I started making little crochet flower hair accessories after I read the Ascendance of a Bookworm light novels, but this is my first attempt at making one of the specific hair pins from the series. And uh, probably my last because like literally every depiction of this hair pin is slightly different. Trying to square up all the different illustrations into something cohesive was really tough!
It was mostly done with friendship bracelet thread and embroidery floss, but the gold is sewing thread. The main part of the hair pin has three white roses trimmed with the gold thread, a dozen medium blue flowers, and a dozen dark blue flowers sewn onto a backing. There are pearls between each of the dangling flowers to keep them spaced nicely and to give the strands some momentum when they move. The comb is more useful for how I usually wear my hair than a hair stick, so I sewed that to a circle of felt then hand stitched it to the floral piece to make it tidy.
I guess I'm writing a journal here lmao. Carry on.
I find myself growing more and more excited. There's a lot of things in the future that I'm looking forward to. I want to eat Wendy's tomorrow. I want to talk to my friends more tomorrow. I want to get a job soon. My own apartment. Move my stuff from old state. Decorate my apartment. Once that's done. Once that's all in motion. I'll be perfectly set. I mean, sure my friends live far away, but they can always come visit, right? And that's the most exciting. If I get a really good job, I might even get a little critter to live with.
I smiled so much today, even my sister pointed it out. "You're oozing with happiness" is what she said, and I honestly felt it. I mean my cheeks were hurting from smiling so much.
So. What's next for me?
Maybe someday, I'll have everything I want. Maybe someday, I'll have my computer, and desk, and monitors, and everything else here, and I'll set it up in my new apartment. I'll have a vehicle to get around. Do you know how strange it is to study one state's drivers booklet, and then study a different state's? It's so funny to me, but whatever. My current, more obtainable option is an EBike. You know those things go up to 27mph and that's legal for people who don't have licenses? That's super crazy lol. I'm also looking at getting trackers for my stuff. One of them will get stuck to my bike when I get it lol.
I've been looking at all kinds of appliances I'm gonna need when I get my apartment that I made an entire list of stuff I need. Luckily there's so many cool places here that makes furnishing places super cheap. It's kinda cool being able to say I live here. Especially since I can wake up in bed, look out the window, and see water. Speaking of water, I haven't drunk (drank?) this much water since high school lol must mean the water here is cleaner or something? And my water bottle is so cute!
Anyway. I got the new Pokémon game, so that's been fun. My sister went out yesterday and got me new clothes? Like whoa. I woke up yesterday at 8am when she left, and when she came back, I had 2 new dresses and a couple more shirts and tops. There was a pair of pants, but they're a size too small for now. I'm losing a ton of weight it's so weird looking down and having it be a flat plain even when I'm standing up lol. Though that might go away with some of my plans here. I want to try all the local pizza places to see which one is best. I also spent time planning out my entertainment area in my new place when I get it, especially when I have all the pieces in one place
My plans for today!!
Wake up, drink my morning monster, watch a video with breakfast, apply for jobs, and play Pokemon. My oldest nibling is making garlic bread from a sour dough starter they got, and I'm really excited for that. We're also having Wendy's! After that, I'll apply to more jobs and play more ZA. I'll also talk to my friends and watch some YouTube or twitch.
Long story short. I'm happy. I'm excited. But! It's 3AM, so I'm sleepy lol. Good night Tumblr. Good night you! You wonderful human being that's reading this. Goodnight!
I don't get on here anymore. I dunno what to do it write about, so I guess I'll make this a journal of some kind.
I spent my first holiday with my sister since 2004, so that's pretty cool. I got a bunch of new clothes, and I'm looking at jobs. Ugh, why is getting a job so hard? But I figured out that, since I'm alone now, I could make local minimum wage and live pretty comfortably, so I'm kinda excited for that. I intend on getting a license and a car after I get my own place, this way I'm not relying on anyone else. I have an Amazon list of things I want for my apartment. After all those pieces fall into place, I'll have to rent a moving thing, then I'll have my friends move my things into it so I can have it all back. Had a friend sign a thing that essentially says I didn't abandon my things, he's just storing them for me, so hopefully nobody will touch my stuff. Once I'm all here, that's it. I don't see myself dating. Mostly because I no longer believe in love. I mean. How could I? The person I thought loved me, turned out to not actually, and moved on. They moved on so quickly, and I'm here still crying over them. Mourning them. I wish them nothing but the best, but... It's also okay that there's some part of me that's angry. I still haven't made friends here. I don't really know what I'm doing. But... You know... I'm doing my best, and I have nobody to tell me otherwise anymore.
I'm okay today. It'll be nice to be somewhere I'm not ignored. Somewhere where people want to talk to me. I can't say I'm happy, because I'm not. I can't even say I'm at peace. However, I'm standing on my own now. I'll fuck up big time, but nobody will yell at me when I do.
I just gotta keep smiling. I mean. That's the kind of person I want to be. Someone that can smile in spite of all the pain I'm feeling. I'm not okay and that needs to be okay. For now.
I'm hurting so bad. Just like the last couple days, I haven't been able to properly sleep through the night. I'm not saying this to make anyone feel bad or anything, I'm just. It feels like my chest is going to constrict my heart until it implodes. Trying to figure out what's mine to take, and what my options are, is hard. Trying to give space to someone that used to call me Space (because it rhymes with Stace) is hard.
I want to cry. Like. All the time. I've had moments of comfort from friends that see me struggling to exist. But it's never enough. Because I know that I have to do something. Anything. I know that giving space probably means forever, and I'm struggling to come to terms with that. I'm going to be honest, I don't think I ever will. Because I know. The right look. The right message. The right words spoken by the right person, and I'll be right back there. Wagging my tail. Because I still love. I'll always love. And I hope that goes beyond.
But for now. I'm left to my own devices. Trying to pick up pieces that are mere molecules in the air. Trying to super glue it back together. Why am I writing this? Why do I still let myself suffer like this? I'll never know.
So, I got a tablet so I can learn how to draw. I'm excited and a little scared, because I know it's never going to get food, but I just like knowing I'm better than 100% of "AI artists"
Thank you for shattering my ordinary days. Thank you for wanting a future with me. I wonder if there's anything I can do for you. This spring sky is the bluest I've ever seen. I wish I could at least give you that vast sky. No, even better...A cake with lots of whipped cream on top. I bet you'd like that more.
