welcome to the chaos🦋

oh the habbits of my heart//

[prettychaoticstuff]

I write this letter to the hopeless romantic in me— the yearner, the lover, the one who kept a light on for people who never came home.

This will be my last letter to you. Not because I am giving up, but because I am tired.

You've done your part.

For years, you've carried hope like a candle through a storm, shielding it with shaking hands, refusing to let it die.

You were the reason I survived. The reason I believed tomorrow might finally arrive wearing the face I'd been waiting for.

But I can't keep asking you to run. So rest. Sit on the windowsill. Let the cigarette burn . Let the wind tangle your hair and cool your bare feet.

The lighthouse can dim for a while. The sea will find its way regardless. What belongs to us will not lose our address.

And until it arrives,

we will sit here— you, the longing, and I, watching the smoke rise, watching the night soften,

and maybe, maybe that will be enough.

[prettychaoticstuff]

Almost💙

He said his heart was a house with splintered doors, where trust slipped out through the cracks in the floors, and though he loved me—soft, unsure he feared I’d bleed from what he couldn’t cure.

But I have heard of gardens grown from shattered seeds the wind has blown, where two souls learn the patient art of stitching light through a broken heart.

So why am I the fading flame, the almost-love, the almost-name? A borrowed verse, a passing rhyme, a pause that never turns to time?

Am I the tide that pulls away so others learn how love can stay? A fleeting spark, a lesson cast— felt too deep, but not meant to last?

He says he loves me—still, he goes, like autumn clinging to dying rose, like warmth that leaves with winter’s breath, a gentle kind of living death.

And I—still kneeling in silent plea, begging fate to remember me, not for riches, not for gold, just arms that choose me, brave and bold.

What prophecy have I fallen through, where love begins but won’t stay true? Where I am always the almost light, never the dawn that ends the night?

If stars can shift and skies can bend, if broken things can learn to mend, then who decides this aching part this endless exile of my heart?

Tell me—who writes this cruel decree? Who trades forever away from me?

Just once, let it be me who is stayed for.

Who do I have to speak to to change the stars— to make love finally choose me back?

[prettychaoticstuff]

I light another night between my fingers, watch it burn quieter than my thoughts. The flame trembles, like it knows something I don’t.

Each drag is a question I never asked for, each exhale a ghost of something that stayed too long. The smoke curls upward, effortless, how easily it escapes what I cannot.

Why is this ash always mine to carry? Why does the fire choose my lungs to practice its slow, patient ruin? They say every cigarette burns the same, but mine feels personal.

I am tired of being the filter, catching everything harsh, everything bitter, while the world passes through untouched. Tired of people calling this burn “temporary,” as if they’ve lived inside the ember.

For once, I wish the wind would favor me, bend the smoke in my direction of choosing, let something soften before it reaches my chest.

Instead, I sit here, watching pieces of myself turn to ash, tapping them off like they meant nothing.

And still, I inhale.

Because disappearing into smoke feels easier than staying solid in a world that keeps setting me on fire.

[prettychaoticstuff]

The first circle of steel arrived like a season I mistook for forever— all wildfire wrists and young prayers, a sacred weight tied by hands I thought the stars had already chosen for me

And now, again, the metal finds me. Not as thunder this time, not as a storm making promises in a language of flames, but as something quieter— like moonlight resting on a blade, like a river carrying lightning without ever trembling

Strange, how my pulse can become a house full of wings and still, somewhere inside it, a temple lamp keeps burning without flicker. Every nerve sings, yet nothing in me is afraid of the song

Once, I knew the fever of a first fall— the kind that teaches flowers how to bruise. But this... this feels less like falling and more like standing at the edge of a sky that somehow knows my name

So tell me, when the universe sends the same symbol twice, is it repetition— or revelation? Was the first an opening of the eyes, and this one the opening of the soul?

I have placed him before the silence that made me. I have whispered his shadow into the hands of the unseen. Now I wait— not for fireworks, but for the kind of sign that arrives softly: a door that does not resist, a peace that does not ask to be earned, a presence that feels like destiny without needing to announce itself

If this is love, let it come to me like dawn comes to old mountains— without confusion, without force, without having to explain why everything suddenly looks holy

[prettychaoticstuff]

The balcony held a borrowed sky, fog stitched the night where stars went dry. A match flared up, a fragile spark, enough to speak with all that’s dark.

Four years returned on drifting air, the crowded rooms, the careless glare. I danced with noise, I drank with time, called fleeting moments almost mine.

Yet when the laughter lost its sound, a quieter truth came circling round. It waited where the lights grow thin, slipped through the cracks, settled in.

The final drag grew slow and dull, my senses hushed, my chest half-full. I pressed the ember to the floor, pushed it all back, then felt no more.

Some nights don’t shout, they only stay, slow as smoke that fades to grey. I breathe it out, I pull back tight, learning how to survive the night.

[prettychaoticstuff]

Beneath the sky, where shadows cast, He speaks of love that’s built to last. A door he’ll open, flowers in hand, A gentle guide through life’s demand.

His touch will warm, his heart will speak, With every step, he’ll make me weak. Through crowded streets, in quiet halls, He'll guard me close, whenever I fall.

But deep inside, a whisper stirs, A voice that lingers, doubts and fears. What if the past still calls his name, And every gesture feels the same?

What if my heart can never know, The love that bloomed in her sweet glow? What if each touch, each caring act, Is but a shadow of what's intact?

Like echoes in a silent space, A memory none can erase. I wonder if the love I crave, Will always be a love I’ll save,

Not for myself, but for the ghost, Of someone cherished, loved the most. And in the dance of tender grace, Will I find my own rightful place?

Still, I long to trust the skies, And let the future clear my eyes. For maybe love’s a mystery, And time will carve its history.

[prettychaoticstuff]

I rise in hush where shadows dwell,

a quiet moon beneath their shell.

They flinch at light, though mine is kind

still haunted by what’s left behind.

Their hearts, once bruised by reckless hands,

now build their walls from shifting sands.

I touch those ruins, soft and wide,

but fear still pulls their truth to hide.

And here I glow, not asking much,

just hoping they might trust my touch.

Yet every glance they fail to see

feels like the dark eclipsing me.

Why is it me, the open sky,

who draws the ones too hurt to try?

I echo soft, I never chase

but still, they fold into their space.

I don’t demand the wounds be gone,

just wish they’d see I'm not that storm.

Not every night is made to scar,

not every moon forgets who you are.

But still, I hang in quiet grace,

a silver hush they won’t embrace.

Not angry, just a little dim,

for being seen would not feel grim.

[prettychaoticstuff]

I'm jealous of a love you used to know,

The way it held you, deep and slow.

You say you love me—still I fear,

She lingers close, while I stay near.

But I won't beg, I won't compare,

Just love you more with every care.

And maybe, someday, soft and true,

You'll forget her... in the warmth of us two.

[prettychaoticstuff]

You were a spark, a blush upon my cheek,

A fleeting crush I dared not even speak.

But fate, it seems, had stories yet to spin

You crossed the walls I’d built so deep within.

From laughs exchanged in scattered, stolen time,

To midnight talks and hearts that learned to rhyme.

Somehow, you grew into my world so wide

Now you're the light I carry deep inside.

I don’t need grand gestures or perfect days,

Just your smile,it brightens all my grays.

I’d cross small worlds just to see you grin,

And hold that moment softly deep within.

There’s a calm I find just thinking of you,

In all you are, in all you say and do.

Too far you are, and yet you feel so near,

Your voice alone can wipe away my fear.

I trace your words like stars across my screen,

And dream of days where touch won't be unseen.

Oh, how I long to hold you, not just write,

To share the dawn and not just say goodnight.

To walk beside you, not just in my mind,

But hand in hand, where fate and love aligned.

I’d shield you from the storms life sends your way,

And be your peace at close of weary day.

Though miles may stretch like oceans wide and blue,

Know every beat of mine belongs to you.

I love you more than words could ever show,

Through every phase, through high and silent low.

Until the day I’m truly by your side

I send my soul to you, with arms open wide.

[prettychaoticstuff]

My Blue 💙

You weren’t a storm, you weren’t a spark,

You came in slow and lit the dark.

A friend at first, then something more,

A feeling I had long before.

We drifted once, the silence grew,

I walked away but not from you.

I tried to love someone beside,

But couldn’t stop the pull inside.

Then time came back and so did we,

Not as we were, but meant to be.

Two hearts with cracks, two hands not whole,

Yet somehow stitching soul to soul.

I told you what I feel is true,

That in my world you are my blue.

Not just a shade, not just a hue,

But everything I’m drawn into.

You are the peace before the day,

The voice I need to light my way.

From miles apart, I wait to hear

Your words that make the morning clear.

You don’t love me not just yet,

And still, I carry no regret.

For if I rushed or fell too fast,

My heart still chose you, first and last.

I don’t want promises or plans,

Just space to hold you in my hands

Not really yours, but always near,

A quiet kind of love sincere.

I want to be the sky you trust,

When everything feels dark or dust.

To love you like the rivers do

Soft, steady, always flowing through.

No grand displays, no skies above,

Just showing up..that kind of love.

To give you all you’ve never had,

To be your calm, your good, your glad.

So if one day you look and see

A love that waits, that lets you be

I’ll still be here, the shade you knew,

The one who always called you Blue.

[prettychaoticstuff]

The Stranger Who Knew My Soul

When we first met, it was a stormy tide,

A dance of chaos, where shadows hide.

Eyes that pierced, like they’d known me before,

A stranger, yet something deeper at the core.

You spoke my truths, you called my name,

Unveiling fears I dared not claim.

Without a word, you unraveled the thread,

Reading the secrets I thought were dead.

It scared me, how you saw my scars,

Mapped my heart, aligned the stars.

Every corner I’d hidden away,

You illuminated with your radiant sway.

But in that terror, a spark did grow,

A connection stronger than I'd ever know.

Best friend and lover, a paradox rare,

A bond unspoken, beyond compare.

Vulnerable, bare, yet never alone,

You built a castle where fear had grown.

We were lovers, though never defined,

Bound by a thread that defied time.

Our hearts danced in a platonic sway,

A love so deep, yet kept at bay.

One night, when I lay in slumber’s grip,

Your lips brushed mine—a fleeting slip.

A kiss not meant for waking eyes,

A whisper of love in silent skies.

It shook my world, yet held me still,

A moment suspended, bending will.

For though our hearts were intertwined,

Our love was one we’d never define.

Differences grew, but so did we,

Finding peace in what could never be.

Now, as I look at who we've become,

I see a journey that’s only begun.

In time, you found your people, your place,

A haven of joy, a warm embrace.

And so did I, yet deep inside,

I’ll cherish the love we never had to hide.

Effortless, simple, pure as the air,

A bond unbroken, beyond compare.

Though life moves on, and paths depart,

You’ll always live within my heart.

[deadlypoetacademia]

The curiosity of new beginnings, but this fear of an ending. The month of december, it's cold and foggy and black and white, it's the beginning of an ending.

[prettychaoticstuff]

I used to read about love and think i knew it so well but as i got into my senses love isnt really vanilla and strawberries....

Its the thing you feel when you are with that one friend

Its when you fight with mom but then the next you gossip like besties

Its the feeling you realise when you go away from your parents for studies

Its when your grandpa visits you in your dreams

Its your first ice cream

Its the first shoes your father bought you

Its the secrets you share with your sister

Its the sacrifises

Its not giving up, though sometimes its giving up and letting go

Its the confusion

Its the mess in your mind

You never know what form love would take next...but all i know its chaotic but its beautiful

[thoughtkick]

“And even if we never talk again, please remember that I’m forever changed by who you are and what you meant to me.”

— Chasing Amy

[prettychaoticstuff]

Did they get you to trade

Your heroes for ghosts?

Hot ashes for trees?

Hot air for a cool breeze?

Cold comfort for change?

Did you exchange

A walk-on part in the war

For a leading role in a cage?

How I wish, how I wish you were here

We’re just two lost souls

Swimming in a fish bowl

Year after year

Running over the same old ground

What have we found?

The same old fears

Wish you were here....

[prettychaoticstuff]

How are you letting me go and keeping me at the same time

Killing me and keeping me from going

Helping me get up and pushing me down

Can’t help it but can’t leave you cause seeing you makes me see the sun and the moon at the same time🫀🌑

[prettychaoticstuff]

I have kept you as a secret lying to the whole world yet you keep secrets from me lying about the whole world