Let Happiness Shine @ppumpkim - Tumblr Blog

everything is my fault and I can never do anything right *sigh

I need to stop being so ugly

June 1st is when I give my notice because I'm done feeling like shit every damn day. I don't make nearly enough to put up with that. I may be unemployed for a little but at least it'll give me time to actually set up interviews and be able to go to them. I'm making the right decision for myself and my mental health.

I'm feeling really sad this morning

I have a job interview tomorrow at a daycare center. I really really really REALLY hope it makes a little more than what I am making right now so I can get out of this bullshit place. At this point in the job hunting game I am just looking for something that makes more money because literally no gym will hire me. So I'm like great, cool, awesome the only job I can really get is a daycare job because I went to school for the wrong fucking career.

#career #daycare #I need help #sigh

aubernutter-deactivated20170607

don't kill yourself.... let me do it

u need professional help

ppumpkim

For every asshole anon there is always a nice one. I honestly still can't believe people like this exist. You are amazing!! Don't you ever listen to these people sweetie!!

When I have children, and their thinking about college. I don't think i'll push them because I want them to make sure they really love what their going to study and do for the rest of their life. I don't want them to end up like me and question everything and wish that they should of done something else. I am a 20 something young women and I am just now realizing that teaching sucks and I don't want to do it anymore. I think the hardest part is actually finding a different career because now employers are looking for experience in the field, and if you don't have experience you're useless. And that's hard for me to grasp sometimes because I have never felt useless in my life but right now I do and I just don't know what the fuck to do.

Mixed Emotions

So. I went to a gym yesterday and talked about job opportunity's. I was beyond nervous because he had me teach a burpee to him. He seemed pretty optimistic with me but I'm just so worried about getting my hopes up. A part of me feels like he probably won't give me a chance. On the other hand he told me that it would be really beneficial for me to get my CPT. And usually people get the Women's Fitness Specialist after they get their CPT. So that was interesting because nobody told me that. So now I'm thinking if I get a part time job.. Or a full time job that pays more than what I'm making now I can at least save my money and afford the CPT program. So if I find a local gym that I can just be part-time at I can still work at the daycare and save all my money..literally don't spend anything besides on bills just so I can afford the program.

I need a job lmao

Sigh.

I'm depressed. I hate my job. I feel ugly. I can't get rid of my red spots. And my husband joined the wonderful world of Snapchat again and is now snapping with this girl in his unit. It's no big deal but this girl is literally perfect and I'm afraid he's gonna be like "lol kim u r ugly bye" and leave me for her. I know that sounds ridiculous but I can't help compare myself to her. I guess it's a good thing this weekend is his last drill and he won't be seeing her.

zzx-zzzz-deactivated20170501

when does life start making sense? how long until i know what i’m doing?????? cos right now it just feels like i’m existing for no reason whatsoever

#Same #:(

I've been having the worst feet pain ever D: it hurts so much I don't wanna go to the gym in the morning

I've been looking at bikini prep pictures and I'm feel very triggered lately. Tomorrow I go back on my diet and for two weeks I can't have any carbs at all. I'm nervous because my will power isn't strong. But I gotta make it strong. I gotta be strong mentally and physically. On that note I think I might start writing in my journal about my struggles lately with anxiety/depression, workouts, my new diet/lifestyle change. I think it'll be good for me. Even though I am terrible about writing in a journal on the daily. But I'm going to give it a try. Wish me luck tumblr.

My interview went so well Tuesday but it doesn't look like I'm going to get a call back for a second one. Sigh...I have my PT Specialist certification I just need a million years experience to be job qualified

I'm debating if I'm going to give my notice Monday or not. I don't have another job lined up at the moment but I seriously can't do this anymore. I am treated like shit every day and i can't take it anymore.

My dream is to be in a bikini competition.

I literally hate myself

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