten it through his thick head that, yes, it was a real text, and yes, Piper had specifically asked to see him, his ass was in gear and headed her way.

He wasn't necessarily dressed to the nines, draped in what Lindsey would likely refer to as "the procreation of the basket case and jock from The Breakfast Club." From hoodie to sweats to sneakers, it was all black and all Nike. He assumed that showing up in something like a suit or fussing over his clothes of all things would make the energy a million times weirder than it already was. Besides, he had to remind himself that this was just a chat. No expectations, just talking. It was harder to do that the closer he got to her place. This was her own place, not just Aunt Frankie's. It was so weird that he'd never considered that detail until now, the fact they'd never really gotten to explore places of their own outside of their parents. That was all before disaster had struck. He had to hype himself up a bit once he was at her door, stretching his hand out at his side before he knocked.

He wasn't sure if he physically was doing so, but waiting and subsequently watching the door swing open felt like holding his breath then releasing. "Hey," he replied, his face showing how he'd felt about what she'd said next. There was no way that anything that time would've been more important. Unless his mom or sisters decided to all have a collective aneurism, there was no where else he would've been. Instead of answering, he gave a nod before carefully stepping through the door. He took a moment to try notice some of the things this new Piper liked decor wise. It felt like he couldn't scan fast enough, eyes tracing all over and eventually leading him to the couch.

He'd settled in pretty quick, although he was definitely taken aback once she sat directly next to him. It didn't stop him from turning himself to face her, though, one arm resting over the back of the couch. David's eyes never strayed from her face, even as he watched her seemingly get lost in her own head. He nodded earnestly once she spoke. "No, it's...that's fine. I know it was a lot, considering...well, everything. I didn't really give you a chance to actually breathe or just exist before coming in with all that. You were in town for, what, an hour? Maybe even less than that? I guess that means I'm your bulldozer, too." He sighed at the revelation. "I'm sorry about my timing." He stood by everything he'd said to her, but he'd be lying if there wasn't a tinge of embarrassment that lingered. He'd spilled his guts beyond a level of normal, knowing there was no turning back from that. "And, um, I know I said it before, but I just want to make it super clear that I do not expect anything in return. Just because I'm feeling a certain way doesn't mean you necessarily are, too. You said you were seeing someone, yeah? I think that's great, Piper. I just want you to be happy, you know? I like thinking that you're with someone who really makes you feel it."

[piperxstone]

"Less," Piper gave him the tiniest of smiles, though it was soon wiped from her face by what he said next. She could feel her courage wavering a little bit. Something about the bulldozer metaphor had her rethinking everything, wondering if inviting him to talk was the right move after all, because there was too much truth in it for her to brush it aside. They had proven that they had the capabilities to destroy each other in the past, and she was all to aware how easy it would be to do again, whether intentionally or not. She didn't think she could trust herself around David, and wasn't sure she trusted in him enough to let herself be as vulnerable as she needed to be to say the things she wanted to say.

She made a face, something between a wince and a grimace. "That's nice of you, but actually, we aren't seeing each other anymore." It felt a little embarrassing to admit out loud given what was said last time they saw each other, and despite lapsing into silence a moment ago, Piper felt the need to clarify. "Not... not because of you or anything. Or not just because of you, I suppose. It's kind of been a pattern for me. I'll meet someone and start dating them but there's always this distance. Eventually, they'll want to see parts of me I just can't give to them, and when they realise that there's no way to change that, it ends." It wasn't until she stopped to draw breath that Piper realised that she hadn't ever spoken about this to anybody out loud before. If anybody had told her two months ago she'd be spilling her guts to David, of all people, she probably would have laughed in their faces. But here they both were, and it felt like nothing had changed and everything had.

"I've been thinking about what you said," she admitted, her gaze falling to her lap. "The bit about me learning to forgive myself? Well, the other stuff, too, but that part kinda... hit me hard." She paused for a minute, reaching for the right words to explain herself to him and coming up empty handed. She forced herself to struggle on, regardless. "I think I've spent so long trying to punish myself rather than forgive. I've pushed people away because I didn't feel like I deserved to have anybody close. Then when I'm standing alone at the end of it, in a weird way it kind of felt like validation, you know? Like being left with the loneliness was proof that the things I think about myself were right all along. It's all become one big toxic cycle that I don't know how to break out of." It was then that she raised her gaze to look at him, leaning back so that her head was touching the back of the couch near where his arm rested. "You were kind of patient zero of that. And your mom, my brothers, Lindsey... I did it to all of them, too. Louis is just the latest in a long line of people who I ended up hurting, because I don't like myself very much."

[davidxstark]

"You were never just a bulldozer, Piper. You were also the band-aid, and the beauty, and a million other different B words that’d have me standing here all day if I tried to list them...point being, it doesn't matter what form of you it comes in. It's you or nothing." He thought his words were simple enough, but apparently not on her end. He watched with a raised brow as she spit out every excuse in the book as to why she couldn't feel like he did, nor should he. An old David might've even believed her. This time, though? He listened, and he waited.

"No, it doesn't, but if I can forgive you, maybe you should learn to forgive yourself at some point, too." He knew that was testy to suggest, but she deserved to hear it and really know it. The two of them knew from past experience that you don't just get back up unscathed when a bomb goes off in your backyard. They were still picking up the pieces not just of everything damaged around them but their own broken parts, too.

His brows furrowed, somewhere between curiosity and hurt. Maybe it was both. "I have a pretty damn strong feeling that these new versions can get to know each other just fine, but that's just me." It was her next statement that gave him pause, but not in the way he'd expected it. Of course he'd considered there'd be somewhere else in her world. Fuck, he'd had Annabelle in his only hours ago. Her further argument had him sighing once more. "Who's everyone? Cause the last time I checked, your brothers don't hate you. My mom doesn't hate you, despite having good reasons to," he admitted, not fully knowing what was said but seeing from his mom's face that Piper's words didn't shoot to kill but destroyed like atomic bombs. "And Ella certainly doesn't hate you. I don't dictate who Lindsey dates despite really wishing I could sometimes, and she doesn't dictate who I date, so this? This is not an issue. So who else? Who else is there, Piper?" He held out his arms as if he were waiting for more answers to come raining down. When they didn't, he continued.

"I didn't ask you to end anything. If you want to stay with him, that's totally your choice and prerogative, but what you just said there? You know that's not true. How you feel does matter and always will, and I hate that you even feel that way to begin with." He let those words settle in the air, really hoping that they hit home. "It sounds like there’s a talk that needs to be had with your brother, so I’ll go about doing that, but I just wanted you to know that this is where I'm at. I'm not asking you to be mine, Piper. I know it’s not that easy. I'm saying that if you ever get to a place where you feel like you want to start again, I'll be waiting. And even if you don't, same thing. It's you for me right now and for the rest of my life, and even better? You don't even have to love me back. I think I've already had my great love, though, so I don't need another." He'd said all that was needed, but he also wasn't leaving without making his intentions true. He gently cupped Piper's face between his hands, his lips finding her forehead and lingering for a few moments before releasing her and turning to the door.

[piperxstone]

**

Piper knew that coming home would change things, but she didn't think even she was prepared for just how much everything would shift. What she did know, though, was it wasn't so much being confronted with the relics from her previous life. That part had been cathartic, in a way. Over the last few weeks, being in her mom's apartment, or spending time with her brother, down to even simple things like getting breakfast at the café she used to visit every weekend had actually given her some catharsis. She felt more at peace with herself then she had since that stupid night in Florida in some ways.

What was really throwing her for a loop was David's confession. She hadn't expected it, but since she had last seen him, it was all she could think about. It wasn't just the fact he still claimed to love her. There were other things he said that had hit her hard, the parts about forgiving herself, or her feelings mattering, and that the people she had been convinced hated her didn't feel that way at all. She needed to sit with that for a while, but once she had, Piper realised what she was feeling was hope. She still wasn't sure if she deserved it, but maybe things could get better.

The side effect of that was, unintentionally, she had started pulling away from Louis, and he had noticed. Inevitably, it had led to a breakup. She should have felt worse about it, she knew, but she was kind of used to relationships fizzling out when whatever guy she was dating realised they needed more than she could ever give them. Even before she had known how he felt, it always came back to David, and when she and Louis had parted ways, all she could think about was how it cleared the path back to him. It was something else to add to her already guilty conscience.

She hadn't gotten in touch with David right away, waiting a respectable week and a half before shooting him a text asking him to meet up today. She didn't love the idea of doing it at the apartment, which had already been the site of way too many difficult conversations, but she wanted it to be private, and David's place wasn't an option, for the obvious reason that she wasn't ready yet to see Casey and Ella again. Somehow, knowing they didn't hate her guts made the idea of it more complicated to her. If they did, she'd know what to expect.

After she had sent the text, she'd shut her phone off, too nervous to keep checking it, so she had no idea if he was even on the way or not. She sat by the window, half-drunk cup of coffee cooling on the table beside her laptop. She'd been trying to job hunt to take her mind off watching the door, but it wasn't working. Time had seemed to slow for a crawl, until she finally heard what she had been waiting for - the knock at the door.

"Hi." Piper had leapt across the room to let him in within seconds. The first time she had seen him again, it had been a total surprise, but even now, when she was half-expecting him, her mouth still felt bone-dry. "I wasn't sure if you'd come." But of course he had. This was David, after all. If he meant even half of everything he had said to her before, there was no way that he wouldn't.

She stood back to let him in, for a moment buoyed by settling him in, offering him a drink, and letting him take a seat. It wasn't until she sat down next to him on the couch that she realised she knew what she wanted to say, but had no idea how to say it. She didn't want to just come out with it. She lapsed into silence for a minute, clearing her throat to get rid of some of the awkwardness she was feeling.

"Sorry I haven't been... around? I guess?" She hadn't seen him since they had last spoken, but apologising for a few weeks of silence seemed stupid when it had come after literal years where she was so absent that he thought she'd died. "You kinda gave me a lot to think about, you know. It wasn't exactly easy to process."

[davidxstark]

Listening to Piper had David experiencing what he imagined was his brain's version of being put on a giant rollercoaster. He was taking her on all the loops and turns. Instead of speaking right away, he let Piper share her thoughts, but it wasn't the easiest. A round of oh fuck's ran through his head once he noticed the tears, and in typical David fashion, he fought himself to not reach over to wipe them away. Like moments before, he could feel the hand not currently occupied over hers curling at his side.

He shook his head, letting out a laugh that lacked any humour behind it. "That's the thing. Piper. You'd already been that bulldozer long before you walked through that door," he admitted. He didn't have an immediate response for her next statement, though. He searched her face before letting out a sigh. "It's not a 'I have to' kind of thing, though. With you, it's not even a question. It's you, with full and total certainty."

The urge to interrupt was lodged in his throat, and Piper was giving him a good challenge with that patience. It hissed out as a sigh once she pulled her hand away and cut off at the mentioning of Rocco. What the fuck? His brows furrowed as he tried to quickly imagine what in the ever loving fuck Rocco Stone could've said to convince Piper to avoid him. Avoiding Lindsey was a notion he understood and fully supported, but him? An icy sensation crawled in his veins at the thought of how many vulnerable conversations Rocco had been present to in the past year alone, and it only made Piper's self sabotage attempts jab a little harder than expected.

"Okay, so that whole thing with your brother? I'm not gonna address that right now, because this isn't about him. This is you and me, Piper." He knew if Lindsey were there, she'd be mocking his hand gestures and asking if he's trying to get votes. He shook it off pretty quick. He didn't want any other Starks or Stones in this moment. "You don't get to decide how I feel about you or what I need. It doesn't work that way, and all this down talking towards yourself and what we have...it's not working on me. You don't think I know you were a big cause of where I'm at? But it's not just you. My entire world was blown up, and all I could do was stand back and watch everyone bare the brunt of its damage. I was bound to be at this place no matter what you said or did, so get over yourself." A tiny smile played at the corner of his lips, hoping that she caught the fact in reaching for some form of help, he went with the tickling-the-funny-bone bandaid. Perhaps not the most appropriate, but it'd do in a pinch. "It's not like I've just sat here, twiddling my thumbs, just hoping for your return. It wasn't like that. I was a fucking mess. I didn't even remember my own name half the time, let alone yours. However many different people you feel like you've been or are, I'm right there with you. When I think of who we were when I first fell in love with you...I don't know those people anymore. I haven't got the slightest clue what that David is like. For the most part, that dork is long gone...but, um, not entirely." It was corny as hell, but something about the gesture felt right. He walked over from around the counter and stopped directly in front of her, taking her hand and placing it over the left side of his chest. "Still the same heart. And it's yours. It was yours when I was that stupid teenager, and it was still yours after the Florida trip from hell, and even when I thought you were dead." The words caught in his throat, a frustrated sigh passing his lips before regrouping. "Whether you like it or not and whether you reciprocate it or not, I'm always going to love you, Piper Stone."

[piperxstone]

"Don't you think that's a warning sign? I'm not good for you, David." It was way to tempting to give in and offer no further protest to what he was saying. "I don't want to be a bulldozer. I'm not going to pretend to be an expert, but I know enough to know it shouldn't be like that with the person you love." David was the only person she'd ever felt anything like that for, nothing before or after ever coming close. It had hurt enough in a way that still left her feeling hollow, and that was enough to have her reluctant to backslide.

"I don't think you're hearing me," she ran a hand through her hair, her head shaking. He spoke in certainties, and she had no idea how he could. It had her unravelling a bit at the seams, losing control of herself in a way she had never planned to do if she came face to face with him again. "You're talking like it's all settled and decided. It's not, David. We've been here before." She didn't like the feeling of throwing that one night he had shown up at her doorstep, drunk, and she'd let herself think for a brief moment that all could be well again. The rug pull she had felt when he changed his mind was a particular low point she wasn't keen to revisit.

There was a sinking feeling in her gut at the confusion on his face when she brought up Rocco. Clearly, whatever warnings he had given to stay away from each other was supposed to be for her ears only. Nice job, Piper. Even when she wasn't trying to, she couldn't help but ruin everything she touched. She might have explained further, if not for what he said next. She blinked a bit, a frown appearing on her face. Clearly being told to get over herself had taken her aback. "Odd choice to tell me to get over myself twenty seconds after telling me you're in love with me, but okay." She snorted, folding her arms over her chest, like that might serve as a barrier between them. "I'm not trying to decide what you feel or down talk myself. I'm just being realistic. I know my mom-" she broke off there, her voice hitching in a way that made it impossible for her to finish the sentence. Piper could hardly bring herself to talk about her mom on the best of days, and somehow being in her home made it worse. "I know that all the other stuff going on back then would have been impossible to deal with regardless, but that doesn't mean what I did just goes away because you decided you're okay with it."

When he stepped forward and guided her hand to his chest, Piper froze. It felt too intimate, her fingers curling reflexively into the fabric of his shirt, the beat of his heart almost uncomfortably familiar, and for a moment, all Piper wanted to do was fold herself into his arms, let her head come to rest in the space her hand currently occupied, and let him hold her. It took all her willpower not to. "But that's the problem," she pointed out. "We don't know each other anymore, David. The versions of us that we loved don't exist." She had a feeling that it would fall on deaf ears, but in that moment, she needed to remind herself of the fact as much as David.

For a moment, Piper was silent, saying and doing nothing but look at David through bleary, tear-filled eyes. She'd been annoyed a moment ago, but now she just felt tired and achy. "There's someone else," she said the words gently, wanting them to land softly rather than as a blow. "I'm with someone else, and I'm not going to end it because you're back in my life. How I feel about you doesn't matter." She took her hand back, but didn't put any more distance between the two of them. "Let's be honest, David. Whatever you and I feel for each other, it's never going to work. Everybody that matters in your life hates me. There's only one way this ends, and I'm not dragging you back to rock bottom with me again."

[davidxstark]

Everything. That likely meant, in David's mind, that they were both at a place where they'd have to face the ugly stuff head on. Their last encounter ended with a yelling match and slamming the door behind him as he left for good. Being there in that apartment was enough for now, though, probably enough for the both of them combined. They didn't need to a heart-to-heart and dissect all the ugly parts of what happened just yet. "Sure, if you want to," he nodded. "Doesn't have to be right now or tomorrow or the foreseeable future, but...yeah."

Their past was one thing entirely, but David knew what he'd just said, that tease of a love declaration and all, was a lot to process. He had to trip on acid to process it himself, and she was there dealing with it stone-cold sober, no pun intended. "No, we didn't," he agreed. "It was definitely more on me with that night, but...yeah, not a great goodbye from either end." If David were a different kind of guy, Piper's words might've had him retracting his statement and running for the door. Fortunately, that wasn't David. His stupidly stubborn side came by nature. He wasn't the type to let the really, truly important stuff in his life slip away, not without a fight. "Right," he nodded, letting the silence build again before he fully turned towards her.

"Did you know I broke up with my girlfriend today?" Another pang of silence. "Or, uh, ex-girlfriend, I guess. It's been a long night, you'll have to ask Rocco about it." With a grimace and a shake of his head, he continued. "But yeah, approximately an hour ago, maybe less? And I didn't even realize it was a thing I wanted to do. Me and your brother, we, uh, had a little too much fun at a party...not with each other, or technically with each other but not in a sexual way." He furrowed his own brow, wondering if the drugs had taken that big of a hit to his brain cells. "Jesus. Sorry. But, uh, we went on a little...'trip', if you will, and it was at one point during that trip that, I...I realized couldn't be with Annabelle anymore. See, Rocco had let me know a few hours earlier that you were not just alive but headed back to town. I don't know about you, but my thought's that it's not fair to date someone else if the love of your life is still around."

He gave her a moment to process his words before reaching over for her hand, thumb running over her fingers as he spoke once more. "So, yeah, Piper, you did do shitty things. So did I. So did every single person in my entire life. Have you considered that maybe I've forgiven you, and that I can't imagine a world where I'm not willingly jumping into that firing line for you?" There was an unexplainable intensity behind his eyes. Every word he spoke was spoken with pure intention. "After all that shit in Florida happened and the world basically imploded and that stupid, drunk night I had with you, I tried. I tried to move on. I tried to not be me, to fly off to a different country and fuck around and not care and act like a total dick with no feelings. I pretended to be that person for a bit, but I couldn't keep it up. It didn't fix anything. It didn't bring my dad back, it didn't bring your mom back, and it didn't bring you back. I was fucking miserable, Piper, so I stopped pretending like that'd fix things and tried to find a better version of me, and you know what? That didn't fix it either." He shrugged almost helplessly. "And I'm not saying that you and me would be a fix for any of the shit we both dealt with, because it's a lot, but I don't feel as broken with you. You see me in a way where I know you get me, and I've been trying to find that in other people for too long." He felt his own voice catch in his throat, trying to push back the chokehold his emotions were trying to take. "I don't expect you to be on the same page as me, but I need you to know that I can't be with another girl. I can't be with anyone that isn't you, Piper. Even with every fuck up and mistake and broken piece, it's you."

[piperxstone]

"I don't want to," Piper corrected him, before quickly jumping in to correct herself. "It's more that I need to, I guess? I know dragging up the past isn't going to change anything or make it better, but I don't know." She shook her head, partly to reorganise her thoughts, and partly to shut herself up, knowing she was dangerously close to rambling. Everything about this conversation felt so delicate, as though the wrong word was all it would take to crack the fragility of whatever it was that remained between them. "Sorry, I'm not making sense, am I? But you're right. We don't need to talk about it now. There's - there's time."

It was a weird realisation to come to. Since her mom had died, she'd not spent more than a couple of months in a single place, always with the knowledge that she wouldn't be there for long. In a way, that provided a sort of cushion for Piper. If her mind was on where she'd flee too next, she'd never have to think about what she'd left behind her. There was never time, time to settle, time to let people get to know her, to share what she'd done and what she'd been through. Now she was home, if this still was her home, with no immediate intentions of running again, though? It was an entirely different sort of feeling, but it seemed fitting that it was David who had brought her to that notion.

Piper let out a non-committal sort of hum. It was one that she hoped sounded sympathetic, and didn't give away the way her stomach flipped when he mentioned breaking up with her girlfriend. Rocco had mentioned her on the phone, right before he had asked her to stay as far away from David and his family as she could. She hadn't even been back five minutes, and she was already breaking that promise, she realised. Her expression turned briefly startled as he attempted to explain what had transpired between him and her brother last night, and confused when he failed to clear up exactly anything. And then came the words the love of your life, and that completely brought Piper to a standstill, her arms tensing as the effort it took to hold herself up suddenly doubled.

She stayed quiet for a moment, before sighing, a tired, shaky sort of sound. "David..." she began, gently. "Are you telling me I haven't even been back in the city for five minutes and I'm already taking a bulldozer to your life?" Piper didn't like the way her voice wavered when she spoke, but it was only when she heard it that she realised her cheeks were wet. Somewhere when he had been talking, she'd begun to cry. Her gaze dropped to where his hand covered hers, and though she knew she should, she didn't pull it away, instead lifting the other to swipe at her face with her sleeve. "And have you considered that you shouldn't?" Her words weren't hostile in tone, nor were they cold, but it felt like they landed heavily in the room anyway. "You shouldn't forgive me, and you shouldn't have to throw yourself in the firing line."

It would be easier to pull away if Piper didn't understand, somewhere deep in her chest, exactly what he was saying. They'd always been able to understand each other, because they were both so similar. Even with miles and time between them, without any contact with each other or any idea what the other was doing, it almost made Piper laugh to realise their journeys had still been mirror images of one another, and neither had found the solution they were looking for to their broken hearts. If things had been different, that might have been enough for her to give into what he was saying, but the guilt that had slowly been spreading through her since she had caught sight of him had grown into something way larger than any desire she had to cross the counter and throw herself into his arms. She couldn't ignore it, or pretend it wasn't there. "But I'm the one who did that all of that to you, David. You wouldn't have felt that way if it wasn't for me." It was with reluctance that she pulled her hand back, and crossed her arms over her chest.

"Maybe Rocco was right," she admitted. "Maybe it is better if we stay away from each other. I still care about you, David, but things are different. You can't know that it's me you want when you don't even know who I am. God, I'm not even sure I do." She'd begun pacing the kitchen, her sneakers squeaking against the floor as she spun at either end to go back the way she'd came. It would have been the perfect time to mention Louis, but she couldn't bring herself to do it when she could already picture the look on David's face when she did, nor to acknowledge that it felt more like she was betraying him than her actual, current boyfriend. "I don't think either of us ever really got closure after what happened." She finally came to a standstill, turning to meet his gaze again. "Maybe - maybe that's why it's been so hard for us to move on from this. Maybe that's really what you need."

[davidxstark]

The room was at a standstill, but inside, David felt like he was trapped in a tornado. It was a myriad of feelings bashing into one another. Her voice settled it a bit, though. Fuck, her voice. He would've recognized it anywhere. Listening to it, to her, had him attempting to come back down to earth. He leaned against the wall to try and stable himself. He wanted to feel like he wasn't seconds away from keeling over with the weight of it all. Casual, dude. Despite having that little bitch moment, you can be casual. The trembling in his hands made that thought a little difficult to believe, so they were momentarily shoved into his pockets as he heard the explanation. "Of course," he disappointedly sighed. Not all, but a lot of the chaos in his life might as well have had a Courtesy of Caesar Stone sticker branded across it. If there was a fire, rather than try it put it out like Rocco, Caesar looked for kerosine and left the others to freak out as if they were Sims 1 characters. "Wouldn't be shocked if it was a little bit of both."

Although his gaze flittered around the room when she was putting stuff away, it fixed to hers once she started talking again. "You don't have to explain yourself," he replied softly. As much as he was curious about where in the actual fuck she'd been for the past couple years, it wasn't necessarily for him to know in that moment. He wasn't naive enough to think she'd start spilling her guts like old times. This was far from that. There'd never be that pre-disaster version of the Starks and Stones again. It didn't mean there wasn't a chance for something, though. That stupid seed of hope, the one that refused to die in his chest, was planted for a reason.

The thing about new David was that, at the core of everything. he still had old David's heart. It should've been long dead and buried. He was a romantic through and through, though. Maybe that's why he felt himself stirring in place upon seeing Piper holding back tears of her own. His hand curled in his pocket, the urge to touch her face again overwhelming him but in a different way. He didn't act yet, though. He wanted her to feel whatever she needed to first. Her apology didn't make that easy, though, finding himself shifting his weight and looking down to his feet before finding her eyes once more. He let what she'd said settle between them, maybe for a split second or less. "What if I don't want you to?" The words were out of his mouth before he could even think to stop them. There were no take backs. It didn't matter, though. Nothing before that moment mattered. He let out a short sigh before walking over and leaning against the unoccupied side of the counter. "What if I don't want you to keep your distance from me?" he asked, making his question clear if it wasn't before. "If that's what you want, I'll respect your wishes, and we can just leave things like this, yeah?" he said with a quick nod before carrying his thought out more. His voice was laced with something more gentle this time around. "But what if I really missed you and don't want there to be any distance when I just got you back?"

[piperxstone]

Piper didn't answer him right away. His words weighed on her heavily, because she knew deep down she did have to explain herself, and she owed him that explanation more than anybody. The list of shitty things she had done was so long that it was hard to even think about, and out of everyone, she had hurt David the most. And still, despite how badly she had treated him, it was still him that stood here in front of her now. She hadn't sought him out, but as much as she had hoped they could avoid each other, now that they were looking at each other from either side of the kitchen counter, she realised how inevitable all this seemed. "It's okay," she spoke as gently as he had. "I know that I do need to explain, at some point. And I'm okay to talk about... everything." She broke off, awkwardly. Despite saying she was okay with talking about it, she still cringed a little when referencing where they had left things.

Piper's reaction to what he said next wasn't immediately obvious. On the surface, she barely reacted at all, her expression hardly shifting when he announced that he didn't want her to remain distant from him. He would have to be looking closely to see the way her knuckles whitened a little as her fingers curled against the countertop, or the way her lips pursed. It wasn't that he'd said the wrong thing. It was almost completely the opposite. Somehow, his kindness made it harder in a way that, if he had reacted with anger, she wouldn't have to think about. "Well," she began, slowly. "If that's the case, I'd be surprised. We didn't exactly part ways on the best of terms."

She was filled with the overwhelming urge to look away, but she didn't. Instead, she held his gaze. After everything, she felt she owed it to him, in a weird sort of way, to look him in the eye when she said it. "I don't want you to think I don't want to be around you." She wasn't sure if what she was about to say would make sense to anybody who wasn't her, but if there was anybody who had a chance of getting it, it was David. Even before they had been together, he had known her best out of anybody. But that was a different Piper. She had never let anybody get that close to her since. There was no way that she could, now that she knew the level of destruction she was capable of. "But the last time I was here, I did some shitty things because I was angry at the world. I'd like to think I'm not that person now, but I don't know. I still have that anger in me, you know? It's not fair to ask you to put yourself in the firing line if I end up lashing out again." Maybe she needed time, but time had not, historically, been a great healer for her. Though she was practically handing him every excuse in the book to rethink what he had said, there was still a part of Piper, the part she had barely acknowledged in years, that hoped that he wouldn't listen.

[davidxstark]

David was in a state of stillness, his eyes fixed to the grey television screen and his reflection staring back. The past twenty-four hours had been a shit show, for a lack of better words. It started with an invite to what was described as a small Super Bowl celebration and ended with a shared acid trip between him and Rocco, one that lead to him having some sort of epiphany about his relationship. He wasn't sure when it actually hit, if it was the initial tasting in the bathroom with Rocco, Times Square when the buildings appeared to be swaying and changing colour, or while sprawled on the couch in his aunt's living room, blanketed in the complete darkness of night. Maybe it was all three of those moments or the lost ones in between. All he knew was he couldn’t keep seeing Annabelle if the real love of his life was still, in fact, in his life. It wasn’t fair to anyone to keep up the facade.

The split was necessary but not easy. He was bleary-eyed, a sense of numb now washing over him. Annabelle's words hit. Man, did they fucking hit. It wasn't like he didn't deserve it in the moment, but it didn't make them sting any less. You wouldn't even care about Piper if her last name wasn't Stone. Was that true? David didn't know. It was a gut punch and low blow either way. In retrospect, it didn't matter. She was Piper. His Piper, if he was still allowed to think of her that way. For some reason, the past didn't matter, or at least not the messy miscommunications of the past. Nothing mattered except the girl who seemed to bust through the apartment door upon that thought crossing his mind. He twisted around, frozen in his spot for a good couple seconds. She wasn’t there for him, and David was by no means a religious guy, but it felt like a divine intervention. It was never shooting stars or wishes or dumb luck divinity with them, though. It was planets that crashed into each other, over and over.

"Piper." He wasn't sure if it came out like a statement or a question. In fact, he wasn't sure he knew how to comprehend any form of language in that moment. He was on his feet quick, although he approached like you would a scared cat. Gentle steps were taken towards her, but his eyes never left her face. He wanted to take in every single part of it, every detail he thought he’d never have the luxury of seeing again. In doing so, he closed the gap between them much faster than intended. It was silly, and he knew it'd likely confuse her, but he couldn't stop himself from gently placing one hand to her shoulder and the other moving to cup her cheek. "It's...you're...here. You're okay." His thumb traced a small line along her cheekbone. There was slight trepidation in his tone, like she’d vanish into dust if he wasn’t careful. He swallowed thickly, really wishing he didn't feel the pool of warm water creep up in his vision. He knew what they all said about there being no grief without love. He wondered if it worked the opposite way, too. All that grieving and the realization of the abundance of love that'd always been there. "Rocco's stupid ass had us all convinced you'd been dead the past few years, and you not coming back until now kind of made it seem like it was true. This is just...weird? Like seeing a ghost, I guess. Shit, sorry." He broke contact when he reached up to swat away at his own stupid tears. How many fucking times was he gonna cry in that apartment? He was thinking of renting out a magazine ad and calling it "the place to grieve!" before shaking the feeling off and looking at Piper once more.

Every single part of him vibrated with some stupid form of hope, hope that maybe she felt similar to him. She wasn't running out the door. His guard remained up, but if David was anything, it was tenacious in listening to his heart. It was just with more caution this time around. He'd touched her shoulder and face. He knew she wasn't just an after effect from the LSD. For now, though, he kept his distance and didn't push it. Not when there was so much unspoken shit they couldn't account for. "Um, I just..." he openly gestured as if she'd get it. "It's a lot. You. This place. Everything." He let a few beats of silence fall between them when his next sentence was uttered. "It’s really good to see you.”

[piperxstone]

From the moment he said her name, Piper's thoughts slowed to a crawl. That was probably why she didn't realise until he raised his hands that he was closing the distance between them. She flinched just before he made contact, still slow on the uptake, unsure what he was going to do. Her confusion gave way to realisation when it became clear that all he wanted to do was touch her, and though she might regret it later, she stilled, fought her instinct to step back and put distance between them again and bolt right back out the door, and let him. Feeling the warmth of David's hands on her again was strange, not wrong, exactly, and maybe that was part of the problem. His touch was familiar in a way that nobody else's ever had been, comforting in a way it shouldn't have been, and the fact she'd long since gave up any hope in hell of ever feeling it again made it feel oddly bittersweet. "It's me," her voice was quiet, but calm, despite the knot twisting in her stomach. "I'm okay." She wasn't sure why she did what she did next, raising her own arm to rest her fingertips on the hand he had against her cheek. There was no real pressure to her touch, just a light brush against his knuckles, enough to reassure him she really was there. "Hi, David."

When he let go of her to swipe at his own eyes, Piper let out a breath she hadn't noticed she was holding, and awkwardly looked away. It felt too intrusive to watch him cry, and the guilt that it induced in her wasn't something she wanted to deal with right now when there was everything else to deal with first. Instead, she walked to the kitchen counter, busying herself with clearing enough of it to put her bag down on it. While she worked putting cereal boxes in cupboards and stacking dishes, she listened to David talking. "Uh, yeah. I called Rocco and he mentioned that... well, he mentioned he thought I was dead. When he was done screaming." The whole thing was so ridiculous that she would have laughed, if it wasn't so serious, and instead, her cheeks burned red at the absurdity of it all. "I don't know why. I told Caesar where I was going, so I guess I need to ask if he did it on purpose or if it was crossed wires." She could never quite be sure with Caesar.

She finally freed up enough space to put down her duffel bag, and there was nothing left to do but look back at David, placing both hands on the counter to brace herself. "If I'd known then I would have told you. I was alive, I mean." She didn't know how true it was. Coming home had been hard enough now she was in a slightly better place. Thinking back to the person she had been when she'd left, she wasn't sure she'd have been able to handle the contact. "Staying away... it just felt like the right thing to do."

It wasn't enough. Even without the added complication that he'd thought she'd been dead for years, there was still the fact they'd parted the way that they had. There was so much unfinished business between them that she didn't even know where to begin, or if now was even the right time to begin it. "Yeah," she agreed, with a nod of her head. "This is a lot." It wasn't just David being there, though that was definitely threatening to crack her composure more than she'd like. Even without him, there were a lot of emotions and memories tied to just being here that she'd yet to process. Her gaze drifted to survey the room again, teeth coming down over her bottom lip to stop it from wobbling. She didn't want to cry in front of him. "I never thought I'd be back here again," she half-whispered, more to herself than David.

Despite all the effort she was putting into trying not to cry, her vision was already blurring a bit, and him saying it was good to see her pushed her right to the edge. She tilted her head back a bit, blinking furiously. "Sorry," she let out a small laugh that she didn't mean, and slowly lowered her head again only when she was sure she was able to hold back any stray tears that threatened to fall. "It's good to see you, too." She meant it. He looked a little older, tireder for sure, but she was sure she did, too. Underneath it, though, he was still David. That was where they were different. She'd been through so many different versions of Piper that she no longer really knew which one was true. "I - I need you to know that I didn't come back to cause trouble or fuck things up for anyone. I was still gonna keep my distance." It wasn't going to be the last time she was here, where she tore everything apart with her bare hands and set fire to the wreckage. Whatever Piper she was, it wasn't that one anymore.

[piperxstone]

It had been years since Piper had been anywhere close to New York, and even though she'd been back in the city for a few hours now, she still wasn't sure it was the right decision. She was only here because she'd met Louis, and he lived nearby. It didn't help that, when she'd called Rocco to tell him she was coming back, he seemed to think she meant from the grave. How wires had gotten that badly crossed, she didn't know, but Piper thought he understood now that she was, and always had been, very much alive, ,though with her brother it was hard to tell.

If coming back to the city had been hard, it was nothing compared to coming back to her mother's apartment. She still thought of it that way, even though her mom had been gone for long enough that it didn't hurt every time she thought about it anymore. She'd once broken her ankle playing soccer when she was a teenager, and that was the closest thing she could compare it to. The bone had healed, but it still ached a little on cold days, and it wasn't as strong as it was before.

The walk up the stairs and down the corridor was quiet, and Piper only passed one other person on her way up, a miserable looking blonde who paid her no mind. It wasn't until she got to the door that Piper realised she didn't have a key anymore, and she didn't know if Rocco was home, though unless things had drastically changed in the last few years, it was a safe bet that Caesar wouldn't be. She reached out and tried the handle, and was relieved to find that it wasn't locked. The door swung open, and Piper stepped in.

"Rocco? It's me," she called out, tentatively, switching her duffel bag from one shoulder to the other. Her gaze swept the room. It hadn't changed much at all since she'd left. Frankie Stone had been a swirl of chaos, and Rocco took after her in that department when it came to housekeeping. The living room was messy and colourful as it always had been, the same weird art hanging on the walls, the same damaged ornaments on the surfaces, the patchwork blanket that had been around since she was a child slung on the back of the sofa, where a man was sitting. There was no split second where Piper mistook that figure for Rocco's. It seemed that even though she'd been gone for so long, she could still recognise the back of David's head.

She wasn't sure when he'd turned to face her, only that one minute, she'd been looking at his haircut, and the next, she could see his face. Piper could feel her face burning. She knew she was unlikely to avoid the Stark's entirely, although she had hoped to, and definitely hoped she wouldn't be face to face with one so soon. And of all the Starks it could have been, it had to be David. Her cheeks burned as she remembered the last time they had been alone in a room together, and she tried to push the thought as far from her mind as she could.

"Sorry," she mumbled after what felt like an hour. "I didn't mean to interrupt." she gestured vaguely to her bag. "Don't mind me. I'm, uh, just gonna drop this and then I'll be out of your hair."

@davidxstark

[piperxstone]

davidxstark​:

There was no denying that David wasn’t fully in control of himself. However, as drunk as he was, some logical part of his brain seemed to take over from there. Instead of it being the stupid, give-in-to-whatever side and running rampant, the desire for justice and sincerity took over. He may have been too far gone, but a little voice somewhere knew that this wasn’t okay, and that’s the one that started thinking for him. Don’t turn it into something it’s not because you thought about it too hard. He paused at those words as if she stuck a needle in his arm and shot cold venom through his veins. His expression showed every ounce of hurt and anger that was coursing within him. 

“No.” It was sudden, but he couldn’t kiss her. That wasn’t going to fix anything. He wasn’t sure that there was anything left to fix at that point, and her words, whether intentional or not, made that clear. He got up, shaking his head while clumsily searching for his shirt. “You’re right. You were right the whole fucking time. I can’t just let it happen, and now I’m thinking maybe that’s because it shouldn’t.” He almost ended up putting his head through the arm hole of his top before readjusting. It would’ve been a hilarious moment if it weren’t for the situation at hand. Instead, it was just silly and sad. “This…it’s a fucking stupid idea. It’s just like you said, we’re obviously not each other’s anything anymore, so let’s not put that on each other. I won’t turn this into something it’s not. I’ll go, just like you wanted from the beginning, yeah?”

If Piper wasn’t sure how they got here in the first place, she definitely wasn’t sure how it went so south, so quickly. That little spark of normalcy that was starting to bloom shattered at the look on his face alone. What was left was the same crushing, aching hurt that had been gripping her for far too long. She’d been stupid to think she could ever escape it, stupid to think that maybe she could have something good, even for a second. She sat as he got up, watching him with her expression kept carefully blank. It wasn’t until he offered to leave again that she finally spoke. 

“Is that why you came here?” It wasn’t an accusation, nor did the works come out particularly hostile. She spoke it as simply as though they were discussing what they had for dinner, the only hint of anything deeper shown in the exhaustion etched into her face. It wasn’t until then that she realised how tired she was, and not just in the needing-to-sleep sense. Physically, emotionally, mentally, she was absolutely drained of everything she had. She felt like an empty shell, and the only person who could understand that was about to walk out of the door. “Just to make a fool out of me? To lead me on and then peace out? That’s fucked up, David. Even with everything else going on.” She turned her head away from him, resolutely facing the wall, blinking back the tears she could feel pricking at her eyes. She had known for a while there was no salvaging them, but confirming it felt worse than she could have imagined. She wouldn’t cry though. Not in front of him. “Well, you got what you wanted. At least one of us has,” she said, bitterly. “Then go. I’m not going to beg you not to.”

[piperxstone]

davidxstark​:

David’s head was spinning, both mentally and physically. This what he had wanted for so fucking long, and now? Now there was a creeping gut feeling that this whole thing was going to crash and burn. He was drunk, but not drunk enough to look past that. He wanted to ignored it, and God how he tried. He attempted to just let things happen, focus on Piper’s lips, but the sensation of them against his skin was like a burning more than something he wanted to remember. Even as far gone as he was, there was an intuitive voice screaming at him to stop and he didn’t know why. It had never been like this before. Being with Piper had never, ever felt wrong like this. For half of his life, that was all he knew. It was him and her, and it always felt like that’s how it was meant to be. That feeling had vanished somewhere along the way, though, and no matter how much he tried to live in the moment, it wasn’t coming back. Maybe that’s what had him pulling back upon hearing Piper’s words.

“Wait, w…what does that mean?” he asked softly. “Don’t think about what too much? We’re kind of in the…the midst of it,” he sighed, struggling to find the right words. “It’s hard not to think about it when it’s something you’re doing.”

Piper pulled away, leaning her head back on the pillow to look at him. Her eyebrows were furrowed a little, and she took a moment to study his face before speaking. She knew him. As much as it felt like they were different people now, the years they had spent together, as friends and as more than that, couldn’t be wiped away so quickly. It was then that she realised what was going on. If it wasn’t so shitty, she would have laughed in his face. All she had wanted was to bury everything as deep as she could, to pretend she was herself again before having to face reality. It was becoming clear that wasn’t going to happen anymore. 

“Any of it,” she responded, clearing her throat a little. It all felt suddenly awkward. “Just let it happen, David. Don’t turn it into something it’s not because you thought about it too hard.” They both knew there was no way forward for them deep down, but even if he had to be wasted to do it, Piper needed that little spark of hope tonight. It was clear by his face that he didn’t want this, though, and Piper couldn’t bring herself to ignore that. “Just kiss me again?” she asked. If he did that, it would be confirmation this was okay. That there was still something to hold on to. 

[piperxstone]

davidxstark​:

“Hmm?” he momentarily asked as she quietly spoke up, not fully focused on what she’d said. The thought to get her to repeat herself vanished fast, gone the moment him and Piper’s lips crashed together. It wasn’t like David didn’t enjoy what was happening. Quite the opposite, actually. It was like getting a taste of where they should’ve been for months now. Being able to be there with her, kissing her, everything and everything with her, made it temporarily feel like Miami never happened. And yet, something was off. Even in David’s state, there was a gut feeling that chewed at him. Despite this being everything he could’ve hoped to happen, it wasn’t fully right, and he didn’t know how to make sense of it. He tried to push it away, and that was a lot easier to do with the feeling of Piper’s lips moving along his jaw. A soft sigh escaped from his lips, almost in line with being a groan of pleasure. Unfortunately, all that wasn’t enough to break the thoughts screaming in the back of his mind. Something about this was wrong. 

“P-Piper,” he managed to get out, his voice steady enough that he was sure he wasn’t about to disturb what was happening. He was still David, though, drunk or not. Despite how many stupid things he’d said or done while under the influence, his feelings somehow managed to get tangled up in it all. The drinking was only a temporary cushion for the things he’d tried to forget or to hold back. It seemed that no matter what his brain wanted to convince him of, his heart was what ended up being in control. “Are you…are you sure about…I mean, you want to…do whatever this ends up turning in to?”

Piper had gotten used to compartmentalising. Usually, she locked away everything good that had once been in her life, driving it as far from her mind as she could. It hurt too much to thing about, to know that that time was well and truly gone. Being there with David, though, it was easy to put away the bad for a change and allow those old feelings to come rushing to the surface, to grab on to the person she used to be and realise that this was the person she wanted to be again. She thought that was lost forever, but maybe that wasn’t the case. Maybe she could get it back, make amends, be better again. There would be time to think about that later, though. For now, all she cared about was the feeling of his weight on her, the warmth of him on top of her and the feeling of her lips pressed to his skin. 

But then he was talking, jolting her from the fantasy that she was indulging herself in. Things weren’t like they were before, and no matter how hard she tried to forget, perhaps they never would be. She wasn’t ready to return to that reality, though. Not yet. It was like finding an oasis in the middle of the desert. She knew she had to go back out into the dry sands again, but she wasn’t ready to stop drinking the water yet. “It’s fine, David,” she whispered, doing her best to sound reassuring. “I want this. I want you. Don’t think about it too much.” 

[piperxstone]

davidxstark​:

David could’ve replied to all that, and maybe if he weren’t deep in the bottle, he would. He could’ve mentioned that her comeback was literally not even close to what he said, let out another laugh and then rolled over to try to sleep. Something shifted the moment he decided it was okay to kiss her shoulder, though. Even completely sober, Piper’s next move likely would’ve thrown him just as much as it did now. His eyebrows knit together, feeling like he’d just gotten the strangest case of whiplash in his whole life. It was jarring. Watching Piper go from insulting his family one day to this the next, this reflection of everything before their world’s had been shattered. He was too far gone to pretend her words didn’t cause the sensation of a sparkplug igniting in his chest.

His reaction to the kiss was a weird one. He initially froze, his brain taking a moment to catch up with what was happening and pulling back momentarily. Once he realized that, yes, she’d kissed him and no, it wasn’t his imagination, he reached back to peel his shirt up and over his head. “You have no idea…h’much I needed to hear that,” he slurred, tossing the t-shirt to the ground. It didn’t take away from the fact that his words, even jumbled, were genuine. Considering that she may as well have given him the go ahead, David’s moves were a bit bolder from that point on. He rolled himself on top of her, letting himself be pressed up against her. His lips returned to hers with urgency as he placed a hand against the side of her face. Whatever this was going to turn in to, he’d make sure he did it right.

David froze, breaking the kiss. For a moment, Piper could have kicked herself. She thought for a moment, for a single moment, she could feel something other than hatred and anger and sorrow. She could never go back to the person she was, but for a little while, there with David, she could pretend. When his lips had brushed against her shoulder, she had felt butterflies she had thought were long dead stir inside of her. She never thought she’d feel that again, and that was why she had kissed him, a desperate attempt at trying to make herself feel something worth feeling again. Her cheeks began to flush, and she opened her mouth to say something, to cover up her mistake, when he moved, pulling his shirt off and tossing it away. She couldn’t help but breathe out a sigh of relief. If she could feel it, maybe he could too. He had always been the person who understood her the best. Even if he woke up tomorrow, and his sober state didn’t want this, at least for tonight, Piper didn’t have to be alone. 

“I think I do.” She needed it, too. She needed to know that she was missed, but the words of reassurance she was so desperate for never came - or when they did, it was never in a way she could truly trust and believe. It always seemed to be mocking her somehow, hanging just out of reach. “C’mere,” she urged him, and then he was on top of her, his body pressed to hers. It was warm and familiar and a kind of safety she had forgotten about - something the Before Piper had taken so for granted. Her arms raised to wrap around his shoulders, her fingers tracing over his bare skin as she welcomed his kiss. If she was honest with herself, she knew this was a bad idea. She was under no illusions. She had messed things up with David. He was the one person who had every right to be angry with her, but he was he only one here with her right now. That had to mean something, right? Piper reluctantly moved away from his lips, but kept hers on him, trailing kisses across his jaw. She could never say sorry, she didn’t know where to begin, but each time her lips made contact with his, she could almost imagine, for the first time in months, a time where things might be okay. 

[piperxstone]

caseylarson​:

“You have me.” It was a simple statement, one followed by a shrug, something that was seemingly becoming Casey’s signature move as she sat there. Outwardly neutral, even when that was the opposite of what was going on inside. “And I’m sure you hate that and don’t believe it. You don’t have to, but I wouldn’t be sitting here and taking all this if I didn’t love you or care about you, Piper. I could just leave you to rot,” she casually stated, whatever emotion that was visible there being flipped back very fast, “and I hope that’s not the case, but I can do that if you really, truly want to be by yourself right now.” 

“I’m not better than you, and I’m not exactly sure why you’re insinuating that. These are all your statements, Piper. That’s not coming from my mouth. You’re projecting a lot of different things on me right now, and if that makes you feel better about all this at the end of the day, then so be it. Did you want me to fly to Vegas and get you? Is that what you were hoping for? Because I can’t telepathically read minds, and I can’t read radio silence either. None of us heard from you, so we assumed that that’s how you wanted it to be. Nobody can change that.” She sighed, finally showing evidence that this was wearing on her. It wasn’t like she couldn’t take it. It just wasn’t fun. “So you tell me. I’m not the one calling you mean, nasty or cruel right now. In fact, I’m only doing about a quarter of the talking, and I’m honestly not sure how many other people there are around, willing to listen or take what you’re dishing out. Like I said, I can stay and listen, or if you want, I’ll leave right now. Up to you.”

Piper shook her head violently, fast enough that it muffled the words Casey was speaking. It was the only way she could think to drown them out, other than clapping her hands over her ears and singing at the top of her lungs until they were inaudible. “We’ve been through this,” she huffed, clenching her jaw until her teeth ground together painfully. “It’s all just pointless. I don’t want to do this anymore.” She wasn’t sure what the this she was referring to was. All she knew what that she was tired and drained and so, so sick of the horrible, consuming pain that never quite left her, no matter how hard she tried to push it away. 

“You don’t have to say it. It’s written all over you. You can try and psychoanalyse all you want. You know exactly why I said it.” She wasn’t sure how Casey could deny it when the next words out of her mouth had Piper on the defense. She didn’t look at Casey. She didn’t want to anymore. “I never said you could telepathically read minds. Jesus fucking Christ.” Her frustration was rolling off of her in waves, her voice hitching higher the more she spoke. “It was how I wanted it to be. Doesn’t mean it was a good idea. But nobody gives a shit if it made things worse or not, because it was easier when I was away. When you didn’t have to deal with me.” She finally looked at her again, her face an expression of disbelief. “Did you think I haven’t noticed that? Do you think I don’t know that there’s nobody left in my life? Or does it just make you feel good to point it out? I’m not stupid and I’m not blind. I’ve been on my own for months, and you being here is just reminding me why. I don’t know what you’re trying to do here, other than make sure to kick me when I’m down, but I want you to go. Just go. I would rather be on my own than listen to you pat yourself on the back for putting up with me.” 

[piperxstone]

caseylarson​:

There were a million thoughts whirling in Casey’s head. The thing was, Piper was being a cunt. She was completely out of line, and there was a tingling sensation in her palm when Piper urged to be hit. It went away pretty quick, though. That wasn’t who Casey was, even if the girl was too blinded by rage to see it. There was no point in a counter argument because Piper wouldn’t hear it or would twist her words, and she wasn’t going to fight someone who was swinging for the sake of being able to do it. For a good chunk of the time, she remained silent and motionless. She only moved to take a seat as Piper spouted off again. This time, however, despite feeling a pang at the Landon jab, it was different. As she listened and watched, taking in her tear streaked face and trembling hands, it was actually pathetic, uncomfortable, and most of all, sad. Casey reached up, carefully tucking a piece of hair behind her own ear before replying.

“No, I can’t, but I can tell you about the time my best friend died and all I had the power to do was watch as the world fell apart for my family and hers.” She chose not to give much more to it than that. She didn’t need to. “As for everything else, would that give you the validation you want? If I say and do all those things? Because I can, but if honesty is what you’re looking for, Piper, I’ll be honest and say all of that would be pointless. It won’t change what’s happened, and it won’t change me still being here. So go ahead. Let’s hear it. If you have more nasty, cruel things to send my way, be my guest,” she said, her arms open. “Tell me I’ve failed as a mom, wife and best friend. Shout it from the balcony, let everyone know I’m a fuck up who can’t keep promises. I’ll listen to it all night if that’s what’ll make you really feel something, but it’s not going to drive me away.” 

No matter what Piper threw at her, Casey was hitting it straight back. She couldn’t stand it. She wanted a reaction, to be called names or cussed out or anything. The fact she wasn’t doing that proved what she thought all along. Casey didn’t care. If she did, she would be doing those things, be responding to the things Piper was saying with any sort of genuine reaction rather than looking down at her from up on her high horse. Piper thought she had known anger. Since her mom’s death, it felt like the only thing she was able to really, truly feel. But this rage was something else, something that stirred from deep inside of her. It was all consuming, and at this point, she didn’t know how it could be put out. Definitely not like this. 

“Save it for therapy,” she snarled. “At least you have a family. At least you have something. What have I got except stupid, shitty, pointless fucking letters?” Would it give her validation? Piper didn’t know. She didn’t know what she was looking for anymore. The type of pain she felt was something that could never be fixed, and so what was the point of wanting anything? She might as well give up. “Are you done?” her lips pursed, her eyes narrowing in Casey’s direction. “Then what’ll it take, Casey? What’s it going to take to get you to stop looking down your nose at me like you’re so much better than I am and leave me alone? If you really gave a shit, you would have done something a long time ago. You didn’t, though, and trying to make yourself a martyr for sitting here and listening to mean, nasty, cruel old Piper? It doesn’t make anything you’re saying true, no matter how long you sit there.”